The Ado-Man

My husband and I have noticed a disturbing pattern among some of our married friends--the ado-man (short for adolescent man). Usually this man is in his late twenties to early forties, and surprisingly he has not really settled down into any stable job or career field. Instead he has flitted from job to job, often because he is "bored" with what he was doing, or it wasn't challenging enough, or it just didn't suit his temperament, etc. Most of the time, these men are also married with young children, and tend to be quite traditional in their marriages and childrearing preferences--i.e. they prefer that their wives stay home with their children, they are the "boss" of the household.

What is really disturbing to us is that these men seem incapable of providing any sort of sustainable support for their families, but they can't seem to connect the dots to their own decisions. Losing a job is "bad luck" and not due to the fact they were bored with work and stopped giving their best. The fact their wives have to scrimp, save, buy the scratch & dent cans and shop at Goodwill for their kids' clothes (NTTAWT) doesn't register when they go out and blow $500 on a Bose surround sound system because "Hey, I haven't treated myself to anything for a while and sometimes you just gotta do it, you know?" These same guys will buy themselves a new truck every two years because they feel like it (while their wife's car, the chief family transport, is held together with baling wire), have poker night with their buddies at their house even when their ten month old is teething and dealing with a miserable ear infection, and then they don't understand why their wives get so hopping mad that they are making a lot of noise and staying up until past midnight.

DH and I have encountered repeated species of these males and frankly we are just baffled. Just when do we hit the "Grow Up!" button for the American male of the species? What is wrong with our society that we give a pass to these guys hanging on to the good old days of teendom, when they have adult commitments, relationships, and very real fiscal needs? I get the traditional marriage, but frankly if you aren't providing LEADERSHIP to your family, then you aren't cut out for the male role in a traditional marriage! If you aren't leading by example, showing your kids that yes, sometimes your job is NOT your passion, but that's okay because you need to feed, clothe, and house your family, what kind of message does that send to them? What does it say to your wife when you SAY you support her, but every action is a sabotage to your financial stability and a demonstration of your lack of respect for her wants and needs?

Now that's not to say that the wives in these cases aren't responsible too. I would probably have quite a strong argument with my husband if he weren't pulling his weight in our marriage or family. And I have to say that some of these women are not communicating with their husbands. They complain to their friends but don't actually talk to their husbands about what has them so hopping mad a lot of the time. Is it any wonder we see the rate of divorce we see in the Christian church? Yeah, all of these examples are in CHRISTIAN households.

I just really mourn the lack of good, strong male role models. In an age where marriage is increasingly irrelevant, the whole idea of "service" to your marriage and family is fast falling out of favor. One need only look at the single parent phenomenon in African American households to see how ugly this gets when the dad is allowed a complete pass on responsibility. What is even more frightening is that moms are getting in on the act now, too. It seems increasingly common for moms to be committed in early childhood years, then to get tired of solely shouldering the responsibilities for childraising and leave their teens to go solo (figuratively speaking). Sometimes this takes the form of highly structured schedules, which has the added bonus of making Mom feel like a good parent, because John and Judy are in band, cheer, every sport imaginable, Mandarin, and a host of other "college ready" extracurriculars. Of course John & Judy are so busy you never get to talk to them, and they never get a break, but that's just preparing them for the "real world". Or you just stop listening to your kids, don't make an effort to understand them any more. Hey, it's just because they're teenagers, right? Eventually they will sort it all out and move out for college--the hard part is done. Yeah, because we all know how well that absentminded parenting works for teenagers.

I think we need to be honest with ourselves. Marriages take work. Families require solid commitments. That means sometimes (a lot of the time) you are working at a job that, at its best, drives you crazy sometimes. But you do what you need to do to put food on the table. If you want to "find yourself", "follow your passion", or "find the job you love", you wait to do it when you aren't putting your marriage and family under tremendous strain in the process. If that means drastically changing your lifestyle with everyone's agreement, so that you can afford to start your business or chase your dream, great! But if that is not possible, you need to be mature enough to recognize it and postpone it until you aren't putting other people's lives and well-being at risk. I realize that flies in the face of our hedonistic society, but you really AREN'T priority #1 when you have kids and a marriage. I'm not saying you don't need to take care of yourself, but you can't take care of yourself to the exclusion and detriment of all others. And you need to be involved in parenting your kids, period. Your wife is not the exclusive caregiver if the kids are under X years of age. You ARE responsible for the messages your behavior sends to them. You DO have to sacrifice some of your personal pleasures. It's called being a grown-up--how about trying it sometime, Mr. Ado-male?

Strange Headspace

Have you ever read Bill Bryson's "Hello, I'm a Stranger Here Myself"? In it he describes the peculiar experience of coming 'home' to America after living in another country for twenty odd years. I think that is sort of how I am feeling lately. I am being forced to view my life through some different lenses and filters, and it has made me a bit contemplative. I am sure my husband has gotten tired of being asked the same old saw several times a day (or so it feels), but I think there are some big changes coming our way and I want to be prepared, to feel like I know what's around the bend.

Our neighbor and good friend died last week. This was not an expected event, the culmination of a lengthy illness or perpetually delicate health. No, he was extremely fit and healthy, a mountain climber and jolly joker and humble servant of Christ, who called him home at the age of 53. And I haven't doubted that God rewarded his good and faithful servant in bringing him home now, and I haven't asked why, as I know so many of his family members and friends are doing even now. Instead, I have considered why all who knew him, found him worthy of the phrase, "a righteous man", and I compared my own life to his. Unsurprisingly, I found my own lacking.

This process of sanctification by Jesus Christ is a long one and He is not one to rush. If you've ever felt the breathless thrill of waiting for a perfect sunrise over a pristinely beautiful canyon or been surprised suddenly by the awe of a watercolor sunset, then you know that God does perfection, well, perfectly. And I have no doubt that Tim went home to the Lord at the perfect time. But I would be foolish to ignore the lessons God gave all who knew him in his passing. I see many places where my laziness, my lack of self-discipline, my craven selfishness have led me to make different choices than the choices my neighbor would have made. And this makes me sad. It makes me repent of that sinfulness, those wrong choices, all the more grievously. And to pray fervently that God will correct those sinful ways in me, before my children inherit the sins of their mother and face the same painful corrections in their own lives.

