The Summer Snafu

So, I've been busier than expected this summer. Not in a, "Wow, look at how many summer projects I've gotten done!" kind of way, but in a phone call from the dean, "Can you PLEASE teach an emergency class section this summer prettyprettyplease?" Yeah, extra money! Woohoo! I have been quite happy to receive it, and it's paid for some expected (insurance premiums) and unexpected expenses this summer (plumbing issues, dog vet bills). But you know those summer projects? They weren't exactly fun and games. We have another wall that needs to be rebuilt on our shed (which houses our well pump), and it needs to be done before the cold weather. Our fence for the backyard needs to be completed so our dog will not wander off for a jaunt around the neighborhood when our son lets her out and doesn't tell us. And the kids' playsets need to be moved/torn down. One old metal playset is probably at the end of its useful life, and I want it to be removed. The other wood playset is in a low point of the yard and ended up in standing water for several months last winter. Suffice it to say, I don't want to encourage wood rot and we need to move it to a better spot before winter sets in (with the rain and standing water).

I don't know what we are going to do about the rotting fascia boards. Our house has the craziest gutter system I have ever seen, in that, it doesn't really have gutters. Yeah, this is not such a good plan in the Pacific Northwest? Instead, there is some kind of membrane running down the roofing, sort of looped up and attached (via glue, presumably) to the top of the fascia boards. The downspouts are attached to holes cut through the actual roofing plywood, and those don't look that hot--I suspect that whoever did this kludgy work didn't properly waterseal the connections, or it has failed in time due to the poor design. So what do we have? Rotting fascia boards due to constant water exposure (I had some MUSHROOMS growing on one fascia board last winter, I kid you not). Plus "gutters" that require constant cleaning of the copious amounts of tree spurge dropping on the roof and washing down in order to get the water down through the downspouts where it belongs. And we have a kludged roof over our deck, attached again with funky flashing and membrane/tar (not clear what sort of combination it is), directly over the fascia board--so the question with the rotting board is, will it affect the structural integrity of the deck roof to pull it off and replace it? Like that is the last thing we need to be worrying about, if we attempt repair ourselves--will I pull this roof down on my head? Yeah, good times.

I had thought that maybe we could brace the deck roof temporarily, yank the fascia board, cut back the overhangs to cut off any damaged sections of the roof plywood, then attach proper gutters along everything with downspouts, etc. But then I regained my sanity and said to myself, "Self, we are the same people who cannot get a shed wall rebuilt in a timely manner, or bathroom molding cut properly without numerous (cursing) attempts...YOU ARE CRAZY to think you could do this yourselves!!" This is a home repair issue that screams THIS COULD GET CRAZY EXPENSIVE AND EXPERT-LEVEL IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. So, probably a better plan is to save, save, save like mad things, try to minimize further damage this winter by religiously cleaning the downspouts and gutters weekly, and pray that we get enough saved to pay a professional to do this little job for us.

Anyway, I *am* finally coming up to the end of summer quarter, so in theory we *could* get the shed wall done, the fence, etc. Yeah, that was the case, until my husband injured...his big toe. Yes, this is a serious injury! My husband, while outside some damp morning about seven weeks ago in his flip flops, lost his balance and actually STOOD on his big toe. Apart from the instantaneous pain and howling, it turns out he has ruptured a very important tendon that attaches to the tip of the big toe, and keeps it straight. So now my dearest husband goes under the knife later today, so that an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in foot & ankle injuries can either a) reattach his shredded tendon (the MRI shows it is like a frayed shoelace, with a tiny bit still attached), or if it's not in good enough shape for that (it's become "fibrotic"), then he will b) detach a different tendon from the base of his big toe, and stretch it up to attach it to the top of his big toe. Yes, a single patch of moss caused all of this pain and agony. Let that be a lesson to you homeowners with moss on your sidewalks--it can be deadly! Mental note: add "rent powerwasher and powerwash all moss from sidewalks" to the summer chore list...

