Deceptive Decadence

Today I have been thinking about what decadence is to me. As someone who enjoyed a very decadent evening last night (complete with cocktails, expensive wine & fancy dessert), I find myself thinking that I could do with more of that type of night. Of course I choose not to focus on the negatives--the fact that I had imbibed too much alcohol, for instance, which precluded me from being completely clear-headed for several hours, or that I was surrounded by a halo of indifference and impatience, especially as concerned my 2 year old. Her behavior in the restaurant was exceptionally good, except for a bad stretch at the beginning, which was chiefly due to the fact that she was hungry and desperately in need of a snack more substantial than the popcorn which I allowed a scant hour earlier. In any case, my husband and I were devoid of patience, being ourselves hungry and ready for a nice meal at the end of a long week, and I felt myself wishing she could be consigned to the hotel across the road, where we had often stayed, with the able assistance of a live-in nanny, brought along for the meal.

Upon clearer reflection today, it strikes me that the above was uncommonly selfish and uncharacteristic. Uncharacteristic because, in the first place, I absolutely adore my daughter, and even when she is being a pain in the arse I have to admire her cleverness and earnestness as she pursues whatever is her goal of the moment. Selfish because, I have never seen the point of having children if your only desire is to put them away from you physically and emotionally as it suits you. I know someone who does this, and I won't name names but I confess I just don't understand why this person and spouse have gone to such uncommon trouble to adopt children, after trying for years to have some of their own, and now to consign their care to a nanny with the aim of boarding school as soon as they meet the minimum ages. Now, I have to ask myself, what is the point of doing that?

Anyway, I have strayed off from the concept of decadence. I bought a lottery ticket yesterday--just one of those spur of the moment purchases which happen from time to time. As it happened I had gone into our local mini-mart to get a copy of my receipt for the gas I had purchased, the machine not working on the gas pump. While I was in there rummaging in my wallet, the man ahead of me in line bought 10 quick-pick tickets for the lottery, and I saw that I had a $1 bill in my wallet. What goes on in one's head when contemplating a lotto purchase for two seconds? Well, in my case, I thought, "Wow, the Mega Millions is up really high...God, I wouldn't want to have 300 million plus dollars...that would be greedy. I will get a regular Lotto ticket, that's only $7 million." And with that, the ticket was purchased and shoved in with the receipt, and that was that.

But really, does my thought process about greed really 'count' to offset the innate greed that drives such a purchase? It's as if I've thumbed my nose at God to say, "Well, I don't think you've given me enough, God, so I'm going to try to get a bit more for myself, thank you very much!" Really, that's what it is! And, do we really stop and pay attention to the decay behind the decadence offered by our society? I was in a restaurant last night, surrounded by people wearing the 'right' clothes with expensive labels and carrying the most fashionable bags, sporting Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos right, left, and center. These are the things that, being honest with myself, I would probably buy if I had the money to justify their purchase. I would love to have the 'fashionable' shoes and 'fashionable' clothes, to be able to change my bag to match my outfits and walk into Barneys New York without feeling as if I were a hick from down the country coming to look but not touch.

We have some good friends who DO have the means to make those types of purchases if they chose to. The reason why they have these funds is unimportant right now, but suffice it to say, they do not choose to buy those things. Instead, they have a large amount of money, in a bank account, and they don't touch it for their personal needs. They are using the money as they pray about it, and right now they are supporting a new orphanage in Kenya, founded by a college acquaintance. Not to be too cliche, but I think there's a reason that God has given THEM millions of dollars and not me. And that is humbling. I am not mature enough to handle it! God, I hope someday I might be mature enough for equal levels of responsibility...and it is a responsibility to have large amounts of money. God help me to resist the decay of decadence should I ever receive some.