So this has me a bit melancholy. I think it's a good thing to take stock and be honest. At the same time, I want to not lose the bigger picture in all the vexatious, squirmy problems and sins that my husband and I can't quite seem to squash. God has blessed the socks off us! He has given us MORE than enough money to pay our bills, MORE than enough space to raise our children, MORE than enough house to shelter us, MORE than enough clothes to clothe & shoe us, MORE than enough food to eat, and an amazing overabundance of family and friends to support and love us. I cannot blog enough about the GRATITUDE I have for a God who would and does bless us so mightily when we are so wormy and insignificant and WHINY. Oh my, we are probably ten times as whiny as our children, and that is beyond ---HERE--- some days, so God is exceedingly patient above all I could ask or do myself.

If today's memorial service and the events of this past week have taught me something, it is that I need to be honest, but that I also need to rest in the Lord's promise that He will not abandon me, that He WILL finish the process He has started in me. You see, all of our struggles with those squirmy, wormy sins shows as nothing else could do, that I cannot do it alone. It is just not possible for me in my own strength to develop strong self-discipline. It is not possible for me in my own strength to demonstrate enough patience to my children to grow them into healthy, communicative adults. It is not possible for me to be all that I should be as a wife to my husband. It is not possible for me to be to myself all that I need. I NEED CHRIST. I NEED HIM, like I need the air I breathe, the food I eat, the water I drink. I cannot sustain life without Him. And if that is the everlasting lesson that has made its way into my heart from a righteous man's death, oh what a blessing God has given me. Thank you Lord, for doing no wrong. What a perspective He gives.

One Week In

So here we are, about a week into the whole "husband on crutches" thing. I'm not liking it, folks. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty, oh no, it was going to be pretty ugly. But here we are and already I'm feeling "AAACK!!" and "Bleeeeeeeech" and *gronk* and "Feh, stupid (blank)! ". And we are not even a whole week into it, people! (granted yes it is a week tomorrow but STILL!)

Life is pretty busy around here on a normal basis. It takes both my husband and I running full-steam ahead just to keep up with our preschoolers & baby. Add in the wild and crazy excitement of a dog, parrot, two jobs, a one acre property, and you have a recipe for BUSY! if there ever was one. When one of us gets sick, the other person just has to cope for a few days until the other one is back on their feet. Shortcuts get taken to make life flow smoother for everyone.

The problem with this particular situation is that we just cannot run on shortcuts for six weeks. It is just not going to fly. And in that six weeks, we have one school term ending (lots of grading and work for me), and a new one beginning for two of our children. I have put off stuff where possible to keep juggling this past week, to keep my DH off his feet as much as possible, to get him stuff when he needed it, to really pay close attention to him for the first few days after surgery when he wasn't allowed to have his foot higher than his heart. And let me just say, I don't know why anyone would WANT to take those narcotics! My husband had enough of the looped up, drugged out feeling after three days, and even at that stage he experienced some withdrawal symptoms. Whoaaaaaaa, that is NOT cool, friends. Just stay the hell away from drugs, and thankfully my husband would much prefer the discomfort/pain dulled down with plain old Tylenol than to be spaced out.

However, this has resulted in a somewhat irritable and cranky husband, and in turn it has resulted in irritable and cranky children, and an irritable and cranky wife. Have you ever noticed how children absorb your mood and just feed off of it, reflecting all the worst bits back at you at twenty-times magnification? So you can imagine what joy has reigned in our house. And well, they just don't understand that this is sort of a long haul type of process here. They see Dad up and about, albeit with those cool sticks, and they think he's all ready for their usual fun and games. And sometimes, he is, so they go about their merry business until one of them pushes it too far, someone is crying, and both are called onto the carpet and roll down that naughtiness hill until everyone is just fed up with each other and the whole day!

Well, that is my pity party for the day. It is not going to be easy to keep this family going for the next five weeks. However, talk about a massive and timely dose of perspective...just got word that a good friend and neighbor suffered a massive cardiac arrest, and is basically in a medically induced coma. Good Lord, be with our wonderful neighbors, and restore this righteous man to health. All my whingeing seems so utterly pointless now, but if You could help all in this family to put forth a bit more effort and goodwill, we would all be so very grateful. Amen.

Resolutions

It seems the things we want most to change are the hardest to change about ourselves. Of course it's the time of year for reflections and generous promises to 'do better' in some area(s) of life, but by March most of us have waved the white flag of surrender and are just trying to cope and keep it from getting WORSE, and WHO ARE YOU TO STICK YOUR NOSE IN THERE ANYWAY??

Unfortunately we often snap at the people who are trying to help us along on our self-declared change pathway. If my husband gently reminds me that I don't NEED dessert, I am more likely to want to eat it! Paradoxical creatures, aren't we? And it often seems like when we are just collecting a good head of steam to gain momentum in an area of change, we are confronted with obstacles that force redirection, and suddenly, we stall.

How many times have I said I want to lose weight? (A lot.) How many times have I said we really need to go to an all cash budgeting system? (A lot.) And yet here I am, same ol' same ol', two years running. And it's getting old, my friends. So old that I am convinced I am going about it in the wrong way.

A nice lady at our church, our women's ministry deacon, puts together periodic "snippet"-style Bible studies for our reading pleasure. Her newest one targets the Proverbs 31 woman. You know her--she's the quintessential picture of a woman who has it all together and benefits all who come in contact with her. She is confident in her faith and balances her family, business ventures, and charitable works, all seemingly without effort. Her family praise her as the best wife and mother. Yet, as my friend capably points out, we don't often feel we can meet her standard. And there is a reason for this--we can't. The fact is, I am cravenly human. I like to sit on my butt instead of sweating off calories. I KNOW that sweating off calories is good for me, but that doesn't mean that I ignore my flesh when it says, 'Oh but it's so comfy right here...you don't really need to lose that much weight, do you?' I also KNOW that reading my Bible daily is good for me. Yet how often do I choose to do sudoku puzzles or catch up on the news online instead of doing my Bible studies? How easy it is to choose to ignore the better thing, as Martha found, and focus on self and its comforts and its priorities.

