Being There

Here we are, almost a month on from when my world was cracked & shaken a bit, and my friend's world broke into pieces. The memorial service is over, the burial has taken place, and she & her family are trying to pick up the pieces and find some new form of "normal". My heart is still aching for them, but while I carry a stone of grief, they are carrying a boulder. It is so hard to know what is the best way to help, and after an initial flurry of practical help for meals, etc, now it is clear that the best way I (we, my family & I) can help them is to just be there for them.

Today was good, I think. She came over for a playdate, and their surviving daughter (almost 3) had a good time playing with our oldest two kids. Of course my eldest DD is the same age as her sister was, so she felt comfortable with her. And she has been over many times before for playdates, so she knows where stuff is, what our house is like, what kinds of toys we have, etc. It was so nice to see her running around with my kids and just being a regular *kid*, not being shy and quiet and clingy. She didn't want to leave when it was time to go, which I think was the best compliment she could have paid to my kids. They all had a ball, playing dress up and make-believe games with cats and fairies and all the other shiny, bubbly pretend games that kids at those ages love to play.

My friend is coping so well. Of course everything is so skewed--she said her house is "so quiet, too quiet". I cannot express adequately how my heart hurts for her. She is trying to figure out what could possibly be the reason for this, and of course she doesn't have an answer. She believes there is a reason for everything, and she hopes that the press coverage about the death has helped some parents who were on the fence about the H1N1 vaccine, to get the vaccine for their kids. She said so many little things remind her of her daughter--she will be going along, and think she is doing okay for a while, and something else comes forward to remind her of her child and then she's back to the beginning again. She's sick of people asking her how she is doing. Of course she is! She can't even go Christmas shopping for their surviving child without facing an array of toys that instantly remind her of her firstborn, the "Oh, ________ would love that!" and that split second realization that there isn't a child at home to buy it for, any more.

Grief is so hard, because it is so intensely personal. Everyone does it differently. I can only hope, that in being there to listen and sympathize and cry alongside her, that I can help ease my friend's grief for just a moment or two, a little at a time. I know she & her husband are going to carry this with them for the rest of their lives on this earth, but I hope that the edges soften for them, sooner rather than later. It is really the worst thing I have seen anyone go through, and the worst thing I have gone through, even flitting along the edges. I would not wish it on anyone. It is no wonder that death is described as the enemy in the Bible. I just keep asking God to gather them in His arms and keep them in His hand, because He's the only one who can and has defeated this ultimate enemy. I am still sad.

Grieving

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

My daughter lost a friend today, my friend lost her daughter today. I guess it was yesterday, now. Wow. I am seeking comfort from the One who made me, He who mourns with me and is the ultimate Comforter. I am praying that my friend, her husband, her surviving daughter, that they all feel God's Hands and warmth and hugs now. I will miss their bright, spunky, beautiful princess. It will be so hard, that first time that I bring my daughter to preschool, and see that their daughter is no longer there...after two years of school together, and tight friendship and playdates and always chatting with my friend while dropping off/picking up our daughters. My friend will not be there. I am so, so sad.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Tolerance = Agreement

Well here in WA state we are facing an upcoming election. On Tuesday, November 3rd, voters are being asked to vote on a variety of local elections, and two big state referendums. One concerns limiting state and local governments general funds in a manner that ties it to income and inflation, with the rest being kicked back in the form of property tax cuts, á la Prop. 13 in California. The other is Prop. 71, which states:

This bill would expand the rights, responsibilities, and obligations accorded state-registered same-sex and senior domestic partners to be equivalent to those of married spouses, except that a domestic partnership is not a marriage.

Here's the backstory: Voters in WA passed in 1998 a Defense of Marriage act which defined marriage in Washington state to be the traditional marriage between one man and one woman. In May 2009 Governor Christine Gregoire signed into law a bill passed by the state legislature to grant all the rights heretofore accorded to married couples to domestic partnerships, which essentially gave all the legal rights of marriage without the name "marriage". The supporters of traditional marriage in WA accordingly collected signatures and filed a petition to refer this new law for referendum and approval by the voters, as they are allowed to do under the state constitution. Therefore this measure is now on the ballot for the November 3rd election.

