Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Default Option

I've noticed some things lately in trying to clean up our messy, disorganized house (both financial and literal). Chiefly, I have noticed that our default option in our family is to put off dealing with "it" 'til later. Of course, "Later" is purely an abstract concept, some hazy definition of a time in the future (possibly distant future) at which we will muster up the gumption to deal with "it" in the appropriate fashion. "It" can be anything ranging from putting away purchases from Target or Walmart, to organizing our check register and balancing our budget, or actually enacting a budget in such a way that we are dragged kicking and screaming with bloody knuckles forced to live by the actual set budget (and by this I mean a really ugly, pure cash only system where debit cards are housed other than in our wallets).

You know, "Later" has a nasty habit of never coming around in our family, and I'll bet it's the same in yours too. What made me realize this is the shocking realization that our eldest child is mimicking our habits perfectly. Yes, it tickles the cockles of my heart when she imitates one of our good habits, but it never occurred to me until this week that she is perfectly imitating our bad habits as well. I tell her to pick up something or do something while she is playing her Didj, and I have to tell her five times before she does it. Yet when I tell my husband to do something, does he do it right away, or does he sit at his computer for another five, ten, twenty minutes before he does it? And when my husband tells me that dinner is ready, do I stop putzing on the computer or doing whatever little chore right then and come to the table, or do I continue putzing or doing for five, ten, or even fifteen minutes? I think you can probably guess which one happens. And it is so irritating for that to happen when it's my daughter doing it to me, but somehow the pieces didn't click that this is exactly what my husband and I do to each other all the time...and she's imitating us!

My daughter's room has become a point of contention for us lately too. Her floor has literally been so covered with toys, clothes, shoes, and STUFF that it is a fire hazard. We have told her, how would the firefighters get to you if you had a fire? And she's five--this means nothing, really. And I have been forcing her to pick up her stuff, so we don't nearly fall and break our necks on everything jumbled all over. And yet, I go into my laundry room, and what do I do? Nearly break my neck every day negotiating around the plastic storage bin full of crap I haven't looked at in years (literally), past the box of sofa cushion stuffing that I was going to "get around to replacing someday", balancing a full laundry basket. And I wonder where she gets the idea that it's okay to live like this!!

I wonder about what kind of messages we are sending to our kids. My son's dresser has two broken drawers, that have been sitting on his floor for a month or more (they broke at different times). What message are we sending to him by leaving his dresser drawers on the floor? That it's not important to fix things. And here we are, a year and a half later, with a bathroom that is still not completed (still need to put up the mirror, rewire the light above the shelves, finish installing the trim, and paint the doors & trim), a shed that is still not fully fixed nor painted! We might not consciously think about it, but we are letting ourselves say, "Later...later...later" and letting things deteriorate in our home and in our lives.

Because life is in the details. Those things niggle at us every time we see them. We might not think about them, but they bother us. They certainly bother me. And while we have small children, and we don't have much time in each day, we have enough time to putz around on the internet for several hours. We have enough time at the weekends to spend more money than we should at Walmart, and Target, and Costco. We have enough time to "relax" as a family every weekend. And I'm not saying that's not important. But it is EQUALLY important to have your house in order, both financially and literally. It is EQUALLY important to show your kids that sometimes even when you want to just sit down and relax, you have to keep moving and get some important tasks done. So we need to be more conscious of that urge to say, "Later." We need to step up and say, "Now." We need to take care of business more often, before the business takes care of us. I don't want to see my family, my house, my life deteriorate. I want to see improvement. And that means more "Nows", and letting the "Laters" take care of themselves.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Spring Cleaning

Yes, I still believe in spring cleaning. However, it has taken a different turn this year--it's been a financial house cleaning for us this spring. Yessir, the enormous refund we have received from our federal taxes is no more...we have rearranged our W-4s and can happily expect to maybe pay a little or get just a little back come next tax season. This is a good thing, because unlike many folks in America, we understand that giving Uncle Sam an interest-free loan is not good financial planning. Really if you want a tax "bonus" of a couple extra thousand dollars per year, adjust your W-4s and set up a savings account to which you automatically transfer the money that would otherwise go to Uncle Sam, and let yourself withdraw from it on April 15th. The beauty of that is not only will you still get the thousands, but you will have made some extra $$ on it too.

Anyhoo, we have improved our monthly cash flow thanks to that little change. This will be extremely helpful this summer when I'm not getting paid, and oh yeah we forgot about THIS expense, or THAT THING that we do for the kids or need to do for the kids right now but oops we didn't budget for it, how am I going to pay for that again? Things like, I don't know, our ten year anniversary weekend getaway that we are talking about doing, which will involve spending a decent amount of money. Oh sure, not in a thousands of dollars kind of way, or even a thousand dollars, but still, a fair whack of moola to throw down the tubes for a few days of family fun, know what I'm saying? So having that money pre-budgeted and knowing that yes, we CAN afford to do that, even when I'm not getting paid for three months, well that is a nice thing to know.

We are also refinancing our mortgage. Our interest rate is more than full percent higher than current 30 year rates, and seeing as we are not looking to move any time soon and we can recoup our costs for refinancing within a year, yeah, we are all over that! This move too will save us a pretty good amount of money on our mortgage, which allows us to speed up the debt paydown even further (family fun fest of a few days out of town notwithstanding). I realize that we are refinancing a mortgage which we have paid down for X years, to be paying again a higher percentage to interest, which kind of sucks. However, this enables us to pay off higher interest debt faster, which makes a lot of sense when you crunch the numbers. Therefore we are going full steam ahead with this plan, and have been conditionally approved for our refinance. Now we are submitting all the paperwork that proves, yes, we have these assets that we said we did, our house is worth what we said it's worth (here we are very blessed to live where we do in WA and not back in AZ where we used to live, ouch that would not be fun), and we are fine upstanding credit-worthy citizens with a great track record of paying what we owe, and therefore you want to own our mortgage. So all systems go, and hopefully in about 45 days we will be signing our new loan paperwork and saying hello to a new interest rate and a new lower mortgage payment.