I am not alone in my resolution fest. My husband, who hasn't ever met a vegetable he liked, is trying to incorporate vegetables into his diet. God bless him, this is a big step! His theory is that if he can just eat *some* vegetables with every meal, eventually he will like some of them and he'll not stop to think about eating them but they will just be part of the routine. He's not trying to eat a huge helping at every meal. Instead, he is eating a few mouthfuls and being satisfied with that progress, trusting that with time he will eat more.

I admire this approach, and one evening as I was reading my friend's "snippet" Bible study, I realized that daily time in God's Word can be approached the same way. Would it be better to spend every day doing part of my Precepts study, instead of cramming it all into one or two days? Yes, it certainly would! But the fact is that I am not in the habit of committing even five minutes to God's Word DAILY, let alone half an hour! So if I, too, take the approach of a "few mouthfuls" of Scripture daily, then I can "taste and see that the LORD is good," and increase my appetite for daily time in His Word. Is it a perfect plan? No, no more than my plan to increase my exercise and decrease my bad food choices in favor of better ones. But, it's a start...and really, isn't that what New Year's resolutions are about?

All I Want for Christmas

I want my linen closet back. Seriously. Its shelves are covered with construction materials and tools, while my linens are strewn all over the house in vacuum space bags. Our children are ripping them one by one by playing on them like their own version of the preformed foam play structures at the mall. I trip over two bags when I go into the laundry room to do laundry, I skirt around five in our bedroom, and have to move two more from in front of my sewing machine when I need to sew, or in front of the hall closet when I need to get something or put something away. I am really tired of it, almost more so than the whole lack of a tiled tub surround thing. It's just the last straw at this point, as I contemplate our cluttered surfaces and what needs to be done before my parents arrive on Sunday. I just don't need that "one more thing", know what I mean?

I know that I am going to continue to divest us of extraneous "stuff" in the coming year. In fact, if I can get my parents to be accommodating enough with the kids, I am going to clean out a few things while they are here. Maybe by setting a good example they will do the same in their house when they get home. I have no illusions about where I get my clutterbug tendencies from. What I am realizing, however, is that if you don't use something on a regular basis, it's really not necessary to have it in your house. There are a lot of things that can be multi-taskers, and the uni-taskers are getting the boot around here. I don't have the energy to put it all away and the kids certainly don't do us any favors in that respect.

I still don't have all the Christmas decorations up. Frankly there are 2 more things that I want to see up, and the rest I can happily see packed away in the attic until next year, when hopefully I will have more energy.

If you haven't checked it out, read Luke 16. Talk about a convicting chapter on money and how to be a wise steward of it! I am humbled by our abysmal money management, in particular my abysmal money management. That, too, needs to change in the New Year. I can't do it alone, though. I am going to have to stick to a plan and be accountable. It is hard to change bad habits, because they are so very comfortable to us here. Ugh. Ever noticed how what is the most comfortable is often the worst thing for you in the long term? Luke 16--it's all there. I'm telling you, we need to be accountable. I'm thinking it's time to call our friends who have successfully completed their debt snowball and get some serious monthly accountability going. Big sigh. Yeah, it's going to suck, but it's so completely necessary it's not even funny. We need to kiss our credit card debt goodbye yesterday with this economy. Wish us luck!

Day 9, Luke 9

Sorry for the silence on this end. As you know it is a busy time of year, and we've had a lot on our plates this past week. Still I think it's best to pick up on the right day and move right along, so here we are at Luke 9.

There is a lot packed into this chapter (as usual!), but I'm going to focus on something that Jesus comes back to twice in the chapter: the selflessness required of his followers (that is to say, Christians). Verses 23-27:
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

This strikes at the very essence of who we are. We are created beings, not some random assortment of proteins and cellular organelles that functions at an amazingly high level. If you ever learn a bit of microbiology, it becomes incredibly apparent that the functions of a "simple" cell could never arise by chance. Yet we live in a world where the common wisdom dictates that we are a law unto ourselves, and we delude ourselves that we control what goes on around us and that we are the ultimate arbiters of good and evil, justice and injustice, etc. Yet I think that there is a core to all of us, a soul, where we know that this is not the case, and in fact we are the created beings, who were created for a purpose. We can't even claim the privilege of knowing that purpose, which for such unceasingly arrogant creatures drives us a bit batty sometimes. And yet here we have Jesus, the Son of God, saying that in order for us to really save ourselves, to really distill out that essence of who were created to be, we must submit ourselves to Him so completely that we essentially give up our lives to Him. This is the core of Christian belief, and one that probably sounds like gobbledy-gook to those who don't know Jesus personally. Yet I challenge you to think of Christians who so selflessly gave of themselves and not see how they were refined with time to become beacons of humanity, of goodness and justice and mercy. Mother Teresa? Billy Graham? Peter Marshall? They were all luminous, and you would be hard pressed to find anyone who knew them or knew of them, who would not say there was something amazingly different about them.

I wonder how much of a difference we Christians would really make if we took that command to give up our lives for Christ more seriously. I think we often fall into the trap of the three would-be followers who sought to follow Jesus in the last part of the chapter (v. 57-62). These three men displayed a love of their worldly possessions and status, a desire to put the world's concerns before the Lord's concerns, and a wrong ordering of priorities. Especially in this country, we have been given many good and powerful blessings. But seeking to secure those blessings, or puting them ahead of the God who gave them to us, is sinful and wrong. What number of errors would we avoid, if we (and especially I) put Jesus in his rightful place, first on the list, all of the time instead of occasionally? I think we would be so happy to fully pour ourselves out at his feet, in his service, instead of dripping ourselves out a meager dropperful at a time.

A Christmas Study-Day 3

Today I am reading Luke 3. The main focus of the chapter is John the Baptist, who is Jesus' cousin and the "voice in the wilderness" before the coming of the Lord. There was a lot here, but what I want to focus on are two things: that the One who was to come would baptize with the Holy Spirit and fire; and Jesus' genealogy.

