Lulled By Luxury

Baking By Design

2011-05-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Well I set myself up for a busy Saturday this week because I signed up to bring church snack tomorrow. Our church is kind of small and the ladies take turns baking or bringing stuff for people to munch on after the service on Sunday, and I hadn't done it in quite a while so I figured I was due for a turn.

What this inevitably means is that my Friday (if I'm able to do so) and my Saturday are an orgy of baking and preparation for this event. Our church may be small, but we still have over 200 people each Sunday, so it's a bit of work to get together a "snack" for everyone. Ironically it is perceived as a source of pride, and ladies who are known "bakers" will pull out all the stops for their turn, doing elaborate or fussy cookies and cakes. One lady likes to make lollipops and hand tie curly ribbon to each one, wrapped in cellophane! I mean some of them really go nuts, making sure their stuff looks bakery-made with royal icing decorations, and some ladies even like to dress the snack table. On Easter Sunday we had an elaborate diorama with Easter eggs & Easter bunnies! Very Christ-centered, haha! (that was my tongue firmly in cheek...it did look very cute but would not be my style)

But seriously, I have garnered something of a reputation in our church as a "baker". Perhaps this is because my husband and actually have *parties* and host dinners and invite folks over on a regular basis, and we do most of our cooking and baking from scratch. Never mind the fact that this is due to my inability to deal with MSG and several food additives, it means that we have a reputation here.

What this means is that if I sign up for snack, people expect that I will go all-out, baking extravaganza style, and bring a host of amazing baked goods for folks to snaffle up and the ladies to ask for my recipe and complain in the future that their attempts "never turn out as good/light/fluffy as yours". *blink*

I really do not understand this. I do not do anything special with my baked goods. I have had one woman repeatedly tell me her cinnamon rolls aren't like mine, ask what flour I use (whatever is on sale or I have to hand) and how long I knead the dough. I mean, I don't make an art of this people! This is an example of how my baking extravaganzas usually break down:

(Me in the kitchen, adding stuff to the mixer)

Kid: Oh, what are you making Mommy?

Me: Cookies/cinnamon rolls/cake

Kid: Oooooooo, can I help? Can I-can I-can I-pretty please???

Me: *grumble* Yeah pull up the chair

(Kid tries to put finger in the bowl)

Me: Stop that!

(Kid tries to sample ingredient)

Me: Stop that! Here, put this in for me.

Kid: Ok! *beam*

2nd kid wanders in: What are you making?

(1st kid rubs the 2nd kid's nose in the fact that THEY have the coveted helper spot. I break up the fight/argument. 2nd kid fetches stool to help as well)

Me: 1st kid, you add this. 2nd kid, you mix it in.

2nd kid: Can I crack the egg, please??

Me: No.

2nd kid: I'll be really careful, please!!

(Clean up mess from egg breaking while mixer runs along)

1st kid: Can I lick the beater?

Me: No.

2nd kid: can I lick the spoon?

Me: No.

1st kid: Can I help fill the cups/drop the cookies?

Me: No. Get out!
(By this point the batter has been creamed practically beyond recognition)

2nd kid: Mom, you forgot to put in the chocolate chips!

(Add the chocolate chips, grumbling)

1st & 2nd kids swoop in and steal large handful of chocolate chips.

Me: GET OUT NOW!! (waving spoon like a madwoman)

3rd kid: Mama!! UP!

Yeah, that is pretty much how it goes. So if my cinnamon roll dough is beaten to a pulp, I don't know how long I've had it on! My kids have been driving me nuts over here! There is no "secret" that I've squirreled away in my brain that makes my stuff so good to the eaters of church snack. I can't figure it out, frankly. I just throw stuff together, subbing for ingredients with whatever I have on hand. Not enough flour? Oh look, I have some oats! Just whiz in the food processor and the problem is solved. I admit to my share of food snobbery when it comes to cake mixes and such. The real source of that is I am too cheap to pay for a combination of dry ingredients that will take me 20 seconds to duplicate by making it from "scratch".

One time I took a pass on my turn and bought a bunch of stuff from Costco. People were actually disappointed. I had not realized this, but folks check the snack list to see who is bringing what each week. The fact that I showed up with STORE BOUGHT BAKED GOODS was a travesty to some! So I realized that a little realistic expectation setting was called for, and I've been dribbling in the occasional store-bought item on my turn. I am just too busy to allow for a baking extravaganza each time I do snack. I have also signed up LESS, because I am too busy to do it according to the unspoken "rules" of church snack. Tomorrow I will round out my baked goods (not lovingly, painstaking decorated with icing or in any way 'prettified') with some store bought, pre-cut fruit. Oh, the horror! Well, it's just how I roll these days.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go get a batch of cinnamon roll dough started while my husband has mercifully taken all the urchins out of the house.

Parenting Cheaply

2011-05-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

A friend posted a BBC article to their Facebook page recently. It was from the BBC, touting the increased pressures of child-rearing these days, and estimated the cost for raising a child to be more than £210,000! In the article they talk about how everything is about fashion and design in baby gear, how you can spend £1200 on a stroller, and that everything needs to be coordinated in the nursery. People are spending more on their kids' clothes than I spend on mine (which admittedly is not much, but still folks, your kid does not need designer baby clothes).

Then on the radio I hear parents talking about how busy they are, taking their son to baseball practice, daughter to violin lessons, both of them to karate lessons, plus piano lessons, plus language lessons. Really, this is important for a six year old? An eight year old?

I tell you what, I must be a miserable parent, because I buy my kids clothes on clearance and sometimes the thrift store, and I don't care what brand it is as long as it fits. I don't take my kids to ANY lessons. They go to and from school, and they play outside when the weather is nice and they play inside when it's not nice. They don't have Gameboys or DS's, or iPods. They don't know how to use the Wii other than to do Wii bowling about every two months or so. They don't really want to learn how to play the Wii, to be honest. Is that because my husband and I don't play it that much either? Possibly. My kindergartener can navigate around a bit on the old desktop, where she is allowed to go to two websites to play games. She does this about...well, I can't remember when she did it last.

I tell you what my kids do. They fold their own laundry (except for the baby). They earn quarters for doing extra chores, and they are expected to keep their rooms navigable and to bus their own table, so to speak. They help put away the dishes. They match socks. They even (occasionally) help pull weeds outside. They play with each other, all sorts of crazy imaginative games. They ride their bikes (very popular this year). They draw with chalk, they do their own crafts, they play with the harps or drums or keyboard, they make up silly songs, they dance around to the radio. They play with worms outside, dig in the dirt, plant flower seeds and veggies, and eat strawberries straight from the plants when they are in season. Pretty terrible life, huh?

I just look at all these kids with schedules so complicated their parents need to use their Blackberry to keep track of them, and I wonder--what the heck are those kids going to remember about their childhood? I know it's a novel thought, but what about just letting kids be kids? Yes, it is more work for parents, because somebody else isn't supervising them, they have to learn to get along with each other, and they have to be creative about how to entertain themselves or play by themselves. They have to learn to judge what is a good idea and what is a bad idea when it comes to entertaining themselves (drenching Mom with a hose while she gardens? Bad! Stacking rocks & building a rock fort? Good!) I don't think my kids are going to be deprived in high school for not doing dance, band, every sport imaginable, and music lessons from the age of four. Somehow I managed just fine and turned out to be successful, and I'm pretty sure my kids can too. So why spend the money and deal with the stress, and stress out your kids? I just don't get it!

The Ado-Man

2011-02-04T12:19:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have noticed a disturbing pattern among some of our married friends--the ado-man (short for adolescent man). Usually this man is in his late twenties to early forties, and surprisingly he has not really settled down into any stable job or career field. Instead he has flitted from job to job, often because he is "bored" with what he was doing, or it wasn't challenging enough, or it just didn't suit his temperament, etc. Most of the time, these men are also married with young children, and tend to be quite traditional in their marriages and childrearing preferences--i.e. they prefer that their wives stay home with their children, they are the "boss" of the household.

What is really disturbing to us is that these men seem incapable of providing any sort of sustainable support for their families, but they can't seem to connect the dots to their own decisions. Losing a job is "bad luck" and not due to the fact they were bored with work and stopped giving their best. The fact their wives have to scrimp, save, buy the scratch & dent cans and shop at Goodwill for their kids' clothes (NTTAWT) doesn't register when they go out and blow $500 on a Bose surround sound system because "Hey, I haven't treated myself to anything for a while and sometimes you just gotta do it, you know?" These same guys will buy themselves a new truck every two years because they feel like it (while their wife's car, the chief family transport, is held together with baling wire), have poker night with their buddies at their house even when their ten month old is teething and dealing with a miserable ear infection, and then they don't understand why their wives get so hopping mad that they are making a lot of noise and staying up until past midnight.

DH and I have encountered repeated species of these males and frankly we are just baffled. Just when do we hit the "Grow Up!" button for the American male of the species? What is wrong with our society that we give a pass to these guys hanging on to the good old days of teendom, when they have adult commitments, relationships, and very real fiscal needs? I get the traditional marriage, but frankly if you aren't providing LEADERSHIP to your family, then you aren't cut out for the male role in a traditional marriage! If you aren't leading by example, showing your kids that yes, sometimes your job is NOT your passion, but that's okay because you need to feed, clothe, and house your family, what kind of message does that send to them? What does it say to your wife when you SAY you support her, but every action is a sabotage to your financial stability and a demonstration of your lack of respect for her wants and needs?

Now that's not to say that the wives in these cases aren't responsible too. I would probably have quite a strong argument with my husband if he weren't pulling his weight in our marriage or family. And I have to say that some of these women are not communicating with their husbands. They complain to their friends but don't actually talk to their husbands about what has them so hopping mad a lot of the time. Is it any wonder we see the rate of divorce we see in the Christian church? Yeah, all of these examples are in CHRISTIAN households.

I just really mourn the lack of good, strong male role models. In an age where marriage is increasingly irrelevant, the whole idea of "service" to your marriage and family is fast falling out of favor. One need only look at the single parent phenomenon in African American households to see how ugly this gets when the dad is allowed a complete pass on responsibility. What is even more frightening is that moms are getting in on the act now, too. It seems increasingly common for moms to be committed in early childhood years, then to get tired of solely shouldering the responsibilities for childraising and leave their teens to go solo (figuratively speaking). Sometimes this takes the form of highly structured schedules, which has the added bonus of making Mom feel like a good parent, because John and Judy are in band, cheer, every sport imaginable, Mandarin, and a host of other "college ready" extracurriculars. Of course John & Judy are so busy you never get to talk to them, and they never get a break, but that's just preparing them for the "real world". Or you just stop listening to your kids, don't make an effort to understand them any more. Hey, it's just because they're teenagers, right? Eventually they will sort it all out and move out for college--the hard part is done. Yeah, because we all know how well that absentminded parenting works for teenagers.

I think we need to be honest with ourselves. Marriages take work. Families require solid commitments. That means sometimes (a lot of the time) you are working at a job that, at its best, drives you crazy sometimes. But you do what you need to do to put food on the table. If you want to "find yourself", "follow your passion", or "find the job you love", you wait to do it when you aren't putting your marriage and family under tremendous strain in the process. If that means drastically changing your lifestyle with everyone's agreement, so that you can afford to start your business or chase your dream, great! But if that is not possible, you need to be mature enough to recognize it and postpone it until you aren't putting other people's lives and well-being at risk. I realize that flies in the face of our hedonistic society, but you really AREN'T priority #1 when you have kids and a marriage. I'm not saying you don't need to take care of yourself, but you can't take care of yourself to the exclusion and detriment of all others. And you need to be involved in parenting your kids, period. Your wife is not the exclusive caregiver if the kids are under X years of age. You ARE responsible for the messages your behavior sends to them. You DO have to sacrifice some of your personal pleasures. It's called being a grown-up--how about trying it sometime, Mr. Ado-male?

Useful Posts

2010-12-10T21:19:00.000-08:00

Well I have had several times when I have been tempted to blog in the past two months, but something (LIFE) has always gotten in the way. I do want you to know that I haven't forgotten about my blog, if all two readers are still left! It's just that my life is insanely busy as you know, and well it's been super crazy lately with work, school schedules, hubby's job commitments, and trying to muck out the pigsty that has been masquerading as our house.

My children are growing like weeds and getting into EVERYTHING, which is another reason I am not here blogging (even though I was not a frequent blogger anyway). My sixteen month old will come up when I'm on my laptop and attempt to wrench my screen down and the computer away from me. Oh wretched beast, that's MY spot in Mommy's lap! Go away you black-tailed devil! You can see the wheels turning in her head. Clearly she will not tolerate being displaced by The Machine.

Crazy will reach Insanity starting January, because I will be working part-time teaching at TWO colleges. Yea and verily, I am Crazy Woman, hear me scream by about mid-February when I am about to pull my hair out and have six weeks to go in the quarter. It's quite an interesting time on the old workfront, seeing as my state is experiencing Ye Olde Budget Crunch and it's not clear that the local college is planning to replace one of my full-time colleagues when he retires at the end of this year. This puts a crimp in Ye Olde Family Debt Repayment, as to get real traction I need to get a full-time gig again pretty soon. Treading water is fine and all, but at some point ya gotta swim for shore, KWIM? So if they *don't* replace him, then I am going to be looking at going back to full-time lab work, or finding a better teaching gig further afield. *sigh* I am just praying and trusting that God has a great plan and eventually He will let me in on it, too.

So that is the scoop. If I can muster up some extra energy (HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!! Extra energy, ROFLMAO...yea, good one!) I will try to blog as inspiration strikes. Don't blame me if I start going on about the wonders of various protein models, however...professor brain strikes at odd times. Wish me luck!

Portland on a Monday

2010-10-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

For the sake of our sanity, my husband and I took the family on a little weekend getaway this past weekend to make up for the crappy summer we just endured with his tendon rupture, surgery, recovery, etc. We toodled down the coast to Oregon, where we spent a happy two days running around Cannon Beach and reminiscing about all the geeky glory of "The Goonies" (filmed in Cannon Beach) and keeping our eyes peeled for a Spanish doubloon, tossed ashore from the tremendous storm that pummeled our self-catering accommodation the previous evening. (As an aside, it appears that the script writers could have been inspired by a local legend, as a Spanish galleon did sink off the coast there several hundred years ago, "laden with gold" and it has never been found...dum dum dum!)

However, the weather was not entirely conducive to happy ramblings by the sea (see aforementioned "storm"), and we decided to relocate to Portland for our final weekend evening, and enjoy some of the sights that it has to offer. If God had ever had a clearer way of saying, "MISTAKE!", I don't know what it was, but for sure the hour it took us to navigate our way through downtown Portland's morass of one-way streets was a blinking hint. For starters, parts of the city had been closed for the Portland Marathon--oh joy. Fortuitously, this was wrapping up when we arrived, so most streets were reopened. However, not the streets near our hotel (of course), so we had to inch along with everyone else in the single lane allocated to the plebeian motorists. You see, Portland has a snazzy electric tram/train line, and it has its own lane and separate signals (oblique white and yellow rectangles surreptitiously placed on the right at every intersection). This is frustrating for tourists, as you see no one moving and no hint of a reason why, except suddenly a tram whooshes by and you finally figure out after the fourth signal that, oh, over there, those rectangle lights must mean a tram is coming. Helpful, Portland people, oh so helpful.

Then, of course the middle lane is allocated exclusively to buses, and there were a steady number of them bustling about. However, and I hate to be unkind, a large part of the time these lanes, too, were sitting empty, while the poor motorists were all inching along. While I recognize the value of encouraging public transport, I have to ask myself if it's really worth alienating all visitors to your fair city by punishing the car patrons so vindictively? Because alongside these lanes are road markings not covered in any non-Oregon DMV class. We had a double white line separating the bus lane from the car lane, with nary a clue or hint offered to visitors as to what that meant. We just sort of figured out that it meant cars go over here, to the left of the double white line, but then we saw cars cutting into the bus lane to turn left or right and didn't know if that was okay? You see, that is the problem with going outside of the standard playbook for road markings, you leave non-natives scratching their heads and saying, "What the hell does this mean? Can I turn or can I not?" And consequently I am sure that we pissed off our fair share of Oregonians by not turning when we probably could have, just to be on the safe side and avoid getting a ticket.

Which brings up the one-way streets. Now we are quite familiar with Seattle, which has an ample supply of one-way streets. However, Seattle has at least stuck with the sensible route: if you have one way streets, you alternate them, and you allow for turning as required, so people only have to circumnavigate one block at most to reach their destination. Quick, logical, and fairly painless when dealing with one-way streets. Portland, however, has decided (again, for reasons which utterly escape the non-native, and quite possibly escape the natives as well) that seemingly arbitrary "No Right Turn" and "No Left Turn" signs will be placed in succession on roads, leading cars four, five, six, yea even eight blocks further on than they would wish to go. I kid you not people, we were unable to turn for eight blocks. To add insult to injury, we found ourselves forced across bridges by the turn restrictions, then hopelessly trying to turn ourselves around again and playing "Hurry up GPS and recalculate" while trying to find our hotel, and then its appointed parking lot. IT WAS SO BAD MY HUSBAND REFUSED TO MOVE THE CAR FROM THE NON-HOTEL PARKING GARAGE TO THE HOTEL GARAGE ONE BLOCK OVER. For a man committed to parking in the OFFICIAL hotel garage (as if that magically conveys some protection against thievery), that says quite a bit.

Then there was the whole quest for the Portland attractions we were interested in visiting. Columbus Day weekend, not everyone had the day off on Monday, but still, a fair number of folks and their kids are off and possibly looking to do something. We drove to the Japanese garden and got there as it closed at 4 pm on Sunday. Yes, I was a bit pissed about that. Gorgeous fall day, holiday weekend, but hey, our seasonal hours say from 1st October we close at 4, so by golly that is what we do, Indian summer or not! But this is the same irritation I have with attractions here in the Seattle area so I grumbled about it and we said we will see stuff tomorrow, and dragged ourselves hotel-ward. (As a side note I will say it is not a wheelchair friendly garden and was poorly signed as such, which outraged me on behalf of my friend who is in a wheelchair, but I digress.)

We decided after some food and laboriously picking our way back to the hotel (from the opposite direction after finding a restaurant across the river, of course) that we would go to the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI), which has a great reputation and is supposedly great for kids, families, etc. Woohoo! And woke up the next day to find that it was closed. On a Monday. Because it's apparently always closed on Mondays, except for certain holiday weekends. But not Columbus Day weekend, because Portland schools don't take that as a holiday, don't you know? No, you didn't know that? We didn't either, and I doubt any tourists to Portland on a holiday weekend know it. And the Portland Children's Museum? Closed on Mondays. Which, quite frankly, boggles my mind. Seattle has about the same population, and by some amazing feat the Seattle Children's Museum manages to keep their doors open seven days a week. The Seattle Science Center during the winter closes on TUESDAYS...in other words, they avoid closing on days which are likely to be holidays, like Mondays or Fridays. Hmmmmmmm, Portland, I think you could learn a lesson about being tourist friendly from your city neighbor to the north!

So we could have gone to the Portland zoo, but frankly it felt like a waste of money to go to the zoo in Portland, when have two perfectly good zoos here at home. We could have gone back to the Japanese garden when it was open (or the Chinese garden for that matter), but facing the tranquility of an Asian garden with 3 refreshed, energized children first thing in the morning is quite a bit different from facing it with 3 tired, more compliant children in the brilliance of the midafternoon, before the witching hour sets in. Faced with the prospect of continually telling them not to touch things and "Stop! No!", annoying the other guests, we decided to beat feet along the one way, no turn paths toward home. We did stop and enjoy the kids' first corn maze, which was fun and the same cost as the garden would have been. Somehow it was far more satisfying to plunk $12 into the hand of the family matriarch who helped plant the corn than it would have been to give it to the garden wardens, I think. No, I don't think we'll be heading back to Portland by choice any time soon. The annoyance factor vs. payoff is just too high. Now, to search for a Spanish doubloon in Cannon Beach...well, that I think we might handle again...

Strange Headspace

2010-08-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read Bill Bryson's "Hello, I'm a Stranger Here Myself"? In it he describes the peculiar experience of coming 'home' to America after living in another country for twenty odd years. I think that is sort of how I am feeling lately. I am being forced to view my life through some different lenses and filters, and it has made me a bit contemplative. I am sure my husband has gotten tired of being asked the same old saw several times a day (or so it feels), but I think there are some big changes coming our way and I want to be prepared, to feel like I know what's around the bend.

Our neighbor and good friend died last week. This was not an expected event, the culmination of a lengthy illness or perpetually delicate health. No, he was extremely fit and healthy, a mountain climber and jolly joker and humble servant of Christ, who called him home at the age of 53. And I haven't doubted that God rewarded his good and faithful servant in bringing him home now, and I haven't asked why, as I know so many of his family members and friends are doing even now. Instead, I have considered why all who knew him, found him worthy of the phrase, "a righteous man", and I compared my own life to his. Unsurprisingly, I found my own lacking.

This process of sanctification by Jesus Christ is a long one and He is not one to rush. If you've ever felt the breathless thrill of waiting for a perfect sunrise over a pristinely beautiful canyon or been surprised suddenly by the awe of a watercolor sunset, then you know that God does perfection, well, perfectly. And I have no doubt that Tim went home to the Lord at the perfect time. But I would be foolish to ignore the lessons God gave all who knew him in his passing. I see many places where my laziness, my lack of self-discipline, my craven selfishness have led me to make different choices than the choices my neighbor would have made. And this makes me sad. It makes me repent of that sinfulness, those wrong choices, all the more grievously. And to pray fervently that God will correct those sinful ways in me, before my children inherit the sins of their mother and face the same painful corrections in their own lives.

