Order to Chaos and Back Again

We have some friends who are expecting their first child in the next month. The mom-to-be reminds me of myself when we were expecting DD, because I was a complete Control Freak™ and could not leave even the smallest detail within my purview to chance. I had to know whether we were having a boy or a girl, because I didn't want to be exchanging or returning endless baby items with a newborn. I also wanted to have the Perfect Nursery®, such that it would be suitable for a boy or a girl (just in case, you know) and would be a room they could "grow into" rather than a baby room that would be outdated in a year's time. I probably drove my DH a bit crazy with my nesting and planning, because all of the big unknowns were Scary and Big and Unpredictable, and that freaks out people like me who have to KNOW what is coming next, or delude ourselves into thinking we can KNOW, anyway.

So when we hear these friends talk about what they are going to do for their child, DH & I exchange knowing glances and smother a bit of a smirk. The fact is, it's impossible to know how you will parent before your child is born, because there is a third person in the equation...and well, you don't get to know him or her until they arrive, so it's all a big surprise and constant changes along the way. They are talking about how they are going to do cloth diapers, and she is going to be a SAHM, and they are going to more frugal than before, etc etc. They are not going to do the co-sleeping/attachment parenting thing...disclosures by ourselves and other mutual friends that we ended up co-sleeping with our kiddos was met with a bit of disapproval and a bit of "we won't be doing that" looks between the parents-to-be. *smirk*

I don't mean to poke fun of my friends (okay well maybe a little), but I don't think they know what they are in for. The entire definition of "Normal®" changes, and you just cannot predict how you are going to react to that, or how your whole household will react. You go from having a house that is just dusty and maybe needs a vacuum, to a house that looks like this:

Let me see--we have pillows and boxes from elsewhere in the house strewn about the living room...dried out baby wipes plus used tissues...an assortment of books...miscellaneous toys...flashcards (3 different packs) strewn about...alphabet stickers (yes, stickers) all over the floor (mercifully only a FEW actually stuck down). All this was wrought, I might add, by DS, who is 15 months' old. Had DD joined in the fray, I am not sure you would be able to see the floor. And the photos do not capture the spilled, melted vanilla frappuccino which DS helped himself to when I went to the bathroom ALONE, gloriously alone, unencumbered by a three year old asking to 'help' me wipe or a baby climbing everything in his path or unrolling the toilet paper while I wash my hands, ALONE, yip-pee! . Erg, note to self, it's better to take the children WITH YOU to the bathroom.

Anyway, how can anyone prepare themselves for this? You can't! This is Normal® in this house, folks. I didn't even bat an eye. I popped out the Swiffer WetJet, incarcerated DS in his high chair, did the first pass on the spilled frappuccino, then proceeded to scoop up the innumerable alphabet foam stickers (I must find a better place to put those...), sort out the flashcards and tidy them away, and then release the whining DS from his high chair so he could attempt to 'help' me put together four of DD's puzzles which were flung about in the corner (out of view in the pictures). I find the dining room floor is still slightly sticky, so I might WetJet it again later, when the kids are in bed. Then again, I might leave it until the normal mop/vacuum day on Friday (probably not though, I hate sticky floors underfoot).

Don't pat me on the back. It's taken me nearly two years to get it together enough to manage this much. Maybe by next year I will actually get the fronts of my kitchen cabinets clean, as they are currently sadly in need of a cleaning with spills and splatters everywhere (and this is quite noticeable on cream paint, which probably makes our guests think we are slovenly slobs of the highest order). I'm going to be there for my friend while she makes the HUGE transition from a "career", however much or little she currently values it, to a job which encompasses many paid avenues of employment but is priceless in value. I will be there for her when she feels like she can't get it together, and I will rejoice with her when she makes things work for her. My bet is on cloth diapering working for them, I think they can do it. As for all the rest...well, it's good to feel prepared before the birth of a little one. If myself, DH, and the rest of their friends can demonstrate to them after their child's birth that it's okay to feel unprepared and adrift from one's research and leanings pre-childbirth, well, then we will do our jobs as their good friends. Let's wish them luck.