John continually focused his followers on Jesus, who was to come after him, and tailored his message to prepare the hearts of the Jews and Gentiles for repentance. The passage talks about John being asked a question by some soldiers, and we don't know if these were Roman soldiers (Gentiles) or Jewish soldiers, possibly of Herod. In any case, John is clearly emphasizing that his role is only that of a messenger, and he points to the coming Messiah as the One who can work real change and clean up everything.

Of course when Jesus is baptized, it is very clear that he is anointed by God. I would think that the sight of the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove descending from heaven and alighting on Jesus would have been pretty spectacular for those watching, and that's not even mentioning the voice from heaven saying Jesus was His Son in whom He was well pleased!

I'm sure you're wondering why I am interested in Jesus' genealogy. Well, it's important because there are so many prophecies concerning the Messiah in the Old Testament, and they were very specific as to whose line he would be descended from. The text makes a point of saying that Jesus was supposed (i.e. assumed) to be Joseph's son, when in fact we know that he was not Joseph's biological son. However, as the firstborn, Jesus held all the rights of inheritance and such from Joseph, and also was legally viewed to be his offspring. Thus, legally, he was descended from Joseph's line. Therefore it was very important that Luke verified Jesus' lineage, to show that he did rightfully lay claim to being the "Lion of Judah" and "from the line of David".

We're coming up on Jesus' start to his ministry--stay tuned!

A Christmas Study-Day 2

Today I'm in Luke 2. As is usual with anything associated with government, Joseph & Mary had the vast inconvenience of traveling a good distance away from their home in Nazareth, a total of nearly 90 miles and over increasing elevation, to reach Bethlehem for the census decreed by Caesar. I found it interesting that Luke notes that Mary was only pledged to be married to Joseph--so they were in fact not married at this time. I have thought that Joseph must have had a hard row to hoe, as it was abundantly clear to all their friends and family that Mary was pregnant. The fact that he did not break their engagement would have bespoke in their minds that he had slept with her before their marriage, and surely he must have endured a great deal of shame and censure for his presumed behavior. Furthermore it is made clear that he did not sleep with her at all until after Jesus was born, another hard thing. After all, he was bearing the blame for her pregnancy, and he had none of the enjoyment of a wife! I think he must have been a very patient and faithful man to be so obedient to the Lord.

If you remember how Mary & Zechariah were shocked and afraid by the appearance of one angel, imagine how the shepherds must have felt at the appearance of a whole host of angels announcing the birth of Christ! It says they were afraid, but once the angels had disappeared they immediately set off to find the child and see him for themselves. Once they had found him, they told everyone what they had seen and heard, and many were amazed. Importantly, they praised God for all they had been told. Clearly they regarded it as a high blessing and honor to be told of the birth of the Messiah, and by an angel no less, who was then accompanied by a "host" of angels praising God! What a fantastic sight they must have had, to see the heavens illuminated with the glory of God and hear his angels praise Him!

When Mary & Joseph took Jesus to Jerusalem to sacrifice for him, there are two people in the Temple who were told specifically by God that they would see the Messiah before they died. One, Simeon, is called specifically to the Temple by the Holy Spirit at that specific time to see Jesus. First we must remember that there were likely many people going to and fro in the Temple, so the fact that Simeon picked Jesus out of the crowd and then praised God openly for him was extraordinary. And he prophesied to Mary about him, saying, "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." It says that Mary & Joseph marveled over what was said about Jesus, and even as Simeon was done another came up, Anna, and gave thanks to God for him. What a moment for these two parents, to have two complete strangers single out their new son and identify him as the light of salvation for Israel!

We are told that Jesus grew strong and wise, and full of the grace of God. When he is 12, they go to Jerusalem for the Passover, and Jesus remains behind while Joseph & Mary travel back home. It is worth noting that 12 is the customary age of a Jewish boy's bar mitzvah, and at this time he would be considered a man. Mary & Joseph return to Jerusalem to find him when they discover he is not part of their family party, and it takes them three days to find him. At last they find him at the Temple, and he is discussing theology with the best teachers in the Temple, who were "amazed at his understanding and his answers". His parents ask why he has treated them this way, and Jesus replies, "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" Clearly Jesus has already identified himself with his Father God. (This is very complicated theology, the full divinity and at the same time full humanity of Jesus Christ, so I'm not going to go into more detail here!)

Lastly, it is mentioned several times that Mary "stores up and ponders" the things that others say of her son in her heart. He must have been a great mystery to Mary, this son of hers. She was told he would save Israel, but the how was a complete mystery to the Jews. Most assumed the Messiah would be a warrior king, riding in with a large army and routing all their enemies, bringing them all peace and prosperity. The concept of a Messiah who would sacrifice himself for them all (and even Gentiles) was probably ludicrous to most. That Mary was contemplating all quietly in her heart suggests to me a woman who was trying to figure out this puzzle and exactly what role God had for her son. I simply cannot imagine what it must have been like to raise Jesus Christ from babyhood. What great stories she must have to tell! Good stuff.

A Christmas Study: Day 1

Today being the first day of December, I decided to start a 24 day Bible study which was suggested by one of my friends. The book of Luke has 24 chapters, so if I read one per day, I will finish up right at Christmas Day. To help myself be accountable, I am going to blog about my reading each day. I am just going to discuss things I find interesting in the passage, and may we all be blessed by it. I will still write some regular blogs too, but hopefully I will stay on track and get the right perspective for Christmas.

Of course, Jesus wasn't born in December, or whatever month it was before the introduction of the Gregorian calendar. In all likelihood, most Bible scholars agree that he was most likely born during Sukkot, a.k.a. the Feast of Tabernacles. The shepherds who were keeping watch over their flocks by night? They were most likely watching over the Passover lambs. Rather fitting, then, that the angel of the LORD should call them to view the final Passover Lamb!

So, in Luke 1, we see that the whole book of Luke is a letter written by Luke to a fellow Christian, Theophilus; and that Luke was not in fact a firsthand witness of all the events he describes, but relates them from firsthand witness accounts, which he says he "carefully investigated everything from the beginning". Given that he starts with an account of the conception and birth of John the Baptist, followed by Mary's visitation by Gabriel and visit to Elizabeth while pregnant with Jesus, it's nice to note that the author was being scrupulous to lay out his perspective and limitations. Indeed it makes sense that Jesus' disciples would have had to investigate the circumstances of his birth, seeing as none of them were present at the time!

