Different Types of Grandparents

My DH & I have come to the conclusion that grandparents come in two main varieties: the Engaging Type and the Observant Type. The Engaging Grandparents see their visit to the grandkids as an opportunity to interact with them extensively, and give the parents a break. They urge the parents to go away by themselves on dates, take on common chores for childcare such as diaper changing and naptime story reading, and in general want to be interacting with their grandkids as much as possible during their visit. They come prepared to put aside their own preferences and routines in favor of child face-time, and will get down on the floor every day and play with the grandkids.

Then there are the Observant Grandparents. They come for a visit with the purpose of 'seeing' the grandkids, and watching them play. They will get down and play with the grandkids, but only for brief periods of time (30 minutes or so) and then are content to go back to reading their books or watching their TV programmes. They are keen to keep on with their usual routines as much as possible, even if it means missing out on visiting time with the grandkids.

I think all grandparents eventually end up in the Observant category, due to aging and physical limitations. However, when your own kids are young, you sort of hope for the Engaging grandparents on both sides of the family, because it means that your kids at least get the benefit of fun and games and interactive play when the grandparents come to visit. Additionally, as parents you get the benefit of having some dates and time off from Constant Vigilance. Of course, this also brings some downsides. The Engaging Grandparents are more likely to engage in activities with your children that you disapprove of, like letting them do some high risk activity on the playset or eat ice cream for breakfast, etc. So while you get to enjoy the benefits, you also have to put up with the meltdowns and tantrums when the kids have to come back down to earth when Grandma and Grandpa go home. This leads to about a week lag time in our house, up to two weeks if it was a long visit, where the kiddos are mostly unhappy as DH & I reassert our household rules and behavior expectations that went out the window with the Grandparents.

On the other hand, the Observant Grandparents can be a lot of work in and of themselves, due to their need for personal routines and things "just so". It's a lot more work trying to argue with the Observant Grandparent, so it's easier to just go with their flow and deal with the consequences later. In our house, this means that we have to clean up a bunch after they leave (clutterbugs), put up with inane and seemingly random comments on society and politics at odd times in conversation, and throw away a bunch of crappy food. *shrug* So be it. And the grandkids don't get as much pleasure out of a visit from the Observant Grandparents, because there just isn't as much tomfoolery and fun and games as there is with the Engaging Grandparents. So, you can't help but feel as though your kids are somehow missing out, or that your parents aren't putting out enough of an effort to enjoy your kids as much as you do...which is of course totally unfair, because they are 32 years older than you and frankly don't have the stamina to put up with a lot of horseplay!

As you can tell, we've had a visit from Grandparents recently, specifically, my parents. I won't say which type they are (perhaps it's better to say there is a spectrum between those two identities) but I do know that I have a lot of work to do putting our house to rights, and that my kids (especially DD) will cry at the airport tomorrow and will miss them after they have gone home. I thought I was going to get a lot more done around the house and homestead, things that I find difficult to do with the kiddos in tow, but suffice it to say that did not happen. Oh well. At the very least, we booked our trip to go see DH's parents and family in Ireland, so that is something to look forward to this summer. And at least I know that for THAT visit, I won't have to worry about a tidy house!