Other than the financial stuff, I have only managed to get some new pillows for the family, get the sheets changed, and get the next size baby clothes out and deployed for our growing youngest. I hope that by tomorrow I will get caught up with the laundry, and maybe finish weeding my strawberry bed. If I can get any real housecleaning done on Friday, that will be a substantial bonus, but I'm not counting on it. Frankly, I am more pleased with the financial stuff than I would be with dusted picture frames or sewed curtain pockets. Hopefully I can get some of that done too, or get my daughter's room better organized (which will mean moving some toys out). However, I am happy with the blend of relaxing and work that has constituted most of this week. Next week we are back to our regularly scheduled work program, but it's nice to feel that a spring break is actually a *break* and still productive. Now, time to figure out when to start the vegetable garden prep...


Monday, March 15, 2010

Still Here, Just Busy

Well, let's just say the old blog has fallen off the priority list. Well, okay, it's practically fallen off a cliff, broken both of its legs and punctured a lung, but I'M HERE NOW TO GIVE LIFE SUPPORT AND YOU CAN JUST BACK OFF A LITTLE M'KAY? *ahem* A bit defensive we are, (channeling Yoda), yeah yeah, let's just say that 3(Kids) + Work + Life = Busy, and that means too busy to blog. Some days Busy = Tired or = Lazy or = Disinterested or = Distracted. There has been a lot going on around here.

In point of fact, I really ought to be grading my students' extra credit assignments right now, and answering a student's email, but frankly I just cannot do it, no I will NOT and you can't MAKE me, damn it! I am TIRED. That's TIRED, in case you didn't get my meaning. No matter how much my husband and I thought we kind of knew what to expect from having three kids, we didn't. Yeah, take the level of tiredness we thought we'd be facing, and multiply it by THREE. Totally underestimated the amount of sniping, irritation, and anger we would have toward each other due to the increased demands on our attention and energy. Any little things that used to sort of bother us have now become things that cause moments of eye twitching rage and smouldering irritation. And we did figure that out about four months ago, but nonetheless it is still very hard to remember that in a moment when one of us has just done something that really, truly pisses off the other person. And it's not like it's even big stuff, it's the little, insane bits that just gnaw at you, and even when your rational self says, "Self, this is not a big deal, this is something to work on later when we aren't crazy busy and sleep deprived all the time," it is still hard to see the bigger picture.

I am very glad that my husband and I took a good marriage class several years ago, B.C. (before children). It gave us some really good coping skills which we use daily. However, I think that the demands of 3 preschool children (including 1 infant) really exposes the microscale cracks in a marriage--and just like the effects of ice on cracks in concrete or asphalt, it widens them over time. Gary Chapman says no marriage is ever static--it's either getting better, or it's getting worse. And frankly I think my husband and I would both say ours has gotten slightly worse over the past seven or eight months. It's a small slide, but it's noticeable. It's noticeable when you say something that's not very nice to your spouse, and even if it's a product of a thoughtless or half-thought, it still hurts. And it hurts you too to realize you said something that hurt your spouse's feelings. After all, your marriage is a partnership and you are a team. It's depressing to find yourself saying or doing things that sabotage that, especially if that moment happens in front of your children--who are watching everything you do. And it's noticeable to have less time to yourselves, time to recharge and *be* and reconnect with each other. Sitting on the couch together is nice, but when you're both so tired that you're falling asleep, or zoning out on your laptop or to some TV program, that doesn't really count.

I would love to have a monthly date night, but the fact is that dates cost money, in the form of babysitters and at least a few bucks for a coffee somewhere. And we are trying to get ready for my long, lean, unpaid summer off, plus have the money to pay for finishing projects that can only be done in good weather, like the missing/rotting wall on our shed. And really, we just need to not be exhausted every night. It's very easy to tell ourselves, "this too shall pass", but given the fact that our three year old still wakes up most nights of the week needing something, and we have a seven month old baby...well, you do the math. That light at the end of that particular tunnel doesn't seem very bright or very close. Add in the fact that DH, who we are so very grateful to God remains gainfully employed, is now working EST hours, while we live PST. That makes for a really tough, long day. It's stressful, period.

I love my husband. I LOOOOOOOOOVE him. He does so many gorgeous, glorious, sexy, bad-ass wonderful things for me and our family. And I LOVE my kids. They are maddeningly glorious and messy and joyful dervishes whirling through life. LOVE IT ALL. It's just a lot to manage. Add in my own fantasy expectations for glorious, weed-free gardens, moss-free lawns, perfect vegetable garden, and perfectly organized, clean house (hahahaahahahahahahahahaa!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA...no, really, I DO want an organized clean house...doesn't mean I know HOW to get there), and you have the need for serious priority-setting and realistic expectation setting. I know rationally that we are in a busy period of our lives. However, I also know that we have to do a certain amount of *maintenance* on our property and yards, in order to keep it from devaluing, and keep ourselves from creating massively expensive maintenance problems in the future. Figuring out exactly how much has to be done is the key, and this is only our second house, and our first older house. It's more of "a lot" on our plate, and we need to figure it out, because maybe then it will stop stressing me out.

Yet again we are having to adjust to the "new normal", the new parental strains, the new home ownership challenges, the new budgeting, etc. It's Life, and frankly sometimes I want to go back to being a whirling dervish myself and forget all this crap that constitutes life as a Certified Adult. Vacation, anyone? If I could only figure out how to pay for it.