There is an interesting contrast presented by the responses of Zechariah and Mary to the appearance of the angel Gabriel and his messages to each of them. Remember that at this time, the Jewish people had been without a true prophet for nearly 400 years. (The word "prophet" means one who speaks the message of God by God's authority, not necessarily including the prediction of future events, as we commonly associate the term 'prophecy' today.) Thus Zechariah as a Levite and priest of God, was intimately familiar with the words of the prophets of old, and also with the Jewish historical texts which had been written in the intervening 400 years (including the Book of the Maccabees and others).

However, no one had spoken with authority from God for 20 generations, and I believe this had resulted in a similiar state for Zechariah as we experience today--that of skepticism and 'practical mindedness'. When Gabriel told him that he was to have a son, his response is one of incredulity and disbelief: "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years". As a Jew who had not seen or heard the Word of God spoken with authority by a prophet, or seen any miraculous interventions from God, nor heard of such from any firsthand witnesses, he was lulled into a state of complacency and apathy about the God he served. Oh sure, Jehovah was to be feared, but He didn't actually cause anything to happen these days. Nope, they were just waiting on the Messiah to come and bring them all a new and better life.

Zechariah is rightly called out by Gabriel for his unbelieving response. "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time." Ouch! Talk about a zinger of a reproof for Zechariah for his unbelief and faithlessness! A priest who knew full well all the accounts of God's miracles and signs to Israel, and as had happened so many times in Israel's history, he had slipped into a lull of apathy about the mighty God he served.

Contrast this to Mary's response when Gabriel appears to her and tells her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end." Mary had been scared at the appearance of the angel, just as Zechariah had been. And her response is not very different:
"'How will this be,' Mary asked the angel, 'since I am a virgin?'"

It doesn't seem so very different from Zechariah's response, does it? Let's look closer. Zechariah's answer seems to indicate unbelief, as he said, "How can I be sure of this?" Instead of asking how it will happen, Zechariah looks for some form of substantive proof or evidence in contrast to what he knows of he & his wife and their physical state. He looks for something to assure him that what the angel has said is true, other than the very miracle of the angel appearing to him at all, let alone speaking to him and promising him an answer to his prayer for a son!

Mary, on the other hand, asks how such a thing could be possible, since she is a virgin. So Gabriel tells her that the Holy Spirit will overshadow her, and tells her that nothing is impossible with God. Mary's response to this is very telling. She says, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." Clearly, Mary does not need evidential proof of her upcoming pregnancy. She accepts the angel at his word and humbly affirms her faith and service to God.

We live in an age of skepticism, where people have a very hard time believing in anything that they cannot touch or see or explain in a way that makes sense to them. I once heard a Christian posit that the reason we do not 'see' as many miracles today is because our hearts are so hard, we would not recognize them as such even when they did occur. I do wonder if we are not surrounded by miracles, continuing evidence of God's presence and activity in our lives, but dismiss them often as something else. In an age of David Blaines and David Copperfields, are we not jaded and incapable of seeing the hand of the Almighty?

I find myself wondering if I am more of a Zechariah, asking God to prove what He has said will happen, or a Mary, humbly accepting and trusting in faith that He will do what He said He would. I fear it is more of the former than the latter, and how tiresome that must be to the One who walked on water, healed the blind, sick, and the lame, and rose from the dead. How often I confine myself to the 'logical', despite knowing that "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight." (1 Cor. 3:19a), and "...the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." 1 Corinthians 2:14-15 I pray that God will make me more focused on the spiritually discerned truths and less focused on the foolish wisdom of this world. For what comfort was offered to my sister-in-law by the concept that her lost baby was just a blob of tissue? What succor is granted to someone who has lost their child to the caprice of an unjust criminal? To where can we ultimately go for the justice that our hearts cry out for, if there is no God who has placed that desire in our breasts? How then would we be different than the animals? I am honored to serve a God who is sovereign in all things; and though I cannot see the picture he is weaving from my thread of a life, or how he uses the shortest fragments of lives like that of my lost nephew, I trust that He is working out a grand and beautiful picture. Yes, I have chosen to lie flat and be woven by the Master, and I am gratified that He has chosen me as part of His design.

A New Scar

While a child might find it cool to be in possession of stitches and a scar in the making, I confess I am not so thrilled. It has definitely put a crimp in my normal weekly activities; and having to explain to one hundred and one people why I am hobbling on a cane, as I had to do for the better part of the week, does not exactly make me a happy bunny. Fortunately the cane has been retired as of today, and the stitches are slated to come out on Monday. I am back to driving, which was problematic earlier since my laceration is on my right leg, just above the ankle.

I have said in seriousness that I was bitten by our lawn tractor trailer, and that is true. I was pulling the trailer by the yoke to our fire pit to dispose of blackberry vine trimmings, and it slipped out of my grip and took a zig zag path down through my skin & cutaneous tissue, mercifully stopping short of cutting my Achilles tendon. I got a split second view of said tendon, applied firm pressure as all good first aid training tells you to, and immediately sat down while my body began producing all those lovely cytokines and inflammatory molecules, completely with a healthy dose of shock. I was very, very lucky that I did not cut my tendon--according to the ER PA, I was a millimeter or so away from surgery and months of crutches and physical therapy to rehab it. I completely give the thanks for this to God, because only He could have cut away everything else and left that tendon perfectly intact.

It is not so fun to be on your tummy on a hospital table while a nurse intern scrubs your numbed wound clean. I am glad I couldn't see it, and I am glad that it didn't bleed much at all when it first happened. The sight of my own blood is never welcome. My husband got a nice view of it all, and commented that while he used to think he would love to see every bit of me, he has now been twice forced to amend that statement, as seeing bits of my c-section, and now this, have convinced him that he is far happier for my internal bits to stay intact and out of view. And I only had to endure the nasty stings of the numbing shots, which is not so bad, all things considered.

