Juggling Act

I am on the cusp of life with 2 small children and me, by ourselves all day at home. I'm a bit terrified and excited at the same time. My in-laws have been visiting for 6 weeks, and Monday they depart for their home sod, taking with them all prospect of relief when both kids are clamoring for attention at the same time and I'm about to lose my mind.

It's not really true--I have friends at church who are willing and ready to step into the breech if I really get to the point where I cannot cope, but I think it would take a lot more than I experienced during my first few tastes of 'all alone' time with them for me to make that call. However, it is a bit daunting to contemplate how I am going to continue to encourage my inquisitive, intelligent 2 year old daughter to learn and mature while maintaining a high standard of care and attention for my six week old son. I foresee a shower-less and privacy-deprived future. *LOL* Oh well, I knew that when I signed up for it, so I can't complain really...just muse about how the heck I'm going to organize myself.

Of course, things could change utterly for us again this fall. I am applying for a position at a local community college. It's another 'dream job' on paper, but you can be sure I am going to be asking lots of questions in person at the interview, should I get one! They are looking for someone who can teach at night for a new 4 year R.N. program they are starting, and it would possibly be a great fit for me, since I would still have lots of time to spend with the kids at home during the day, in theory. It all depends on what the daytime commitments would be, what is a "full-time" course load, etc. I tried asking the HR department about these things, but was told that only the dean could say, so I will have to apply and wait to see if I get an interview.

I still have mixed feelings about it, which is a good thing seeing as the application deadline isn't for a few weeks, and even after that, the interview process and decision will take a few months more. I am excited about it, if only because I will be able to use my nerdy scientific brain for something other than explaining to my bored daughter about pupae and chrysalis, etc. (I don't think it's sinking in yet, for what it's worth.)

I have to wonder what the happy medium really is for balancing career and family. It seems fairly obvious that it is highly personal and dependent on one's own family circumstances, but I haven't quite figured out what ours is yet. I am delighted to be home with my children, but I am also feeling a bit disconnected and as if I have cheerios on the brain at times. I realize this is a very common stay-at-home-mom experience, but to be honest, I don't think the other SAHMs I have met really know what to do with me. There is still what I can only term the 'glass box' effect of having a very high level degree and chosen to put it aside. Many of my new friends here are so welcoming and nice, but I can tell they don't quite relate to me on the career level and they find it a bit difficult to bridge. To be honest I find it difficult to bridge as well!

Perhaps it is part of my innate personality that they find difficult to understand. I have always been the kid with the advanced vocabulary, and I think that puts people off at times. I don't even think about it, I just use my "big words" because they are the most appropriate and express the most perfectly what I am trying to state. It doesn't occur to me that others might find it intimidating. Thinking about it, I would definitely not choose to stop using my vocabulary, because it is part of how I express myself. However, I hope that as people get to know me, they realize that and aren't intimidated by it any more. Is it really that people are intimidated by intelligence? I wonder if that is the case. It's not as if the people I have met are unintelligent; in fact, they are all quite intelligent and I would not rank myself as being more intelligent than any of them. So perhaps it is just a personality quirk of mine and I ought to get over it. :)