So this has me a bit melancholy. I think it's a good thing to take stock and be honest. At the same time, I want to not lose the bigger picture in all the vexatious, squirmy problems and sins that my husband and I can't quite seem to squash. God has blessed the socks off us! He has given us MORE than enough money to pay our bills, MORE than enough space to raise our children, MORE than enough house to shelter us, MORE than enough clothes to clothe & shoe us, MORE than enough food to eat, and an amazing overabundance of family and friends to support and love us. I cannot blog enough about the GRATITUDE I have for a God who would and does bless us so mightily when we are so wormy and insignificant and WHINY. Oh my, we are probably ten times as whiny as our children, and that is beyond ---HERE--- some days, so God is exceedingly patient above all I could ask or do myself.

If today's memorial service and the events of this past week have taught me something, it is that I need to be honest, but that I also need to rest in the Lord's promise that He will not abandon me, that He WILL finish the process He has started in me. You see, all of our struggles with those squirmy, wormy sins shows as nothing else could do, that I cannot do it alone. It is just not possible for me in my own strength to develop strong self-discipline. It is not possible for me in my own strength to demonstrate enough patience to my children to grow them into healthy, communicative adults. It is not possible for me to be all that I should be as a wife to my husband. It is not possible for me to be to myself all that I need. I NEED CHRIST. I NEED HIM, like I need the air I breathe, the food I eat, the water I drink. I cannot sustain life without Him. And if that is the everlasting lesson that has made its way into my heart from a righteous man's death, oh what a blessing God has given me. Thank you Lord, for doing no wrong. What a perspective He gives.

One Week In

2010-08-05T19:03:00.000-07:00

So here we are, about a week into the whole "husband on crutches" thing. I'm not liking it, folks. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty, oh no, it was going to be pretty ugly. But here we are and already I'm feeling "AAACK!!" and "Bleeeeeeeech" and *gronk* and "Feh, stupid (blank)! ". And we are not even a whole week into it, people! (granted yes it is a week tomorrow but STILL!)

Life is pretty busy around here on a normal basis. It takes both my husband and I running full-steam ahead just to keep up with our preschoolers & baby. Add in the wild and crazy excitement of a dog, parrot, two jobs, a one acre property, and you have a recipe for BUSY! if there ever was one. When one of us gets sick, the other person just has to cope for a few days until the other one is back on their feet. Shortcuts get taken to make life flow smoother for everyone.

The problem with this particular situation is that we just cannot run on shortcuts for six weeks. It is just not going to fly. And in that six weeks, we have one school term ending (lots of grading and work for me), and a new one beginning for two of our children. I have put off stuff where possible to keep juggling this past week, to keep my DH off his feet as much as possible, to get him stuff when he needed it, to really pay close attention to him for the first few days after surgery when he wasn't allowed to have his foot higher than his heart. And let me just say, I don't know why anyone would WANT to take those narcotics! My husband had enough of the looped up, drugged out feeling after three days, and even at that stage he experienced some withdrawal symptoms. Whoaaaaaaa, that is NOT cool, friends. Just stay the hell away from drugs, and thankfully my husband would much prefer the discomfort/pain dulled down with plain old Tylenol than to be spaced out.

However, this has resulted in a somewhat irritable and cranky husband, and in turn it has resulted in irritable and cranky children, and an irritable and cranky wife. Have you ever noticed how children absorb your mood and just feed off of it, reflecting all the worst bits back at you at twenty-times magnification? So you can imagine what joy has reigned in our house. And well, they just don't understand that this is sort of a long haul type of process here. They see Dad up and about, albeit with those cool sticks, and they think he's all ready for their usual fun and games. And sometimes, he is, so they go about their merry business until one of them pushes it too far, someone is crying, and both are called onto the carpet and roll down that naughtiness hill until everyone is just fed up with each other and the whole day!

Well, that is my pity party for the day. It is not going to be easy to keep this family going for the next five weeks. However, talk about a massive and timely dose of perspective...just got word that a good friend and neighbor suffered a massive cardiac arrest, and is basically in a medically induced coma. Good Lord, be with our wonderful neighbors, and restore this righteous man to health. All my whingeing seems so utterly pointless now, but if You could help all in this family to put forth a bit more effort and goodwill, we would all be so very grateful. Amen.

The Summer Snafu

2010-07-29T20:24:00.001-07:00

So, I've been busier than expected this summer. Not in a, "Wow, look at how many summer projects I've gotten done!" kind of way, but in a phone call from the dean, "Can you PLEASE teach an emergency class section this summer prettyprettyplease?" Yeah, extra money! Woohoo! I have been quite happy to receive it, and it's paid for some expected (insurance premiums) and unexpected expenses this summer (plumbing issues, dog vet bills). But you know those summer projects? They weren't exactly fun and games. We have another wall that needs to be rebuilt on our shed (which houses our well pump), and it needs to be done before the cold weather. Our fence for the backyard needs to be completed so our dog will not wander off for a jaunt around the neighborhood when our son lets her out and doesn't tell us. And the kids' playsets need to be moved/torn down. One old metal playset is probably at the end of its useful life, and I want it to be removed. The other wood playset is in a low point of the yard and ended up in standing water for several months last winter. Suffice it to say, I don't want to encourage wood rot and we need to move it to a better spot before winter sets in (with the rain and standing water).

I don't know what we are going to do about the rotting fascia boards. Our house has the craziest gutter system I have ever seen, in that, it doesn't really have gutters. Yeah, this is not such a good plan in the Pacific Northwest? Instead, there is some kind of membrane running down the roofing, sort of looped up and attached (via glue, presumably) to the top of the fascia boards. The downspouts are attached to holes cut through the actual roofing plywood, and those don't look that hot--I suspect that whoever did this kludgy work didn't properly waterseal the connections, or it has failed in time due to the poor design. So what do we have? Rotting fascia boards due to constant water exposure (I had some MUSHROOMS growing on one fascia board last winter, I kid you not). Plus "gutters" that require constant cleaning of the copious amounts of tree spurge dropping on the roof and washing down in order to get the water down through the downspouts where it belongs. And we have a kludged roof over our deck, attached again with funky flashing and membrane/tar (not clear what sort of combination it is), directly over the fascia board--so the question with the rotting board is, will it affect the structural integrity of the deck roof to pull it off and replace it? Like that is the last thing we need to be worrying about, if we attempt repair ourselves--will I pull this roof down on my head? Yeah, good times.

I had thought that maybe we could brace the deck roof temporarily, yank the fascia board, cut back the overhangs to cut off any damaged sections of the roof plywood, then attach proper gutters along everything with downspouts, etc. But then I regained my sanity and said to myself, "Self, we are the same people who cannot get a shed wall rebuilt in a timely manner, or bathroom molding cut properly without numerous (cursing) attempts...YOU ARE CRAZY to think you could do this yourselves!!" This is a home repair issue that screams THIS COULD GET CRAZY EXPENSIVE AND EXPERT-LEVEL IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. So, probably a better plan is to save, save, save like mad things, try to minimize further damage this winter by religiously cleaning the downspouts and gutters weekly, and pray that we get enough saved to pay a professional to do this little job for us.

Anyway, I *am* finally coming up to the end of summer quarter, so in theory we *could* get the shed wall done, the fence, etc. Yeah, that was the case, until my husband injured...his big toe. Yes, this is a serious injury! My husband, while outside some damp morning about seven weeks ago in his flip flops, lost his balance and actually STOOD on his big toe. Apart from the instantaneous pain and howling, it turns out he has ruptured a very important tendon that attaches to the tip of the big toe, and keeps it straight. So now my dearest husband goes under the knife later today, so that an orthopedic surgeon who specializes in foot & ankle injuries can either a) reattach his shredded tendon (the MRI shows it is like a frayed shoelace, with a tiny bit still attached), or if it's not in good enough shape for that (it's become "fibrotic"), then he will b) detach a different tendon from the base of his big toe, and stretch it up to attach it to the top of his big toe. Yes, a single patch of moss caused all of this pain and agony. Let that be a lesson to you homeowners with moss on your sidewalks--it can be deadly! Mental note: add "rent powerwasher and powerwash all moss from sidewalks" to the summer chore list...

And guess what the recovery time is for this type of surgery? A few weeks? Naaaaaaah, that would give some hope of getting any of the NECESSARY stuff done! Nope, my husband is going to be unable to put any weight on his foot for a MONTH. Crutches and a crawling baby, what a fun combination! And, then he will have a walking cast for another month. Yippee! Followed by an orthopedic shoe and physical therapy. All for a big toe, which I already knew was very important for balance and all that, but crikey that is a long time!

So what are my chances of getting any of these important projects done, by myself, in the next eight weeks? HAHAHAHA! Yeah, I think the same. Unfortunately, I don't exactly have a big wad o' cash to plonk down to pay someone else to do them for me. So where am I? Well, apart from going bonkers trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to get this stuff done, I am poking at the dead carcass of my "extra money budget" and saying, "Well? WELL?? Come on now, I need some more!" And reminding myself that when push comes to shove, as it inevitably has, we have more than enough for our basic needs and we are thus very, very blessed compared to the rest of the world. It's just hard to have started summer with this list of stuff to do, knowing it's important, and now be staring down the eyeballs of what's left of summer and seeing it all go "poof". What should I prioritize? I don't know, I really don't. I'm thinking the shed wall, and see what else we can kludge with the help of very generous friends. But we have such a small good weather window, I would be lying if I said I wasn't very, very disappointed with the turn of events. It just goes to show that even if it's wet and rainy in the spring, you can't delay this stuff. It really does slip away faster than you think.

The Other Side

2010-06-06T18:00:00.001-07:00

When was the last time you walked on the other side of the fence? In discussing current events with folks, and attempting to have some civil discussions about controversial topics, I come across the same issue again and again...people simply do not read/listen to a variety of sources about anything these days. I personally find that shocking. Who doesn't remember their high school teachers droning about examining the source of information, the bias we all give to our own writing and the perspective we each have about things? Clearly, a lot of people don't remember it, or they never heard it in the first place, because I consistently hear adamant opinions from people who don't bother to listen to more than one news channel, or one radio station, or read one newspaper.

I distinctly recall hearing from multiple teachers and professors about the danger of biases, and how they creep into everything you do and think. In science in particular one has to try to be aware of bias, for fear that it will bias your interpretation of your data. Thus scientists use a peer review process, where we essentially ask other well-trained scientists, "Does this make sense from this data?" And while it is true that small sections of science are small realms, and peer reviewers often know each other and can be biased from that relationship, the plus is that this means they have often been kept up to date with the data and research for several years before it's published, and thus they know better than anyone whether the author is trying to stretch the data to say something it really doesn't say.

But it's not just scientists who need to be aware of bias. Everybody needs to be aware of it, and ask questions to discern its influence. For example, I sure as heck want to know if my county commissioner is related to the concrete contractor who is bidding for the county roads job. I also want to know if a school committee member is a first cousin to the school principal that is up before the school committee to explain possible mishandling of an employee termination. Yeah, I think we need to be on the look out for bias in others, for sure.

What about our own biases? If we agree that biases can be bad, and can negatively influence our behavior and the behavior of others, why aren't we more cognizant of our own? I realize it's comfortable to stick with hearing/reading/watching news reports that agree with your own opinions. Of course we all prefer it when we are in agreement with someone, rather than arguing with them. There is nothing more annoying than watching a TV host pontificate about something about which you vehemently disagree. Nonetheless, if you don't watch or listen to those with whom you disagree, how are you ever going to appreciate where they are coming from? How do you suppose you will ever be able to carry on a decent civil discussion on topics where you disagree?

I try to be a bit cognizant of my media biases. I don't watch much TV "journalism" any more, seeing as it mostly showmanship and opinion with a 10% dose of news. However, I do read a lot of news online, and I read from a lot of different sources...BBC News, Fox News, CNN, Xinhua, Al Jazeera, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Associated Press, Reuters...well the list is pretty long, and I won't bore you with it, but suffice it to say that I read from a lot of news organizations, and it makes for a pretty broad picture from a lot of different angles. I also listen to a lot of different radio, when I listen to the radio. Thus when I talk to one of my in-laws, or a student, and they are raging about some particular subject and I hear "Well I heard/read on X..." and that's it, that's the sole source of their passionately held opinion...well, it's really not a very comprehensive source list, is it? And when pressed about how many different opinions they'd read, had they investigated the "other side's" view, etc, strangely the answer is always, "No," followed quickly by a defensive, "Why?" and something along the lines of "that's all snark and who would ever believe THAT" or some such pathetic excuse.

So I ask you, how often do you really look at issues from the "other side"? Be honest now, because I don't think we can honestly tell ourselves we are convinced we are right about a particular topic if we haven't really looked at what the other side has to offer. And, the beauty of it is, if you are honest and do look at the other side, and you recognize any good points, that just makes you more well-informed, doesn't it? And if you're going to strongly hold an opinion, shouldn't it be a well-informed one? Just sayin'...

The Vast Scientific Conspiracy

2010-05-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

As with so many other subjects on which science treads boldly, I am finding it irks me greatly when ignorant individuals presume to lecture scientists on the vast conspiracy against their championed theory which they have "researched extensively". Please understand that I use the word "ignorant" in this vein (from Merriam Webster): "lacking knowledge or comprehension of the thing specified". However, it seems that having "letters after your name" makes you an instantaneous target for individuals seeking an argument about their pet scientific issue. Given that I am encountering this type of discussion more and more frequently as a professor, allow me to clarify a few things that will elicit irritation (hopefully well-concealed due to common courtesy) and instant mental dismissal:

Do not claim to have "extensively researched" your issue if you haven't read a large swath of the evidence produced by the opposing viewpoint. Reading from the hymnbook with the choir does not make you an expert on the unwashed heathen masses in the pews.
If you do not understand the guiding principles behind scientific investigation, do not pretend to understand why or why not some experiments were done well or done poorly.
If you do not know the difference between multiple statistical formulas and why one would be appropriate over another, do not state that you know the statistics are "flawed".
Do not assume that your hypothesis is correct. If you are unable or unwilling to accept that the data presented to you may give you a result that is different from the one you wanted, then don't enter the discussion.
If you do not have a comprehensive education to provide you with sufficient underpinnings to analyze the function of a biological system, then do not presume you know more than individuals who have studied the biological system for decades.
Do not assume that just because someone has received an advanced degree, they are part of the "system" and will not ever listen to what you say.
DO consider your sources. Citations from peer-reviewed journals of high repute will advance your cause greatly, because the peer review process (while flawed) does provide a significant countermeasure to someone publishing whatever they threw together. Citations from a highly subject-specific society's own journal are less likely to aid you, and might make you look ignorant (depending on the source).
Please remember that scientists make their careers by receiving grant money on hot subjects. If your personal scientific topic involves a hot subject, you can bet there are plenty of studies being done on it, because scientists who discover something new have discovered a career-making source of fame & steady grant money. If there is nothing new being discovered, i.e. running against the dominant paradigm/theory, see #4.
Do not use vituperative or emotive language in your discussion. It merely demeans your argument. Ugly or demeaning language closes minds, it doesn't open them.
Respect the other person's opinion, as they will hopefully respect yours.
Realize that data interpretation is just that, interpretation. If you have the raw data and can prove a different conclusion, great! Publish it! Otherwise, perhaps it is wise to remember that the authors of scientific papers are the world's leading experts on their own data, and respect that and subsequently their opinions of that data.
If you are really convinced that there is a vast conspiracy on your topic of scientific interest, may I suggest you go become a scientist yourself and prove them wrong? Don't hold it against me (or any other scientist for that matter), however, if along the way you suddenly reverse your opinion in the course of your education.

Ugh. I really must stop offering to be a strawman for folks with agendas. It's quite depressing.

Illegal Immigration

2010-05-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

Look, I am not going to bore you with personal tales about dealing with legal immigration in the U.S. I'm just going to say flat out that I do not have sympathy for illegal immigrants. Period. I know what my family has personally gone through to do things the LEGAL WAY, and it cost us a lot of money, both in actual Ouch check-writing moments, as well as in many hours spent poring over documentation, standing in line at the INS office, going to the immigration attorney's office, etc.

The fact is, if my family member had to go through the process of becoming a legal permanent resident alien (aka green card holder) again today, it would cost us $3500+ in fees alone from start to finish (not including immigration attorney costs, or duplicating costs for paperwork, or doctor's fees for shots or photo fees, etc).

An illegal immigrant pays none of that, unless of course s/he was in the country before 1986. Then s/he can pay $1400+ and become a permanent resident alien. If the illegal immigrant entered the country after 1986, it becomes far more complicated, expensive, and fraught to gain legal residency (and it's not necessarily possible). If said illegal immigrant has American children, they could possibly petition for residency on the basis of those children.

Anyhow, I am going into the big, tall weeds of the U.S. government's rules & regulations, and I don't want to do that. I just want to point out that just because someone has a good *reason* for doing something (like entering this country illegally), does not make it *right* for them to do so, morally or legally. And said person should be prepared to pay the consequences for that wrong action, whenever the bill (as it were) may come due. It really doesn't matter if that person has spent years being a good productive citizen since that wrong action. It doesn't matter if they have bought a house, been a community volunteer, paid their bills on time, not gotten into trouble with the law, raised decent upstanding kids. That person is still accountable for breaking the law.

It reminds me of those news stories you hear about with some grandma who was part of some crazy '70s heist or crime, and who went underground and remained hidden for three decades. She got married, had kids & grandkids, was a model citizen. And then the proverbial knock at the door, and she is arrested for that criminal action she did three decades before. I don't hear people saying, "Oh, she's been good since then...they should just let her go." The prevailing conversation you hear is, "Well, she knew she did wrong," or "She did something wrong and she still needs to pay her debt to society." Likewise Roman Polansky doesn't get a pass on his crime of decades ago--the feds still want to see him in court just as much now as they ever did.

So I want to ask you, how is it any different if someone entered this country illegally? They committed a crime. It doesn't matter how long ago they did so. In the intervening years they have benefited from this country's opportunities and infrastructure. Maybe they helped pay for it through taxes (even payroll taxes, if they used a fraudulent Social Security number...another crime, btw), or maybe they didn't. But the fact remains that they broke our laws to get here, they benefited from opportunities that arguably could otherwise have been open to American citizens or legal immigrants. Shouldn't they have to pay for that crime? At a minimum, if they are caught, shouldn't they be forced to return to their home country? How is it okay to send a grandma back to jail, with hope of parole in 2-3 years with good behavior, for a bank robbery committed thirty years ago, but it's not okay to at a minimum send people home who came here illegally thirty years ago (ok, 23 years ago, given the '86 amnesty)? I don't understand the logic.

I don't want to hear a bunch of B.S. about "well Americans didn't want those jobs". How do we know that? If those illegal immigrants weren't here, if the borders were enforced and people who still managed to sneak in were sent home as soon as they were found, I bet any deficiencies in the work force that would require more legal immigration would be remedied pretty quickly. But at the end of the day, we cannot allow folks to flaunt our laws. Where does it end? It's okay with immigration, but not okay for bank robbery suspects...oh and murderers, or identity thieves...unless they were using a Social Security number to be here on payrolls as illegals, then that's okay? You see the problem? How do you differentiate? And folks, we can't take them all. We just don't have the resources. Ask the folks in Arizona how expensive it is to offer services to folks who don't pay for them with taxes (hello AZ immigration law!). You see why people are demanding the federal government enforce its own laws regarding immigration?

And frankly, as someone who jumped through all the expensive, tedious, and maddening hoops with legal immigration, I'm tired of hearing about how the illegal immigrants "deserve" a break. I don't get a free pass from breaking the law, any law--and neither should anybody else. The End.

The Default Option

2010-03-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

I've noticed some things lately in trying to clean up our messy, disorganized house (both financial and literal). Chiefly, I have noticed that our default option in our family is to put off dealing with "it" 'til later. Of course, "Later" is purely an abstract concept, some hazy definition of a time in the future (possibly distant future) at which we will muster up the gumption to deal with "it" in the appropriate fashion. "It" can be anything ranging from putting away purchases from Target or Walmart, to organizing our check register and balancing our budget, or actually enacting a budget in such a way that we are ~~dragged kicking and screaming with bloody knuckles~~ forced to live by the actual set budget (and by this I mean a really ugly, pure cash only system where debit cards are housed other than in our wallets).

You know, "Later" has a nasty habit of never coming around in our family, and I'll bet it's the same in yours too. What made me realize this is the shocking realization that our eldest child is mimicking our habits perfectly. Yes, it tickles the cockles of my heart when she imitates one of our good habits, but it never occurred to me until this week that she is perfectly imitating our bad habits as well. I tell her to pick up something or do something while she is playing her Didj, and I have to tell her five times before she does it. Yet when I tell my husband to do something, does he do it right away, or does he sit at his computer for another five, ten, twenty minutes before he does it? And when my husband tells me that dinner is ready, do I stop putzing on the computer or doing whatever little chore right then and come to the table, or do I continue putzing or doing for five, ten, or even fifteen minutes? I think you can probably guess which one happens. And it is so irritating for that to happen when it's my daughter doing it to me, but somehow the pieces didn't click that this is exactly what my husband and I do to each other all the time...and she's imitating us!

My daughter's room has become a point of contention for us lately too. Her floor has literally been so covered with toys, clothes, shoes, and STUFF that it is a fire hazard. We have told her, how would the firefighters get to you if you had a fire? And she's five--this means nothing, really. And I have been forcing her to pick up her stuff, so we don't nearly fall and break our necks on everything jumbled all over. And yet, I go into my laundry room, and what do I do? Nearly break my neck every day negotiating around the plastic storage bin full of crap I haven't looked at in years (literally), past the box of sofa cushion stuffing that I was going to "get around to replacing someday", balancing a full laundry basket. And I wonder where she gets the idea that it's okay to live like this!!

I wonder about what kind of messages we are sending to our kids. My son's dresser has two broken drawers, that have been sitting on his floor for a month or more (they broke at different times). What message are we sending to him by leaving his dresser drawers on the floor? That it's not important to fix things. And here we are, a year and a half later, with a bathroom that is still not completed (still need to put up the mirror, rewire the light above the shelves, finish installing the trim, and paint the doors & trim), a shed that is still not fully fixed nor painted! We might not consciously think about it, but we are letting ourselves say, "Later...later...later" and letting things deteriorate in our home and in our lives.

