The Tablecloth

There really is something to sitting down together around the dining table for dinner every night. It's civilized, it teaches the kids table manners, and it helps us stick to our meal plan (it's not quite the same thing to sit down at the dinner table to some take-out pizza, know what I'm saying?).

Now that second little point is a big one, really. No one wants their kids to be slobs at the table, and no one wants their kids to be those kids at a restaurant, running around with straws stuck up their noses or throwing food on the floor. However, getting from the '2 year old and big enough to sit in a real chair (with a booster) and eat like everyone' to 'well mannered, polite 6 year old that everyone compliments when dining in public' is a big transition. Right now our 4 year old daughter is pretty good at the table. She backslides when her brother is being naughty and she eggs him on, and she forgets that the principal purpose of sitting down to eat dinner is to eat dinner, not entertain us with stories and made-up songs and theatrical hand flares that endanger the nearest beverage glasses. But she doesn't throw food on the floor, she doesn't spit out food if she decides halfway through chewing it that she doesn't like it, and she doesn't fling her hands around, knocking over anything in their path.

Our son...well, he does do all of those things. He's two. And, I swear, EVERY NIGHT the boy spills his drink. EVERY NIGHT. It does not matter where I put his cup, or how carefully I watch him so that I can grab it and move it before a vigorous hand wave topples it over. Somehow, each evening, the boy manages to spill his beverage on the table.

Now, I have discovered that, in addition to my pet peeve about always having clean fingernails (let me just say that I will never go camping without running water again), I don't like having a dirty tablecloth. The tablecloth is one of those civilizing elements of dinner together. It's like a stately butler, bidding all to behave at table. Somehow having a permanently stained and perpetually damp-within-minutes tablecloth really put a damper on my enjoyment of the whole dinner ritual. I had two "everyday" tablecloths that were purchased on the cheap and had lasted us for about seven years. However, they have not been able to withstand the onslaught wrought by our children. The pale green tablecloth now has a distorted yellow spot covering about ten percent of the middle, and the white & burgundy one is dotted with dark stains and some large blots.

It was time to upgrade the table linens, friends. I bought two new "everyday" tablecloths at Kohls, one of which is a microfiber tablecloth. Aha! Something my children should not (in theory) be able to stain! Yippee!

Well, my son is putting this tablecloth through its paces. Both of our kids have placemats, in an attempt to rein in the stainmaking potential at their places. Despite his beloved "Cars" being plastered all over his placemat, my son still has an uncanny knack for pushing it back just enough so that he can spill with abandon on the tablecloth itself. Tonight he dumped a full glass of milk (and please note that two year olds ALSO think they are too OLD for sippy cups, Mommy!) on it, and that beaded right up on the tablecloth like it was nothing. We were impressed. However, I think the everlasting piece of genius has to go to DH, who in a moment of inspiration swapped our son's placemat for a Shamwow. Yes, he is a genius (particularly because my dad sent them to us from their Costco pack and I hadn't a clue what we could use them for). I think they should make themed placemats out of that stuff. Now our son's place at the table has a generous lip that runs off the table, and plenty of coverage to either side. He could spill milk and other food repeatedly and still it will not touch the tablecloth.

A double armor system, that is what it takes. That, and lots of wine and humor. And Wine Away stain remover. It's not just for wine, my friends. It works on a lot of other kid mangling stains. You too could make an "everyday" tablecloth last for seven plus years, even WITH table training kids. I dare you.