Here is the real nitty gritty issue with this referendum--and I'm not talking about the referendum itself. Instead, I'm talking about the hullabaloo that has cropped about around the petition to refer this legislation to the ballot. In particular, there has been a nasty legal tussle about the identities of signers of the petition to put Prop. 71 on the ballot. Opponents of Prop. 71 have argued that the petition is a matter of public record and therefore all the identities of the signers should be released. There are two organizations that have been created which promise to publish the list of signers as soon as they are made public: knowthyneighbor.org, and whosigned.org . Proponents of Prop. 71 have argued that petition signing is a form of political speech, and therefore protected (and private/secret) under the 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

The big problem I have here is that there are people and judges/courts that actually agree that these names should be made public! Since when does signing a political petition to get an issue on a ballot NOT constitute political speech?? Ummmmmm, the last time I checked, I wasn't required to show anyone my ballot choices before I put it into the ballot box. And the same goes for signing my NAME on any petition to get something ONTO that ballot! You might as well require folks to sign their name and initial next to every ballot choice, because requiring public disclosure of petition signers' identities amounts to that.

The Washington Secretary of State had argued that the names needed to be released according to the Washington Public Records Act. Apparently the Secretary of State has not read this particular piece of legislation, because when I looked it up in WA's law books I found this interesting tidbit about invasion of privacy:

A person's "right to privacy," "right of privacy," "privacy," or "personal privacy," as these terms are used in this chapter, is invaded or violated only if disclosure of information about the person: (1) Would be highly offensive to a reasonable person, and (2) is not of legitimate concern to the public.

Now I would certainly argue that, given that the organizations geared up to publish this data are called "Know Thy Neighbor" and "Who Signed", there is a great deal of offense being taken about who signed this petition. Secondly, I would also point out that signing a petition to refer a measure to the ballot does not necessarily indicate how a person would vote. It could well be that people signed the petition with the idea that they wanted to vote for the law and give their voter seal of approval to it.

Furthermore, I also found when I read the Public Records Act that petitions to refer legislation to ballot are not included in RCW 42.56.070, the subsection that details which types of records must be made public. And, even if these types of documents were included, there is again a specific clause protecting privacy which states, "To the extent required to prevent an unreasonable invasion of personal privacy interests protected by this chapter, an agency shall delete identifying details in a manner consistent with this chapter when it makes available or publishes any public record; however, in each case, the justification for the deletion shall be explained fully in writing."

This is a big deal, folks, and it's not going to go away. The U.S. Supreme Court has waded in to uphold a restraining order preventing the release of signers' identities, but the whole case is on appeal and will probably end up in the U.S. Supreme Court before all is said and done. It has made the Colbert Report, with Stephen Colbert satirizing the lawsuit and those who are arguing that the signatures should remain private. Proponents of Prop. 71 argue that traditional marriage supporters are being subjected to harassment and intimidation similar to what supporters of California's Prop. 8 experienced. That's ugliness at its worst, and it's not getting better.

What I'd like is for somebody to tell me how this is "tolerance"? It's tolerant to demand the names of people who sign a petition to refer a law to the ballot, because you need to "know your neighbor"? How so? What exactly about their signature on a ballot petition is in any way your business? What is essentially being argued for here is, "if you don't agree with me or I think you are giving the appearance to me, of not agreeing with me, I need to know about it". So really, "tolerance" means "agreement". Because if you don't agree with me, then I need to know about it. I don't think so.

I'm sorry, I hadn't realized that the right to maintain a difference of opinion means I give up my right to privacy at the ballot box and other legally mandated rights as a voter, which includes the petition process. I'm not buying it, and I'm betting the U.S. Supreme Court won't either (here's a hint...only one justice on the court disagreed with the restraining order being upheld). But it's very disturbing to me that such a large number of people seem to think they have a right to identify people who sign a ballot petition. This is a disturbing trend toward stripping rights away from folks just because they disagree with the perceived "mainstream" opinion. The fact that so many states have passed "defense of marriage" legislation at the ballot box ought to be a pretty good indicator that the "mainstream" opinion as given by the media is not really so "mainstream" after all.