Because life is in the details. Those things niggle at us every time we see them. We might not think about them, but they bother us. They certainly bother me. And while we have small children, and we don't have much time in each day, we have enough time to putz around on the internet for several hours. We have enough time at the weekends to spend more money than we should at Walmart, and Target, and Costco. We have enough time to "relax" as a family every weekend. And I'm not saying that's not important. But it is EQUALLY important to have your house in order, both financially and literally. It is EQUALLY important to show your kids that sometimes even when you want to just sit down and relax, you have to keep moving and get some important tasks done. So we need to be more conscious of that urge to say, "Later." We need to step up and say, "Now." We need to take care of business more often, before the business takes care of us. I don't want to see my family, my house, my life deteriorate. I want to see improvement. And that means more "Nows", and letting the "Laters" take care of themselves.

Spring Cleaning

2010-03-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I still believe in spring cleaning. However, it has taken a different turn this year--it's been a financial house cleaning for us this spring. Yessir, the enormous refund we have received from our federal taxes is no more...we have rearranged our W-4s and can happily expect to maybe pay a little or get just a little back come next tax season. This is a good thing, because unlike many folks in America, we understand that giving Uncle Sam an interest-free loan is not good financial planning. Really if you want a tax "bonus" of a couple extra thousand dollars per year, adjust your W-4s and set up a savings account to which you automatically transfer the money that would otherwise go to Uncle Sam, and let yourself withdraw from it on April 15th. The beauty of that is not only will you still get the thousands, but you will have made some extra $$ on it too.

Anyhoo, we have improved our monthly cash flow thanks to that little change. This will be extremely helpful this summer when I'm not getting paid, and oh yeah we forgot about THIS expense, or THAT THING that we do for the kids or need to do for the kids right now but oops we didn't budget for it, how am I going to pay for that again? Things like, I don't know, our ten year anniversary weekend getaway that we are talking about doing, which will involve spending a decent amount of money. Oh sure, not in a thousands of dollars kind of way, or even a thousand dollars, but still, a fair whack of moola to throw down the tubes for a few days of family fun, know what I'm saying? So having that money pre-budgeted and knowing that yes, we CAN afford to do that, even when I'm not getting paid for three months, well that is a nice thing to know.

We are also refinancing our mortgage. Our interest rate is more than full percent higher than current 30 year rates, and seeing as we are not looking to move any time soon and we can recoup our costs for refinancing within a year, yeah, we are all over that! This move too will save us a pretty good amount of money on our mortgage, which allows us to speed up the debt paydown even further (family fun fest of a few days out of town notwithstanding). I realize that we are refinancing a mortgage which we have paid down for X years, to be paying again a higher percentage to interest, which kind of sucks. However, this enables us to pay off higher interest debt faster, which makes a lot of sense when you crunch the numbers. Therefore we are going full steam ahead with this plan, and have been conditionally approved for our refinance. Now we are submitting all the paperwork that proves, yes, we have these assets that we said we did, our house is worth what we said it's worth (here we are very blessed to live where we do in WA and not back in AZ where we used to live, ouch that would not be fun), and we are fine upstanding credit-worthy citizens with a great track record of paying what we owe, and therefore you want to own our mortgage. So all systems go, and hopefully in about 45 days we will be signing our new loan paperwork and saying hello to a new interest rate and a new lower mortgage payment.

Other than the financial stuff, I have only managed to get some new pillows for the family, get the sheets changed, and get the next size baby clothes out and deployed for our growing youngest. I hope that by tomorrow I will get caught up with the laundry, and maybe finish weeding my strawberry bed. If I can get any real housecleaning done on Friday, that will be a substantial bonus, but I'm not counting on it. Frankly, I am more pleased with the financial stuff than I would be with dusted picture frames or sewed curtain pockets. Hopefully I can get some of that done too, or get my daughter's room better organized (which will mean moving some toys out). However, I am happy with the blend of relaxing and work that has constituted most of this week. Next week we are back to our regularly scheduled work program, but it's nice to feel that a spring break is actually a *break* and still productive. Now, time to figure out when to start the vegetable garden prep...

Still Here, Just Busy

2010-03-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

Well, let's just say the old blog has fallen off the priority list. Well, okay, it's practically fallen off a cliff, broken both of its legs and punctured a lung, but I'M HERE NOW TO GIVE LIFE SUPPORT AND YOU CAN JUST BACK OFF A LITTLE M'KAY? *ahem* A bit defensive we are, (channeling Yoda), yeah yeah, let's just say that 3(Kids) + Work + Life = Busy, and that means too busy to blog. Some days Busy = Tired or = Lazy or = Disinterested or = Distracted. There has been a lot going on around here.

In point of fact, I really ought to be grading my students' extra credit assignments right now, and answering a student's email, but frankly I just cannot do it, no I will NOT and you can't MAKE me, damn it! I am TIRED. That's TIRED, in case you didn't get my meaning. No matter how much my husband and I thought we kind of knew what to expect from having three kids, we didn't. Yeah, take the level of tiredness we thought we'd be facing, and multiply it by THREE. Totally underestimated the amount of sniping, irritation, and anger we would have toward each other due to the increased demands on our attention and energy. Any little things that used to sort of bother us have now become things that cause moments of eye twitching rage and smouldering irritation. And we did figure that out about four months ago, but nonetheless it is still very hard to remember that in a moment when one of us has just done something that really, truly pisses off the other person. And it's not like it's even big stuff, it's the little, insane bits that just gnaw at you, and even when your rational self says, "Self, this is not a big deal, this is something to work on later when we aren't crazy busy and sleep deprived all the time," it is still hard to see the bigger picture.

I am very glad that my husband and I took a good marriage class several years ago, B.C. (before children). It gave us some really good coping skills which we use daily. However, I think that the demands of 3 preschool children (including 1 infant) really exposes the microscale cracks in a marriage--and just like the effects of ice on cracks in concrete or asphalt, it widens them over time. Gary Chapman says no marriage is ever static--it's either getting better, or it's getting worse. And frankly I think my husband and I would both say ours has gotten slightly worse over the past seven or eight months. It's a small slide, but it's noticeable. It's noticeable when you say something that's not very nice to your spouse, and even if it's a product of a thoughtless or half-thought, it still hurts. And it hurts you too to realize you said something that hurt your spouse's feelings. After all, your marriage is a partnership and you are a team. It's depressing to find yourself saying or doing things that sabotage that, especially if that moment happens in front of your children--who are watching everything you do. And it's noticeable to have less time to yourselves, time to recharge and *be* and reconnect with each other. Sitting on the couch together is nice, but when you're both so tired that you're falling asleep, or zoning out on your laptop or to some TV program, that doesn't really count.

I would love to have a monthly date night, but the fact is that dates cost money, in the form of babysitters and at least a few bucks for a coffee somewhere. And we are trying to get ready for my long, lean, unpaid summer off, plus have the money to pay for finishing projects that can only be done in good weather, like the missing/rotting wall on our shed. And really, we just need to not be exhausted every night. It's very easy to tell ourselves, "this too shall pass", but given the fact that our three year old still wakes up most nights of the week needing something, and we have a seven month old baby...well, you do the math. That light at the end of that particular tunnel doesn't seem very bright or very close. Add in the fact that DH, who we are so very grateful to God remains gainfully employed, is now working EST hours, while we live PST. That makes for a really tough, long day. It's stressful, period.

I love my husband. I LOOOOOOOOOVE him. He does so many gorgeous, glorious, sexy, bad-ass wonderful things for me and our family. And I LOVE my kids. They are maddeningly glorious and messy and joyful dervishes whirling through life. LOVE IT ALL. It's just a lot to manage. Add in my own fantasy expectations for glorious, weed-free gardens, moss-free lawns, perfect vegetable garden, and perfectly organized, clean house (hahahaahahahahahahahahaa!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA...no, really, I DO want an organized clean house...doesn't mean I know HOW to get there), and you have the need for serious priority-setting and realistic expectation setting. I know rationally that we are in a busy period of our lives. However, I also know that we have to do a certain amount of *maintenance* on our property and yards, in order to keep it from devaluing, and keep ourselves from creating massively expensive maintenance problems in the future. Figuring out exactly how much has to be done is the key, and this is only our second house, and our first older house. It's more of "a lot" on our plate, and we need to figure it out, because maybe then it will stop stressing me out.

Yet again we are having to adjust to the "new normal", the new parental strains, the new home ownership challenges, the new budgeting, etc. It's Life, and frankly sometimes I want to go back to being a whirling dervish myself and forget all this crap that constitutes life as a Certified Adult. Vacation, anyone? If I could only figure out how to pay for it.

Resolutions

2010-01-12T18:38:00.000-08:00

It seems the things we want most to change are the hardest to change about ourselves. Of course it's the time of year for reflections and generous promises to 'do better' in some area(s) of life, but by March most of us have waved the white flag of surrender and are just trying to cope and keep it from getting WORSE, and WHO ARE YOU TO STICK YOUR NOSE IN THERE ANYWAY??

Unfortunately we often snap at the people who are trying to help us along on our self-declared change pathway. If my husband gently reminds me that I don't NEED dessert, I am more likely to want to eat it! Paradoxical creatures, aren't we? And it often seems like when we are just collecting a good head of steam to gain momentum in an area of change, we are confronted with obstacles that force redirection, and suddenly, we stall.

How many times have I said I want to lose weight? (A lot.) How many times have I said we really need to go to an all cash budgeting system? (A lot.) And yet here I am, same ol' same ol', two years running. And it's getting old, my friends. So old that I am convinced I am going about it in the wrong way.

A nice lady at our church, our women's ministry deacon, puts together periodic "snippet"-style Bible studies for our reading pleasure. Her newest one targets the Proverbs 31 woman. You know her--she's the quintessential picture of a woman who has it all together and benefits all who come in contact with her. She is confident in her faith and balances her family, business ventures, and charitable works, all seemingly without effort. Her family praise her as the best wife and mother. Yet, as my friend capably points out, we don't often feel we can meet her standard. And there is a reason for this--we can't. The fact is, I am cravenly human. I like to sit on my butt instead of sweating off calories. I KNOW that sweating off calories is good for me, but that doesn't mean that I ignore my flesh when it says, 'Oh but it's so comfy right here...you don't really need to lose that much weight, do you?' I also KNOW that reading my Bible daily is good for me. Yet how often do I choose to do sudoku puzzles or catch up on the news online instead of doing my Bible studies? How easy it is to choose to ignore the better thing, as Martha found, and focus on self and its comforts and its priorities.

I am not alone in my resolution fest. My husband, who hasn't ever met a vegetable he liked, is trying to incorporate vegetables into his diet. God bless him, this is a big step! His theory is that if he can just eat *some* vegetables with every meal, eventually he will like some of them and he'll not stop to think about eating them but they will just be part of the routine. He's not trying to eat a huge helping at every meal. Instead, he is eating a few mouthfuls and being satisfied with that progress, trusting that with time he will eat more.

I admire this approach, and one evening as I was reading my friend's "snippet" Bible study, I realized that daily time in God's Word can be approached the same way. Would it be better to spend every day doing part of my Precepts study, instead of cramming it all into one or two days? Yes, it certainly would! But the fact is that I am not in the habit of committing even five minutes to God's Word DAILY, let alone half an hour! So if I, too, take the approach of a "few mouthfuls" of Scripture daily, then I can "taste and see that the LORD is good," and increase my appetite for daily time in His Word. Is it a perfect plan? No, no more than my plan to increase my exercise and decrease my bad food choices in favor of better ones. But, it's a start...and really, isn't that what New Year's resolutions are about?

Being There

2009-12-04T19:36:00.000-08:00

Here we are, almost a month on from when my world was cracked & shaken a bit, and my friend's world broke into pieces. The memorial service is over, the burial has taken place, and she & her family are trying to pick up the pieces and find some new form of "normal". My heart is still aching for them, but while I carry a stone of grief, they are carrying a boulder. It is so hard to know what is the best way to help, and after an initial flurry of practical help for meals, etc, now it is clear that the best way I (we, my family & I) can help them is to just be there for them.

Today was good, I think. She came over for a playdate, and their surviving daughter (almost 3) had a good time playing with our oldest two kids. Of course my eldest DD is the same age as her sister was, so she felt comfortable with her. And she has been over many times before for playdates, so she knows where stuff is, what our house is like, what kinds of toys we have, etc. It was so nice to see her running around with my kids and just being a regular *kid*, not being shy and quiet and clingy. She didn't want to leave when it was time to go, which I think was the best compliment she could have paid to my kids. They all had a ball, playing dress up and make-believe games with cats and fairies and all the other shiny, bubbly pretend games that kids at those ages love to play.

My friend is coping so well. Of course everything is so skewed--she said her house is "so quiet, too quiet". I cannot express adequately how my heart hurts for her. She is trying to figure out what could possibly be the reason for this, and of course she doesn't have an answer. She believes there is a reason for everything, and she hopes that the press coverage about the death has helped some parents who were on the fence about the H1N1 vaccine, to get the vaccine for their kids. She said so many little things remind her of her daughter--she will be going along, and think she is doing okay for a while, and something else comes forward to remind her of her child and then she's back to the beginning again. She's sick of people asking her how she is doing. Of course she is! She can't even go Christmas shopping for their surviving child without facing an array of toys that instantly remind her of her firstborn, the "Oh, ________ would love that!" and that split second realization that there isn't a child at home to buy it for, any more.

Grief is so hard, because it is so intensely personal. Everyone does it differently. I can only hope, that in being there to listen and sympathize and cry alongside her, that I can help ease my friend's grief for just a moment or two, a little at a time. I know she & her husband are going to carry this with them for the rest of their lives on this earth, but I hope that the edges soften for them, sooner rather than later. It is really the worst thing I have seen anyone go through, and the worst thing I have gone through, even flitting along the edges. I would not wish it on anyone. It is no wonder that death is described as the enemy in the Bible. I just keep asking God to gather them in His arms and keep them in His hand, because He's the only one who can and has defeated this ultimate enemy. I am still sad.

Grieving

2009-11-10T03:43:00.000-08:00

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

My daughter lost a friend today, my friend lost her daughter today. I guess it was yesterday, now. Wow. I am seeking comfort from the One who made me, He who mourns with me and is the ultimate Comforter. I am praying that my friend, her husband, her surviving daughter, that they all feel God's Hands and warmth and hugs now. I will miss their bright, spunky, beautiful princess. It will be so hard, that first time that I bring my daughter to preschool, and see that their daughter is no longer there...after two years of school together, and tight friendship and playdates and always chatting with my friend while dropping off/picking up our daughters. My friend will not be there. I am so, so sad.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Tolerance = Agreement

2009-10-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well here in WA state we are facing an upcoming election. On Tuesday, November 3rd, voters are being asked to vote on a variety of local elections, and two big state referendums. One concerns limiting state and local governments general funds in a manner that ties it to income and inflation, with the rest being kicked back in the form of property tax cuts, á la Prop. 13 in California. The other is Prop. 71, which states:

This bill would expand the rights, responsibilities, and obligations accorded state-registered same-sex and senior domestic partners to be equivalent to those of married spouses, except that a domestic partnership is not a marriage.

Here's the backstory: Voters in WA passed in 1998 a Defense of Marriage act which defined marriage in Washington state to be the traditional marriage between one man and one woman. In May 2009 Governor Christine Gregoire signed into law a bill passed by the state legislature to grant all the rights heretofore accorded to married couples to domestic partnerships, which essentially gave all the legal rights of marriage without the name "marriage". The supporters of traditional marriage in WA accordingly collected signatures and filed a petition to refer this new law for referendum and approval by the voters, as they are allowed to do under the state constitution. Therefore this measure is now on the ballot for the November 3rd election.

Here is the real nitty gritty issue with this referendum--and I'm not talking about the referendum itself. Instead, I'm talking about the hullabaloo that has cropped about around the petition to refer this legislation to the ballot. In particular, there has been a nasty legal tussle about the identities of signers of the petition to put Prop. 71 on the ballot. Opponents of Prop. 71 have argued that the petition is a matter of public record and therefore all the identities of the signers should be released. There are two organizations that have been created which promise to publish the list of signers as soon as they are made public: knowthyneighbor.org, and whosigned.org . Proponents of Prop. 71 have argued that petition signing is a form of political speech, and therefore protected (and private/secret) under the 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

The big problem I have here is that there are people and judges/courts that actually agree that these names should be made public! Since when does signing a political petition to get an issue on a ballot NOT constitute political speech?? Ummmmmm, the last time I checked, I wasn't required to show anyone my ballot choices before I put it into the ballot box. And the same goes for signing my NAME on any petition to get something ONTO that ballot! You might as well require folks to sign their name and initial next to every ballot choice, because requiring public disclosure of petition signers' identities amounts to that.

The Washington Secretary of State had argued that the names needed to be released according to the Washington Public Records Act. Apparently the Secretary of State has not read this particular piece of legislation, because when I looked it up in WA's law books I found this interesting tidbit about invasion of privacy:

A person's "right to privacy," "right of privacy," "privacy," or "personal privacy," as these terms are used in this chapter, is invaded or violated only if disclosure of information about the person: (1) Would be highly offensive to a reasonable person, and (2) is not of legitimate concern to the public.

Now I would certainly argue that, given that the organizations geared up to publish this data are called "Know Thy Neighbor" and "Who Signed", there is a great deal of offense being taken about who signed this petition. Secondly, I would also point out that signing a petition to refer a measure to the ballot does not necessarily indicate how a person would vote. It could well be that people signed the petition with the idea that they wanted to vote for the law and give their voter seal of approval to it.

Furthermore, I also found when I read the Public Records Act that petitions to refer legislation to ballot are not included in RCW 42.56.070, the subsection that details which types of records must be made public. And, even if these types of documents were included, there is again a specific clause protecting privacy which states, "To the extent required to prevent an unreasonable invasion of personal privacy interests protected by this chapter, an agency shall delete identifying details in a manner consistent with this chapter when it makes available or publishes any public record; however, in each case, the justification for the deletion shall be explained fully in writing."

This is a big deal, folks, and it's not going to go away. The U.S. Supreme Court has waded in to uphold a restraining order preventing the release of signers' identities, but the whole case is on appeal and will probably end up in the U.S. Supreme Court before all is said and done. It has made the Colbert Report, with Stephen Colbert satirizing the lawsuit and those who are arguing that the signatures should remain private. Proponents of Prop. 71 argue that traditional marriage supporters are being subjected to harassment and intimidation similar to what supporters of California's Prop. 8 experienced. That's ugliness at its worst, and it's not getting better.

What I'd like is for somebody to tell me how this is "tolerance"? It's tolerant to demand the names of people who sign a petition to refer a law to the ballot, because you need to "know your neighbor"? How so? What exactly about their signature on a ballot petition is in any way your business? What is essentially being argued for here is, "if you don't agree with me or I think you are giving the appearance to me, of not agreeing with me, I need to know about it". So really, "tolerance" means "agreement". Because if you don't agree with me, then I need to know about it. I don't think so.

I'm sorry, I hadn't realized that the right to maintain a difference of opinion means I give up my right to privacy at the ballot box and other legally mandated rights as a voter, which includes the petition process. I'm not buying it, and I'm betting the U.S. Supreme Court won't either (here's a hint...only one justice on the court disagreed with the restraining order being upheld). But it's very disturbing to me that such a large number of people seem to think they have a right to identify people who sign a ballot petition. This is a disturbing trend toward stripping rights away from folks just because they disagree with the perceived "mainstream" opinion. The fact that so many states have passed "defense of marriage" legislation at the ballot box ought to be a pretty good indicator that the "mainstream" opinion as given by the media is not really so "mainstream" after all.

Randomania

2009-10-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

I've been super, über busy lately, so this blog is going to be a real shotgun blast of stuff.

Why is it that all infants seem to have a "poopy" outfit? You know, the one outfit that you put the kid in, and guaranteed that they will have a huge blowout diaper sometime during the day while they are wearing it? Granted this can be handy if you think your baby is getting constipated, but it also always seems to be the cutest outfit that you have for the baby that is chosen as the "poopy" outfit by the baby.
Grading sucks. No, really, 250 assignments/quizzes/labs to grade per week is a tad much given my (scanty but I will take it TYVM) pay rate. However, on the plus side, students' handwriting on their homework assignments gets really amusing when you're grading at 11:30 pm and have been awake since 7 am.
Please get a flu shot, preferably both seasonal and H1N1. I will not tell you the number of times I have been tilting at windmills in some internet forums about this lately, but it really is important for everyone who is able, to get immunized. If you want to read about why vaccines are safe, check out the CDC's website (they are not part of a vast government conspiracy, folks--they are just scientists who are trying to do their job and protect the public health according to scientifically proven evidence that has passed rigorous peer review). The very young kiddos (like my baby) and immunocompromised individuals who cannot be immunized are reliant on the general population getting the flu shot to prevent it from spreading. Flu kills 36,000 people per year in America. If more people were vaccinated, that number would directly decrease. If you could prevent one car accident where someone would die, wouldn't you? So please get immunized.
Grading sucks. Did I say that already? Well, it does.
A two year old and a four year old squabbling nearly constantly for the entirety of the day is quite draining for the parents. It seems like discipline falls on deaf ears (and numb bottoms, when spankings are required). At some point they will outgrow this, right? Right??
This economy, it majorly sucketh. My husband is still in limbo-land regarding his job, but from all indications from much higher-ups, he is safe and a bunch of other folks, are about to lose their jobs. You know that old saw about being in the top 10% of employees at work, and that will protect your job? Yeah, it's holding true here. He is going to be reporting to a higher up, so that is sort of a back-door promotion-with-no-pay-raise-or-title-change. Now those other folks are going to be unemployed, and I pray that God will provide a better job for them for their sakes. But it does not feel good to be unemployed, especially leading up to Christmas. Now my husband will continue doing the jobs of four people, and add in the jobs of others who will be let go. Needless to say, he is tired from the demands on his skills and energy. I feel sorry for him, and selfishly (cravenly) glad that he still has a job. I do not know what we would do if he lost his job--we would be in big, big trouble.
Speaking of which, the old emergency fund is on life support, and we need to resuscitate it pronto. My salary, it helps. But we have Ye Olde Debt to pay off, and we also have a terrible economy. So while credit card companies are raising interest rates even for good customers (ouch), I have a non-existent emergency fund that I need to rebuild. These two things are mutually exclusive, yes? So we need to find the right balance here. We also have to buckle down majorly on the expenditures. M-A-J-O-R-L-Y. I am seriously thinking we need to declare debit cards off-limits entirely. We are just blowing way past our grocery budget and eating out budget and entertainment/crap/clothes/everything else budget. Hell, what budget? That's been the mindset around here, and owies, that costs. A serious spending freeze and the reign of King Cash, Only and Verily Yea Even for Gas, Deposit Ye Olde Cash at Bank and then Go Straight to Costco Gas Do Not Pass GO Do Not Collect $200 or Even a Measly Starbucks on the Way.

