Birth in America

There is something really wrong with birth in America. Oh, sure, plenty of women are still giving birth. However, if you ask women themselves about their birth experiences, you will get a wide range of opinions. Most troubling is the fact that there is a significant proportion of women who are extremely dissatisfied with their birth experience. These women are in fact so dissatisfied with their children's births that there is a significant movement in the United States today to have home births, use midwives, and push back against the hospital culture in general.

Unfortunately, I have become a better educated woman with each of my three children's births, and I have learned that the standard hospital birth is usually not the best. Where other similar countries have managed to reduce their infant mortality rates, we are just treading water and remaining the same. We have the worst or nearly the worst infant mortality rates of any comparable industrialized country (i.e. eliminating very small countries with less than 100,000 births). Worse still is the fact that the USA's maternal morbidity has actually risen between 2000 to 2005 when compared to the declines registered by other similar first-world (i.e. industrialized) countries. How the heck is this possible? I thought the U.S. is supposed to have the world's best health care!

The problem is that the U.S. has a very high rate of cesarean section--about 33% as of 2007. This is a much higher rate than most other industrialized countries. When the c-section rate was first measured in the USA, it was 4.5% (1965). There has been a slow but steady climb in the c-section rate, but the problem is that the fetal and maternal morbidity statistics show no improvement in conjunction with this massive increase in cesarean sections. A c-section is supposed to be a life-saving procedure for moms and babies. So if this is the case, and all c-sections performed in the USA were really necessary to save the life of the mother and/or baby, shouldn't we see a corresponding decrease in fetal and maternal morbidity from childbirth? Instead, we see an increase in maternal morbidity and zero improvement in fetal morbidity--this when our rates of each are already among the highest of comparable industrialized nations! This is a TRAVESTY!! I am utterly flabbergasted that this is not a BIG, HAIRY DEAL in the current discussions about health care reform in the USA, because, again, studies show that this poor rate of morbidity for moms and babies is NOT the result of poor prenatal care for moms, or confined to one subgroup such as immigrants or low income mothers. So if this is not something that can be attributed to some missing healthcare for poor moms or recent immigrants, it logically must involve a systemic problem in maternal and fetal healthcare in the United States!

The glaring difference for the USA is cesarean section, and also the incredibly short hospital stays for new mothers. Most other industrialized countries provide postpartum support in the form of mandatory home health visits by trained nurses, or keep their mothers and babies in the hospital for longer. In this way, the healthcare system can spot postpartum complications for moms and babies, and get them corrected sooner. Here we are shoved out of the hospital within 1-2 days for a vaginal birth, 2-3 for a cesarean (if that is where we choose to give birth) and are asked to bring the baby in for a check-up within a few days, then they don't see the baby again for two months! Mom is treated to a visit with the obstetrician/gynecologist at SIX WEEKS postpartum--far, far too long for moms that experience complications. Further, the US does not provide a great deal of education to new mothers regarding what they can expect post-partum, and ways to diagnose what is normal or abnormal with regard to their lochia, cramping, etc. Most "postpartum education" in this vein involves giving the mom a printed sheet of information at worst, and at best a labor & delivery nurse reeling through the list with the mom as she completes a blizzard of discharge paperwork.

But back to the cesarean section rate. One of the new factors contributing to this increase is the tendency for doctors to practice defensive medicine, and opt to counsel patients with suspected macrosomic babies (i.e. babies weighing in excess of 4000 g, or 8.8 lbs) to have a scheduled c-section rather than attempt a trial of labor. This is a widely known practice--so widely used that there are multiple websites and tales of woe concerning this and how to avoid it. Why do doctors do this? Well, they claim to be worried about shoulder dystocia, despite its extremely low incidence rates, and damage to the mother's bladder, urethra, and vagina (prolapsed bladder, urinary incontinence), despite the fact that these types of injuries occur with a percentage of all vaginal deliveries. (As a side note, there is a reason that many older women are candidates for the "bow" repair to their bladders/urethras, and it's because pushing out a baby regardless of the baby's size is gonna have an impact on the adjacent organs and their placement/function!) My own obstetrician frankly admitted in her discussions with me concerning her repeat cesarean recommendation that she was concerned about her malpractice insurance and her license when I was planning a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my third child. So certainly defensive medicine has a large part to play.