Randomania

I've been super, über busy lately, so this blog is going to be a real shotgun blast of stuff.

• Why is it that all infants seem to have a "poopy" outfit? You know, the one outfit that you put the kid in, and guaranteed that they will have a huge blowout diaper sometime during the day while they are wearing it? Granted this can be handy if you think your baby is getting constipated, but it also always seems to be the cutest outfit that you have for the baby that is chosen as the "poopy" outfit by the baby.
• Grading sucks. No, really, 250 assignments/quizzes/labs to grade per week is a tad much given my (scanty but I will take it TYVM) pay rate. However, on the plus side, students' handwriting on their homework assignments gets really amusing when you're grading at 11:30 pm and have been awake since 7 am.
• Please get a flu shot, preferably both seasonal and H1N1. I will not tell you the number of times I have been tilting at windmills in some internet forums about this lately, but it really is important for everyone who is able, to get immunized. If you want to read about why vaccines are safe, check out the CDC's website (they are not part of a vast government conspiracy, folks--they are just scientists who are trying to do their job and protect the public health according to scientifically proven evidence that has passed rigorous peer review). The very young kiddos (like my baby) and immunocompromised individuals who cannot be immunized are reliant on the general population getting the flu shot to prevent it from spreading. Flu kills 36,000 people per year in America. If more people were vaccinated, that number would directly decrease. If you could prevent one car accident where someone would die, wouldn't you? So please get immunized.
• Grading sucks. Did I say that already? Well, it does.
• A two year old and a four year old squabbling nearly constantly for the entirety of the day is quite draining for the parents. It seems like discipline falls on deaf ears (and numb bottoms, when spankings are required). At some point they will outgrow this, right? Right??
• This economy, it majorly sucketh. My husband is still in limbo-land regarding his job, but from all indications from much higher-ups, he is safe and a bunch of other folks, are about to lose their jobs. You know that old saw about being in the top 10% of employees at work, and that will protect your job? Yeah, it's holding true here. He is going to be reporting to a higher up, so that is sort of a back-door promotion-with-no-pay-raise-or-title-change. Now those other folks are going to be unemployed, and I pray that God will provide a better job for them for their sakes. But it does not feel good to be unemployed, especially leading up to Christmas. Now my husband will continue doing the jobs of four people, and add in the jobs of others who will be let go. Needless to say, he is tired from the demands on his skills and energy. I feel sorry for him, and selfishly (cravenly) glad that he still has a job. I do not know what we would do if he lost his job--we would be in big, big trouble.
• Speaking of which, the old emergency fund is on life support, and we need to resuscitate it pronto. My salary, it helps. But we have Ye Olde Debt to pay off, and we also have a terrible economy. So while credit card companies are raising interest rates even for good customers (ouch), I have a non-existent emergency fund that I need to rebuild. These two things are mutually exclusive, yes? So we need to find the right balance here. We also have to buckle down majorly on the expenditures. M-A-J-O-R-L-Y. I am seriously thinking we need to declare debit cards off-limits entirely. We are just blowing way past our grocery budget and eating out budget and entertainment/crap/clothes/everything else budget. Hell, what budget? That's been the mindset around here, and owies, that costs. A serious spending freeze and the reign of King Cash, Only and Verily Yea Even for Gas, Deposit Ye Olde Cash at Bank and then Go Straight to Costco Gas Do Not Pass GO Do Not Collect $200 or Even a Measly Starbucks on the Way.

*sigh* It's a lot to be juggling. I have dropped the ball and fallen down and scraped my nose and elbow and knee on the budget and the blood on the spreadsheet, it is not good. I have Christmas presents to buy and I want to take advantage of good deals as they pop up, but I have to be really conscious of what it actually *costs* to just "throw something on the credit card and pay it off later". Because "later" is really expensive, so that makes it not such a good deal, huh? Yes, I still suck at basic math even WITH a PhD (not really but somehow my brain goes "Lalalalala!" when it comes to doing math with OUR MONEY as opposed to some other scientific number crunching). Failed juggler, that's me. Time to pick up all the balls again and start juggling madly. There is grading/budgeting/laundry calling my name. Stay tuned.