*sigh* It's a lot to be juggling. I have dropped the ball and fallen down and scraped my nose and elbow and knee on the budget and the blood on the spreadsheet, it is not good. I have Christmas presents to buy and I want to take advantage of good deals as they pop up, but I have to be really conscious of what it actually *costs* to just "throw something on the credit card and pay it off later". Because "later" is really expensive, so that makes it not such a good deal, huh? Yes, I still suck at basic math even WITH a PhD (not really but somehow my brain goes "Lalalalala!" when it comes to doing math with OUR MONEY as opposed to some other scientific number crunching). Failed juggler, that's me. Time to pick up all the balls again and start juggling madly. There is grading/budgeting/laundry calling my name. Stay tuned.

Birth in America

2009-09-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

There is something really wrong with birth in America. Oh, sure, plenty of women are still giving birth. However, if you ask women themselves about their birth experiences, you will get a wide range of opinions. Most troubling is the fact that there is a significant proportion of women who are extremely dissatisfied with their birth experience. These women are in fact so dissatisfied with their children's births that there is a significant movement in the United States today to have home births, use midwives, and push back against the hospital culture in general.

Unfortunately, I have become a better educated woman with each of my three children's births, and I have learned that the standard hospital birth is usually not the best. Where other similar countries have managed to reduce their infant mortality rates, we are just treading water and remaining the same. We have the worst or nearly the worst infant mortality rates of any comparable industrialized country (i.e. eliminating very small countries with less than 100,000 births). Worse still is the fact that the USA's maternal morbidity has actually risen between 2000 to 2005 when compared to the declines registered by other similar first-world (i.e. industrialized) countries. How the heck is this possible? I thought the U.S. is supposed to have the world's best health care!

The problem is that the U.S. has a very high rate of cesarean section--about 33% as of 2007. This is a much higher rate than most other industrialized countries. When the c-section rate was first measured in the USA, it was 4.5% (1965). There has been a slow but steady climb in the c-section rate, but the problem is that the fetal and maternal morbidity statistics show no improvement in conjunction with this massive increase in cesarean sections. A c-section is supposed to be a life-saving procedure for moms and babies. So if this is the case, and all c-sections performed in the USA were really necessary to save the life of the mother and/or baby, shouldn't we see a corresponding decrease in fetal and maternal morbidity from childbirth? Instead, we see an increase in maternal morbidity and zero improvement in fetal morbidity--this when our rates of each are already among the highest of comparable industrialized nations! This is a TRAVESTY!! I am utterly flabbergasted that this is not a BIG, HAIRY DEAL in the current discussions about health care reform in the USA, because, again, studies show that this poor rate of morbidity for moms and babies is NOT the result of poor prenatal care for moms, or confined to one subgroup such as immigrants or low income mothers. So if this is not something that can be attributed to some missing healthcare for poor moms or recent immigrants, it logically must involve a systemic problem in maternal and fetal healthcare in the United States!

The glaring difference for the USA is cesarean section, and also the incredibly short hospital stays for new mothers. Most other industrialized countries provide postpartum support in the form of mandatory home health visits by trained nurses, or keep their mothers and babies in the hospital for longer. In this way, the healthcare system can spot postpartum complications for moms and babies, and get them corrected sooner. Here we are shoved out of the hospital within 1-2 days for a vaginal birth, 2-3 for a cesarean (if that is where we choose to give birth) and are asked to bring the baby in for a check-up within a few days, then they don't see the baby again for two months! Mom is treated to a visit with the obstetrician/gynecologist at SIX WEEKS postpartum--far, far too long for moms that experience complications. Further, the US does not provide a great deal of education to new mothers regarding what they can expect post-partum, and ways to diagnose what is normal or abnormal with regard to their lochia, cramping, etc. Most "postpartum education" in this vein involves giving the mom a printed sheet of information at worst, and at best a labor & delivery nurse reeling through the list with the mom as she completes a blizzard of discharge paperwork.

But back to the cesarean section rate. One of the new factors contributing to this increase is the tendency for doctors to practice defensive medicine, and opt to counsel patients with suspected macrosomic babies (i.e. babies weighing in excess of 4000 g, or 8.8 lbs) to have a scheduled c-section rather than attempt a trial of labor. This is a widely known practice--so widely used that there are multiple websites and tales of woe concerning this and how to avoid it. Why do doctors do this? Well, they claim to be worried about shoulder dystocia, despite its extremely low incidence rates, and damage to the mother's bladder, urethra, and vagina (prolapsed bladder, urinary incontinence), despite the fact that these types of injuries occur with a percentage of all vaginal deliveries. (As a side note, there is a reason that many older women are candidates for the "bow" repair to their bladders/urethras, and it's because pushing out a baby regardless of the baby's size is gonna have an impact on the adjacent organs and their placement/function!) My own obstetrician frankly admitted in her discussions with me concerning her repeat cesarean recommendation that she was concerned about her malpractice insurance and her license when I was planning a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with my third child. So certainly defensive medicine has a large part to play.

Now a lot of people say, "Well, as long you have a healthy baby and healthy mom, that's all that matters." And our culture says that a doctor (most often, an obstetrician) and a hospital setting are a proven formula and the safest way to give birth. It's the modern way! Most of us have the assumption that if a woman chooses to give birth at home or even a birthing center, she is endangering her baby and herself. In fact, that is not true. Given the inherent risks associated with a cesarean, and the fact that a third of all women giving birth in the U.S. end up having one, there is a lot to be said for a prospective mother preparing in advance to avoid a cesarean if she chooses to labor in the hospital, or to labor at home or in a birthing center with a trained midwife. Further the maternal and fetal morbidity statistics would argue strongly AGAINST our hospitals currently being the safest place to give birth.

And, there is a hidden cost to the prominent form of labor management, where the doctor and hospital staff believe that their usual modus operandi is always best. The question now being asked: do doctors deliberately manipulate the drugs available to induce labor to deliberately cause fetal distress and precipitate a c-section? The number of women reporting trauma and abuse from doctors and hospital staff over their births is astounding--so much so that one woman is suing her attending obstetrician for abuse, a woman has won a lawsuit for an unnecessary cesarean, and millions of women find it necessary to attend counseling and support groups. There is also an active and vocal movement, prominently visualized by Ricki Lake and her documentary, "The Business of Being Born," which is seeking to change the status quo and actually improve our maternity care here in the U.S. Yet you rarely hear about any of this on the news, and it's certainly not being debated as part of the discussion of healthcare reform.

So, when a well-meaning person says, "At least you have a healthy baby," they don't know how right they are. At least, and we could (and should) be doing much, much better to give our moms and babies the best possible care and start to life.

The Hot Spot

2009-08-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

It's certainly different with three children. My lap is the hot spot, with each child competing for their share of my lapfront property. Of course the newborn has top dibs, but my son and daughter are equally quick to snatch their opportunities as well. I have never felt so popular. Fortunately my scar is pretty much healed over now, and the bruises are mostly gone. This helps enormously when my son, who is quite a bruiser (a solid, stocky build--this kid will always be BIG), clambers up on my lap like he's conquering a steel playgym frame. Whereas previously such activity would cause me grimace and squirm away from his digging toes, now I am slightly more prepared.

I am having a harder time refraining from picking up my two eldest children when they need something. Yesterday I picked up our 45 lb daughter because she fell and hurt herself on the backyard playground. I've picked up our 42 lb son (and he's 2 years younger than our oldest daughter...I told you, this kid is big) several times to help him into his carseat and into a stroller or shopping cart. All of which is supposed to be verboten still, as we are only at the 2.5 week mark since my c-section. I admit to having a bit of trepidation about things settling back into their proper places internally. It seems to be taking longer for certain postpartum symptoms to subside than it did last time, but then again it's not as if I took notes! It does not help to have folks chastising me about such things as well. Please, you explain to our two year old why Mommy, the closest adult, cannot help him into his carseat and such.

I remember that our eldest daughter (I am still having to get used to this, the whole "eldest" bit is easy to forget) had the same reaction to her new baby brother. She used to get upset when I couldn't help her do something, and she definitely displayed the same type of jealousy that we are seeing with our son. I have yet to hear "When does he go back to the hospital?" that we heard from DD, but he's been quite vociferous in telling me to "Put Baby Jane down!" and demanding his share of my lap. He doesn't quite understand that when she's eating, well, she's eating and there really aren't any options for putting her down at that particular point in time.

On the other hand, he is quite an attentive brother and will give her toys that make music or alert us when she fusses. Our eldest has been quite the little mama, too, and is quite keen to hold her baby sister and give her toys and blankets, etc. Neither one of them is shy about asking where she is when they can't see her, and it seems to be unacceptable to not show her various things, such as pictures they draw or favorite toys.

My in-laws are in residence now and they are mucking in outside, in the absolute mess that is my garden. They've already weeded one bed and started on the next, and have purchased two roses for me, plus a sedum. I think by the time they leave my gardens will be drenched in water, compost, and happy attention. Good thing, too, as I haven't had much of any of that to spare, except for the guilt-induced watering I have done to keep things minimally alive. My master gardener neighbor dropped off some columbine and ferns for me yesterday, so more work awaits. I will be asking my OB about doing some light gardening at my appointment Wednesday, but until then I am benched. Some things never change, though, and thus I probably need to go and fold the mountain of clothes on my bed before my newest child decides she is unhappy in her swing. But it's a nice cool day, all of my children are happy at this moment, and my husband is back to work and wading through a mass of emails. Life is good. Thank you God!

C-Section Recovery

2009-08-01T15:49:00.001-07:00

There are a few things about birth and the whole messy aspects of it that are really things that one cannot fully appreciate until one experiences them. Therefore in the interest of avoiding the gross-out, ick factor, I am putting in a disclaimer that this might contain more information than you want to know about c-sections and how they are done, etc. Suffice it to say that I do not feel too much sympathy for you, dear reader, unless you too have been fortuitous enough to have this information imparted to you personally as your insides are open and being worked on by surgeons discussing their plans for the weekend. In any case, you have been adequately forewarned.

I confess I had forgotten some things about the whole c-section process and recovery from the last time I went down this particular primrose pathway. Because it was somewhat traumatic last time, despite being a planned c-section for my son, I think my brain had dumped some crucial information and put a decidedly dark haze on the rest. So while I felt somewhat calm ahead of this one, and knew what to expect, there were decidedly aspects of the surgery and aftermath that I had completely expunged from my memory banks. In the interest of educating anyone who might be faced with this in the future, and reminding myself should we get surprised with a #4, here are a few tidbits about this surgery.

The anesthesia is really not so bad. Last time I had an epidural, and this time I got a spinal block. I looooooove the spinal block. Oh, sooooooo much better than the epidural. First, you get to walk into the OR yourself, which is somehow more dignified than being wheeled in with your lower half numb and being manhandled onto the operating table. Second, you get the same local anesthesia shots in your back (the worst part, really), but the needle used for a spinal block is SO much smaller than the epidural needle, and I could not feel anything, no pressure at all. My toes started to get warm and tingly and I was able to put them on the table myself. Lastly, it wore off much faster than the epidural. I was already starting to wiggle my toes on my left foot while I was waiting for my bed and transfer back to the recovery room. I do not like the sensation of wanting to move my legs and not being able to, so having the anesthesia wear off faster was a big plus in my book.
The lower back pain during the surgery, that is not so good. I told my anesthesiologist about this and (you were warned!) he told me it was because they had my uterus outside my body and were tugging on it, and it would feel better once they put it back in. Yeah. May I just say that I did NOT need the visual to accompany the lower back pain? Bad enough that they have an organ outside my body, I did not need to know that my body was telling me "this is bad" despite the heavy anesthesia.
Despite thirst and hunger immediately resuming post-surgery, I was reminded in the most vivid manner possible of the "nausea" that my DH and mom remembered from my last c-section but which I had blissfully eliminated from my memory banks. I was feeling good and motoring along past the ice chips and water, TYVM, and had dived into the popsicles and Jello I was being allowed to eat. A few bites of Jello did not seem to sit well, so I laid off the Jello and had a second popsicle a few hours later. Suffice it to say it did not take long for it to come back to say hello, along with everything else that I had consumed post-surgery. So I spent a long night with only ice chips and water for sustenance...which brings me to:
Don't believe them when they say you will only be without food for 8 hours. Ha! More like 24 hours! It's a very good thing I had a big breakfast right before my 8 hour "nothing by mouth" period began, because I was not allowed to eat anything substantial until breakfast the following morning--and then I had to push for it. I had a big bowl of real oatmeal (whole oats, cooked slowly) with cream and brown sugar and fresh blueberries, strawberries, and apples, and it did carry me over quite nicely to surgery, as well as being kind to my system. I had blueberry pancakes afterward and they were quite nice too. Of course hunger is the best seasoning there is! Mercifully no repeat of any other nausea, but those first few hours post-surgery are a real kicker.
The incisions are not the source of post-surgical pain, for the most part. No, this is the provenance of the massive bruises on your tissues inflicted by the retractors and tugging, etc. Aside from the typical stretching/pulling from the incision, I haven't had anything to complain about on that front. My pressure dressing came off quite readily in the hospital when I had my first post-surgery shower (oh, the bliss!) and my DH pointed out that I had several large "purple grape colored bruises" around it, and that was probably the source of pain for me. Now I have been informed that they have faded to a "luminous green", 9 days post-surgery (I can't really see them that well myself, just the top of two of them). Nothing like having a real rainbow tummy to show for a birth.
Painkillers are a blessing and a curse. I was again prescribed Percocet for my pain, plus horse-size ibuprofen pills. The Percocet were much appreciated for the first three days, but after that I hated the decidedly loopy spin that they put on everything for me, and I resisted taking them as much as possible. (And there are people out there that LIKE that feeling and abuse these drugs?? This I do not understand...) Now I am about three days out from taking any Percocet, and have also resisted the ibuprofen, relying instead on one dose of Tylenol at bedtime.
Sleep is the best healer of all. I have had some really long nights of sleep for the past two nights, and have felt much better in the morning than I did the previous week. Of course sleep in the hospital is always a cut-up business, between the nurses coming in to check me and then to check the baby. But even at home, I was not able to really doze off whenever, because I had my parents asking things, or doing things that required some form of input, or our children were all over me because I was HOME and they wanted my attention too (really Mom it's not just about that new little baby, there's ME too and I need you NOW Mommyyyyyyy...). However, my parents went to visit my brother and his family for a few days, and our friends were giving us our space and resisting visits, so I've had a chance to just be and do absolutely nothing other than sleep in until 9 am and go to bed (and sleep!) at 8 pm, and it's been WONDERFUL.
Every time something else was removed from my body post-surgery or I was given the all-clear to do something, it felt like I was reclaiming a piece of myself. I was moving away from "SciencePhDMom, hospital patient" to just "SciencePhDMom". Getting up and walking around, getting the catheter removed, being allowed to drink and eat, having my first shower and getting rid of that dressing and smelling like ME instead of calcium gluconate pre-surgery wipes...all of these things helped me feel more like ME. And it was good to finally bid the IV goodbye. I will be so happy when that little circular scab finally falls off my wrist.

I must reiterate that if anyone has a choice, there is really no contest and a vaginal birth is the absolute best way for a baby to be born. However, I am very grateful that we have c-sections for medically needed interventions, and obstetricians and hospitals well-trained in how to do them well and as safely as possible for mom & baby. I do not understand opting for a c-section if there is no medical reason to do so, as my sister-in-law did for both of her sons. I really honestly do not understand it. I am not putting her down or anyone else down who has opted for this, but I just cannot wrap my head around such a thing. Having experienced both, the recovery from a vaginal birth is so much easier (and that even with an episiotomy). I could be driving now. I would not have these bruises and pains and long list of verboten actions, such as even lifting up my two year old son (who frankly still does not understand why this is so). And I have to go with the vaginal birth as the way God intended it to be, KWIM? Women's bodies are designed to birth their babies, period.

Anyhow, that is the subject for another post, exploring the vast antagonism and gulf that exists in the good ol' USA today between the natural birth movement (ever heard of "The Business of Being Born"?) and obstetrical care & culture. Having been torn between the two camps and placed in a decidely uncomfortable position between>>>ROCK<<<>>>>HARD PLACE<<<<, I have a few thoughts on that subject. That will have to wait until I am feeling more myself, however. And in case you haven't seen her, here is a link to a few shots of my newest family member:

http://www.dropshots.com/stbridgit#date/2009-07-24/05:48:22

My sweet baby Jane. She is worth it all. :)

The Nesting Bug Has Struck!

2009-07-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

My husband knew it was pretty serious when I was cleaning our bedroom at 10 o'clock at night. Yes, I had started earlier in the day, but I just could not leave it to finish until the next day. Could not do it, people!! I just HAD to have a clean bedroom to sleep in. So he pitched in, cleaning his side of the bed (his table & corner shelf etagere thingy) while I cleaned mine. I gave away BOOKS. Seriously. A big bag of books, shipped off to Goodwill. The books tumbling off my nightstand table were put away on an actual bookshelf. I KNOW!!! I even dusted and rearranged my knick-knacks to my satisfaction. I actually want to bring in MORE knick-knacks (from the living room, not new ones) because it looks so nice all clean and tidy. It is a sickness.

The next day I vacuumed the whole house. The whole house! Even my laundry room, and the bathrooms. And I put away more linens in the linen closet. The box of table linens that has been in our bedroom for a year? It's all put away! I have rediscovered tablecloths that I forgot I had, and discovered some hand-me-down tablecloths from my great aunt. I actually remember her buying some of them in Hong Kong in 1986.

It's quite nice to have some decluttering done and a house that would not embarrass me if my parents were to arrive tomorrow (not happening until next week). Even the kids are staying out of my way--it's like there is a strange vibe around Mommy and they dare not interfere with my cleaning rituals. Today I mopped the dining room and living room. I need to keep going, but the water was dirty and frankly I do need to be mindful of how much energy I actually have. Of course I have to be amused by the dog, who is alternately bemused and terrified of our vacuum cleaner and will run up to cautiously sniff when it is off and run away with her tail between her legs when I turn it on. Hehe. It's funny.

Don't get me wrong, my house is definitely not Martha Stewart organized or clean. There is still an ample coating of dust on the piano and assorted knick-knacks (which is why I haven't brought any into my room, natch). And I'm sure my baseboards and walls and cupboards in the kitchen & bathrooms could use a good clean with Mr. Magic Eraser. Nonetheless, it is acceptable and would merit the label decently clean from a stranger passing by. And well, that is a significant improvement! I have to continue this decluttering urge as long as it lasts. DH is getting into the act, too--a dump run is planned to get rid of the remodel debris that lingers in the yard and back deck. Yippee! I can't wait to see all of that gone, too.

The hormones & I, we are a'cleaning. It's a good thing.

Schmorganization

2009-07-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

All my best intentions for clearing out my house prior to baby are evaporating in a sea of potty training and recalcitrant attitudes from my children. My four year old is continuing her nasty streak of bad attitude plus disrespectful talk, which is really wearing me down. My husband is now stepping in when she backtalks to me repeatedly, because it's like she just turns off her ears. I have put toys in time-out and she's lost shopping privileges in her store, plus she has been THIS close to losing a swimming lesson. And she's started egging on her brother in naughty behavior. "But I didn't do it..." She still gets in trouble for egging him on, but this represents a new level of sneakiness in being naughty.

Our son is well versed on using the potty to pee, but has now regressed significantly with his other business, to the point that I am having to clean out his underpants several times a day. It's a rarity for him to actually POOP on the potty and the toilet. I hope part of it is some dehydration that's contributing to a bit of constipation, so we are pushing water and reinforcing "use the potty for pooping". Still, it's more than a bit grinding to have him come in at 7:00 in the morning to tell me that he has literally JUST pooped in his underpants, not two minutes after I dressed him. THIS is the definition of frustating, folks. He's only two and a half, he's only two and a half. This is like my new mantra of sorts. That and my husband's favorite, "This, too, shall pass."

The problem is that I am already pretty cranky from being pregnant, and dealing with both of these kiddos on a daily basis is just using up 90% of the energy reserves. I am almost to the point that I don't actually care about my vegetable garden. Meh. Grow, don't grow, whatever. My corn looks incredibly pathetic, I am not hopeful about results there. My tomatoes are being stunted by our cold nights, and have I even thought about re-rigging my greenhouse? Meh. And still no carrots planted. I did re-sow the french beans that didn't come up, because my FIL specifically requested them for their visit. But everything else? Whatever. Weeds everywhere. Our lawns, which were well-watered last summer, are brown and infested with broad leaf weeds. My apple & pear trees, host to some good looking immature fruit, are probably all going to be eaten up by apple coddling moth larva because I haven't painted them with Tanglefoot or put footie nylon socks on them. I did get DH to spray my cherry trees, which were infested by pear slugs (aka sawflies). Purely a pragmatic move on my part to save my $70 investment in them, as those things can kill young trees. Still, it's a measure of my supreme indifference to the situation that I still say, "Meh."

