Societal Guilt

I heard someone comment recently that those who are highly educated have a debt to society, women in particular if they then choose to have children and stay at home. As you can imagine, this struck a nerve with me. Um, the last time I checked, the student loan from graduate study was in MY name, thanks buddy!!

What is it about our society that compels people to offer their unsolicited opinions on one's career and family choices? I applied for a job that I didn't get. I had my reasons for applying for it, and they had their reasons for not choosing me. I don't know their reasons for not selecting me. I know my reasons for applying included a possible opportunity to use some of my training and education, while still retaining a decent amount of time to spend with my kids. If my reasons and their requirements didn't mesh (and they obviously didn't), that doesn't mean I have decided on that career option and that I'm mourning the loss of that opportunity.

I had someone suggest to me that I should look into teaching at the high school level. Apparently there is a need in our area for science teachers. Um, no. I'm not interested in teaching high school, TYVM. My mother is a high school teacher, and has taught for 37+ years in public schools. I know exactly what kind of work it is, what parents and students nowadays are like, and I'm not interested. The person in question was a high school teacher, and so of course they think that it's a great job. Great! I'm glad you like it! However, irrespective of the fact that "every school is different, it's different teaching in a 'good' school district" (my mom teaches in a pretty crappy low income school district so experiences more of the societal pains than average)...yeah. I'm still not interested. To me, it's one thing to teach students who are voluntarily (on some level) in school, as you have at a community college or university. It's quite another to deal with younger students who are compelled to attend. Frankly, I'm not interested in the grade smoothing and curve lowering that seems to be a prerequisite in public schools. Either you learn the required material or you don't. I will go out of my way (and have done in my previous teaching) to help you if you are making an effort to learn it, but I'm not going to cry over students who obviously don't give a damn and aren't trying.

In any case, I'm not teaching now. I'm not working as a research scientist. I'm working as a stay at home mom. I run most of the errands, pay all the bills, take care of 2 kids, etc. I don't need to explain to anyone why I'm not teaching, at whatever level, or working in scientific research. I could go on ad nauseum about the job situation out there for chemists, but people don't seem to *get* it. I'm not going to settle for just any job. I can afford to NOT bring in an income. I am very lucky in this respect. It means I have to do without my fab rehab kitchen or attached garage or extra bedroom or fabulously landscaped yard, but that's ok. It's a choice I made, after much prayer, soul-searching, and discussion with my husband. Just like I chose to apply for a job, which I didn't get. It doesn't mean I need a job. It doesn't mean that I'm looking for a job. It just happened to maybe fit, and then it didn't. We move on.

Do we have to label people as a SAHM, or "actively looking" for employment? Is there a hard line between the two? Why do you have to ask me about it? Why would it bother someone else if I chose to get a Ph.D. and then (in their opinion) "not use it"? Grrrr. Grow up and mind your own business, please!