Birth in America

There is something really wrong with birth in America. Oh, sure, plenty of women are still giving birth. However, if you ask women themselves about their birth experiences, you will get a wide range of opinions. Most troubling is the fact that there is a significant proportion of women who are extremely dissatisfied with their birth experience. These women are in fact so dissatisfied with their children's births that there is a significant movement in the United States today to have home births, use midwives, and push back against the hospital culture in general.

Unfortunately, I have become a better educated woman with each of my three children's births, and I have learned that the standard hospital birth is usually not the best. Where other similar countries have managed to reduce their infant mortality rates, we are just treading water and remaining the same. We have the worst or nearly the worst infant mortality rates of any comparable industrialized country (i.e. eliminating very small countries with less than 100,000 births). Worse still is the fact that the USA's maternal morbidity has actually risen between 2000 to 2005 when compared to the declines registered by other similar first-world (i.e. industrialized) countries. How the heck is this possible? I thought the U.S. is supposed to have the world's best health care!

The problem is that the U.S. has a very high rate of cesarean section--about 33% as of 2007. This is a much higher rate than most other industrialized countries. When the c-section rate was first measured in the USA, it was 4.5% (1965). There has been a slow but steady climb in the c-section rate, but the problem is that the fetal and maternal morbidity statistics show no improvement in conjunction with this massive increase in cesarean sections. A c-section is supposed to be a life-saving procedure for moms and babies. So if this is the case, and all c-sections performed in the USA were really necessary to save the life of the mother and/or baby, shouldn't we see a corresponding decrease in fetal and maternal morbidity from childbirth? Instead, we see an increase in maternal morbidity and zero improvement in fetal morbidity--this when our rates of each are already among the highest of comparable industrialized nations! This is a TRAVESTY!! I am utterly flabbergasted that this is not a BIG, HAIRY DEAL in the current discussions about health care reform in the USA, because, again, studies show that this poor rate of morbidity for moms and babies is NOT the result of poor prenatal care for moms, or confined to one subgroup such as immigrants or low income mothers. So if this is not something that can be attributed to some missing healthcare for poor moms or recent immigrants, it logically must involve a systemic problem in maternal and fetal healthcare in the United States!

The glaring difference for the USA is cesarean section, and also the incredibly short hospital stays for new mothers. Most other industrialized countries provide postpartum support in the form of mandatory home health visits by trained nurses, or keep their mothers and babies in the hospital for longer. In this way, the healthcare system can spot postpartum complications for moms and babies, and get them corrected sooner. Here we are shoved out of the hospital within 1-2 days for a vaginal birth, 2-3 for a cesarean (if that is where we choose to give birth) and are asked to bring the baby in for a check-up within a few days, then they don't see the baby again for two months! Mom is treated to a visit with the obstetrician/gynecologist at SIX WEEKS postpartum--far, far too long for moms that experience complications. Further, the US does not provide a great deal of education to new mothers regarding what they can expect post-partum, and ways to diagnose what is normal or abnormal with regard to their lochia, cramping, etc. Most "postpartum education" in this vein involves giving the mom a printed sheet of information at worst, and at best a labor & delivery nurse reeling through the list with the mom as she completes a blizzard of discharge paperwork.

But back to the cesarean section rate. One of the new factors contributing to this increase is the tendency for doctors to practice defensive medicine, and opt to counsel patients with suspected macrosomic babies (i.e. babies weighing in excess of 4000 g, or 8.8 lbs) to have a scheduled c-section rather than attempt a trial of labor. This is a widely known practice--so widely used that there are multiple websites and tales of woe concerning this and how to avoid it. Why do doctors do this? Well, they claim to be worried about shoulder dystocia, despite its extremely low incidence rates, and damage to the mother's bladder, urethra, and vagina (prolapsed bladder, urinary incontinence), despite the fact that these types of injuries occur with a percentage of all vaginal deliveries. (As a side note, there is a reason that many older women are candidates for the "bow" repair to their bladders/urethras, and it's because pushing out a baby regardless of the baby's size is gonna have an impact on the adjacent organs and their placement/function!) My own obstetrician frankly admitted in her discussions with me concerning her repeat cesarean recommendation that she was concerned about her malpractice insurance and her license when I was planning a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my third child. So certainly defensive medicine has a large part to play.