My house is just...*sigh* I don't know how to describe it. It's hard enough to keep the living areas and the kids' bedrooms tidied. My floors haven't seen a mop in a month. Decluttering and organizing is sooooooo not happening. Bathroom? Tub is DONE! Huzzah! In working order, and I had the first bubble bath to confirm it. This is the one bright spot in the project. Installed the shower curtain rod? Em... Removing excess mortar from edges of tub surround and retexturing? Erp, no. Painting? Not so much. Trims & crown moldings? Uh, no. Linens all restored to their rightful places, with newly painted door in place? No.

Our bedroom is still a mess. I've been slowly digging out from that, as the linens get put back. However, still have baby clothes in boxes that need to be put back in the cottage until baby is ready for them. Where we had placed the pack & play previously, we now have a bookshelf. So books & bookshelf need to be moved, to make room once again for the cot. There isn't any alternative--this is the only place that it will fit in the room. Of course the baby will probably end up in bed with us, but we still need the cot for crib training. This means I have to find a place for all those books...which in turn means I need to go through ALL the books in the house, winnowing out the ones we don't need to keep, and then making a trek with them to the library to donate them. Yeah. LOL! Like THAT will happen!

I know my MIL will help me with all of these projects. My FIL is keen to get out and help clean up the garden (I didn't even mention the front flower beds...disasters!). However, we can't just put them to work 8 hours a day, every day that they are here. They are coming to visit us, not help us catch up on our crappy household management. And I'm going to have a newborn--really, how likely is it that I'm going to be all full of energy and ready to tackle decluttering and reorganizing, even with another pair of hands to do a lot of the heavy lifting? I'm quite pessimistic about the whole thing, actually, and it's depressing me.

This is just not a happy place for me right now. I'm surrounded by reminders of how much needs to be done, and every time I try to do something the kids get into something else and make a huge mess to be cleaned up. It does not help that I have a stinker baby in utero that is currently in a footling breech position, meaning a repeat c-section is on the cards instead of the VBAC I am hoping for. Baby could still turn, but right now it is just the crappy cherry on a sundae of aggravations. Wah, wah, wah! Thank you for joining my pity party.

Cranky, Disorganized, & Running Out of Time

2009-06-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am doing my best now that the quarter has ended to get the house & yard organized prior to baby arrival. However, I am being stymied at every turn by our two eldest children, who insist on making as big a mess as possible whenever my or DH's backs are turned. My son has an ongoing fascination with water, and if he's not spilling all the water out of the dog's bowl, he is spreading soap over my coffee table, over the bathroom counter, and spilling water everywhere. The only time I feel somewhat okay letting the boy have water in his possession is when we are outside, and even then it is a risky proposition. Heaven forfend he gets a hose in his hands, because he will spray anyone and everything as fast as he can.

My daughter is continuing to exhibit her unacceptable attitude on occasion. She has shown some improvement since daycare has ended, but she's still driving us crazy at least once a day. It's like her brain is simply incapable of processing the fact that SHE has a much happier day when she loses the attitude and demonstrates her ability to DO what she is told to do. My husband has forbidden the phrase, "I'll listen! I'll listen!" as this is what she says repeatedly when she gets into trouble. Again, the whole concept of it's not just listening, it's DOING is apparently beyond her intellect at the age of 4.

My house is still looking like a bomb went off in it. I have empty boxes scattered hither & yon, waiting to be removed for recycling. I still don't have all the linens back in my linen closet, so I am stepping over space bags still in the laundry room and our bedroom. I have pre-pregnancy clothes under my bed with no home to go to. I think a neighbor hit the nail on the head--I just do not have enough storage in this house, and it's driving me nuts!

DH is doing his best to finish the bathroom remodel. All but 2 rows of tile are laid for the tub surround, and then we have to grout it and seal the grout on the floor and in the tub surround. We still have to finish painting the tub room, and then install all the trim and the linen closet door. I hope we aren't going to be doing this when our parents get here, I really don't.

Nonetheless, I don't think this baby is going to wait. The head is very low, and my OB thinks there is no way we are making it to the due date. This is good news for me, because I really, really want to avoid a repeat c-section. I sincerely hope this kiddo is ready to make her appearance (assuming the u/s tech was right and it is a she), because I am just about done with being pregnant. Only a few short weeks left, technically, but she is more than welcome to come early. At least then I'll have a good excuse for my messy house. Stay tuned!

Not Nesting

2009-06-02T15:06:00.000-07:00

To borrow a theme from a friend's blog, I am going to list all the things that I'm not doing today... *wink, wink, nudge nudge*

I am not nesting. I have not determined a new configuration of the living room furniture which necessitates my husband moving every single piece of furniture to a new location (including the outrageously heavy piano). Nope, not me!
I did not buy a piece of chocolate candy at Fred Meyer which I promptly ate while drinking a (gasp!) caffeinated soda when I got home.
I did not lose my flash drive with all my lecture notes & grades on it (although I have back-ups in two different locations).
I am not making my friend Hanna's killer salsa because I saw all the ingredients laid out in the same place in the grocery store, as if it was a sign from God that homemade salsa should be made.
I am not the proud mama of a big boy who wore big boy underwear all afternoon yesterday and had not a SINGLE accident, even when we went out to dinner.
I am not that wife who sends her husband to pick up the kids from daycare because she wants some more time to herself before they come barreling back in.

Yep, that's not me!

Summer Savings & Spendthrifts

2009-06-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

It is almost the end of my quarter and I am relieved to be facing a lovely 3 month gap in teaching duties. It does bring an end to my salary, but since so much of this is eaten up by daycare costs we really aren't going to feel the pinch too much. However, it is difficult as we have many expenses pending and not very many options for paying for them. We have to put up the fence. We need to put up the new (to us) playset for the kids, which will require some new lumber purchases & new bolts. And did I mention that we are having a baby in July, which will result in a 10% copay for us? Because THAT won't be expensive, no sirree! Last time the total cost was $18,000, so you do the math. Hopefully we will avoid a repeat c-section, but this is something that we cannot control.

Therefore, I am intent on maximizing the fun for the kids & myself without maximizing the dollars flowing out for summer entertainment. Right now the kids are amusing themselves with cheapy character shaped sidewalk chalk that bears a suspicious resemblance to Santa. I can't remember when or where I bought it (Joann's?) but I do like the price, which was 25 cents for a 6 pack of chalk. They are also digging (literally) with some cheap kid-sized gardening tools from Wal Mart and Target. Add a few $1 boats and plastic excavators from last summer, and last summer's kiddie pools, and we have a pleasing entertainment center for our kiddos. Granted, we are not like our neighbors next door. They have the $3k playset (gift from grandma), the $400 huge blow-up waterslide with play pool, a zipline, basketball hoop, you name it. I know they are careful with their money, and I say huzzah to them for being able to afford it! They are nice enough to have an open door policy for our kids, too, although we don't want to abuse their hospitality. They joked about us needing to buy this year's whiz-bang blow up waterslide at Costco (again, $400), but that's just not in the budget, frankly.

I am thinking about getting a zoo membership for the family for the year. We can get our visiting family members in for free, plus have a 'go to' destination with the kids that has paid for itself with 2 visits (likely with 2 sets of grandparents visiting). Any extra visits we make over the coming year will be bonuses.

We are also trying to eat up the freezer stash this month. I have a few bags of squash to use up in muffins & breads, and enough frozen blackberries to make another batch of blackberry jelly. We have to clear out space for the coming largesse from the garden, which is sprouting up at a decent pace. I do have to replant some beans & corn, it looks like--I'm not sure, but I think I didn't keep the soil moist enough for good germination rates. And it all needs a thorough weeding, which I'm sad to say will have to just wait until the quarter is over next week and I have more time to get up there in fits & starts as the kids and dog will allow (not to mention my own energy levels). It will help save us on grocery bills, which would be a nice added benefit.

What we are not doing is going out and buying a whole bunch of new summer clothes, shoes, etc. Really we don't need them. The kids need some summer PJs and a few more summer clothes, so I hit a local consignment store this morning. Luckily for me it was a 1/2 price day sale, so I picked up some shorts & tops for both of them, plus 1 pair each of summer PJs. I will have to find some more PJs on sale at Kohls and/or the other consignment store. I will have to buy some new maternity items, but I'm holding off on that for the moment, because I am going to have to buy them online and I hate buying things blind.

With any luck, this summer will not be too expensive for our pocketbook & property. Wish us luck.

Ugly But Functional

2009-05-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

Lately I am pondering why we (meaning my DH & I) feel the need to embellish the functional to make it more aesthetically appealing. In so doing, we often complicate our lives greatly, saddle ourselves with expensive and time-consuming projects, and then get bogged down while doing them and get very frustrated by the stagnation.

Looking around our house & garden, I see numerous examples of this. We had a functional but weedy yard. We decided to embellish it by creating a huge flower bed, to make it prettier and get rid of the almost 100% weeds that were established there. Fine. But that huge flower bed now needs to be filled. We've spent nearly 2 years trying to fill it, and in the meantime it is more often than not filled with different kinds of weeds that just grow taller than the ones they replaced, and are more time consuming to get rid of (at least with a weedy lawn you can mow it, whereas a weedy flower bed has to be, well, weeded). Trying to solve a problem and make it beautiful gave us a lot more work.

Similarly, we decided to redo our ugly but functional kitchen. We spent numerous hours sanding, priming, & painting the cabinets & countertops, then sealing the countertops. It does look a lot prettier, to be sure--but now we have cream colored cabinets that show all the spills and dirt that get spilled on them on a regular basis. So where previously we had dark but ugly mid-tone oak veneer, now we have warm but dirty cream cabinets that require a pretty vigilant hand with the Magic Eraser (which, frankly, I don't have, so they're just dirty). More beautiful, but more work.

Now we have to decide what we're going to do about the fencing for the dog. We talked about it and DH would like to do a pretty lattice fence for the front part of the yard, with flower beds and pretty stuff growing up the trellises to make it look really pretty. I agreed with the lattice part, I would like that. But the more I think about it, the more I think we are better off to go for ugly functionality over the beautiful. Frankly, we don't have time to keep up with the "prettified" bits we already have around the house & garden. We're adding a new baby to the mix mid-summer, and we're already training a puppy. We have a list a mile long of projects that also need to be done (not want, need). Wood shed for firewood (keeps heating bills down in the wintertime, wood has to be kept dry). Cut up firewood for wintertime early in the summer so it can cure a bit before this winter (see above). Repair pump shed (houses our well pump & needs to be well insulated & actually INTACT to prevent 3rd year straight of freezing pipes & defrosting with hair dryer...one of these times we're going to have a broken water pipe and this is really a NEED). Tear down kids' old swingset (metal, exposed concrete safety hazard, already missed contact with small heads by a mere inch) and replace with freebie wooden playset (it's on my driveway in pieces, it's been there a year, it's time to put it up, m'kay?).

Add to this the fact that we are a little constrained in the old budget and it makes for a nervous nellie. We need to buy more gravel for the driveways ($200-$300). We need to buy materials for the sheds (repair/construction) and the rotten bits of the freebie playset ($200?). Our electric furnace is an antique and we really need a replacement fund for that ($3500, and wouldn't it be nice to replace it this calendar year with that nice tax break plus the energy company's rebate?). Both of our cars need the transmission fluid to be changed, and our minivan needs at least a recharge on the a/c coolant, and hopefully not anything more expensive like a broken compressor that needs to be fixed ($300-$400, without the compressor). And I still don't know if I'm going to be employed this fall, which means our tight summer budget could get really ugly this fall if I'm not working.

Yeah, I'm really not thinking that pretty fences are my cup of tea right now. I'm thinking functional, cheap, and quick to install is what would float my boat. I would love to have a pretty fence with lattice and pretty things growing on it. I think it would look GREAT. However, I also know that we have a lot of demands on our time and our money, and I also know how low our batting average is for completing projects in a timely manner. Really, I am fast becoming a fan of ugly but functional. Give me functional, folks!!! LOVIN' THAT FUNCTIONALITY! I CAN deprogram myself from our society's fascination with all things bright & beautiful (and expensive, and time consuming). Frankly I just don't have the energy for it any more.

The Tablecloth

2009-05-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

There really is something to sitting down together around the dining table for dinner every night. It's civilized, it teaches the kids table manners, and it helps us stick to our meal plan (it's not quite the same thing to sit down at the dinner table to some take-out pizza, know what I'm saying?).

Now that second little point is a big one, really. No one wants their kids to be slobs at the table, and no one wants their kids to be those kids at a restaurant, running around with straws stuck up their noses or throwing food on the floor. However, getting from the '2 year old and big enough to sit in a real chair (with a booster) and eat like everyone' to 'well mannered, polite 6 year old that everyone compliments when dining in public' is a big transition. Right now our 4 year old daughter is pretty good at the table. She backslides when her brother is being naughty and she eggs him on, and she forgets that the principal purpose of sitting down to eat dinner is to eat dinner, not entertain us with stories and made-up songs and theatrical hand flares that endanger the nearest beverage glasses. But she doesn't throw food on the floor, she doesn't spit out food if she decides halfway through chewing it that she doesn't like it, and she doesn't fling her hands around, knocking over anything in their path.

Our son...well, he does do all of those things. He's two. And, I swear, EVERY NIGHT the boy spills his drink. EVERY NIGHT. It does not matter where I put his cup, or how carefully I watch him so that I can grab it and move it before a vigorous hand wave topples it over. Somehow, each evening, the boy manages to spill his beverage on the table.

Now, I have discovered that, in addition to my pet peeve about always having clean fingernails (let me just say that I will never go camping without running water again), I don't like having a dirty tablecloth. The tablecloth is one of those civilizing elements of dinner together. It's like a stately butler, bidding all to behave at table. Somehow having a permanently stained and perpetually damp-within-minutes tablecloth really put a damper on my enjoyment of the whole dinner ritual. I had two "everyday" tablecloths that were purchased on the cheap and had lasted us for about seven years. However, they have not been able to withstand the onslaught wrought by our children. The pale green tablecloth now has a distorted yellow spot covering about ten percent of the middle, and the white & burgundy one is dotted with dark stains and some large blots.

It was time to upgrade the table linens, friends. I bought two new "everyday" tablecloths at Kohls, one of which is a microfiber tablecloth. Aha! Something my children should not (in theory) be able to stain! Yippee!

Well, my son is putting this tablecloth through its paces. Both of our kids have placemats, in an attempt to rein in the stainmaking potential at their places. Despite his beloved "Cars" being plastered all over his placemat, my son still has an uncanny knack for pushing it back just enough so that he can spill with abandon on the tablecloth itself. Tonight he dumped a full glass of milk (and please note that two year olds ALSO think they are too OLD for sippy cups, Mommy!) on it, and that beaded right up on the tablecloth like it was nothing. We were impressed. However, I think the everlasting piece of genius has to go to DH, who in a moment of inspiration swapped our son's placemat for a Shamwow. Yes, he is a genius (particularly because my dad sent them to us from their Costco pack and I hadn't a clue what we could use them for). I think they should make themed placemats out of that stuff. Now our son's place at the table has a generous lip that runs off the table, and plenty of coverage to either side. He could spill milk and other food repeatedly and still it will not touch the tablecloth.

A double armor system, that is what it takes. That, and lots of wine and humor. And Wine Away stain remover. It's not just for wine, my friends. It works on a lot of other kid mangling stains. You too could make an "everyday" tablecloth last for seven plus years, even WITH table training kids. I dare you.

Of Divas and Dogs

2009-04-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

We have a new discipline problem confronting us with DD. I don't know how many of my few readers have a strong-willed child, but our daughter is STRONG-WILLED. Lately she has had bad temper tantrums where she completely loses control of herself, banging at the walls of her room and repeating the same promise incessantly to do better, to listen, to do X like we asked her to, etc. No matter how many times we tell her that she is choosing the hard way, she continues to choose it. She seems to think that she is free to ignore what we tell her if she doesn't want to do it, and no amount of post-punishment explaining of our reasons for telling her to do something makes any difference in her decision to willfully defy us. This is not unexpected--she is 4, she is not able to reason. However, DH & I think that she ought to figure out that we are consistent in the expectation that she do what she's told, and she is consistently punished for not doing so, and she's a smart kid...surely she ought to figure out that she could have a much easier existence if she just did what she was told when she is told to do it.

Unfortunately I think that we are still applying too much logic to the situation. She is told to do something that she doesn't want to do, often in direct contradiction to what she wants to do. Because she does not understand why we don't want her to do it, I presume she decides our commands are less important than her wants, and she disobeys. Perhaps it's not even that clear-cut--she sees something she wants to do, she does it, and to hell with the consequences.

DH and I have noticed a clear correlation between incredibly poor behavior choices and daycare. When she is in daycare, she comes home with this incredibly bad attitude and nasty disobedience. When she is not in daycare, as she wasn't during spring break and for most of this week due to a cold, she has a day of being corrected and then she gets back into our expectations and behaves herself. I think part of it may be the attitude of her new daycare teacher. She told me that "all the little girls in her class come out little divas". Um, I don't want a diva, I want my daughter. I sincerely hope that it's not directly the teacher, but more the other kids and the fact that the teacher can't possibly be monitoring every behavior all the time.

Our dog is also still learning, just as we are still learning about her. I had a good time today taking her to obedience class. She has started nipping and jumping at me in the yard when she wants to play, as well as tugging on my pant leg with her teeth or trying to nip at my ankles. The trainer suggested standing still, because it clearly communicates, "you're boring me" to the dog and they will give up. We were doing a high pitched "yelp" the way another dog would, to get her to stop the ankle nipping, but that wasn't as effective. Now we have to teach the kids how to do the same thing. Fortunately she is displaying typical puppy behaviors, where she is not really biting but she is mouthing. This is scary to our kids, especially our son. He is closest to her size and it's really important that the dog learns not to do this. As with everything else puppy-related, it is a question of consistency and time. She will outgrow that behavior eventually and we just have to be patient.

Our son is enjoying wearing big boy underwear now when he's at home. This has resulted in many puddles and otherwise droopy drawers, such that sometimes my husband and I aren't clear whose piddle or poop we are cleaning up! However, he, too, is learning and getting better. He managed to keep a pair clean all morning today, pulling them down twice to use the potty and actually putting them back on. Hopefully this means he finally comprehends that we don't change our underwear twenty times a day to see a new character whenever we peek at our underwear. Likewise he has discovered that that hole in the front of his underwear is pretty cool--much cooler than wearing the underwear backwards so he can see the big print design.

Progress in some areas and not in others--the story of my life!!

The Barbie & Information Age

2009-04-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

We are entering a new phase of childhood with DD--the Barbie age. We finally broke down and bought a Barbie DVD movie for her a few months ago, and it was just a matter of time before an actual Barbie doll made its appearance in our house. We haven't had an actual Barbie in play yet, but there is a new 'Thumbelina' doll, complete with closing magical flower, in residence in her room. And there is a cheapy $5 Barbie ballerina doll stocked in the store, to be purchased by good behavior points. I suspect it will be purchased this week or the following week, depending on how many points I assign as its purchase price. Then we will really be off on the roller coaster: Barbie clothes, gear, friends, etc.

Back when I was a young and somewhat foolish college smart aleck, I always thought I would never allow my daughter to play with Barbie dolls! Why she was a symbol of female oppression! Her figure was completely disproportionate to any real woman's body, and she had pre-formed feet made for high heels! Of course, some of those things have changed nowadays. They changed her proportions to be more realistic. Every Barbie is no longer pre-programmed with high heel feet, nor does every Barbie have automatic make-up on her face. Barbie is shown as a "baby doctor", a soccer coach, and all other sorts of self-esteem affirming professions for little girls (and yes, even a stay at home mom!). Still, I had a malingering resentment of Barbie as the dominant corporate creation, somehow forcing out the nameless "little guy" doll makers, not to mention the fact that her skirts are still hiked up to the '60s microskirt levels.

Well, frankly, I have looked at some of the alternatives to Barbie, and (to say the least) I found them seriously wanting. There are the High School Musical dolls, Hannah Montana dolls, and the Bratz dolls (no I'm not kidding). Hannah Montana and High School Musical might be fine entertainment platforms for tweeners (I know nothing of Hannah Montana but have heard good things from other parents about HSM), but it's hardly the sort of fare I want to show to my four year old. And the Bratz dolls--well, all the things that Barbie used to be maligned for, Bratz dolls are times ten. No thanks. And there are the generic competitors out there--the "Hearts Club" or whatever it is at Target, and other lesser known brands at more expensive prices from out-of-the-way 'intelligent toy' stores and online retailers. I'm all for shopping according to principles, but when your 4 year old has a gift card to Wal Mart from grandma, let's just say that she's going to want to buy her doll and have it NOW; which is how we came to have Thumbelina (and the Thumbelina dress up jewelry and shoes). Grandma's $50 card went a long way in the eyes of our DD. I snuck in the matching tiara for her Easter basket, because we are ALL about being a princess these days! And so it begins...I am already trying to figure out the best way to store Barbie paraphenalia such that she may actually use the storage system.

Our DS is at the "Why?" stage of development. He is 2 and trying to figure everything out, so no matter what answer you give to a question, it is immediately followed by "Why?" You can go on ad nauseum unless you remember the fact that he's TWO, and shut down the endless questions with, "That's the way it is, bud." And followed by, "It just is." For some reason, hearing this repeated somehow permeates his brain with the idea that he's not going to get any more information on that topic, and the subject is closed.

This information accumulation is particularly noteworthy in that it now trumps the sighting of an exciting vehicle, such as a dump truck, or school bus, or police car! He will notice them, but he's more interested in getting his questions answered. He is also very particular about his cars and trains, arranging them in specific patterns that make perfect sense to him. He gets very irritated if we move them before he's done playing with them, and will scold us: "No Mommy! No move dat!" Clearly there are imaginative stories being played out with the cars and trains. I am sure we will hear all about them over the course of the next year or so as he continues to accumulate ideas.

Kids are just so fun.

