In Hiding

I am hiding from my children. Here I sit, huddled low on the couch in the den, in the vain hope that by blogging and being out of sight my children will somehow sense that Mommy is D-O-N-E for today and they will behave and stop doing the following things:

1) Pooping in their underwear instead of the training potty, which is conveniently placed in the living room so that no activity or favored TV program can be missed. This has happened TWICE today, and carpet cleaning plus cleaning a very messy bum and then declogging the "uncloggable" toilets due to the vast amounts of toilet paper required for said cleaning...well, let's just say I've had enough of that particular activity to last a lifetime. Or two.

2) Catnapping for forty minutes and insisting that "No Mommy, I am really not tired any more, see my cute gummy smile?" and then proceed to cling to me and wail like a banshee for the next hour.

3) Did I mention the pinching and kicking during aforementioned clinging? NO? Well, allow me to explain what this is like with a 25 lb baby. Take the first three fingers of your hand and squeeze hard, repeatedly, on the triceps of your arm. This simulates your son kicking and pushing against you with his toes and his whole strength. Rinse, lather, repeat until you have perfect little toe-shaped bruises. Now do the same to your chest to achieve a similiar dotted purple effect after...

4) Simulation of interest in nursing. DS has been on and off so many times today that he could be a bobble head doll. After achieving letdown, of course he wasn't interested, so I got milk sprayed all over my clothes. And bruised boobs. Fun.

5) Crying and flipping yourself over to your stomach repeatedly when put down for a (desperately needed) nap. Back yourself into a corner of your crib and scream. Do this about a half dozen times before consenting to snuggling down in your mommy's arms without doing numbers 2-4.

6) Run pell-mell down the hall while Mommy is just putting down your sleeping brother to yell loudly and ask, "Where are you Mommy? Where are YOUUUUUUUU??" after you've been told several times that Mommy was going to put your brother down for a nap.

This has been a peachy day...yep, just peachy. The one bright spot was DD's exceptionally good behavior at storytime at the library. We'll just skip the part where Mommy threw another Look of Death^TM at yet another librarian who hemmed and hawed and refused to administer a token fine to DD, who tore 2 pages in yet another library book. This is the second time this has happened, and she's not getting the message here, peeps! I brought her piggybank because she loves playing with HER money and having to PAY would send a message, you know?? But we won't talk about that...no, no...

Nor will we discuss the irritating teenage cashier at the local supermarket chain who argued the semantics of an item in their weekly ad that said "buy 2 gallons of milk and get 2 boxes of cereal free". I bought 2 gallons of milk--it just so happened that 1 gallon of it was made up of two half gallon containers, to get DD her whole milk. I also had a coupon for 2 half-gallons of that brand, the smart @ss cashier tried to tell me, "But you have to buy two gallons, you know, two of these (holding up the gallon container). You just want to use this coupon for the half gallons (accusingly)." (As an aside, since when was it a crime to try to save money??) I asked her to call the manager and pointed out the same thing I said to the cashier (politely), "Your ad doesn't specify that it has to be 2 gallon containers--it just says 2 gallons of milk." He agreed with me and told her to "make it happen", and then had to explain to her how to do it. She glared evilly at me and huffed while I checked the receipt to make sure all my coupons and discounts were applied. Grrrrrr.

Not a good day. *sigh*

His Highness the Prince is demanding my attendance, so I shall return another day. Of course, DH's ferry was delayed. Of course. *sigh* "This too, shall pass..."