Now a lot of people say, "Well, as long you have a healthy baby and healthy mom, that's all that matters." And our culture says that a doctor (most often, an obstetrician) and a hospital setting are a proven formula and the safest way to give birth. It's the modern way! Most of us have the assumption that if a woman chooses to give birth at home or even a birthing center, she is endangering her baby and herself. In fact, that is not true. Given the inherent risks associated with a cesarean, and the fact that a third of all women giving birth in the U.S. end up having one, there is a lot to be said for a prospective mother preparing in advance to avoid a cesarean if she chooses to labor in the hospital, or to labor at home or in a birthing center with a trained midwife. Further the maternal and fetal morbidity statistics would argue strongly AGAINST our hospitals currently being the safest place to give birth.

And, there is a hidden cost to the prominent form of labor management, where the doctor and hospital staff believe that their usual modus operandi is always best. The question now being asked: do doctors deliberately manipulate the drugs available to induce labor to deliberately cause fetal distress and precipitate a c-section? The number of women reporting trauma and abuse from doctors and hospital staff over their births is astounding--so much so that one woman is suing her attending obstetrician for abuse, a woman has won a lawsuit for an unnecessary cesarean, and millions of women find it necessary to attend counseling and support groups. There is also an active and vocal movement, prominently visualized by Ricki Lake and her documentary, "The Business of Being Born," which is seeking to change the status quo and actually improve our maternity care here in the U.S. Yet you rarely hear about any of this on the news, and it's certainly not being debated as part of the discussion of healthcare reform.

So, when a well-meaning person says, "At least you have a healthy baby," they don't know how right they are. At least, and we could (and should) be doing much, much better to give our moms and babies the best possible care and start to life.

The Hot Spot

It's certainly different with three children. My lap is the hot spot, with each child competing for their share of my lapfront property. Of course the newborn has top dibs, but my son and daughter are equally quick to snatch their opportunities as well. I have never felt so popular. Fortunately my scar is pretty much healed over now, and the bruises are mostly gone. This helps enormously when my son, who is quite a bruiser (a solid, stocky build--this kid will always be BIG), clambers up on my lap like he's conquering a steel playgym frame. Whereas previously such activity would cause me grimace and squirm away from his digging toes, now I am slightly more prepared.

I am having a harder time refraining from picking up my two eldest children when they need something. Yesterday I picked up our 45 lb daughter because she fell and hurt herself on the backyard playground. I've picked up our 42 lb son (and he's 2 years younger than our oldest daughter...I told you, this kid is big) several times to help him into his carseat and into a stroller or shopping cart. All of which is supposed to be verboten still, as we are only at the 2.5 week mark since my c-section. I admit to having a bit of trepidation about things settling back into their proper places internally. It seems to be taking longer for certain postpartum symptoms to subside than it did last time, but then again it's not as if I took notes! It does not help to have folks chastising me about such things as well. Please, you explain to our two year old why Mommy, the closest adult, cannot help him into his carseat and such.

I remember that our eldest daughter (I am still having to get used to this, the whole "eldest" bit is easy to forget) had the same reaction to her new baby brother. She used to get upset when I couldn't help her do something, and she definitely displayed the same type of jealousy that we are seeing with our son. I have yet to hear "When does he go back to the hospital?" that we heard from DD, but he's been quite vociferous in telling me to "Put Baby Jane down!" and demanding his share of my lap. He doesn't quite understand that when she's eating, well, she's eating and there really aren't any options for putting her down at that particular point in time.

On the other hand, he is quite an attentive brother and will give her toys that make music or alert us when she fusses. Our eldest has been quite the little mama, too, and is quite keen to hold her baby sister and give her toys and blankets, etc. Neither one of them is shy about asking where she is when they can't see her, and it seems to be unacceptable to not show her various things, such as pictures they draw or favorite toys.