Now a lot of people say, "Well, as long you have a healthy baby and healthy mom, that's all that matters." And our culture says that a doctor (most often, an obstetrician) and a hospital setting are a proven formula and the safest way to give birth. It's the modern way! Most of us have the assumption that if a woman chooses to give birth at home or even a birthing center, she is endangering her baby and herself. In fact, that is not true. Given the inherent risks associated with a cesarean, and the fact that a third of all women giving birth in the U.S. end up having one, there is a lot to be said for a prospective mother preparing in advance to avoid a cesarean if she chooses to labor in the hospital, or to labor at home or in a birthing center with a trained midwife. Further the maternal and fetal morbidity statistics would argue strongly AGAINST our hospitals currently being the safest place to give birth.

And, there is a hidden cost to the prominent form of labor management, where the doctor and hospital staff believe that their usual modus operandi is always best. The question now being asked: do doctors deliberately manipulate the drugs available to induce labor to deliberately cause fetal distress and precipitate a c-section? The number of women reporting trauma and abuse from doctors and hospital staff over their births is astounding--so much so that one woman is suing her attending obstetrician for abuse, a woman has won a lawsuit for an unnecessary cesarean, and millions of women find it necessary to attend counseling and support groups. There is also an active and vocal movement, prominently visualized by Ricki Lake and her documentary, "The Business of Being Born," which is seeking to change the status quo and actually improve our maternity care here in the U.S. Yet you rarely hear about any of this on the news, and it's certainly not being debated as part of the discussion of healthcare reform.

So, when a well-meaning person says, "At least you have a healthy baby," they don't know how right they are. At least, and we could (and should) be doing much, much better to give our moms and babies the best possible care and start to life.

The Hot Spot

It's certainly different with three children. My lap is the hot spot, with each child competing for their share of my lapfront property. Of course the newborn has top dibs, but my son and daughter are equally quick to snatch their opportunities as well. I have never felt so popular. Fortunately my scar is pretty much healed over now, and the bruises are mostly gone. This helps enormously when my son, who is quite a bruiser (a solid, stocky build--this kid will always be BIG), clambers up on my lap like he's conquering a steel playgym frame. Whereas previously such activity would cause me grimace and squirm away from his digging toes, now I am slightly more prepared.

I am having a harder time refraining from picking up my two eldest children when they need something. Yesterday I picked up our 45 lb daughter because she fell and hurt herself on the backyard playground. I've picked up our 42 lb son (and he's 2 years younger than our oldest daughter...I told you, this kid is big) several times to help him into his carseat and into a stroller or shopping cart. All of which is supposed to be verboten still, as we are only at the 2.5 week mark since my c-section. I admit to having a bit of trepidation about things settling back into their proper places internally. It seems to be taking longer for certain postpartum symptoms to subside than it did last time, but then again it's not as if I took notes! It does not help to have folks chastising me about such things as well. Please, you explain to our two year old why Mommy, the closest adult, cannot help him into his carseat and such.

I remember that our eldest daughter (I am still having to get used to this, the whole "eldest" bit is easy to forget) had the same reaction to her new baby brother. She used to get upset when I couldn't help her do something, and she definitely displayed the same type of jealousy that we are seeing with our son. I have yet to hear "When does he go back to the hospital?" that we heard from DD, but he's been quite vociferous in telling me to "Put Baby Jane down!" and demanding his share of my lap. He doesn't quite understand that when she's eating, well, she's eating and there really aren't any options for putting her down at that particular point in time.

On the other hand, he is quite an attentive brother and will give her toys that make music or alert us when she fusses. Our eldest has been quite the little mama, too, and is quite keen to hold her baby sister and give her toys and blankets, etc. Neither one of them is shy about asking where she is when they can't see her, and it seems to be unacceptable to not show her various things, such as pictures they draw or favorite toys.

My in-laws are in residence now and they are mucking in outside, in the absolute mess that is my garden. They've already weeded one bed and started on the next, and have purchased two roses for me, plus a sedum. I think by the time they leave my gardens will be drenched in water, compost, and happy attention. Good thing, too, as I haven't had much of any of that to spare, except for the guilt-induced watering I have done to keep things minimally alive. My master gardener neighbor dropped off some columbine and ferns for me yesterday, so more work awaits. I will be asking my OB about doing some light gardening at my appointment Wednesday, but until then I am benched. Some things never change, though, and thus I probably need to go and fold the mountain of clothes on my bed before my newest child decides she is unhappy in her swing. But it's a nice cool day, all of my children are happy at this moment, and my husband is back to work and wading through a mass of emails. Life is good. Thank you God!