And guess what the recovery time is for this type of surgery? A few weeks? Naaaaaaah, that would give some hope of getting any of the NECESSARY stuff done! Nope, my husband is going to be unable to put any weight on his foot for a MONTH. Crutches and a crawling baby, what a fun combination! And, then he will have a walking cast for another month. Yippee! Followed by an orthopedic shoe and physical therapy. All for a big toe, which I already knew was very important for balance and all that, but crikey that is a long time!

So what are my chances of getting any of these important projects done, by myself, in the next eight weeks? HAHAHAHA! Yeah, I think the same. Unfortunately, I don't exactly have a big wad o' cash to plonk down to pay someone else to do them for me. So where am I? Well, apart from going bonkers trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to get this stuff done, I am poking at the dead carcass of my "extra money budget" and saying, "Well? WELL?? Come on now, I need some more!" And reminding myself that when push comes to shove, as it inevitably has, we have more than enough for our basic needs and we are thus very, very blessed compared to the rest of the world. It's just hard to have started summer with this list of stuff to do, knowing it's important, and now be staring down the eyeballs of what's left of summer and seeing it all go "poof". What should I prioritize? I don't know, I really don't. I'm thinking the shed wall, and see what else we can kludge with the help of very generous friends. But we have such a small good weather window, I would be lying if I said I wasn't very, very disappointed with the turn of events. It just goes to show that even if it's wet and rainy in the spring, you can't delay this stuff. It really does slip away faster than you think.

The Other Side

When was the last time you walked on the other side of the fence? In discussing current events with folks, and attempting to have some civil discussions about controversial topics, I come across the same issue again and again...people simply do not read/listen to a variety of sources about anything these days. I personally find that shocking. Who doesn't remember their high school teachers droning about examining the source of information, the bias we all give to our own writing and the perspective we each have about things? Clearly, a lot of people don't remember it, or they never heard it in the first place, because I consistently hear adamant opinions from people who don't bother to listen to more than one news channel, or one radio station, or read one newspaper.

I distinctly recall hearing from multiple teachers and professors about the danger of biases, and how they creep into everything you do and think. In science in particular one has to try to be aware of bias, for fear that it will bias your interpretation of your data. Thus scientists use a peer review process, where we essentially ask other well-trained scientists, "Does this make sense from this data?" And while it is true that small sections of science are small realms, and peer reviewers often know each other and can be biased from that relationship, the plus is that this means they have often been kept up to date with the data and research for several years before it's published, and thus they know better than anyone whether the author is trying to stretch the data to say something it really doesn't say.

But it's not just scientists who need to be aware of bias. Everybody needs to be aware of it, and ask questions to discern its influence. For example, I sure as heck want to know if my county commissioner is related to the concrete contractor who is bidding for the county roads job. I also want to know if a school committee member is a first cousin to the school principal that is up before the school committee to explain possible mishandling of an employee termination. Yeah, I think we need to be on the look out for bias in others, for sure.

What about our own biases? If we agree that biases can be bad, and can negatively influence our behavior and the behavior of others, why aren't we more cognizant of our own? I realize it's comfortable to stick with hearing/reading/watching news reports that agree with your own opinions. Of course we all prefer it when we are in agreement with someone, rather than arguing with them. There is nothing more annoying than watching a TV host pontificate about something about which you vehemently disagree. Nonetheless, if you don't watch or listen to those with whom you disagree, how are you ever going to appreciate where they are coming from? How do you suppose you will ever be able to carry on a decent civil discussion on topics where you disagree?