My in-laws are in residence now and they are mucking in outside, in the absolute mess that is my garden. They've already weeded one bed and started on the next, and have purchased two roses for me, plus a sedum. I think by the time they leave my gardens will be drenched in water, compost, and happy attention. Good thing, too, as I haven't had much of any of that to spare, except for the guilt-induced watering I have done to keep things minimally alive. My master gardener neighbor dropped off some columbine and ferns for me yesterday, so more work awaits. I will be asking my OB about doing some light gardening at my appointment Wednesday, but until then I am benched. Some things never change, though, and thus I probably need to go and fold the mountain of clothes on my bed before my newest child decides she is unhappy in her swing. But it's a nice cool day, all of my children are happy at this moment, and my husband is back to work and wading through a mass of emails. Life is good. Thank you God!

C-Section Recovery

There are a few things about birth and the whole messy aspects of it that are really things that one cannot fully appreciate until one experiences them. Therefore in the interest of avoiding the gross-out, ick factor, I am putting in a disclaimer that this might contain more information than you want to know about c-sections and how they are done, etc. Suffice it to say that I do not feel too much sympathy for you, dear reader, unless you too have been fortuitous enough to have this information imparted to you personally as your insides are open and being worked on by surgeons discussing their plans for the weekend. In any case, you have been adequately forewarned.

I confess I had forgotten some things about the whole c-section process and recovery from the last time I went down this particular primrose pathway. Because it was somewhat traumatic last time, despite being a planned c-section for my son, I think my brain had dumped some crucial information and put a decidedly dark haze on the rest. So while I felt somewhat calm ahead of this one, and knew what to expect, there were decidedly aspects of the surgery and aftermath that I had completely expunged from my memory banks. In the interest of educating anyone who might be faced with this in the future, and reminding myself should we get surprised with a #4, here are a few tidbits about this surgery.

