The Ten Minute Gap

Here I am, with ten minutes to fill before I have to wake up DS, pick up DD from school, and make it through what used to be called the Cocktail Hour in the '50s. (I know why they called it the Cocktail Hour, btw...it's because Mommy was at her wits end and needed a little help from Mr. Gin or Miss Vodka to make it through the last hour before Daddy came home...and to show her caring, she'd leave some in the shaker for him, too!) Tonight will be another frenetic Thursday: I'm off to my Bible study group after a three week absence, and have completed a week's worth of homework in an hour so that I feel somewhat prepared.

As usual, I am face to face with my own inadequacies as I stare around my humble house. The floors need a good mopping. Toys are everywhere. The dining room table is covered in bits of paper and projects and the camera, and a clean tablecloth is folded and waiting patiently to be put on the table when I get it all cleared off. DS' highchair needs to be wiped down, the straps need to be taken out and washed, and I know there are 2 loads of clothes that need to be dried and folded and put away. I did this week's Bible study homework, sure, but the previous two weeks are blank--a casualty of a life lived on fast forward and not 0.5x reverse! I skipped systematic theology again yesterday, as DH had to go into work instead of working from home. Not to worry, though--I'm 30 pages behind on that, too.

And yet, right when I was tempted to despair, and to think I should just forget about these classes, and how could I possibly participate tonight when I haven't put as much thought or care into this as I should, I was reminded of the verse, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matt. 5:3). And, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." (Matt. 5:6) It is precisely because there is not enough "me" at the end of my day, that I crave time with God. God has promised to provide what I don't have. When I don't have the patience to play Lil People with my daughter for the bazillionth time, God gives me that patience. When I don't have the understanding to see why it's important to her to have the monsters in her room blown away, or to be tucked back in again for the third time so she can really and truly go to sleep...well, God gives me the strength and kindness to get it done. I get tapped out. A lot! And I'm not a nice person when I've exhausted all of my "me" reserves. But the truth is, I'm a better mom, a better wife, and a better person when I just throw my hands up from the beginning in helplessness and say, "Okay, God, you take this one!" And He does. And it works out better for everyone when I do. Why, oh why, don't I do that more often?