The Cocoon

2009-04-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

My DH is out of the house this evening, attending a community meeting hosted by our local sheriff's department. Normally we would not be interested in meetings like these, but as it happens, our general area is going to be host to a registered sex offender, starting tomorrow.

Frankly, we've had a lot of responses to this since the notification first went out a few weeks ago. The immediate response is, of course, fear. You receive a notice in the mail (or, in our case, by email from a neighbor) and it has a number attached to this person, this man who is a known threat to society and who for reasons unfathomable to you is being released from the prison where he has been safely kept for the past thirteen years. The second response is, what can I do about it? We investigated the numbering system--what does that number mean? What are the details of the (multiple) cases that were successfully prosecuted against this man? Why is he rated likely to reoffend?

This has thrown a lot of comfortable assumptions into clear relief. Because we live in a rural area, it is very easy to think it is safer than other areas because it's relatively isolated, it's quiet. Our neighbors are nice people, so surely the people on the streets around us must be nice too. This is a very comfortable way of thinking, but it's not very accurate--and really we don't think that way all the time. Both DH & I have checked the map for known addresses of sex offenders (and we do so on occasion to update our sense of where they are) and up to this point they have all been more than 3 miles away, in distinct neighborhoods that are not our neighborhood. Now, however, we will have a convicted rapist living a mile away. A convicted rapist, I might add, who would have been a lifer in jail under the "3 strikes & you're out" law, but for the mistake of an officer testifying at his last trial, who let slip that he had a prior conviction. That was the grounds by which the appeal process reduced his sentence and made him eligible for parole.

It's quite easy to think that because we are reasonably rural, we couldn't be a target for crime. We have been in the habit of leaving our tool shed unlocked. We have a second shed that's not locked. It doesn't matter that it's not used, it's a place that someone could use to hide, or scope out our house & habits. That has changed. We have padlocks now, and we use them. We also did not have any sort of 'early warning system', aka a dog. That is changing as of tomorrow at 10 am. We will be the proud owners of a labrador retriever puppy, redeemed from our local humane society. We will have the ~~irritating agony~~ fun of house training the dog, and training her to leave our parrot alone. However, we will have a (not for long) small ball of furry energy to play with our kids, and to bark enthusiastically when someone shows up at our house or in our yard. As she gets bigger, hopefully she will also serve as a deterrent. We have alarms on our windows and doors, and we use them. We may get a gun (with the proper safety training and precautions since we have kids).

It helps to know that all of his victims have been adult women, his own age, whom he met that day in a bar or restaurant, or was already acquainted with. He has no history of burglary or enticing his victims in any way. He will be living with a family member and the department of corrections officer stated that his guardians are very interested in ensuring that he toes the line of all his parole conditions. He is not permitted in any bar or restaurant that serves alcohol, nor on any private roads. He has boundary conditions on how far he may travel from his home, and a curfew at night. He has obtained a job working with his family members through their business (which we will not be patronizing). The corrections officer at the community meeting emphasized that he has served his sentence and is legally a free man, subject to his parole conditions for 24 months.

At the end of the day, I think the corrections officer really hit the nail on the head for us. He said, "If learning that a registered sex offender is moving into your neighborhood makes you change the way you are living in your house, then you probably weren't living safe enough to begin with." Yup. And we are rectifying that right now. It isn't good enough to rely on comfortable thoughts of quiet and rural addresses. Nor is it enough, frankly, to rely on the goodness of one's neighbors. I hope that by cultivating safer habits and more awareness, we can still enjoy the substantial benefits of our neighborhood without fearing for our family when we're outside. Honestly we probably have more to worry about with a dog that a neighbor is dogsitting, who has gotten loose and charged at children, and bitten a neighbor. That is more real and present danger. But I am exceedingly grateful that God has ripped open our little cocoon in a very gentle way.

More to Goodwill

2009-03-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

Well I am actually making some progress on decluttering our house. It is a teeny bit of progress, but better than nothing. I dropped off two boxes of toys and 3 bags of clothes today, and felt a bit better getting them out of my hallway and bedroom.

I am doing spring cleaning this week, but not at the lightening quick pace I had envisioned for myself. I hadn't realized how tired I was after teaching full-time this past quarter, being pregnant, giving our children and my husband love and attention, and still trying to keep all the balls juggling around the household. I dropped a ball and got caught with a late payment due to the old due date shuffle by our credit card company, and had to call today to sweetly ask for my old interest rate (8.25%) as opposed to their punitive 19.99% rate which they slapped on me (which they gave to me without any hassle...it pays to have good credit and be a longtime customer). At least I caught it right away, but I'm irritated that I let it happen. I can't wait to pay that sucker off! Not for a while yet, though. But we did pay off another credit card, so I allowed myself a mini-happy dance for that. Our debt snowball calculator tells me that we will be out of debt in...five years. Da-da-da-dum. Sucky, but it is EVERYTHING except our mortgage--the HELOC, my student loan, everything. I guess that is not too bad.

We are supposed to have some folks over for a visit on Saturday afternoon, but now it's looking like we might head over to the city to meet them somewhere instead. I am a bit relieved, frankly, because I am not sure I am going to have the house "company ready" by my standards before Saturday. I am just digging out here and re-establishing some semblance of house cleanliness and tidying, and the whole decluttering thing is a bit messy in its own way. You know the routine--you have to make a mess by sorting stuff before you can reorganize and get rid of the stuff you don't need.

Today I did get our son's room cleaned and reorganized. I took out all the baby toys which he has outgrown, things which are more for toddlers than little boys. And I put all of his favorite toys into his toy cubbies, where they are in plain view but everything has a place. I started doing the same in our daughter's room, but I ran out of time to get it finished. I have to get her buy-in about some of the organizing, because if she's not on board, then it's a waste of my time. Hopefully she will connect the dots about finding her toys more easily, because she is starting to realize that knowing where something actually is makes it a lot easier to play with it.

I am still catching my own bad habits and trying to correct them before they are permanently imparted to the kids. I tend to leave coats and shoes lying around, and so I can't get irritated when they do the same thing. And I am making a habit of just doing something if I see it. Case in point: our kids' ball pit. Half the time the balls are strewn around our den. Whenever I walk through there now, I toss a few balls into the ball pit. Eventually they are all back in there and the room is that tiny bit neater. It's really not that much energy and I feel good about doing just a little every time I see it. I am just trying to transfer that philosophy to the rest of the house!! Hopefully we will get ourselves back onto a tight meal plan and budget and get our house (and ourselves!) ready for this new little one in the summertime. One step at a time...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Or, La Fheile Padraig, as they say "as na gaeilge" in Ireland. My quarter is finally winding down, and although I have 4 more assignments to grade and a final to write before tomorrow evening, I am taking some time for some PEACE and FOOSTERING, because I need it, darn it. There has been waaaaaaaaay too much going on in this household for any sense of sanity of late, and I really need to take a few deep breaths and R&R before I plunge in to catching up on all the housework and spring cleaning that is desperately needed. The multi-tasking has gotten to an insane level lately, and my brain is crying out for some quiet and brain-dead activities.

Foostering, by the way, is my father-in-law's quaint term for sort of loitering around aimlessly, doing little things here and there that feel tremendously satisfying and like a big accomplishment personally, but are really meaningless little nothings that no one else sees or understands. My FIL is a master at foostering, and finds it particularly efficacious when he does so while others are waiting for him to do something else. My DH is working from home today and I know he is waiting to see me spring into cleaning action like I said I was going to do this week, or start writing that final that I have to give tomorrow and Thursday.

However, I feel like in honor of my FIL (or because it's as good an excuse as any), today is a foostering day for me. It feels quite Irish for St. Patrick's Day, although I have visions of (finally) making the Irish cream cheesecake that I bought ingredients for several days ago to enjoy with some nice (i.e. not run-of-the-mill) dinner concocted from various frozen cuts of beef or whole chickens or some such.

I just have been juggling too many balls lately. It is so bad on the housework side of the equation that I have had to do special loads of laundry at odd hours of the evening and morning just to have maternity underwear, people! And I can't get by with the regular underwear any more--this little one has grown too big for that particular trick. I have narrowly resisted the urge to buy more maternity underwear, several times, because I don't particularly like the style readily available in my ONE local maternity shop, and I am hesistant to buy such items, sight unseen, from online retailers at $30 per pair. Even with "Satisfaction Guaranteed", it just seems wrong to return undewear, KWIM?

I also fell face down on my baking for Paddy's Day. Is there any soda bread in the house? No! Did I get my barmbrack baked after an hour's rise? No. Of course, I blame the power outage for that one, how the heck can I bake the brack if the power is off and we have an electric oven? So it had a long, slow 24 hour rise, which ate up all the sugar in the dough and left us with a "sharp" loaf of barmbrack (as my husband delicately put it). Oh, yes, it's fine when toasted and slathered with jam, but for someone who is not used to a 'tangy' loaf of barmbrack, it represents a serious failure with expensive ingredients (have you priced golden raisins and currants lately? Yikes...I had about $3.50 alone of dried fruit in that bread!).

My grading has been very much at the last minute and harried, and an endless parade of students emailing begging sickness, theft, beggardom, hospitalized children (ok, ok, I am lenient with that one), etc as an excuse to turn in their pieces of missing assignments at the last stampede of the quarter or make up quizzes has not put me in a good mood. It means I have to wade through and find old homework answer keys and try to remember how many points I took off for various mistakes, etc. Students pestering me for grades on those piecemeal assignments do not make me happy either. Um, I have over 400 pieces of paper waiting for grading from this week's assignments ALONE, how the heck do you think I am going to make a priority of YOUR SPECIFIC LATE assignment over that?? Grrrrrr. *eye twitch*

I am testy. And my house's relative lack of cleanliness is exacerbated by the knowledge that we babysat 2 little girls on Sunday, one of whom is getting over a case of MRSA. Yes, that is the methicillin resistant bacteria that causes open wounds on skin, and can be fatal. Yep-per. Why did we do this? Well, first off, the little girl in question is only 10 months' old. Secondly, they are foster children, who were placed with some dear friends of ours two months ago. Thirdly, our friends are childless and have never been parents before, and it was their wedding anniversary. Fourth, they haven't been out without the kids since getting them, and were not told of the baby's MRSA until she had a wound on her leg and the pediatrician diagnosed it, and then the CPS people said, "Oh, didn't we tell you about that? It's been passed around in their house." Uh, so not cool.

Anywho, I know rationally that this little baby is not contagious (her lesion has healed up and it's not 'active', and was covered by her clothing), and basic hygiene like wiping down surfaces and such is all that is required to alleviate any concerns we may have. And I held the child and fed her and cuddled her, etc, without fear of MRSA bacteria crawling over my skin. But it still creeps me out a teeny, tiny, bit, and so I have resolved to do a thorough spring cleaning, and until I get that done I will not feel like we have been 100% proactive to prevent any wild outbreak of MRSA in our house. (Rationally I know the child was only in our house for 6 hours and really she played with baby toys and crawled on the floor, so it's not like she was coughing this dangerous bacteria all over. I KNOW this. But I still want to clean like a madwoman.)

*sigh* It's what friends do. They needed a break. But now, I worry. You understand.

Well, I suppose there is nothing for it but to quit foostering and get on with it. Not that I WANT to, but I know I NEED to, and that pesky responsibility thing just won't leave me alone! Maybe after my finals are given I will give myself permission to get a hair cut & a pedicure, something like that. We'll see.

Students I Respect

2009-02-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

My students are usually a pretty mixed bag, in terms of demographics. A lot of them are returning to school after an extended absence, and since this quarter I am teaching a pre-requisite course for nursing majors, I have a whole lot more returning students. It's really interesting to note that as a whole, these students are some of the best I've ever had the privilege of teaching. They are motivated by life experiences to seek a better job and life for themselves and their families. They work hard--many of them are working a full-time job and going to school, and/or also being parents to kids ranging in age from 9 months to 17.

One of my students works a night job cleaning offices. She has a nine year old son at home, her husband works the day shift, and she attends classes during the daytime. I can't imagine how much sleep she gets each night, but I'm betting it's not much.

Another student just welcomed her husband home from Iraq after a year's deployment. She has been playing single mom to 4 kids (ages 2 to 9) while also working as a doula and childbirth instructor. She took off a week and a half to spend time with her husband and her family, and came back today, made up a lab she missed, handed in the lab work by the end of the day, and also handed in the homework from last week. She's going to have this week caught up by Friday and will be all set to take the midterm with everyone else on Monday. Wow.

Another student is the single mom of two kids, 6 and 11, and is currently unemployed. She's enrolled full-time in the nursing pre-requisites at my college, and she is also enrolled full-time at another college training to be a medical transcriptionist. Her plan is to work her way through the nursing program as a medical transcriptionist, supporting her family, until she's done and can be employed in nursing. AND, she is in the process of building her own house through Habitat For Humanity. Wow.

I worked through college part-time, and I took "more than full" courseloads for 2.5 years. I thought that was kind of impressive, but 12 years on I am thinking that I had it easy. I wasn't married, I wasn't fully supporting myself with my job, I had supportive parents, and I had no kids. Yeah, that was the easy way to do college. This path that a lot of my students are taking? I would classify that as the hard way. But they are MOTIVATED. And they are all going to make awesome nurses when they're done. I'm privileged to teach these folks.

Cool Jobs

2009-02-03T14:23:00.001-08:00

On our way to daycare this morning, we got stopped at a red light next to a cement truck, which inspired much pointing and shouting, "Mama, twuck! Seh-mahn twuck!" from DS and a discussion of how the cement was inside the rolling drum, turning around and around until it was ready to be used. DD & DS were both vastly entertained watching the drum spin around and around, and I realized that certain jobs have a cachet for kids that is lost for grown-ups.

For example, a fire truck never fails to inspire comment from both of our kids, as do ambulances, cherry pickers, cranes, "bobbies" (any form of construction equipment, be it diggers, excavators, etc). Likewise the guys who are up in the cherry picker trimming trees or working on power lines are viewed with a certain awe by kids. Anything where the person is up high or using a big machine will never cease to be cool to little ones.

Similiarly, anyone who gets to use neat equipment or make big noises has a cool job. Even the garbage man has a cool job to kids. He drives this neat truck with a special lift on it and he gets to stop whenever he likes and use flashing lights. Ditto the street sweeper, or the schoolbus driver. Schoolbuses never fail to inspire comments, as they might be carrying other kids inside and thus are worthy of great scrutiny and speculation about where they are going. Are they coming from school, or going to school?

The fire truck and police cars at the county fair were nearly as a big a hit as the rides for our kids, I think. The police cars and motorcycles were littered with neat lights and sirens and equipment, and the fire truck has all the bells and whistles (literally) that you could imagine. All hot stuff to young children, and all the people who work in them are just cool, in a way that kids get and adults sometimes forget.

I have decided that if it's a cool job to a kid, it has to be a cool job forever. I mean, what job could be better than having little kids point at you in awe or keep a fervent watch for your vehicle while they are being towed around town by their parents? Those types of jobs can never lose their 'cool' cachet. Impressing children has to count for something even when you're old enough to be annoyed at being caught behind the street sweeper. After all, a lot of those jobs have precious few perks to adults, might as well enjoy the adulation that comes from the pint-sized perspective!

My Mother Will Never Die

2009-02-02T09:23:00.000-08:00

I was chatting with some friends on Sunday about parenting and the difference in perspective when you are actually the parent, instead of the child. My friends are at various stages of life and their kids' ages reflect that, so it's fun to talk about what changes and what stays the same as your kiddos grow up. And one of my friend's kids was listening to our conversation. As it happens this young lady is 14 and a full-blown teenager, and after we were all chuckling about something I asked her, "I'll bet you think your parents make lots of mistakes, huh?" She just laughed (as did her mom) and I said, "You don't have to tell us, but we all know--you're going to do things differently when YOU'RE the mom, right?" She said, "Oh yeah."

LOL! How well I remember saying the same thing as a teenager. I knew exactly what my parents were screwing up with regard to my upbringing (and my siblings'), and by golly *I* would never say/do what they did! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! As proof of God's great sense of humor, here are a few things I have found myself saying which I distinctly recall swearing I would NEVER SAY as a mom.

Do I need to stop this car and pull over?
How many times do I have to tell you to {do X}?
Are you listening to me?
If you do that one more time, you'll be sorry! (talk about an empty threat...the most meaningless threat of punishment there is the unexplained punishment)
Don't make me come in there!
There are hungry children who would be grateful to eat that dinner. (again, totally meaningless...because any smart child will instantly offer to give it to them!)
Because I said so, that's why.
Stop teasing your brother. (says the woman who used to tease HER brother)
If these toys aren't cleaned up in five minutes I'm throwing them away. (to be fair it's usually DH who says this...I put toys into time-out if they aren't tidied up)
This is your last chance.

I know there are more which I can't remember right now. And as our kids get older, more and more old chestnuts that I used to hate hearing as a kid will be spouting forth from my lips. Is it any wonder my parents are so well entertained when they visit us? Payback is hell!

What On Earth Will Occur in 6 Months' Time

2009-01-19T21:01:00.000-08:00

I wish I could say our bathroom was looking more, well, finished. We've just had a three day weekend, surely we could have gotten something done in there, right? But no. We had a birthday party to throw on Saturday, then to clean up after, and Sunday was our day of rest (as it ought to have been). Today we finally got the Christmas lights and wreaths down from the house. (And may I just say that having a bunch of parents and kids under the age of 7 over for a birthday party with Christmas lights & wreath still prominently displayed on the 17th of January was just a WEE bit embarrassing? Ahem.)

We also let the kids have a good roll around on their new bike or in their new toy car, as the case may be. It was a nice day today--not too cold this afternoon, sunny. All in all a treat for a January day in the Pacific NW, so we wanted to enjoy it. Nonetheless, I had some faint idea of getting the rest of the backerboard up in the tub, at least so I could say to myself that it was buttoned up. Nope.

I am feeling horrid because we still have a friend's tile saw sitting out on our back deck, and it's been nearly 2 months since it's been used. I know he wasn't using it for anything, but I hate having someone's borrowed expensive tool sitting gathering dust when we should be pushing forward with this. I also hate the fact that our kids have practically forgotten what it's like to have a fun bath with each other and all their bath toys. Our son hates showers and tolerates them, but I feel like he gets tortured every time we wash his hair. I don't like that.

Of course I am pregnant and hormonal and moody, so that is probably influencing me. I am also waiting for my first paycheck of the quarter, and that is always not fun, because I've postponed some necessary purchases until then. And I don't like waiting to buy things we need (who does?). This is the yucky and necessary part of a budget and being responsible (or doing my best imitation thereof).

But I am wondering exactly what the heck we are going to do in six months' time when we have my in-laws coming to stay for six weeks or thereabouts, and we have no guest room to put them in? The former guest room is now our son's room, and the only place for guests to bunk down presently is on our uncomfortable sleeper sofa (and how well my parents liked it at Christmas...not). And to have 2 adults bunking on a temporary bed in the middle of an open den for six weeks?? Erm, not what I would call a recipe for success! They need a place to call their own, where they can go off and trust that little hands will not paw through their things or disturb them when they need a nap.

Which leaves us with two options, really. Option one is to dislodge DS from his bedroom for six weeks and set him up in his sister's room with his bed. I am not too fond of this option, because I don't know how well it will fly, and we can't exactly test run it for six weeks, can we? It is either a disaster or not, and leaves us with no plan B, except aforementioned sleeper sofa. We can't bring him into our room, because we will have the new baby in there, and there just isn't going to be room. And we could move DD out of her room and into DS' room, but she has more permanent pieces of furniture that would be hard to move, and thus harder to accommodate some adult-sized beds.

Option two is to get our cottage (the detached garage) cleared out of all the crap we have stored in it, or at least put it in some semblance of order, and get our butts (& budget) geared up to put in a toilet and sink with cold running water, at a minimum. I could set aside some funds from my pay toward said bathroom improvement, but we have no idea whether the county would give us a hard time about putting it in, or if we would have to add a new standalone septic tank, etc. And we don't know how we would go about adding it in to the existing septic. Um, fun! But really, we could not ask two people in their sixties to bunk down in a cottage with no bathroom facilities, as making a pilgrimage to the main house in the middle of the night for a toilet is hardly workable.

*sigh* I don't know what we are going to do. I really don't. Neither option is really nice, and we have to figure something out, and SOON if we are going to get a workable plan in place. I really don't know what to pursue. Ay-yi-yi, this is what happens when you move to a house with one fewer bedrooms!

Yowzers, This is Some Ride

2009-01-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

Well, as part of our increased attack on our debt snowball, I am working full-time this quarter. It sounds impressive, but really working full-time as an adjunct faculty member just means I am teaching three classes. And they are all the same class, so really I am prepping for one lecture/lab combination, and teaching it twice (one lecture and 2 lab sections, then one lecture/lab combo--yes it's confusing).

I wasn't slated to teach 3 classes this quarter, but I got a call from the dean on the Friday before the quarter started (on Monday). They had a long waitlist for another section of this class, and wanted to know if I would be interested in teaching another section...which oh by the way would bump me up to full-time pay from the adjunct payscale, including benefits. Um, heck ya! For reference, it's more than DOUBLE the pay of the adjunct gig, to add that one class...sure makes sense from a math perspective. So DH & I figured out if the schedule would work for us, and once we determined that we decided to go for it.

The downside is that I have put the kiddos in daycare for a few hours every day. The normal section of this class is offered daily, so I have to be on campus for about two hours every day. They are old enough to enjoy playing with other kids, but it's still not optimal. DS is adjusting slowly, but the teachers are amazed at how well he does since he's never been in daycare before. Today when I picked him up he was singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and doing the hand movements with his teacher--so cute! DD is just fine with it--she views it as her second school (after preschool) and she is quite happy to be there. Still, knowing they are only little once, I am sorry to miss out on any time with them. I am selfish that way, I suppose.

My students are great so far, which is helpful. It's far harder to motivate oneself to do a super job of explaining things if you feel like the students are totally non-engaged. I believe I have just described the reason that I am not a public school teacher! However, most of my students are older, coming back to school to retrain for a new career. They are motivated and they are paying their own way, which makes a huge difference in how they handle the coursework.