• The anesthesia is really not so bad. Last time I had an epidural, and this time I got a spinal block. I looooooove the spinal block. Oh, sooooooo much better than the epidural. First, you get to walk into the OR yourself, which is somehow more dignified than being wheeled in with your lower half numb and being manhandled onto the operating table. Second, you get the same local anesthesia shots in your back (the worst part, really), but the needle used for a spinal block is SO much smaller than the epidural needle, and I could not feel anything, no pressure at all. My toes started to get warm and tingly and I was able to put them on the table myself. Lastly, it wore off much faster than the epidural. I was already starting to wiggle my toes on my left foot while I was waiting for my bed and transfer back to the recovery room. I do not like the sensation of wanting to move my legs and not being able to, so having the anesthesia wear off faster was a big plus in my book.
• The lower back pain during the surgery, that is not so good. I told my anesthesiologist about this and (you were warned!) he told me it was because they had my uterus outside my body and were tugging on it, and it would feel better once they put it back in. Yeah. May I just say that I did NOT need the visual to accompany the lower back pain? Bad enough that they have an organ outside my body, I did not need to know that my body was telling me "this is bad" despite the heavy anesthesia.
• Despite thirst and hunger immediately resuming post-surgery, I was reminded in the most vivid manner possible of the "nausea" that my DH and mom remembered from my last c-section but which I had blissfully eliminated from my memory banks. I was feeling good and motoring along past the ice chips and water, TYVM, and had dived into the popsicles and Jello I was being allowed to eat. A few bites of Jello did not seem to sit well, so I laid off the Jello and had a second popsicle a few hours later. Suffice it to say it did not take long for it to come back to say hello, along with everything else that I had consumed post-surgery. So I spent a long night with only ice chips and water for sustenance...which brings me to:
• Don't believe them when they say you will only be without food for 8 hours. Ha! More like 24 hours! It's a very good thing I had a big breakfast right before my 8 hour "nothing by mouth" period began, because I was not allowed to eat anything substantial until breakfast the following morning--and then I had to push for it. I had a big bowl of real oatmeal (whole oats, cooked slowly) with cream and brown sugar and fresh blueberries, strawberries, and apples, and it did carry me over quite nicely to surgery, as well as being kind to my system. I had blueberry pancakes afterward and they were quite nice too. Of course hunger is the best seasoning there is! Mercifully no repeat of any other nausea, but those first few hours post-surgery are a real kicker.
• The incisions are not the source of post-surgical pain, for the most part. No, this is the provenance of the massive bruises on your tissues inflicted by the retractors and tugging, etc. Aside from the typical stretching/pulling from the incision, I haven't had anything to complain about on that front. My pressure dressing came off quite readily in the hospital when I had my first post-surgery shower (oh, the bliss!) and my DH pointed out that I had several large "purple grape colored bruises" around it, and that was probably the source of pain for me. Now I have been informed that they have faded to a "luminous green", 9 days post-surgery (I can't really see them that well myself, just the top of two of them). Nothing like having a real rainbow tummy to show for a birth.
• Painkillers are a blessing and a curse. I was again prescribed Percocet for my pain, plus horse-size ibuprofen pills. The Percocet were much appreciated for the first three days, but after that I hated the decidedly loopy spin that they put on everything for me, and I resisted taking them as much as possible. (And there are people out there that LIKE that feeling and abuse these drugs?? This I do not understand...) Now I am about three days out from taking any Percocet, and have also resisted the ibuprofen, relying instead on one dose of Tylenol at bedtime.
• Sleep is the best healer of all. I have had some really long nights of sleep for the past two nights, and have felt much better in the morning than I did the previous week. Of course sleep in the hospital is always a cut-up business, between the nurses coming in to check me and then to check the baby. But even at home, I was not able to really doze off whenever, because I had my parents asking things, or doing things that required some form of input, or our children were all over me because I was HOME and they wanted my attention too (really Mom it's not just about that new little baby, there's ME too and I need you NOW Mommyyyyyyy...). However, my parents went to visit my brother and his family for a few days, and our friends were giving us our space and resisting visits, so I've had a chance to just be and do absolutely nothing other than sleep in until 9 am and go to bed (and sleep!) at 8 pm, and it's been WONDERFUL.
• Every time something else was removed from my body post-surgery or I was given the all-clear to do something, it felt like I was reclaiming a piece of myself. I was moving away from "SciencePhDMom, hospital patient" to just "SciencePhDMom". Getting up and walking around, getting the catheter removed, being allowed to drink and eat, having my first shower and getting rid of that dressing and smelling like ME instead of calcium gluconate pre-surgery wipes...all of these things helped me feel more like ME. And it was good to finally bid the IV goodbye. I will be so happy when that little circular scab finally falls off my wrist.

I must reiterate that if anyone has a choice, there is really no contest and a vaginal birth is the absolute best way for a baby to be born. However, I am very grateful that we have c-sections for medically needed interventions, and obstetricians and hospitals well-trained in how to do them well and as safely as possible for mom & baby. I do not understand opting for a c-section if there is no medical reason to do so, as my sister-in-law did for both of her sons. I really honestly do not understand it. I am not putting her down or anyone else down who has opted for this, but I just cannot wrap my head around such a thing. Having experienced both, the recovery from a vaginal birth is so much easier (and that even with an episiotomy). I could be driving now. I would not have these bruises and pains and long list of verboten actions, such as even lifting up my two year old son (who frankly still does not understand why this is so). And I have to go with the vaginal birth as the way God intended it to be, KWIM? Women's bodies are designed to birth their babies, period.

Anyhow, that is the subject for another post, exploring the vast antagonism and gulf that exists in the good ol' USA today between the natural birth movement (ever heard of "The Business of Being Born"?) and obstetrical care & culture. Having been torn between the two camps and placed in a decidely uncomfortable position between>>>ROCK<<<>>>>HARD PLACE<<<<, I have a few thoughts on that subject. That will have to wait until I am feeling more myself, however. And in case you haven't seen her, here is a link to a few shots of my newest family member:

http://www.dropshots.com/stbridgit#date/2009-07-24/05:48:22

My sweet baby Jane. She is worth it all. :)