I try to be a bit cognizant of my media biases. I don't watch much TV "journalism" any more, seeing as it mostly showmanship and opinion with a 10% dose of news. However, I do read a lot of news online, and I read from a lot of different sources...BBC News, Fox News, CNN, Xinhua, Al Jazeera, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Associated Press, Reuters...well the list is pretty long, and I won't bore you with it, but suffice it to say that I read from a lot of news organizations, and it makes for a pretty broad picture from a lot of different angles. I also listen to a lot of different radio, when I listen to the radio. Thus when I talk to one of my in-laws, or a student, and they are raging about some particular subject and I hear "Well I heard/read on X..." and that's it, that's the sole source of their passionately held opinion...well, it's really not a very comprehensive source list, is it? And when pressed about how many different opinions they'd read, had they investigated the "other side's" view, etc, strangely the answer is always, "No," followed quickly by a defensive, "Why?" and something along the lines of "that's all snark and who would ever believe THAT" or some such pathetic excuse.

So I ask you, how often do you really look at issues from the "other side"? Be honest now, because I don't think we can honestly tell ourselves we are convinced we are right about a particular topic if we haven't really looked at what the other side has to offer. And, the beauty of it is, if you are honest and do look at the other side, and you recognize any good points, that just makes you more well-informed, doesn't it? And if you're going to strongly hold an opinion, shouldn't it be a well-informed one? Just sayin'...

The Vast Scientific Conspiracy

As with so many other subjects on which science treads boldly, I am finding it irks me greatly when ignorant individuals presume to lecture scientists on the vast conspiracy against their championed theory which they have "researched extensively". Please understand that I use the word "ignorant" in this vein (from Merriam Webster): "lacking knowledge or comprehension of the thing specified". However, it seems that having "letters after your name" makes you an instantaneous target for individuals seeking an argument about their pet scientific issue. Given that I am encountering this type of discussion more and more frequently as a professor, allow me to clarify a few things that will elicit irritation (hopefully well-concealed due to common courtesy) and instant mental dismissal:

1. Do not claim to have "extensively researched" your issue if you haven't read a large swath of the evidence produced by the opposing viewpoint. Reading from the hymnbook with the choir does not make you an expert on the unwashed heathen masses in the pews.
2. If you do not understand the guiding principles behind scientific investigation, do not pretend to understand why or why not some experiments were done well or done poorly.
3. If you do not know the difference between multiple statistical formulas and why one would be appropriate over another, do not state that you know the statistics are "flawed".
4. Do not assume that your hypothesis is correct. If you are unable or unwilling to accept that the data presented to you may give you a result that is different from the one you wanted, then don't enter the discussion.
5. If you do not have a comprehensive education to provide you with sufficient underpinnings to analyze the function of a biological system, then do not presume you know more than individuals who have studied the biological system for decades.
6. Do not assume that just because someone has received an advanced degree, they are part of the "system" and will not ever listen to what you say.
7. DO consider your sources. Citations from peer-reviewed journals of high repute will advance your cause greatly, because the peer review process (while flawed) does provide a significant countermeasure to someone publishing whatever they threw together. Citations from a highly subject-specific society's own journal are less likely to aid you, and might make you look ignorant (depending on the source).
8. Please remember that scientists make their careers by receiving grant money on hot subjects. If your personal scientific topic involves a hot subject, you can bet there are plenty of studies being done on it, because scientists who discover something new have discovered a career-making source of fame & steady grant money. If there is nothing new being discovered, i.e. running against the dominant paradigm/theory, see #4.
9. Do not use vituperative or emotive language in your discussion. It merely demeans your argument. Ugly or demeaning language closes minds, it doesn't open them.
10. Respect the other person's opinion, as they will hopefully respect yours.
11. Realize that data interpretation is just that, interpretation. If you have the raw data and can prove a different conclusion, great! Publish it! Otherwise, perhaps it is wise to remember that the authors of scientific papers are the world's leading experts on their own data, and respect that and subsequently their opinions of that data.
12. If you are really convinced that there is a vast conspiracy on your topic of scientific interest, may I suggest you go become a scientist yourself and prove them wrong? Don't hold it against me (or any other scientist for that matter), however, if along the way you suddenly reverse your opinion in the course of your education.