I am in the second week now, so I've got eight more to go. It's going to be a tough slog, especially the beginning of the week. I have lectures and labs each day, and it's tiring. Of course it doesn't help that we are expecting our third child, so I've been battling pregnancy insomnia and fatigue. Fortunately I am into the second trimester now, so I can hope I will get my energy back like I did with the other two pregnancies. And I am just starting the grading grind...lab data and quizzes, plus homework! Plus writing my first exam in a few weeks. Phew! It's going to be a busy eight weeks.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T16:51:00.000-08:00

I hope you too are contemplating positive changes you wish to make in the New Year, although I am not much of one for New Year's resolutions. Apart from wishing to be more productive in general, I have a fond hope of seeing clutter drastically reduced yet again in our house. I think we are slowly making progress in the right direction--at least things are being given permanent homes and we are making some habits of tidying up paperwork right away. I just hope we are able to simplify things further in the coming year, since we are going to be super busy.

I hope you had a good Christmas, as did we. My parents had a great time with the kids and the kids are already asking when Grandma and Grandpa are coming to visit again. As it happens, that will probably occur in mid-August or so, which will be a welcome summer visit. And my in-laws are planning a trek over as well, so I am hopeful of sharing the bountiful produce from our garden with them all.

I am certainly not sorry to say goodbye to the plagues and troubles of the past year. To put them in perspective, we have really had a soft year for troubles considering what so many others are facing. Still, I would be glad of a respite for a while from home repairs and necessary projects, and would like to see us put forth our efforts toward some worthwhile but 'optional' projects instead. It would be really fun to see the kids enjoying their free playset, for example, complete with sandbox and swings. I know they would get a lot of use of it, so hopefully we can get that up by mid-spring for full summer enjoyment.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2009. Let us hope that we greet the New Year with hope and contentment with our multitude of blessings, and consider too how we can all share them a bit more in the New Year. Happy New Year!

All I Want for Christmas

2008-12-16T16:37:00.000-08:00

I want my linen closet back. Seriously. Its shelves are covered with construction materials and tools, while my linens are strewn all over the house in vacuum space bags. Our children are ripping them one by one by playing on them like their own version of the preformed foam play structures at the mall. I trip over two bags when I go into the laundry room to do laundry, I skirt around five in our bedroom, and have to move two more from in front of my sewing machine when I need to sew, or in front of the hall closet when I need to get something or put something away. I am really tired of it, almost more so than the whole lack of a tiled tub surround thing. It's just the last straw at this point, as I contemplate our cluttered surfaces and what needs to be done before my parents arrive on Sunday. I just don't need that "one more thing", know what I mean?

I know that I am going to continue to divest us of extraneous "stuff" in the coming year. In fact, if I can get my parents to be accommodating enough with the kids, I am going to clean out a few things while they are here. Maybe by setting a good example they will do the same in their house when they get home. I have no illusions about where I get my clutterbug tendencies from. What I am realizing, however, is that if you don't use something on a regular basis, it's really not necessary to have it in your house. There are a lot of things that can be multi-taskers, and the uni-taskers are getting the boot around here. I don't have the energy to put it all away and the kids certainly don't do us any favors in that respect.

I still don't have all the Christmas decorations up. Frankly there are 2 more things that I want to see up, and the rest I can happily see packed away in the attic until next year, when hopefully I will have more energy.

If you haven't checked it out, read Luke 16. Talk about a convicting chapter on money and how to be a wise steward of it! I am humbled by our abysmal money management, in particular my abysmal money management. That, too, needs to change in the New Year. I can't do it alone, though. I am going to have to stick to a plan and be accountable. It is hard to change bad habits, because they are so very comfortable to us here. Ugh. Ever noticed how what is the most comfortable is often the worst thing for you in the long term? Luke 16--it's all there. I'm telling you, we need to be accountable. I'm thinking it's time to call our friends who have successfully completed their debt snowball and get some serious monthly accountability going. Big sigh. Yeah, it's going to suck, but it's so completely necessary it's not even funny. We need to kiss our credit card debt goodbye yesterday with this economy. Wish us luck!

Mid-December Madness

2008-12-11T15:38:00.000-08:00

Well as seems to be warranted with our house, there is always a perpetual problem popping up requiring prompt attention. (Boy would my English teacher Mrs. Wilson be proud of that alliteration...) Now we have an open neutral somewhere on the circuit that powers most of our bedroom and our son's bedroom. Oh joy. After checking all the non-working outlets and the working outlets adjacent to the non-working ones, my DH thinks he has pinpointed the trouble spot to be a poor splice that is probably in the attic. We spotted this little bit of wire and electrical tape over by the far wall once when we were up there, and said to ourselves that this was something that required further investigation. Apparently that time has come, because from what we can figure out, that is where some prior owner spliced in the electrical line for the exterior lights on the cottage/garage. It's sort of a good thing that they left it sort of poking up there from the wall, because if that had done it correctly with a junction box we would have no idea that it was there. DH suspects that the pigtail going back to the outlet on my side of the bed has come loose, which gives us an open neutral on the rest of the circuit. So we are going to buy a junction box and properly install it in the attic, and DH is going to ensure that splice is correct so we don't need to worry about fire hazards and such. In the meantime, we are on day two of the circuit remaining off for safety, and I am using a floor lamp with an extension cord for our bedroom.

Additionally, I have finally solved the MIL present dilemma and hastily shipped off a cute old-style photograph of the kiddos to her, with enough time that it should arrive before Christmas and be safely tucked under the tree. MIL was a bit sad that there was no present for her under the tree in the box I shipped earlier, and that left DH & I scrambling to find something appropriate. I mean, the reason there was nothing in there for her, was that we didn't find anything she'd like or would use! So given the exorbitant cost of shipping things to Ireland, it didn't seem wise to ship something that we knew was just useless crap. We fall on the old standbys of gift cards when nothing appropriate presents itself on this side of the water, and thus was my MIL left with no personally wrapped and addressed present. *sigh* As an aside, how is it that wives get stuck with the Christmas shopping for their husband's family?? Anyway, I feel confident she will love the photo and we can send along an accessory for her new mobile phone from an Irish website, and we're done. *Phew* Fortunately DH's brother-in-law and younger sister will be just as happy with gift cards, so we just have to order those and call it good.

I also have not bought anything for my mother, or my grandparents or great aunt. I should be able to get Wal Mart gift cards or some such for my grandparents and great aunt, as they are too old for useless stuff and I know they would actually use and appreciate the money toward their Wal Mart purchases. My mom is a bit more puzzling, because despite her Amazon wishlist there is nothing that really screams, "I would love this!" We got a pass this year on my dad because my siblings and I chipped in on a really expensive Shun knife that he wanted, so I know he will use it and love it. It's harder to convince myself that my mom will love getting the new Enya Christmas CD on Christmas Day (if she hasn't bought it for herself already), or a new pair of Lee Women's pants in chocolate twill. Just not feeling the love there. She buys her favorite author's books as soon as they come out, and again, pre-ordering a book that is not out for four months is just a little weeny for my taste.

We are still working through the massive pile of Christmas cards that need to be addressed and mailed off. It's great on the one hand to have so many friends and family, but on the other hand it is a lot of work too. I am just hoping that more of our friends reciprocate, because I really love getting Christmas cards. It's the right thing to do to send the cards, but it's hard to justify sending out 200+ cards if you only get about 50-60 in return.

And I still don't have all the Christmas decorations up. Both trees are in the house, and upright...but only one is fully decorated. I was working on the other one today, but discovered that the new lights we just bought at Wal Mart do not work. Grrrrr...*eye tic* So now I get to return them to Wal Mart, and go to another store to buy more lights (because really, if the first box didn't work, who in their right mind would buy the same brand again?).

Did I mention that the bathroom isn't done yet? Yeah. No tub surround. Not even the tile backerboard up. Does this annoy me? Oh yeah, you bet it does. My parents arrive in a little over a WEEK. I would like to have tile up, thanks. You know, the whole progress thing that indicates that our children will SOMEDAY be able to have baths again in their new $400 tub. Little things like that. And my drywall seaming is still too imperfect for my liking, so I have to smooth over some of the rough spots and re-texture the walls, then re-paint those areas. I don't think we'll ever be done.

And we have other good stuff and bad stuff going on too. DH stepped on a nail on Sunday and had to get a tetanus shot. We had a coyote in our yard yesterday morning, which I had to scare off (I don't want them feeling at home in our yard, TYVM). At least the small birds seem to have rediscovered the suet feeder, which I finally re-hung after being certain that large mammals of the genus Ursus would be hibernating by now. And DH is actually getting a Christmas bonus, which is a big praise in this day and age! Of course it is all going to our debt snowball, but YAY REDUCTION OF DEBT!

Nothing to do but press on, I'm afraid. I still have apples to can. Someday, I will be done...someday...

Day 9, Luke 9

2008-12-09T20:40:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the silence on this end. As you know it is a busy time of year, and we've had a lot on our plates this past week. Still I think it's best to pick up on the right day and move right along, so here we are at Luke 9.

There is a lot packed into this chapter (as usual!), but I'm going to focus on something that Jesus comes back to twice in the chapter: the selflessness required of his followers (that is to say, Christians). Verses 23-27:
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

This strikes at the very essence of who we are. We are created beings, not some random assortment of proteins and cellular organelles that functions at an amazingly high level. If you ever learn a bit of microbiology, it becomes incredibly apparent that the functions of a "simple" cell could never arise by chance. Yet we live in a world where the common wisdom dictates that we are a law unto ourselves, and we delude ourselves that we control what goes on around us and that we are the ultimate arbiters of good and evil, justice and injustice, etc. Yet I think that there is a core to all of us, a soul, where we know that this is not the case, and in fact we are the created beings, who were created for a purpose. We can't even claim the privilege of knowing that purpose, which for such unceasingly arrogant creatures drives us a bit batty sometimes. And yet here we have Jesus, the Son of God, saying that in order for us to really save ourselves, to really distill out that essence of who were created to be, we must submit ourselves to Him so completely that we essentially give up our lives to Him. This is the core of Christian belief, and one that probably sounds like gobbledy-gook to those who don't know Jesus personally. Yet I challenge you to think of Christians who so selflessly gave of themselves and not see how they were refined with time to become beacons of humanity, of goodness and justice and mercy. Mother Teresa? Billy Graham? Peter Marshall? They were all luminous, and you would be hard pressed to find anyone who knew them or knew of them, who would not say there was something amazingly different about them.

I wonder how much of a difference we Christians would really make if we took that command to give up our lives for Christ more seriously. I think we often fall into the trap of the three would-be followers who sought to follow Jesus in the last part of the chapter (v. 57-62). These three men displayed a love of their worldly possessions and status, a desire to put the world's concerns before the Lord's concerns, and a wrong ordering of priorities. Especially in this country, we have been given many good and powerful blessings. But seeking to secure those blessings, or puting them ahead of the God who gave them to us, is sinful and wrong. What number of errors would we avoid, if we (and especially I) put Jesus in his rightful place, first on the list, all of the time instead of occasionally? I think we would be so happy to fully pour ourselves out at his feet, in his service, instead of dripping ourselves out a meager dropperful at a time.

A Christmas Study-Day 3

2008-12-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

Today I am reading Luke 3. The main focus of the chapter is John the Baptist, who is Jesus' cousin and the "voice in the wilderness" before the coming of the Lord. There was a lot here, but what I want to focus on are two things: that the One who was to come would baptize with the Holy Spirit and fire; and Jesus' genealogy.

John continually focused his followers on Jesus, who was to come after him, and tailored his message to prepare the hearts of the Jews and Gentiles for repentance. The passage talks about John being asked a question by some soldiers, and we don't know if these were Roman soldiers (Gentiles) or Jewish soldiers, possibly of Herod. In any case, John is clearly emphasizing that his role is only that of a messenger, and he points to the coming Messiah as the One who can work real change and clean up everything.

Of course when Jesus is baptized, it is very clear that he is anointed by God. I would think that the sight of the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove descending from heaven and alighting on Jesus would have been pretty spectacular for those watching, and that's not even mentioning the voice from heaven saying Jesus was His Son in whom He was well pleased!

I'm sure you're wondering why I am interested in Jesus' genealogy. Well, it's important because there are so many prophecies concerning the Messiah in the Old Testament, and they were very specific as to whose line he would be descended from. The text makes a point of saying that Jesus was supposed (i.e. assumed) to be Joseph's son, when in fact we know that he was not Joseph's biological son. However, as the firstborn, Jesus held all the rights of inheritance and such from Joseph, and also was legally viewed to be his offspring. Thus, legally, he was descended from Joseph's line. Therefore it was very important that Luke verified Jesus' lineage, to show that he did rightfully lay claim to being the "Lion of Judah" and "from the line of David".

We're coming up on Jesus' start to his ministry--stay tuned!

You Didn't Lead Me Wrong, Mario

2008-12-03T18:28:00.000-08:00

Today was my last day of class for this quarter. I had a pretty intensive set of exams set for my students, but I think they pulled through. To celebrate, DH & the kids and myself went to a local Mexican restaurant for lunch beforehand. I have been craving Mexican food of late...perhaps because I know that all of our friends in Arizona are enjoying gorgeous weather now while we shiver here in the Pacific NW. In any case, I had my fill of salsa and fajitas before supervising the exams, and in the mellow mood that pervaded the house when I got home, DH & I played on the Wii while our kids alternately cheered us on and devised clever new games like "camp out" in DS' room, which as far as I can tell consisted of moving objects around to form a "camp" and then turning the lights off. *shrug* No one was hurt and no bones broken, so I consider that a good game.

Anyhow, the subject of dinner came up, and we really didn't want anything heavy. DH suggested French toast, and I was struck with the serendipitous remembrance of a Mario Batali cooking program I saw once, where he made French toast with pannetone. For those of you who have never tried this ~~ambrosia-like, soft, sweet, heavenly~~ really nice bread, it's a soft, eggy yeast bread filled with soft raisins and candied citrus peel, and occasionally pistachios. Really nice, and although as my foggy memory suggested Mario had made a French toast bake with it, I suggested to DH we use some of the pannetone I purchased at Costco for the purpose.

Ahhhhhhhh!!! Words fail to describe how lovely this dinner was. Topped with some of our maple syrup, it was light and delicious. The fruit & citrus gave it a really nice flavor, and I devoured three pieces before I stopped myself. SO GOOD!! Of course, DH was miffed that I planned to give Mario all the credit in my blog. He said, "I didn't follow a Mario Batali recipe you know! I just used the pannetone to make the french toast!" So consider yourself credited, DH. I think this will become a regular Christmas staple in our house, yes-sirree.

It's a dangerous time of year for indulgences. You want to be able to say, "what the heck, it's Christmas, I can eat (a pint of ice cream) (a huge slice of TWO pies) (three appetizers)!" Um, no. I'm afraid the scale is not kind to that way of thinking come January. In fat, (Haha) I am pretty sure I am still sporting 10 extra pounds from last Christmas. So I really ought to make an effort to avoid saying yes to myself all the time. *ahem* Right after I mop up this last piece of pannetone french toast...

A Christmas Study-Day 2

2008-12-02T09:37:00.000-08:00

Today I'm in Luke 2. As is usual with anything associated with government, Joseph & Mary had the vast inconvenience of traveling a good distance away from their home in Nazareth, a total of nearly 90 miles and over increasing elevation, to reach Bethlehem for the census decreed by Caesar. I found it interesting that Luke notes that Mary was only pledged to be married to Joseph--so they were in fact not married at this time. I have thought that Joseph must have had a hard row to hoe, as it was abundantly clear to all their friends and family that Mary was pregnant. The fact that he did not break their engagement would have bespoke in their minds that he had slept with her before their marriage, and surely he must have endured a great deal of shame and censure for his presumed behavior. Furthermore it is made clear that he did not sleep with her at all until after Jesus was born, another hard thing. After all, he was bearing the blame for her pregnancy, and he had none of the enjoyment of a wife! I think he must have been a very patient and faithful man to be so obedient to the Lord.

If you remember how Mary & Zechariah were shocked and afraid by the appearance of one angel, imagine how the shepherds must have felt at the appearance of a whole host of angels announcing the birth of Christ! It says they were afraid, but once the angels had disappeared they immediately set off to find the child and see him for themselves. Once they had found him, they told everyone what they had seen and heard, and many were amazed. Importantly, they praised God for all they had been told. Clearly they regarded it as a high blessing and honor to be told of the birth of the Messiah, and by an angel no less, who was then accompanied by a "host" of angels praising God! What a fantastic sight they must have had, to see the heavens illuminated with the glory of God and hear his angels praise Him!

When Mary & Joseph took Jesus to Jerusalem to sacrifice for him, there are two people in the Temple who were told specifically by God that they would see the Messiah before they died. One, Simeon, is called specifically to the Temple by the Holy Spirit at that specific time to see Jesus. First we must remember that there were likely many people going to and fro in the Temple, so the fact that Simeon picked Jesus out of the crowd and then praised God openly for him was extraordinary. And he prophesied to Mary about him, saying, "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." It says that Mary & Joseph marveled over what was said about Jesus, and even as Simeon was done another came up, Anna, and gave thanks to God for him. What a moment for these two parents, to have two complete strangers single out their new son and identify him as the light of salvation for Israel!

We are told that Jesus grew strong and wise, and full of the grace of God. When he is 12, they go to Jerusalem for the Passover, and Jesus remains behind while Joseph & Mary travel back home. It is worth noting that 12 is the customary age of a Jewish boy's bar mitzvah, and at this time he would be considered a man. Mary & Joseph return to Jerusalem to find him when they discover he is not part of their family party, and it takes them three days to find him. At last they find him at the Temple, and he is discussing theology with the best teachers in the Temple, who were "amazed at his understanding and his answers". His parents ask why he has treated them this way, and Jesus replies, "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" Clearly Jesus has already identified himself with his Father God. (This is very complicated theology, the full divinity and at the same time full humanity of Jesus Christ, so I'm not going to go into more detail here!)

Lastly, it is mentioned several times that Mary "stores up and ponders" the things that others say of her son in her heart. He must have been a great mystery to Mary, this son of hers. She was told he would save Israel, but the how was a complete mystery to the Jews. Most assumed the Messiah would be a warrior king, riding in with a large army and routing all their enemies, bringing them all peace and prosperity. The concept of a Messiah who would sacrifice himself for them all (and even Gentiles) was probably ludicrous to most. That Mary was contemplating all quietly in her heart suggests to me a woman who was trying to figure out this puzzle and exactly what role God had for her son. I simply cannot imagine what it must have been like to raise Jesus Christ from babyhood. What great stories she must have to tell! Good stuff.

A Christmas Study: Day 1

2008-12-01T13:25:00.000-08:00

Today being the first day of December, I decided to start a 24 day Bible study which was suggested by one of my friends. The book of Luke has 24 chapters, so if I read one per day, I will finish up right at Christmas Day. To help myself be accountable, I am going to blog about my reading each day. I am just going to discuss things I find interesting in the passage, and may we all be blessed by it. I will still write some regular blogs too, but hopefully I will stay on track and get the right perspective for Christmas.

Of course, Jesus wasn't born in December, or whatever month it was before the introduction of the Gregorian calendar. In all likelihood, most Bible scholars agree that he was most likely born during Sukkot, a.k.a. the Feast of Tabernacles. The shepherds who were keeping watch over their flocks by night? They were most likely watching over the Passover lambs. Rather fitting, then, that the angel of the LORD should call them to view the final Passover Lamb!

So, in Luke 1, we see that the whole book of Luke is a letter written by Luke to a fellow Christian, Theophilus; and that Luke was not in fact a firsthand witness of all the events he describes, but relates them from firsthand witness accounts, which he says he "carefully investigated everything from the beginning". Given that he starts with an account of the conception and birth of John the Baptist, followed by Mary's visitation by Gabriel and visit to Elizabeth while pregnant with Jesus, it's nice to note that the author was being scrupulous to lay out his perspective and limitations. Indeed it makes sense that Jesus' disciples would have had to investigate the circumstances of his birth, seeing as none of them were present at the time!

There is an interesting contrast presented by the responses of Zechariah and Mary to the appearance of the angel Gabriel and his messages to each of them. Remember that at this time, the Jewish people had been without a true prophet for nearly 400 years. (The word "prophet" means one who speaks the message of God by God's authority, not necessarily including the prediction of future events, as we commonly associate the term 'prophecy' today.) Thus Zechariah as a Levite and priest of God, was intimately familiar with the words of the prophets of old, and also with the Jewish historical texts which had been written in the intervening 400 years (including the Book of the Maccabees and others).

However, no one had spoken with authority from God for 20 generations, and I believe this had resulted in a similiar state for Zechariah as we experience today--that of skepticism and 'practical mindedness'. When Gabriel told him that he was to have a son, his response is one of incredulity and disbelief: "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years". As a Jew who had not seen or heard the Word of God spoken with authority by a prophet, or seen any miraculous interventions from God, nor heard of such from any firsthand witnesses, he was lulled into a state of complacency and apathy about the God he served. Oh sure, Jehovah was to be feared, but He didn't actually cause anything to happen these days. Nope, they were just waiting on the Messiah to come and bring them all a new and better life.

Zechariah is rightly called out by Gabriel for his unbelieving response. "I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time." Ouch! Talk about a zinger of a reproof for Zechariah for his unbelief and faithlessness! A priest who knew full well all the accounts of God's miracles and signs to Israel, and as had happened so many times in Israel's history, he had slipped into a lull of apathy about the mighty God he served.

Contrast this to Mary's response when Gabriel appears to her and tells her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end." Mary had been scared at the appearance of the angel, just as Zechariah had been. And her response is not very different:
"'How will this be,' Mary asked the angel, 'since I am a virgin?'"