I have been reminded in a painful way of the foolishness of working on the Sabbath. And just to drive the point home for me, I have again encountered a verse attesting to this in my new Hebrews study: "There remains therefore a Sabbath rest for the people of God", Hebrews 4:9. Yes, I am that thickheaded, and God knows this and had to remind me of it again, just in case I was not convinced by the large gash and stitches. I have also been reminded that my natural carelessness/klutziness now impacts more than myself and my DH. Both of my children were very concerned about me, and both came running over when I hurt myself. They were not happy to see me being taken off, despite the kind and excellent care of a beloved neighbor. And my dear daughter was so disturbed by the whole affair that she crept into our room and into bed with us that night, wanting to make sure that a) I was there and b) that I was okay. Poor girl. She has since drawn me no less than four get well cards, as well as fussed and clucked over me like a mother hen on Monday. My son was clingy and anxious to see I was there, insisting on a long rocking chair session when I got home on Sunday night. That kid's radar is so fine tuned, he woke up the MINUTE we walked through the door and was crying for me.

It is a good reminder to me that I need to cultivate better care of my person. The older I get, the more serious it is to knock into things because I am just not that spatially aware. I can see how I could end up with a broken hip when I'm eighty, or a broken patella at 60 like my mom (who broke hers falling off a curb). I need to make a conscious effort to do better, for myself and my family. I don't want them to be worried about what I will do next. It is comic in some ways, but it's not so funny in others. Hopefully I can keep this just a blip and not another dot in a whole series of injuries!

The Easy Way vs. The Hard Way

We have been experiencing that classic dichotomy in our house of late, the Easy Way vs. the Hard Way. It's not always clear-cut which is the better path, because sometimes the Easy Way is good for you, and sometimes the Hard Way is good for you. A few recent examples:

• DH did not take the Easy Way and call someone to come out and service our lawnmower. Instead, he went and bought all the right gear to change the oil & blades himself, including a set of ramps, and went about assembling the ramps and then doing it all himself. The cost for all the supplies was probably equal to what we would have paid for a housecall to do the same service, except now we have paid-for ramps and in-house experience with doing it ourselves, thus saving us money in the future. It was the Hard Way this year, but in the future it will be the Easy and LBYM Way.
• DD has been going through another "Challenge Authority" phase, wherein every command and instruction given by myself and DH are met with obstinacy and either failure to comply or the bare minimum of compliance, with a healthy dose of Attitude thrown in. Obviously, the Easy Way for her would be to just do what we tell her to do, but she is consistently chosing the Hard Way and is being punished with time-outs, spankings, and loss of Points (which are earned daily and can be used to buy things once a week from our special Points Store, with goodies such as candy, window clings, Princess socks and the like). I can already see a prequel of the teen years in our house...oh boy.
• DS has been doing his fair share of choosing the Hard Way of late too. He is on antibiotics for his first ear infection, and has figured out a successful strategy for ejecting most of the antibiotic from his mouth when we administer it with the syringe. (As an aside, COME ON PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES, can you NOT find a more concentrated way to package a standard antibiotic for infants than to require parents to get SEVEN MILLILITERS into a screaming baby who is about to throw it all back up because they are gagging??? Really???) We called our pediatrician in desperation because honestly the kid was spitting out more than he was getting, and were then told, "Oh, well, just mix it in with a little food or ice cream or popsicle." *eye twitch* And you could not tell us this LAST WEEK when we got the prescription???
• Like two fools, DH & I have been choosing the Hard Way each evening, knowing we have two sick kids who will likely wake up multiple times, and still we are staying up to our normal time before trying to go to sleep. And we wonder why we are a titch cranky? Hmmm? Now who is choosing the Hard Way? I do not wonder where my children get this habit, no I do not...

Well, there is more proof, as if any were needed, that by being a parent I am reminded of how often I choose the Hard Way when it's not the best choice. To see my own children do the same thing is such an apt mirror of humanity. Oh, the humanity! Off my soapbox now, I need to go to bed early for a change. Night-night.

The Ten Minute Gap

Here I am, with ten minutes to fill before I have to wake up DS, pick up DD from school, and make it through what used to be called the Cocktail Hour in the '50s. (I know why they called it the Cocktail Hour, btw...it's because Mommy was at her wits end and needed a little help from Mr. Gin or Miss Vodka to make it through the last hour before Daddy came home...and to show her caring, she'd leave some in the shaker for him, too!) Tonight will be another frenetic Thursday: I'm off to my Bible study group after a three week absence, and have completed a week's worth of homework in an hour so that I feel somewhat prepared.

As usual, I am face to face with my own inadequacies as I stare around my humble house. The floors need a good mopping. Toys are everywhere. The dining room table is covered in bits of paper and projects and the camera, and a clean tablecloth is folded and waiting patiently to be put on the table when I get it all cleared off. DS' highchair needs to be wiped down, the straps need to be taken out and washed, and I know there are 2 loads of clothes that need to be dried and folded and put away. I did this week's Bible study homework, sure, but the previous two weeks are blank--a casualty of a life lived on fast forward and not 0.5x reverse! I skipped systematic theology again yesterday, as DH had to go into work instead of working from home. Not to worry, though--I'm 30 pages behind on that, too.

And yet, right when I was tempted to despair, and to think I should just forget about these classes, and how could I possibly participate tonight when I haven't put as much thought or care into this as I should, I was reminded of the verse, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." (Matt. 5:3). And, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." (Matt. 5:6) It is precisely because there is not enough "me" at the end of my day, that I crave time with God. God has promised to provide what I don't have. When I don't have the patience to play Lil People with my daughter for the bazillionth time, God gives me that patience. When I don't have the understanding to see why it's important to her to have the monsters in her room blown away, or to be tucked back in again for the third time so she can really and truly go to sleep...well, God gives me the strength and kindness to get it done. I get tapped out. A lot! And I'm not a nice person when I've exhausted all of my "me" reserves. But the truth is, I'm a better mom, a better wife, and a better person when I just throw my hands up from the beginning in helplessness and say, "Okay, God, you take this one!" And He does. And it works out better for everyone when I do. Why, oh why, don't I do that more often?