Ugh. I really must stop offering to be a strawman for folks with agendas. It's quite depressing.

Illegal Immigration

Look, I am not going to bore you with personal tales about dealing with legal immigration in the U.S. I'm just going to say flat out that I do not have sympathy for illegal immigrants. Period. I know what my family has personally gone through to do things the LEGAL WAY, and it cost us a lot of money, both in actual Ouch check-writing moments, as well as in many hours spent poring over documentation, standing in line at the INS office, going to the immigration attorney's office, etc.

The fact is, if my family member had to go through the process of becoming a legal permanent resident alien (aka green card holder) again today, it would cost us $3500+ in fees alone from start to finish (not including immigration attorney costs, or duplicating costs for paperwork, or doctor's fees for shots or photo fees, etc).

An illegal immigrant pays none of that, unless of course s/he was in the country before 1986. Then s/he can pay $1400+ and become a permanent resident alien. If the illegal immigrant entered the country after 1986, it becomes far more complicated, expensive, and fraught to gain legal residency (and it's not necessarily possible). If said illegal immigrant has American children, they could possibly petition for residency on the basis of those children.

Anyhow, I am going into the big, tall weeds of the U.S. government's rules & regulations, and I don't want to do that. I just want to point out that just because someone has a good *reason* for doing something (like entering this country illegally), does not make it *right* for them to do so, morally or legally. And said person should be prepared to pay the consequences for that wrong action, whenever the bill (as it were) may come due. It really doesn't matter if that person has spent years being a good productive citizen since that wrong action. It doesn't matter if they have bought a house, been a community volunteer, paid their bills on time, not gotten into trouble with the law, raised decent upstanding kids. That person is still accountable for breaking the law.

It reminds me of those news stories you hear about with some grandma who was part of some crazy '70s heist or crime, and who went underground and remained hidden for three decades. She got married, had kids & grandkids, was a model citizen. And then the proverbial knock at the door, and she is arrested for that criminal action she did three decades before. I don't hear people saying, "Oh, she's been good since then...they should just let her go." The prevailing conversation you hear is, "Well, she knew she did wrong," or "She did something wrong and she still needs to pay her debt to society." Likewise Roman Polansky doesn't get a pass on his crime of decades ago--the feds still want to see him in court just as much now as they ever did.

So I want to ask you, how is it any different if someone entered this country illegally? They committed a crime. It doesn't matter how long ago they did so. In the intervening years they have benefited from this country's opportunities and infrastructure. Maybe they helped pay for it through taxes (even payroll taxes, if they used a fraudulent Social Security number...another crime, btw), or maybe they didn't. But the fact remains that they broke our laws to get here, they benefited from opportunities that arguably could otherwise have been open to American citizens or legal immigrants. Shouldn't they have to pay for that crime? At a minimum, if they are caught, shouldn't they be forced to return to their home country? How is it okay to send a grandma back to jail, with hope of parole in 2-3 years with good behavior, for a bank robbery committed thirty years ago, but it's not okay to at a minimum send people home who came here illegally thirty years ago (ok, 23 years ago, given the '86 amnesty)? I don't understand the logic.

I don't want to hear a bunch of B.S. about "well Americans didn't want those jobs". How do we know that? If those illegal immigrants weren't here, if the borders were enforced and people who still managed to sneak in were sent home as soon as they were found, I bet any deficiencies in the work force that would require more legal immigration would be remedied pretty quickly. But at the end of the day, we cannot allow folks to flaunt our laws. Where does it end? It's okay with immigration, but not okay for bank robbery suspects...oh and murderers, or identity thieves...unless they were using a Social Security number to be here on payrolls as illegals, then that's okay? You see the problem? How do you differentiate? And folks, we can't take them all. We just don't have the resources. Ask the folks in Arizona how expensive it is to offer services to folks who don't pay for them with taxes (hello AZ immigration law!). You see why people are demanding the federal government enforce its own laws regarding immigration?

