Medical Testing Fun

Back when I was young and green, I thought that just about the worst thing you could have in terms of medical testing was having your blood drawn. I hated the prick of the needle, hated the idea of all that perfectly good blood being taken from my body, and hated the anticipation of it beforehand.

Now that I've gone through childbirth and then a c-section, I know there are far worse things. Having a catheter in your bladder is one. Having an IV is another, especially when your nurse can't seem to find a vein without hitting a valve (can we say Ouch!?). But now there is a new king at the top of the hill--a CT scan. Not the scan itself, mind you, but the barium sulfate you have to drink twice before you go in for one.

I thought I'd pulled a muscle in my abdomen about two weeks ago, when I experienced some intense, burning pain in my lower right side. (I know what you're thinking...I'm getting there.) I figured it was from hefting DS, who is quite a chunk and at the top of the growth charts. So I figured it would be better in a few days and left it at that. It did fade back and became an annoyance at best.

Then on Sunday I had some, er, gastrointestinal issues, to put it delicately, that had me wondering if perhaps the abdominal pain was partially responsible. I called my doctor and got in to see him the next day, oh fun. As luck would have it I already had an appointment with my OB for my annual exam (oh glee!), and she ruled out an ectopic pregnancy (and pregnancy, period--phew) and a hernia along my c-section incision. Oh-kay. The family practice doc I saw later in the day said I needed a CT scan right away, and hemmed and hawed around truly nasty possibilities (like colorectal cancer) and the more obvious (appendicitis, anyone?). However, he also said it could be a nasty intestinal parasite or germ causing my symptoms...oh and by the way did I know my thyroid is enlarged? So let's take a look at that too. *sigh*

So I went home, toting my 2 bottles of berry flavored barium sulfate to chug 2 hours and 1 hour before my appointment, respectively. And no food for 4 hours prior. Hmm. The next day I choked my way through the first bottle, which DH kindly put in a glass so I could attempt to delude myself for 10 nanoseconds that I wasn't drinking a horrible, chalky, DISGUSTING CONCOCTION OF SATAN...er, sorry about that...memories. *shudder* I don't know how I choked down the 2nd batch, but I finally told DH to toss the last 10 or so mL because I was going to throw up if I attempted to drink any more.

That done, I got to go to the clinic and wait. I swear, and DH can attest this is the truth, every single time I was doing something complicated with my keyhole scarf (like undoing stitches and picking them back up to re-do a section where I twisted one side...but it's all fine now, yes, just fine...) they called me back for something else! First to poke me with a needle, take my blood, and set up an IV. An IV? For a CT scan? For pete's sake! And then they had me sign the permission form for the contrast dye (hey, I thought they only wanted to look at my abdomen here, why do you need to light up my veins like Christmas trees?), and then to get undressed and into a very gaping gown and finally get put in place inside what can only be described as Homer Simpson's fondest dream, i.e., a very large doughnut. And hold my breath for ages, while being injected with dye that made me feel as if I was wetting myself. Oh the absolute FUN of these CT scans, I'm telling you! Did I mention the 200 mL of barium sulfate I had to drink just before? No? Well that was the best part! < /sarcasm>

Anyhoo, then we got sent to a mysterious "Dr. X's office upstairs" without any word of who he was or why I was being sent to see him, and then we see that he is a general surgeon. So of course I have visions of tumors or other nasty things, as we thought that if it were my appendix they would have sent me straight to the hospital. But then the nurse gives me a pamphlet kindly titled, 'Appendicitis: Diagnosis and Treatment'. Oh thank you very much. And we waited, and waited, and waited some more for Dr. X to finally show up and tell me what the heck was going on with my system, which was clearly doomed...

And Dr. X came in, and reviewed my PERFECTLY NORMAL CT scan with me. No inflammation. No tumors. Nothing out of the ordinary. Dr. X thinks I have either a virus or nasty germ inhabiting my intestines, and the bloodwork and additional tests (we will just gloss over what THOSE are, TYVM) should pinpoint the culprit. My abdominal pain? It could be related to the bug, could just be a pulled muscle like I originally thought. We don't know for sure.

So I'm going back in a week to review the test results, and I also have a thyroid scan to look forward to next week. And once again modern medicine proves how, even with all the machines that go beep and bip, they don't always know what is going on with your body and quite often are scratching their heads and covering their rears for insurance purposes. Not that I mind that, I would much rather know if it were something serious...but after all that portentous waiting and silence, one does get one's knickers in a twist about the vagaries of the medical "process".