C-Section Recovery

There are a few things about birth and the whole messy aspects of it that are really things that one cannot fully appreciate until one experiences them. Therefore in the interest of avoiding the gross-out, ick factor, I am putting in a disclaimer that this might contain more information than you want to know about c-sections and how they are done, etc. Suffice it to say that I do not feel too much sympathy for you, dear reader, unless you too have been fortuitous enough to have this information imparted to you personally as your insides are open and being worked on by surgeons discussing their plans for the weekend. In any case, you have been adequately forewarned.

I confess I had forgotten some things about the whole c-section process and recovery from the last time I went down this particular primrose pathway. Because it was somewhat traumatic last time, despite being a planned c-section for my son, I think my brain had dumped some crucial information and put a decidedly dark haze on the rest. So while I felt somewhat calm ahead of this one, and knew what to expect, there were decidedly aspects of the surgery and aftermath that I had completely expunged from my memory banks. In the interest of educating anyone who might be faced with this in the future, and reminding myself should we get surprised with a #4, here are a few tidbits about this surgery.

• The anesthesia is really not so bad. Last time I had an epidural, and this time I got a spinal block. I looooooove the spinal block. Oh, sooooooo much better than the epidural. First, you get to walk into the OR yourself, which is somehow more dignified than being wheeled in with your lower half numb and being manhandled onto the operating table. Second, you get the same local anesthesia shots in your back (the worst part, really), but the needle used for a spinal block is SO much smaller than the epidural needle, and I could not feel anything, no pressure at all. My toes started to get warm and tingly and I was able to put them on the table myself. Lastly, it wore off much faster than the epidural. I was already starting to wiggle my toes on my left foot while I was waiting for my bed and transfer back to the recovery room. I do not like the sensation of wanting to move my legs and not being able to, so having the anesthesia wear off faster was a big plus in my book.
• The lower back pain during the surgery, that is not so good. I told my anesthesiologist about this and (you were warned!) he told me it was because they had my uterus outside my body and were tugging on it, and it would feel better once they put it back in. Yeah. May I just say that I did NOT need the visual to accompany the lower back pain? Bad enough that they have an organ outside my body, I did not need to know that my body was telling me "this is bad" despite the heavy anesthesia.
• Despite thirst and hunger immediately resuming post-surgery, I was reminded in the most vivid manner possible of the "nausea" that my DH and mom remembered from my last c-section but which I had blissfully eliminated from my memory banks. I was feeling good and motoring along past the ice chips and water, TYVM, and had dived into the popsicles and Jello I was being allowed to eat. A few bites of Jello did not seem to sit well, so I laid off the Jello and had a second popsicle a few hours later. Suffice it to say it did not take long for it to come back to say hello, along with everything else that I had consumed post-surgery. So I spent a long night with only ice chips and water for sustenance...which brings me to:
• Don't believe them when they say you will only be without food for 8 hours. Ha! More like 24 hours! It's a very good thing I had a big breakfast right before my 8 hour "nothing by mouth" period began, because I was not allowed to eat anything substantial until breakfast the following morning--and then I had to push for it. I had a big bowl of real oatmeal (whole oats, cooked slowly) with cream and brown sugar and fresh blueberries, strawberries, and apples, and it did carry me over quite nicely to surgery, as well as being kind to my system. I had blueberry pancakes afterward and they were quite nice too. Of course hunger is the best seasoning there is! Mercifully no repeat of any other nausea, but those first few hours post-surgery are a real kicker.
• The incisions are not the source of post-surgical pain, for the most part. No, this is the provenance of the massive bruises on your tissues inflicted by the retractors and tugging, etc. Aside from the typical stretching/pulling from the incision, I haven't had anything to complain about on that front. My pressure dressing came off quite readily in the hospital when I had my first post-surgery shower (oh, the bliss!) and my DH pointed out that I had several large "purple grape colored bruises" around it, and that was probably the source of pain for me. Now I have been informed that they have faded to a "luminous green", 9 days post-surgery (I can't really see them that well myself, just the top of two of them). Nothing like having a real rainbow tummy to show for a birth.
• Painkillers are a blessing and a curse. I was again prescribed Percocet for my pain, plus horse-size ibuprofen pills. The Percocet were much appreciated for the first three days, but after that I hated the decidedly loopy spin that they put on everything for me, and I resisted taking them as much as possible. (And there are people out there that LIKE that feeling and abuse these drugs?? This I do not understand...) Now I am about three days out from taking any Percocet, and have also resisted the ibuprofen, relying instead on one dose of Tylenol at bedtime.
• Sleep is the best healer of all. I have had some really long nights of sleep for the past two nights, and have felt much better in the morning than I did the previous week. Of course sleep in the hospital is always a cut-up business, between the nurses coming in to check me and then to check the baby. But even at home, I was not able to really doze off whenever, because I had my parents asking things, or doing things that required some form of input, or our children were all over me because I was HOME and they wanted my attention too (really Mom it's not just about that new little baby, there's ME too and I need you NOW Mommyyyyyyy...). However, my parents went to visit my brother and his family for a few days, and our friends were giving us our space and resisting visits, so I've had a chance to just be and do absolutely nothing other than sleep in until 9 am and go to bed (and sleep!) at 8 pm, and it's been WONDERFUL.
• Every time something else was removed from my body post-surgery or I was given the all-clear to do something, it felt like I was reclaiming a piece of myself. I was moving away from "SciencePhDMom, hospital patient" to just "SciencePhDMom". Getting up and walking around, getting the catheter removed, being allowed to drink and eat, having my first shower and getting rid of that dressing and smelling like ME instead of calcium gluconate pre-surgery wipes...all of these things helped me feel more like ME. And it was good to finally bid the IV goodbye. I will be so happy when that little circular scab finally falls off my wrist.