And frankly, as someone who jumped through all the expensive, tedious, and maddening hoops with legal immigration, I'm tired of hearing about how the illegal immigrants "deserve" a break. I don't get a free pass from breaking the law, any law--and neither should anybody else. The End.

The Default Option

I've noticed some things lately in trying to clean up our messy, disorganized house (both financial and literal). Chiefly, I have noticed that our default option in our family is to put off dealing with "it" 'til later. Of course, "Later" is purely an abstract concept, some hazy definition of a time in the future (possibly distant future) at which we will muster up the gumption to deal with "it" in the appropriate fashion. "It" can be anything ranging from putting away purchases from Target or Walmart, to organizing our check register and balancing our budget, or actually enacting a budget in such a way that we are dragged kicking and screaming with bloody knuckles forced to live by the actual set budget (and by this I mean a really ugly, pure cash only system where debit cards are housed other than in our wallets).

You know, "Later" has a nasty habit of never coming around in our family, and I'll bet it's the same in yours too. What made me realize this is the shocking realization that our eldest child is mimicking our habits perfectly. Yes, it tickles the cockles of my heart when she imitates one of our good habits, but it never occurred to me until this week that she is perfectly imitating our bad habits as well. I tell her to pick up something or do something while she is playing her Didj, and I have to tell her five times before she does it. Yet when I tell my husband to do something, does he do it right away, or does he sit at his computer for another five, ten, twenty minutes before he does it? And when my husband tells me that dinner is ready, do I stop putzing on the computer or doing whatever little chore right then and come to the table, or do I continue putzing or doing for five, ten, or even fifteen minutes? I think you can probably guess which one happens. And it is so irritating for that to happen when it's my daughter doing it to me, but somehow the pieces didn't click that this is exactly what my husband and I do to each other all the time...and she's imitating us!

My daughter's room has become a point of contention for us lately too. Her floor has literally been so covered with toys, clothes, shoes, and STUFF that it is a fire hazard. We have told her, how would the firefighters get to you if you had a fire? And she's five--this means nothing, really. And I have been forcing her to pick up her stuff, so we don't nearly fall and break our necks on everything jumbled all over. And yet, I go into my laundry room, and what do I do? Nearly break my neck every day negotiating around the plastic storage bin full of crap I haven't looked at in years (literally), past the box of sofa cushion stuffing that I was going to "get around to replacing someday", balancing a full laundry basket. And I wonder where she gets the idea that it's okay to live like this!!

I wonder about what kind of messages we are sending to our kids. My son's dresser has two broken drawers, that have been sitting on his floor for a month or more (they broke at different times). What message are we sending to him by leaving his dresser drawers on the floor? That it's not important to fix things. And here we are, a year and a half later, with a bathroom that is still not completed (still need to put up the mirror, rewire the light above the shelves, finish installing the trim, and paint the doors & trim), a shed that is still not fully fixed nor painted! We might not consciously think about it, but we are letting ourselves say, "Later...later...later" and letting things deteriorate in our home and in our lives.

Because life is in the details. Those things niggle at us every time we see them. We might not think about them, but they bother us. They certainly bother me. And while we have small children, and we don't have much time in each day, we have enough time to putz around on the internet for several hours. We have enough time at the weekends to spend more money than we should at Walmart, and Target, and Costco. We have enough time to "relax" as a family every weekend. And I'm not saying that's not important. But it is EQUALLY important to have your house in order, both financially and literally. It is EQUALLY important to show your kids that sometimes even when you want to just sit down and relax, you have to keep moving and get some important tasks done. So we need to be more conscious of that urge to say, "Later." We need to step up and say, "Now." We need to take care of business more often, before the business takes care of us. I don't want to see my family, my house, my life deteriorate. I want to see improvement. And that means more "Nows", and letting the "Laters" take care of themselves.

