Baking By Design

Well I set myself up for a busy Saturday this week because I signed up to bring church snack tomorrow. Our church is kind of small and the ladies take turns baking or bringing stuff for people to munch on after the service on Sunday, and I hadn't done it in quite a while so I figured I was due for a turn.

What this inevitably means is that my Friday (if I'm able to do so) and my Saturday are an orgy of baking and preparation for this event. Our church may be small, but we still have over 200 people each Sunday, so it's a bit of work to get together a "snack" for everyone. Ironically it is perceived as a source of pride, and ladies who are known "bakers" will pull out all the stops for their turn, doing elaborate or fussy cookies and cakes. One lady likes to make lollipops and hand tie curly ribbon to each one, wrapped in cellophane! I mean some of them really go nuts, making sure their stuff looks bakery-made with royal icing decorations, and some ladies even like to dress the snack table. On Easter Sunday we had an elaborate diorama with Easter eggs & Easter bunnies! Very Christ-centered, haha! (that was my tongue firmly in cheek...it did look very cute but would not be my style)

But seriously, I have garnered something of a reputation in our church as a "baker". Perhaps this is because my husband and actually have *parties* and host dinners and invite folks over on a regular basis, and we do most of our cooking and baking from scratch. Never mind the fact that this is due to my inability to deal with MSG and several food additives, it means that we have a reputation here.

What this means is that if I sign up for snack, people expect that I will go all-out, baking extravaganza style, and bring a host of amazing baked goods for folks to snaffle up and the ladies to ask for my recipe and complain in the future that their attempts "never turn out as good/light/fluffy as yours". *blink*

I really do not understand this. I do not do anything special with my baked goods. I have had one woman repeatedly tell me her cinnamon rolls aren't like mine, ask what flour I use (whatever is on sale or I have to hand) and how long I knead the dough. I mean, I don't make an art of this people! This is an example of how my baking extravaganzas usually break down:

(Me in the kitchen, adding stuff to the mixer)

Kid: Oh, what are you making Mommy?

Me: Cookies/cinnamon rolls/cake

Kid: Oooooooo, can I help? Can I-can I-can I-pretty please???

Me: *grumble* Yeah pull up the chair

(Kid tries to put finger in the bowl)

Me: Stop that!

(Kid tries to sample ingredient)

Me: Stop that! Here, put this in for me.

Kid: Ok! *beam*

2nd kid wanders in: What are you making?

(1st kid rubs the 2nd kid's nose in the fact that THEY have the coveted helper spot. I break up the fight/argument. 2nd kid fetches stool to help as well)

Me: 1st kid, you add this. 2nd kid, you mix it in.

2nd kid: Can I crack the egg, please??

Me: No.

2nd kid: I'll be really careful, please!!

(Clean up mess from egg breaking while mixer runs along)

1st kid: Can I lick the beater?

Me: No.

2nd kid: can I lick the spoon?

Me: No.

1st kid: Can I help fill the cups/drop the cookies?

Me: No. Get out!
(By this point the batter has been creamed practically beyond recognition)

2nd kid: Mom, you forgot to put in the chocolate chips!

(Add the chocolate chips, grumbling)

1st & 2nd kids swoop in and steal large handful of chocolate chips.

Me: GET OUT NOW!! (waving spoon like a madwoman)

3rd kid: Mama!! UP!

Yeah, that is pretty much how it goes. So if my cinnamon roll dough is beaten to a pulp, I don't know how long I've had it on! My kids have been driving me nuts over here! There is no "secret" that I've squirreled away in my brain that makes my stuff so good to the eaters of church snack. I can't figure it out, frankly. I just throw stuff together, subbing for ingredients with whatever I have on hand. Not enough flour? Oh look, I have some oats! Just whiz in the food processor and the problem is solved. I admit to my share of food snobbery when it comes to cake mixes and such. The real source of that is I am too cheap to pay for a combination of dry ingredients that will take me 20 seconds to duplicate by making it from "scratch".

One time I took a pass on my turn and bought a bunch of stuff from Costco. People were actually disappointed. I had not realized this, but folks check the snack list to see who is bringing what each week. The fact that I showed up with STORE BOUGHT BAKED GOODS was a travesty to some! So I realized that a little realistic expectation setting was called for, and I've been dribbling in the occasional store-bought item on my turn. I am just too busy to allow for a baking extravaganza each time I do snack. I have also signed up LESS, because I am too busy to do it according to the unspoken "rules" of church snack. Tomorrow I will round out my baked goods (not lovingly, painstaking decorated with icing or in any way 'prettified') with some store bought, pre-cut fruit. Oh, the horror! Well, it's just how I roll these days.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go get a batch of cinnamon roll dough started while my husband has mercifully taken all the urchins out of the house.