I must reiterate that if anyone has a choice, there is really no contest and a vaginal birth is the absolute best way for a baby to be born. However, I am very grateful that we have c-sections for medically needed interventions, and obstetricians and hospitals well-trained in how to do them well and as safely as possible for mom & baby. I do not understand opting for a c-section if there is no medical reason to do so, as my sister-in-law did for both of her sons. I really honestly do not understand it. I am not putting her down or anyone else down who has opted for this, but I just cannot wrap my head around such a thing. Having experienced both, the recovery from a vaginal birth is so much easier (and that even with an episiotomy). I could be driving now. I would not have these bruises and pains and long list of verboten actions, such as even lifting up my two year old son (who frankly still does not understand why this is so). And I have to go with the vaginal birth as the way God intended it to be, KWIM? Women's bodies are designed to birth their babies, period.

Anyhow, that is the subject for another post, exploring the vast antagonism and gulf that exists in the good ol' USA today between the natural birth movement (ever heard of "The Business of Being Born"?) and obstetrical care & culture. Having been torn between the two camps and placed in a decidely uncomfortable position between>>>ROCK<<<>>>>HARD PLACE<<<<, I have a few thoughts on that subject. That will have to wait until I am feeling more myself, however. And in case you haven't seen her, here is a link to a few shots of my newest family member:

http://www.dropshots.com/stbridgit#date/2009-07-24/05:48:22

My sweet baby Jane. She is worth it all. :)

The Nesting Bug Has Struck!

My husband knew it was pretty serious when I was cleaning our bedroom at 10 o'clock at night. Yes, I had started earlier in the day, but I just could not leave it to finish until the next day. Could not do it, people!! I just HAD to have a clean bedroom to sleep in. So he pitched in, cleaning his side of the bed (his table & corner shelf etagere thingy) while I cleaned mine. I gave away BOOKS. Seriously. A big bag of books, shipped off to Goodwill. The books tumbling off my nightstand table were put away on an actual bookshelf. I KNOW!!! I even dusted and rearranged my knick-knacks to my satisfaction. I actually want to bring in MORE knick-knacks (from the living room, not new ones) because it looks so nice all clean and tidy. It is a sickness.

The next day I vacuumed the whole house. The whole house! Even my laundry room, and the bathrooms. And I put away more linens in the linen closet. The box of table linens that has been in our bedroom for a year? It's all put away! I have rediscovered tablecloths that I forgot I had, and discovered some hand-me-down tablecloths from my great aunt. I actually remember her buying some of them in Hong Kong in 1986.