Spring Cleaning

Yes, I still believe in spring cleaning. However, it has taken a different turn this year--it's been a financial house cleaning for us this spring. Yessir, the enormous refund we have received from our federal taxes is no more...we have rearranged our W-4s and can happily expect to maybe pay a little or get just a little back come next tax season. This is a good thing, because unlike many folks in America, we understand that giving Uncle Sam an interest-free loan is not good financial planning. Really if you want a tax "bonus" of a couple extra thousand dollars per year, adjust your W-4s and set up a savings account to which you automatically transfer the money that would otherwise go to Uncle Sam, and let yourself withdraw from it on April 15th. The beauty of that is not only will you still get the thousands, but you will have made some extra $$ on it too.

Anyhoo, we have improved our monthly cash flow thanks to that little change. This will be extremely helpful this summer when I'm not getting paid, and oh yeah we forgot about THIS expense, or THAT THING that we do for the kids or need to do for the kids right now but oops we didn't budget for it, how am I going to pay for that again? Things like, I don't know, our ten year anniversary weekend getaway that we are talking about doing, which will involve spending a decent amount of money. Oh sure, not in a thousands of dollars kind of way, or even a thousand dollars, but still, a fair whack of moola to throw down the tubes for a few days of family fun, know what I'm saying? So having that money pre-budgeted and knowing that yes, we CAN afford to do that, even when I'm not getting paid for three months, well that is a nice thing to know.

We are also refinancing our mortgage. Our interest rate is more than full percent higher than current 30 year rates, and seeing as we are not looking to move any time soon and we can recoup our costs for refinancing within a year, yeah, we are all over that! This move too will save us a pretty good amount of money on our mortgage, which allows us to speed up the debt paydown even further (family fun fest of a few days out of town notwithstanding). I realize that we are refinancing a mortgage which we have paid down for X years, to be paying again a higher percentage to interest, which kind of sucks. However, this enables us to pay off higher interest debt faster, which makes a lot of sense when you crunch the numbers. Therefore we are going full steam ahead with this plan, and have been conditionally approved for our refinance. Now we are submitting all the paperwork that proves, yes, we have these assets that we said we did, our house is worth what we said it's worth (here we are very blessed to live where we do in WA and not back in AZ where we used to live, ouch that would not be fun), and we are fine upstanding credit-worthy citizens with a great track record of paying what we owe, and therefore you want to own our mortgage. So all systems go, and hopefully in about 45 days we will be signing our new loan paperwork and saying hello to a new interest rate and a new lower mortgage payment.

Other than the financial stuff, I have only managed to get some new pillows for the family, get the sheets changed, and get the next size baby clothes out and deployed for our growing youngest. I hope that by tomorrow I will get caught up with the laundry, and maybe finish weeding my strawberry bed. If I can get any real housecleaning done on Friday, that will be a substantial bonus, but I'm not counting on it. Frankly, I am more pleased with the financial stuff than I would be with dusted picture frames or sewed curtain pockets. Hopefully I can get some of that done too, or get my daughter's room better organized (which will mean moving some toys out). However, I am happy with the blend of relaxing and work that has constituted most of this week. Next week we are back to our regularly scheduled work program, but it's nice to feel that a spring break is actually a *break* and still productive. Now, time to figure out when to start the vegetable garden prep...

Still Here, Just Busy

Well, let's just say the old blog has fallen off the priority list. Well, okay, it's practically fallen off a cliff, broken both of its legs and punctured a lung, but I'M HERE NOW TO GIVE LIFE SUPPORT AND YOU CAN JUST BACK OFF A LITTLE M'KAY? *ahem* A bit defensive we are, (channeling Yoda), yeah yeah, let's just say that 3(Kids) + Work + Life = Busy, and that means too busy to blog. Some days Busy = Tired or = Lazy or = Disinterested or = Distracted. There has been a lot going on around here.

