Lulled by Luxury

Well, I have lots of random thoughts, as most people do, and it seemed an interesting one that has flitted across my mind several times recently is the idea that we, as a society, have become lulled by luxury, so much so that to venture out onto new paths and make different choices is something that we are incapable of doing.

There are many things that make me think that this is true for me. There is the fact that I wander away from my Christian life, choosing to be lazy and neglect my spiritual life rather than impose the self-discipline required to really get into the Bible and study who Christ is and what He asks of us. Though I always circle back, there is an inevitable sense of shame when I wander off again, as if I just don't have the energy to continue with whatever good habits I have begun.

Second, I find myself vacillating about whether I have made the correct choices for my education and career thus far. Right now I am a stay at home mom, having left a choice post-doctoral position at a new and prestigious research institute. It was a dream job on paper, and in some ways it was in real life, too. However, no one tells you about the co-workers who are self-satisfied and secure in their jobs, who don't give a damn about yours and couldn't be bothered to do their work, which your work absolutely depends on. If this is the golden age of multidisciplinary teamwork, it is also the hell of being unable to be self-sufficient in your own research work. As is inevitable for someone who has made a tough choice, I find myself wondering if I really should have gone to medical school instead of graduate school...

Which leads me to my two beautiful children. A strong-willed toddler and a nearly new newborn, both of whom drive me crazy in different ways but are among the most enriching and amusing people I have the privilege to know, let alone be related to. If I can keep myself semi-organized, I have hope that they will continue developing into loving adults.

Well, one of those kiddos needs some attention, so further random thoughts will have to wait until tomorrow. Welcome.