It's quite nice to have some decluttering done and a house that would not embarrass me if my parents were to arrive tomorrow (not happening until next week). Even the kids are staying out of my way--it's like there is a strange vibe around Mommy and they dare not interfere with my cleaning rituals. Today I mopped the dining room and living room. I need to keep going, but the water was dirty and frankly I do need to be mindful of how much energy I actually have. Of course I have to be amused by the dog, who is alternately bemused and terrified of our vacuum cleaner and will run up to cautiously sniff when it is off and run away with her tail between her legs when I turn it on. Hehe. It's funny.

Don't get me wrong, my house is definitely not Martha Stewart organized or clean. There is still an ample coating of dust on the piano and assorted knick-knacks (which is why I haven't brought any into my room, natch). And I'm sure my baseboards and walls and cupboards in the kitchen & bathrooms could use a good clean with Mr. Magic Eraser. Nonetheless, it is acceptable and would merit the label decently clean from a stranger passing by. And well, that is a significant improvement! I have to continue this decluttering urge as long as it lasts. DH is getting into the act, too--a dump run is planned to get rid of the remodel debris that lingers in the yard and back deck. Yippee! I can't wait to see all of that gone, too.

The hormones & I, we are a'cleaning. It's a good thing.

Schmorganization

All my best intentions for clearing out my house prior to baby are evaporating in a sea of potty training and recalcitrant attitudes from my children. My four year old is continuing her nasty streak of bad attitude plus disrespectful talk, which is really wearing me down. My husband is now stepping in when she backtalks to me repeatedly, because it's like she just turns off her ears. I have put toys in time-out and she's lost shopping privileges in her store, plus she has been THIS close to losing a swimming lesson. And she's started egging on her brother in naughty behavior. "But I didn't do it..." She still gets in trouble for egging him on, but this represents a new level of sneakiness in being naughty.

Our son is well versed on using the potty to pee, but has now regressed significantly with his other business, to the point that I am having to clean out his underpants several times a day. It's a rarity for him to actually POOP on the potty and the toilet. I hope part of it is some dehydration that's contributing to a bit of constipation, so we are pushing water and reinforcing "use the potty for pooping". Still, it's more than a bit grinding to have him come in at 7:00 in the morning to tell me that he has literally JUST pooped in his underpants, not two minutes after I dressed him. THIS is the definition of frustating, folks. He's only two and a half, he's only two and a half. This is like my new mantra of sorts. That and my husband's favorite, "This, too, shall pass."

The problem is that I am already pretty cranky from being pregnant, and dealing with both of these kiddos on a daily basis is just using up 90% of the energy reserves. I am almost to the point that I don't actually care about my vegetable garden. Meh. Grow, don't grow, whatever. My corn looks incredibly pathetic, I am not hopeful about results there. My tomatoes are being stunted by our cold nights, and have I even thought about re-rigging my greenhouse? Meh. And still no carrots planted. I did re-sow the french beans that didn't come up, because my FIL specifically requested them for their visit. But everything else? Whatever. Weeds everywhere. Our lawns, which were well-watered last summer, are brown and infested with broad leaf weeds. My apple & pear trees, host to some good looking immature fruit, are probably all going to be eaten up by apple coddling moth larva because I haven't painted them with Tanglefoot or put footie nylon socks on them. I did get DH to spray my cherry trees, which were infested by pear slugs (aka sawflies). Purely a pragmatic move on my part to save my $70 investment in them, as those things can kill young trees. Still, it's a measure of my supreme indifference to the situation that I still say, "Meh."

My house is just...*sigh* I don't know how to describe it. It's hard enough to keep the living areas and the kids' bedrooms tidied. My floors haven't seen a mop in a month. Decluttering and organizing is sooooooo not happening. Bathroom? Tub is DONE! Huzzah! In working order, and I had the first bubble bath to confirm it. This is the one bright spot in the project. Installed the shower curtain rod? Em... Removing excess mortar from edges of tub surround and retexturing? Erp, no. Painting? Not so much. Trims & crown moldings? Uh, no. Linens all restored to their rightful places, with newly painted door in place? No.

Our bedroom is still a mess. I've been slowly digging out from that, as the linens get put back. However, still have baby clothes in boxes that need to be put back in the cottage until baby is ready for them. Where we had placed the pack & play previously, we now have a bookshelf. So books & bookshelf need to be moved, to make room once again for the cot. There isn't any alternative--this is the only place that it will fit in the room. Of course the baby will probably end up in bed with us, but we still need the cot for crib training. This means I have to find a place for all those books...which in turn means I need to go through ALL the books in the house, winnowing out the ones we don't need to keep, and then making a trek with them to the library to donate them. Yeah. LOL! Like THAT will happen!