In point of fact, I really ought to be grading my students' extra credit assignments right now, and answering a student's email, but frankly I just cannot do it, no I will NOT and you can't MAKE me, damn it! I am TIRED. That's TIRED, in case you didn't get my meaning. No matter how much my husband and I thought we kind of knew what to expect from having three kids, we didn't. Yeah, take the level of tiredness we thought we'd be facing, and multiply it by THREE. Totally underestimated the amount of sniping, irritation, and anger we would have toward each other due to the increased demands on our attention and energy. Any little things that used to sort of bother us have now become things that cause moments of eye twitching rage and smouldering irritation. And we did figure that out about four months ago, but nonetheless it is still very hard to remember that in a moment when one of us has just done something that really, truly pisses off the other person. And it's not like it's even big stuff, it's the little, insane bits that just gnaw at you, and even when your rational self says, "Self, this is not a big deal, this is something to work on later when we aren't crazy busy and sleep deprived all the time," it is still hard to see the bigger picture.

I am very glad that my husband and I took a good marriage class several years ago, B.C. (before children). It gave us some really good coping skills which we use daily. However, I think that the demands of 3 preschool children (including 1 infant) really exposes the microscale cracks in a marriage--and just like the effects of ice on cracks in concrete or asphalt, it widens them over time. Gary Chapman says no marriage is ever static--it's either getting better, or it's getting worse. And frankly I think my husband and I would both say ours has gotten slightly worse over the past seven or eight months. It's a small slide, but it's noticeable. It's noticeable when you say something that's not very nice to your spouse, and even if it's a product of a thoughtless or half-thought, it still hurts. And it hurts you too to realize you said something that hurt your spouse's feelings. After all, your marriage is a partnership and you are a team. It's depressing to find yourself saying or doing things that sabotage that, especially if that moment happens in front of your children--who are watching everything you do. And it's noticeable to have less time to yourselves, time to recharge and *be* and reconnect with each other. Sitting on the couch together is nice, but when you're both so tired that you're falling asleep, or zoning out on your laptop or to some TV program, that doesn't really count.

I would love to have a monthly date night, but the fact is that dates cost money, in the form of babysitters and at least a few bucks for a coffee somewhere. And we are trying to get ready for my long, lean, unpaid summer off, plus have the money to pay for finishing projects that can only be done in good weather, like the missing/rotting wall on our shed. And really, we just need to not be exhausted every night. It's very easy to tell ourselves, "this too shall pass", but given the fact that our three year old still wakes up most nights of the week needing something, and we have a seven month old baby...well, you do the math. That light at the end of that particular tunnel doesn't seem very bright or very close. Add in the fact that DH, who we are so very grateful to God remains gainfully employed, is now working EST hours, while we live PST. That makes for a really tough, long day. It's stressful, period.

I love my husband. I LOOOOOOOOOVE him. He does so many gorgeous, glorious, sexy, bad-ass wonderful things for me and our family. And I LOVE my kids. They are maddeningly glorious and messy and joyful dervishes whirling through life. LOVE IT ALL. It's just a lot to manage. Add in my own fantasy expectations for glorious, weed-free gardens, moss-free lawns, perfect vegetable garden, and perfectly organized, clean house (hahahaahahahahahahahahaa!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA...no, really, I DO want an organized clean house...doesn't mean I know HOW to get there), and you have the need for serious priority-setting and realistic expectation setting. I know rationally that we are in a busy period of our lives. However, I also know that we have to do a certain amount of *maintenance* on our property and yards, in order to keep it from devaluing, and keep ourselves from creating massively expensive maintenance problems in the future. Figuring out exactly how much has to be done is the key, and this is only our second house, and our first older house. It's more of "a lot" on our plate, and we need to figure it out, because maybe then it will stop stressing me out.

Yet again we are having to adjust to the "new normal", the new parental strains, the new home ownership challenges, the new budgeting, etc. It's Life, and frankly sometimes I want to go back to being a whirling dervish myself and forget all this crap that constitutes life as a Certified Adult. Vacation, anyone? If I could only figure out how to pay for it.