The Power of a Name

So, as I mentioned earlier, my mother calling our pet parrot by her name, as opposed to "The Bird", which had lately been in prominent use in our household, really made me reconsider her treatment since DS made his appearance nearly a year ago. Oh sure, she was getting her physical needs met, and we even held her occasionally, but watching her soak up my mom's attention and love really made me feel guilty about how often I shoved my little friend's emotional needs aside. Hearing my mom repeatedly using my parrot's name reminded me that she is a living creature and (to us) a little person with her own feelings. So now I am trying to create a new habit, where our little feathered friend comes to sit with us after the kids are in bed, so she can get her share of love, too.

I've been reminded of the power of names recently in other ways. My brother wearing his doofus "Jesus I'm Drunk" t-shirt on the day he arrived, and my dad's offended reaction, reminded me of a discussion I was in recently where we were talking about how often Jesus' name or God's name is blasphemed. "Blasphemed": a very old word, and one that we tend to mock...but we forget that one of the Ten Commandments is not to blaspheme the LORD's name! This is serious business.

One of the things we were talking about with our friends was how evocative a name is. Mother Teresa. Martin Luther King, Jr. Gandhi. All powerful names, that evoke powerful feelings. Ask the Pakistani people about Benazir Bhutto. For those who aren't Christians, the name, Jesus Christ, doesn't really evoke those kinds of feelings. And honestly, how many Christians really are reminded of the awesome, incredible God who came to earth when they hear the name, "Jesus Christ"? Let's be honest with ourselves--we have allowed his name to be watered down in meaning for those who follow Him, too. I am just as guilty of any in saying, "G--d---it!" or "J---- C-----!" when I'm annoyed by something. I've only just appreciated how serious and wrong it is to do that recently, and I'm catching myself and breaking that very bad habit.

I have run across a few instances lately of people being offended by others who use God's name in vain. My father being offended by my brother's t-shirt, a poster on an internet board describing how she was asked by her sister to not use God's name in vain around her. To those who don't follow Christ, I understand how it could be irritating to be asked not to do that. But let me ask you--would you be offended if, when someone was upset or angry, they shouted, "Martin Luther King!" in a very exasperated voice? Or they said, "MOTHER TERESA!" in the same way? Or "Muhammed!!" as an expression of disgust? Insert your own personal hero(es). Pretty offensive, isn't it? So is it really a lot for someone who holds a person in reverence to ask you not to swear by that name? Because for all the abstract talk about Christianity, Jesus Christ is a real person, and Christians claim to know Him personally. Regardless of your own personal opinion about whether that is true or not, I don't think it's too much to ask for a modicum of respect. That's tolerance, right?

David and the Ordinary

Last night was my women's Bible study night, and once again I was struck by how many women create an artificial divide between those things that God is "known to be interested in", like church committee work, or service to others, or instruction of our children; and those things that He just doesn't talk about much, like running a household and washing clothes and managing a budget, etc. Of course these women will delight in Proverbs 31, where it talks about a godly woman doing precisely all of those things, but somehow it just doesn't filter down to what we actually do each day.

I've been trying to do my David study. Very half-heartedly, I may add--first, the brevity shocked me (and not in a good way) for each day's study, but coming off of Precepts perhaps that was to be expected; and I need accountability for these sorts of things. Nonetheless, I have been thinking a lot about David and what his life was like before he became king. He was the youngest boy, and he was given the crappiest and loneliest, mundane job of being a shepherd to the sheep. He had to direct them around the hills, canyons, and valleys of Israel, defend them from wolves and lions (no small job, and quite scary for a teen, I'm sure), and he had plenty of time to just sit and watch them eat. Instead of worrying about that lion that was sure to come, or whether it was going to rain, and what that cute girl Tamara next door thought of him, David spent his time pondering God and the Scriptures. We know this from the vast number of psalms he composed--probably some on his harp (another reason I like him!).

So, instead of goofing off, practicing with his slingshot, shooting at birds, David was practicing his harp (again, I admire the fellow because that requires peculiar tenacity), meditating on God's Word, and writing songs of praise. All while he was doing his 'ordinary' shepherd job and probably making fires with sheep dung. You can't get much more ordinary than that, folks. Which goes to prove, even if you're scrubbing toilets, there IS a way to do it and still be keeping an ear out and a mind on the Lord. Now if only I could master this skill when my DD is annoying me!

Mature & Together

Those were the two words that leapt out at me recently when a friend from church described her surprise to learn that I am the youngest child in my family. Apparently I am perceived as being very mature and "having it all together". Haha! This kind woman has never visited my house during the week.

You see, I have been doing the women's Bible study thing for about a year now, and I really enjoy doing it. The reason I enjoy doing it is that I have realized exactly how much I don't know about the Bible and God, and it struck me that this was not a good thing. Indeed, I can count numerous examples of friends and family who have been hoodwinked occasionally by the newest fad or socially acceptable practices because they did not know what the Bible had to say on those subjects. So, I recognized a grave lack in myself (and I do think it is a grave lack, that is, a very serious omission on my part as a Christian) and have started what I feel are the first small steps toward rectifying it before I pass on my destructive ignorance to my children.

This kind lady has not seen me at my worst, but God has. While my cluttered house goes unseen by church friends and visiting family, God knows that I can be a lazy @ss sometimes, sitting around on the internet instead of cleaning my house, doing my laundry, emptying my trash, or doing the dirty dishes. She hasn't seen the dirty dishes piled up haphazardly above the dishwasher because I haven't emptied the clean dishes out of it yet. She hasn't seen the eight loads' worth of dirty laundry piled up in the corner of my bedroom, waiting for me to gather up the energy and commitment to do it all. She certainly hasn't seen the dust bunnies the size of Rottweilers under my bed (and just as mean). And she hasn't seen me totally lose it because my DD has pushed one too many buttons and I flip out over something stupid, that requires me to apologize to her later for getting mad about whatever minor thing it was she was doing. And she certainly hasn't seen my very weedy vegetable garden, which probably would grow a lot better if I cleared out all the weeds around the veggie plants.