I know my MIL will help me with all of these projects. My FIL is keen to get out and help clean up the garden (I didn't even mention the front flower beds...disasters!). However, we can't just put them to work 8 hours a day, every day that they are here. They are coming to visit us, not help us catch up on our crappy household management. And I'm going to have a newborn--really, how likely is it that I'm going to be all full of energy and ready to tackle decluttering and reorganizing, even with another pair of hands to do a lot of the heavy lifting? I'm quite pessimistic about the whole thing, actually, and it's depressing me.

This is just not a happy place for me right now. I'm surrounded by reminders of how much needs to be done, and every time I try to do something the kids get into something else and make a huge mess to be cleaned up. It does not help that I have a stinker baby in utero that is currently in a footling breech position, meaning a repeat c-section is on the cards instead of the VBAC I am hoping for. Baby could still turn, but right now it is just the crappy cherry on a sundae of aggravations. Wah, wah, wah! Thank you for joining my pity party.

Cranky, Disorganized, & Running Out of Time

I am doing my best now that the quarter has ended to get the house & yard organized prior to baby arrival. However, I am being stymied at every turn by our two eldest children, who insist on making as big a mess as possible whenever my or DH's backs are turned. My son has an ongoing fascination with water, and if he's not spilling all the water out of the dog's bowl, he is spreading soap over my coffee table, over the bathroom counter, and spilling water everywhere. The only time I feel somewhat okay letting the boy have water in his possession is when we are outside, and even then it is a risky proposition. Heaven forfend he gets a hose in his hands, because he will spray anyone and everything as fast as he can.

My daughter is continuing to exhibit her unacceptable attitude on occasion. She has shown some improvement since daycare has ended, but she's still driving us crazy at least once a day. It's like her brain is simply incapable of processing the fact that SHE has a much happier day when she loses the attitude and demonstrates her ability to DO what she is told to do. My husband has forbidden the phrase, "I'll listen! I'll listen!" as this is what she says repeatedly when she gets into trouble. Again, the whole concept of it's not just listening, it's DOING is apparently beyond her intellect at the age of 4.

My house is still looking like a bomb went off in it. I have empty boxes scattered hither & yon, waiting to be removed for recycling. I still don't have all the linens back in my linen closet, so I am stepping over space bags still in the laundry room and our bedroom. I have pre-pregnancy clothes under my bed with no home to go to. I think a neighbor hit the nail on the head--I just do not have enough storage in this house, and it's driving me nuts!

DH is doing his best to finish the bathroom remodel. All but 2 rows of tile are laid for the tub surround, and then we have to grout it and seal the grout on the floor and in the tub surround. We still have to finish painting the tub room, and then install all the trim and the linen closet door. I hope we aren't going to be doing this when our parents get here, I really don't.

Nonetheless, I don't think this baby is going to wait. The head is very low, and my OB thinks there is no way we are making it to the due date. This is good news for me, because I really, really want to avoid a repeat c-section. I sincerely hope this kiddo is ready to make her appearance (assuming the u/s tech was right and it is a she), because I am just about done with being pregnant. Only a few short weeks left, technically, but she is more than welcome to come early. At least then I'll have a good excuse for my messy house. Stay tuned!

Not Nesting

To borrow a theme from a friend's blog, I am going to list all the things that I'm not doing today... *wink, wink, nudge nudge*

• I am not nesting. I have not determined a new configuration of the living room furniture which necessitates my husband moving every single piece of furniture to a new location (including the outrageously heavy piano). Nope, not me!
• I did not buy a piece of chocolate candy at Fred Meyer which I promptly ate while drinking a (gasp!) caffeinated soda when I got home.
• I did not lose my flash drive with all my lecture notes & grades on it (although I have back-ups in two different locations).
• I am not making my friend Hanna's killer salsa because I saw all the ingredients laid out in the same place in the grocery store, as if it was a sign from God that homemade salsa should be made.
• I am not the proud mama of a big boy who wore big boy underwear all afternoon yesterday and had not a SINGLE accident, even when we went out to dinner.
• I am not that wife who sends her husband to pick up the kids from daycare because she wants some more time to herself before they come barreling back in.

Yep, that's not me!