That is me at my worst, and frankly, it's the norm. I am not "all together" most days. Those days are rare. I hope they are increasing in frequency, but I can say the messy house and messy me is more the norm. And really, that is true of my Christian walk, too. I need commitment and hard work required to keep me keepin' on with getting to know God & the Bible better. I know it's essential, and hence, the women's Bible study. Accountability is a beautiful thing.

Why the Leviticus Study is Worth It

I am down to the penultimate week in my Leviticus study, and I'm glad I've stuck with it. I have not been viewing the videos, which is probably a good thing for me. It has helped me to retain perspective here, it's not just about how the person is teaching!

This week's study has focused on the Feasts of Israel--the mandatory holidays that God handed down to Moses for the Jewish people. What an amazing set of prophecies God handed down in these holidays! I just cannot get over how perfectly Jesus' life corresponds with all of the Jewish holy days!

Ok, the Jews were slaves in Egypt, but God sent a deliverer (Moses) and freed them from their slavery, and delivered them to the Promised Land. We are slaves to sin (John 8:34), but Christ came to sacrifice himself for us (the Passover Lamb, 1 Cor. 5:7), the punishment for our sin--thus freeing us from the slavery of sin! The First Fruits offering is a perfect foreshadow of Christ, who is the first fruit, raised from the dead (1 Cor. 15:20-23). The Feast of Weeks or Pentecost follows next, where the Jewish people gave an offering of leavened bread . At exactly the same time in Jesus' life, He ascended to heaven and the Holy Spirit was given to his church, which now included Gentiles who were grafted into the Chosen People...the leavening (unclean, Gentile) was added to the Chosen People (the unleavened bread). See Acts 2:1-47; 1 Cor. 12:13, Eph. 2:11-22. WOW!

But there is so much more--the Feast of Trumpets, a holy convocation of Israel before God (Jer. 32:37-41, Eze. 36:24). This is to come, when Israel is regathered in preparation for the final Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur; Eze. 36:25-27, Heb. 9-10, Rom. 11:25-29). This final day of atonement will see the return of Christ and the preparation of the world for final judgement, and the formal separation of those who have been atoned for (the church) and those who are not. Lastly, the Feast of Booths or Tabernacles--when the church will celebrate a new heaven & new earth, and God tabernacles with men (Eze. 36:28, Rev. 21:1-3).

There is more--it is a pretty well accepted fact that Jesus was conceived during the Festival of Lights--the Light of the World! Pretty appropriate! And Hwas born during the Feast of Tabernacles--God had indeed come down to tabernacle with man. It is probable that Joseph & Mary were actually sheltering in a sukkoth, a temporary structure built by tradition during the Feast of Tabernacles, to remind the Jewish people how they wandered in the wilderness with no permanent home, waiting for God to reveal the Promised Land. We know He was killed during Passover...the final Passover Lamb.

I wish I could tell you how exciting this is to me. God has a plan, and it is so perfect. How could the Jewish people not see? How could they miss this perfect fulfillment of every prophecy concerning the Messiah? Jesus fit every description, to a tee--and even the timing of His birth, immaculate conception, and death and resurrection fit with the holy days God Himself had ordained. It is all there, you just have to see it. But as my friend pointed out recently, "God gave them a spirit of stupor, eyes so that they could not see and ears so that they could not hear, to this very day." (Romans 11:8). I am so sad for those who cannot see the Truth! I pray that someday God will open their eyes and they will see how perfectly He has ordained His church.

Random Thoughts from Today

1. Gassy baby during the night means Poopfest the next day. DS has had WAAAAAAY too many poopy diapers today, and he doesn't have diarrhea. The kid was just storing it all up, causing the gas pain last night, and today it's like his body hit the "evacuate" button. Can I just say this is NOT my favorite part of babyhood?

2. DH & I watched a Nightline program we recorded a week ago, something like that, which had Kirk Cameron (you know, Mike Seaver from Growing Pains) on debating the existence of God with 2 atheists. First of all, it was a major cop-out by Nightline to not show the whole debate. Second, calling someone's argument stupid and not worth responding to and other names does not make you a good debater, it just makes your argument appear weak. The atheists' tendency to use cuss words or equally offensive names for the rationale put forward by Kirk and his fellow evangelist just made them seem ill-prepared and emotional. Grow up people--just because you disagree with someone does not make their beliefs or statements "stoo-pid". It was like watching two third graders try to debate. Third, come on Kirk, couldn't you do better than some crappy Photo-shopped pictures of "transitional" animals that belong in a kid's book about mixing up animals? There are plenty of good arguments about the limitations of evolution--witness biochemist Michael Behe's book, "Darwin's Black Box". There are molecular microbiologists with well respected careers who have put forward a standing challenge for someone to show evolution between 2 different bacterial species. That challenge remains open, 17 plus years later. You don't have to go to cartoon level to make a few solid points on that score. All in all it was an irritating waste of time.

3. Waterproof crib liners are *so* worth it. DD went down for her nap as usual, but insisted on no shirt. Fine, whatever. I go check on her two plus hours later because she hasn't asked to get up and I was worried--there she sits, naked as a jay bird, in a wet puddle! All her stuffed animals that she sleeps with were likewise enveloped in the pee puddle, as well as her blanket. Hmmm. One cleaned up DD later, and all of it was thrown into the washing machine. I meant to do laundry today anyway...

4. Note to self: planting vegetable seeds takes longer than you think it does, and it also causes the occasional back twinge two hours later. But on the bright side, we have tomatoes, corn, peppers, strawberries, onions, chives, potatoes, carrots, squash, watermelon, and pumpkins sown. Oh and peas too. Hopefully this will result in a bounty of fresh veggies in 3 months or so! And I'm sure that back twinge will benefit from the application of a few Cosmopolitans later this evening...yes indeedy I do...

5. DD is getting pretty good at drawing! Her faces have eyes, nose, mouth, all in the right place, and she is doing a very passable Larry and Bob from Veggie Tales, complete with stems! Not bad for 2 years, 4 months old!! She is now plonking away on the piano...when do you start music lessons anyway? Hmmmmm. Yet another thing to check on, along with preschool. I am such a slacker mom. Hehe.