It doesn't seem so very different from Zechariah's response, does it? Let's look closer. Zechariah's answer seems to indicate unbelief, as he said, "How can I be sure of this?" Instead of asking how it will happen, Zechariah looks for some form of substantive proof or evidence in contrast to what he knows of he & his wife and their physical state. He looks for something to assure him that what the angel has said is true, other than the very miracle of the angel appearing to him at all, let alone speaking to him and promising him an answer to his prayer for a son!

Mary, on the other hand, asks how such a thing could be possible, since she is a virgin. So Gabriel tells her that the Holy Spirit will overshadow her, and tells her that nothing is impossible with God. Mary's response to this is very telling. She says, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." Clearly, Mary does not need evidential proof of her upcoming pregnancy. She accepts the angel at his word and humbly affirms her faith and service to God.

We live in an age of skepticism, where people have a very hard time believing in anything that they cannot touch or see or explain in a way that makes sense to them. I once heard a Christian posit that the reason we do not 'see' as many miracles today is because our hearts are so hard, we would not recognize them as such even when they did occur. I do wonder if we are not surrounded by miracles, continuing evidence of God's presence and activity in our lives, but dismiss them often as something else. In an age of David Blaines and David Copperfields, are we not jaded and incapable of seeing the hand of the Almighty?

I find myself wondering if I am more of a Zechariah, asking God to prove what He has said will happen, or a Mary, humbly accepting and trusting in faith that He will do what He said He would. I fear it is more of the former than the latter, and how tiresome that must be to the One who walked on water, healed the blind, sick, and the lame, and rose from the dead. How often I confine myself to the 'logical', despite knowing that "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight." (1 Cor. 3:19a), and "...the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." 1 Corinthians 2:14-15 I pray that God will make me more focused on the spiritually discerned truths and less focused on the foolish wisdom of this world. For what comfort was offered to my sister-in-law by the concept that her lost baby was just a blob of tissue? What succor is granted to someone who has lost their child to the caprice of an unjust criminal? To where can we ultimately go for the justice that our hearts cry out for, if there is no God who has placed that desire in our breasts? How then would we be different than the animals? I am honored to serve a God who is sovereign in all things; and though I cannot see the picture he is weaving from my thread of a life, or how he uses the shortest fragments of lives like that of my lost nephew, I trust that He is working out a grand and beautiful picture. Yes, I have chosen to lie flat and be woven by the Master, and I am gratified that He has chosen me as part of His design.

The Hidey Hole

2008-11-12T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'll bet you thought I was going to talk about a place my kids have created, where they squirrel themselves away to be by themselves and at peace. However, I am talking about myself, and my bedroom. Lately it's been just a wee bit stressful around here. If I didn't know better (and I don't, by the way), I'd say it's been a spiritual attack zone level one around here. (And that doesn't refer to some secret code, it's just my way of saying that we've had enough dark forces at work in our lives for quite a while, thanks.)

Today we got knocked with more zingers. First, Hubby's employer wanted him to travel again next week. Uh, no. Chiefly because Hubby is presenting the master's thesis that his company paid for a week from today, and it's sort of important that he be at home to finish it up, yes? Yes, they agreed, that is important...what about the week after that. Hubby said, "Well, that is Thanksgiving, and frankly I have family commitments that I wouldn't be able to easily move...plus I'd spend a day flying there and a day flying back, for a total of two days working...it doesn't make much sense." Yes, they agreed, that would be silly. As yet unmentioned is the prospect of the week following, so I am waiting for that little shoe to drop.

And, I was urgently messaged on Google by my mother-in-law to tell me that she couldn't get in touch with DH, and to please let him know right away that his sister (my SIL) was in the hospital with a suspected blood clot in her LUNG. OH boy. This is my SIL who had a miscarriage this summer while we were there visiting, so the poor woman has had her plentiful share of doctors and hospitals already this year. And, she is severely anemic, something that she also had when she was pregnant. Er, shouldn't that ring some alarm bells with some M.D. over there? Hmmm, we have a patient who has been severely anemic for nine months, perhaps something serious is going on??? Pardon me while I thank God for our sue-happy society which at least makes doctors afraid for their heinies if they miss something, thus ensuring they will run every test known to man (and believe me I know the downside of becoming a lab pincushion, having been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt myself several times). Over in Ireland it's apparently a shrug and wait-and-see kind of approach. Yeah. CT scan confirmed a blood clot and now she is in the hospital overnight, shot up in the tummy with fun meds to help the clot dissolve, and can anticipate being on blood thinners for the next six months. She is THIRTY NINE, people! And HEALTHY! This should not be happening to a healthy 39 year old woman and mother of two and lovely person, I might add. So now we wait to find out what the heck is going on that she is so anemic and her body is throwing out clots.

And, on top of all that joy, a very good friend of ours from church has also been hospitalized today for head pain. She has battled migraines and tension headaches for years, but apparently they can't control the pain with meds and she has some inflammation in her neck or something. She and her husband are waiting for the doctors to explain exactly what the heck they are doing to her, what tests they are running and why, etc. And she was dehydrated and had 2 bags of IV fluids. So a total mystery going on there, and who knows how long they are going to keep her in the hospital or what they think might be going on. So not bueno.

So I have been spending a lot of time lately in my hidey hole, namely, our bedroom. I am glad we made a semi-high priority of decorating it as a peaceful, serene room when we moved in, because I am really using it as a sanctuary nowadays. I have spent more time in our bedroom in the past three weeks than I usually spend in there in three months. My favorite version of "Pride and Prejudice" has been playing almost non-stop, and I have re-read the book and Pamela Aidan's Darcy series a few times too. It is just soothing to my nerves right now, something which I sorely need.

And now, if you will excuse me, I think there is a soulful Colin Firth calling my name, along with a big mug of tea and some sudoku puzzles, beckoning from the comfort of my bed. I don't know if I will come out again, so if you don't hear from me, assume I am enshrouded in bed and loudly singing "La la la!" to myself.

The Delusion of Child Messes

2008-11-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

When you become a parent, somehow you think that you are going to find better ways to do everything. You will do a better job of introducing your kids to healthy foods. You will get them to voluntarily pick up their rooms. You will avoid the annoying toys and the extremely messy/dirty activities, or manage to contain them. You are sure you can do all of this and remain sane.

Play Doh will be kept in separate colors so it won't turn into the perennial gray green that every tub of playdoh at daycare or church becomes two seconds after it is opened. YOUR children will only play with it on a designated table only, and you will not let it get tracked or moved all over the house. You say to yourself, "Well, if I buy this cute little sandpit with a cover, the kids won't get sand everywhere and it will stay dry." You even splurge for the extra high walls to prevent sand creeping onto your lawn. What you don't think about is the fact that instead of worrying about sand escaping at will as your children play, you should be worrying about how much will make its way into your house in the form of sandy hands, bodies, and clothing.

Well, I'm here to vouch for the fact that it's just not possible to avoid or even contain messes. Even if you try to avoid messy toys or games, your kids will find them by themselves. And even when you think you have a toy that is contained to a certain season, think again! I thought with our sand table being put away for the winter, our children would be forced to amuse themselves with the plethora of fall leaves and sticks on the lawn, and all the cool creatures crawling around in the leaf litter. Well, I was partly right. They did entertain themselves with that for about half an hour, then they went back to their (wet) Jeep and other stuff by the house. Fine. I was occupied raking leaves from our 100 ft plus big leaf maple, so as long as they weren't killing each other, I was happy. Then I heard the scream and crying, and saw from my decent distance away that my son had a dirty face. I thought it was dirt. Yeah. No, it was play sand...wet play sand at that. DD had shoved/thrown it in his face. When I asked her why she did that, she said, "I wanted a sand fight." *ahem*

One time-out for DD, shower for DS (remember that bit about clothing with sand? Well, add in a cloth DIAPER full of sand), clean clothes, and chill-out nursing session later, and everyone is happy again. Except that I had to sweep up tons of sand from my bedroom and bathroom floor, and I haven't finished rinsing the sand down the sink drain or shower drain yet. I had to change my clothes after wrestling DS out of his, so yet another laundry load is in the wash.

And that Play Doh? Well, after holding out for nearly four years and insisting that DD only play with one color at a time, I finally threw caution to the wind while DH was gone last week and let the kids play with five colors at once. And you know what, it was okay. They don't mind the gray green, and they had a blast with their rainbow Play Doh while it lasted. And really it didn't matter what color it was, I still had about a bazillion dried out pieces to vacuum and sweep up after they were done. I guess I've just realized that childhood is supposed to be messy...I can try to keep it contained most of the time, but I wouldn't want to have a spotless house if it meant my kids didn't enjoy their toys and their messes. Have dustpan, will parent!

Slothfulness Here I Come

2008-11-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty quiet on here for the past few weeks, as you've probably (hopefully) noticed. It has not been just the product of my insane amount of multi-tasking, but also the result of my DH's work trips to Memphis for the past two weeks. He gets home today and I am pooped! I don't know how families with a parent who travels a lot actually accomplish anything. I have fed myself and the children fast food or convenience food for about one meal per day. I quickly exhausted leftovers in the freezer and at dinnertime I am especially vulnerable to convenience. I have had enough take-out pizza and fast food chicken nuggets to last me for a while, I think.

It is perhaps a good thing that I was not allowed to be so slothful as to never tidy up the house while DH has been gone. He has been home for the weekends and pitched in to get the kids to tidy up their toys and such, but in addition I have had babysitters in the house on my teaching days, and I have had friends over for playdates to keep a bit of fresh perspective and sanity. Nothing like having a Navy wife over, whose husband is currently on a multi-month deployment, to make me stop carping about my terrible luck having a husband who has to be gone for nearly two whole weeks!

However, it is a lot of work being "on" all the time for children. Evenings are the most dreadful, because I am tired after dealing with them all day, and there is still a lot of work involved in getting dinner on the table, getting into PJs, getting teeth brushed and getting both of them put to bed, solo. I have been very cranky, and it shows. That is the time of day when they are most likely to be missing Daddy and cry for him (and having a cranky Mommy putting them to bed doesn't help, I imagine).

So, that has me feeling pretty beat. And I had to deal with some other issues, too, in DH's absence. The night before he left, we had a clog in our sewer line that backed up sewage into our shower stall, new bathtub, and hole for the kids' bathroom toilet that is currently plugged up with a towel. Yeah. Suffice it to say, cleaning up sewage from our bathroom shower, new tub, and not completely laid tile floor in the other bathroom, SUCKED. Did I mention that this was at about 9:30 pm? And DH was leaving the next day? DH got to stand out in the dark and cold with the rooter guy while he dug up our septic and snaked back from there. That's how we found out that our septic needed to be pumped. Oh joy. So I had to schedule that (for the day I was teaching, don't you know) and also had to play phone tag with three friends trying to get a babysitter, due to people having jury duty (maybe), a husband's heart stress test (cancelled, as it turned out) and a mother-in-law arriving on Friday. Yipper, I like knowing I HAVE to go to work without having someone definitively in place to watch my kids until the morning of. Totally non-stressful!

On top of that, I have been plagued with technological devils too. My laptop hard drive died, just went tttthhhhpppppttt!! at me and refused to be seen when I booted up the computer. A pain in the ass, to be sure, but ordinarily not a super huge deal. Except we are only 3 weeks into this quarter, I was out of the habit of emailing my grade file to myself (not teaching for the whole summer will do that to you), and I hadn't emailed my grades to myself. Guess what that means? Sending it off to a data recovery service, with an expected pricepoint of $500 and counting to get that file I have to have. Oh, joy. I hope they can get that file for me, or I am going to be facing some unpleasant alternatives. Thank you, I needed that new pilfering of our already depleted emergency fund. *sigh* And, my online moms' group which I have been participating in since 2004, has to move websites and that has resulted in confusion and basically a total non-participation by everyone, because no one knows which of the new sites we are actually committing to using, and since no one is posting on the original site, we haven't even had a proper discussion about it. I suspect this is in large part due to the fact that once we tried to move to their new partner site, the original site came up with a message that took up the whole screen and appeared (at least to me) as if they had already taken down our old site. Ugh. It's just a PITA, and I have been too busy to keep up with any discussions that are taking place across three different websites. Sorry, I just don't have the bandwidth!!

And my husband is in the final two weeks of his thesis writing for his master's degree. This would be the master's degree he started years ago, and only has to complete the thesis in order to receive it. The degree that his company has paid for. And now he is up against the clock because the school changed their requirements and this is the absolute last chance to squeak through with his old class requirements. And he's hemming and hawing to me about what he's actually, you know, WRITTEN, which makes me worry hugely about whether he is going to finish it in time. November 19th, and he is either done or he fails. Yeah. I am not happy about him waiting this long to do it. Seriously, he started this master's way before children. He even participated in the graduation ceremony, that his parents flew over from Ireland specifically to attend...even though he wasn't technically finished. Am I a bit steamed about him not doing it before? You think? Yepper. Believe me, he knows this. He also knows I have little sympathy for him, since he was a serious pain in my ass when I was writing my dissertation, so many, many moons ago. I got it done by getting up at 4 AM and writing until I burned out, for many weeks. So I am not a sympathetic ear, and hearing him prevaricate about whether he's going to actually finish, well, it pisses me off not a little. And that means that even though it's not my employer, it's not my degree, and it's not my thesis, I am sweating it out right along with him.

So I am very much looking forward to imitating a three toed sloth and not bestirring myself for anything over the next few days. I need a break, badly, from all of this crap. I need to go to Barnes & Noble, plop my butt down on a comfy chair, and read a book from start to finish without worrying once about my children, house, hard drive, unfinished bathroom, budget, my husband's job, thesis, or what have you. Whether or not this is actually going to be possible remains to be seen (thesis deadline? Yeah). I might just have to get a babysitter, boot my DH out of the house with his papers & laptop to go hibernate at Starbucks and WRITE THAT THESIS MISTER NO MORE EXCUSES! while I hie myself to Barnes & Noble and the quiet of a nice book. Now if I can just work the budget out sans my Quicken files to find the money to pay her...

Multi-Tasking Run Amok

2008-10-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

Here I am again: another fun reality moment, when I caught myself stirring up roasting pumpkin seeds with a seam ripper. Yes, a seam ripper. I am not well. How did this come to pass? It is the frightening result of too much multi-tasking, my friends. Exactly how many projects/tasks am I working on right now? Let's count them up.

My son's Halloween costume. I saw a cute knight outfit, but it cost waaaaaay too much money. So I said, "Shoot, I can make that myself!" and promptly went to Joann (coupons in hand, of course) and bought material and trimmings. Of course, I was then kicking myself when I saw a knight costume for $14 at Wal Mart two weeks later. D'oh!
My daughter's princess dress. Luckily for me, this is a play-clothes dress for Christmas, so I've got time. Good thing, since the pattern and all the components are still sitting in the bag.
Repairing four BumGenius diapers. I saw them on sale for $5 each, thought it was a cheap way to add to our stash, and bought them. I should have taken a closer look at the diapers we already had so that I fully acknowledged what it would mean to replace shot leg elastic. Each leg has three seams to rip out before I can get to the elastic. I am close to saying that Cotton Babies swindled me out of $15. Luckily the last one is merely shot Velcro, which is far easier to replace, but alas, requires seam ripping as well.
Canning apples & pears in many permutations. Yes, I am still sitting on a half bushel of pears and a bushel of apples. See previous entry regarding effort involved. *sigh*
Shopping, wrapping, and packaging all Christmas gifts for DH's family, and shipping them before it costs a small fortune to do so. That means trying to ship them sometime in the next week. We are buying gift cards for all adults save one (I already bought something for one of DH's sisters), but I still have some things to ship.
Putting up fall decorations. This also involves thoroughly cleaning our ~~pigsty disaster zone~~ *ahem* home in the process. Bwahahaha!! Yeah, it's really high on my priority list, as you can see. I'm thinking we might be skipping fall and going straight to the Christmas decorations, just so I have them up before New Year's. Heck, I'm already wrapping the presents, why not?
Working on our bathroom drywall seams, wall texturing, priming, and painting. And laying tile. And putting on paper the design and all the cuts required for the tub surround. Yeah. Good stuff, huh? I am now wondering if we will be done by Thanksgiving.

This is on top of my REGULAR job as, you know, housekeeper and Mom Who Keeps Her Children Intact-for-the-Most-Part-by-the-Grace-of-God. And school chaffeur, what with DD's preschool thrice-weekly. And CFO! Let's not forget CFO! Chief bill payer and budgeter extraordinaire, that's me.

And that is why I was stirring roasting pumpkin seeds with a seam ripper. Because I was keeping my son intact, having discovered him with my seam ripper from the aforementioned diapers, and raced back to stir the pumpkin seeds I was roasting from the sugar pumpkins which were already roasted and food processed and bagged, cooling on the counter (away from little fingers) before freezer storage. Does it scare you? Because it does me, and we're not even close to Christmas yet. I have visions of myself cleaning the bird cage with an empty wrapping paper roll and giving my daughter stamps to use as stickers on her crafts. Stay tuned.

Can, Baby, Can

2008-10-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

My house is overrun with produce. Not only has the first hard frost precipitated me yanking every remaining carrot, tomato, and other edible squash from the vegetable garden, but we are also awash with free apples and pears from our neighbor's fruit trees.

You see, I had to go and order a canner. I looked for one in the thrift shops, but I think I waited too late in the season to begin hunting for one, and got stuck paying full price. However, I think it is paying for itself with the glistening jars of canned goodies that I've put up already. Canning is very easy, actually, if you stick to a boiling water canner and high acid foods. Fortunately for us, that is all that we are interested in canning, so it is working out well as a way to preserve garden largesse.

Thus far, I have made 4 quarts of applesauce, 4 half pints of apple jelly, 2 quarts and 2 pints of apple pie filling, 2 twelve ounce and 2 six ounce jars of honey spiced peach jam, and 3 pints of honey spiced peaches. Oh and 7 six ounce jars of blackberry jelly. I have strained pulp, cooked apple peels in water (to make the apple jelly, a process which imparts a beautiful pink color to the jelly from the peels), used plenty of cheesecloth and managed to burn myself on the chin (now I know that applesauce 'burps' when it's being cooked), and I'm not even half done. I still have about four quarts of blackberries to use up in the freezer, not to mention about a bushel of pears and a bushel of apples on my kitchen floor. And I have six sugar pumpkins to roast and freeze. And carrots to clean, peel, and freeze.

I really enjoy the product, but it's a lot of work getting there. Free is good, so I hate to turn down free apples. In fact another neighbor has a tree full which I haven't even touched yet. I'm trying to plow through the rest of what I've got, and then I will hopefully get a second wind and pick more apples, to repeat the process again.

Of course my husband is all in favor of these endeavors. He said my apple pie filling tastes just like McDonalds' apple pies, which is a great compliment in his mind. I just followed the recipe from Ball's website, so if it happens to taste like Mickey-D's, that is something they will have to take up with the Ball folks. And truthfully I love all the goodies too. They are pretty in their jars, and certainly we will be (and already have been) gifting them to friends and neighbors for Christmas gifts. However, I would like to know how the old pioneer women found a way to, you know, keep the rest of their house from sliding into FILTH while they were putting up all their preserves and so forth. Our house once again is a scene of chaos and apparent bomb debris, the product of our two energetic children and my tired self. Tonight is grading night, too, since I teach tomorrow.

Wah, wah, wah. I know, I'm whining about having too much good stuff! I will be very happy when this season of harvest is over and I can put my feet up by the woodstove and relax a bit. And don't even ask about the bathroom. Quite frankly it's almost as if we don't HAVE a guest bathroom any more. I have more drywalling mud sanding to do, more drywall mudding to do, painting to do...and I just couldn't be bothered. My husband has been working like a Trojan getting the tile cut and laid on the floor, but I am just tired of dealing with it. Sometime I'm going to have to drag myself away from my apple mounds and get back in there and deal with it. Not, however, today...I am going to set up that peeler/corer gizmo, borrowed from another neighbor, and make some pear butter. With cardamom, because it's better that way. And some tawny port, since DH opened the bottle. So there. :~P

Austen Lit Reviews, for all my Fellow Austen Fans!!

2008-10-08T17:36:00.001-07:00

Ok, I should be doing so many other things, but I have to let you know that I have discovered a new favorite (favourite, for my English friends) genre of novels, called Austen lit, or Austen fan-fiction. Basically, a bunch of crazy women (and yes, they are mostly women) who can't get enough of Jane Austen's novels have written a whole bunch of books which are spin-offs or "what if..." books centered around her famous novels and most famous characters. As you can imagine, I nearly swooned with delight to find so many books exploring my favorite novels of all time, and have devoured a bunch of them, which were handily given to me as birthday presents a month ago.

First, I have a few rules regarding these Austen spin-offs. One, I make every effort to avoid books which take Jane Austen's characters and put them into a seamy Regency romance novel. I really do not need to read vivid imaginings about Darcy & Elizabeth's sex life, thanks much. Second, I have also attempted to avoid novels which (in my very humble opinion) portray the characters in what I feel to be un-characteristic ways. I adore Fitzwilliam Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, so it is difficult to read books which I think treat them as other than they are presented in Austen's work. Obviously this is more difficult with novels which take a "what if" approach, so I have read one of those and suspended my disbelief about certain elements (see below). Third, I have included the Austen lit novels which involve some form of time travel or play-acting regression to Regency England. Although not strictly involving Austen's characters, I found them entertaining and sometimes a satirical view of Austen addicts and JASNA members (which, by the way, gentle reader, I have not joined yet; although I would like to do so when I have older children which will permit me to attend meetings).

So, for those of you who adore Miss Austen, please find here my reviews & recommendations of some Austen lit centering on the best beloved Pride & Prejudice and the characters contained therein.

The Last Man in the World by Abigail Reynolds. This can be placed firmly in the What If category, as this author assumes that Elizabeth is caught being kissed by Mr. Darcy on the occasion of his first proposal, and she is therefore compromised and forced to marry him. I thought the author did an admirable job of conveying Elizabeth's distress about the situation, but I did question some of her portrayal with regard to Elizabeth's behavior after the marriage and the way in which Darcy & Elizabeth felt their way around to loving each other. I just thought Elizabeth would have been more straightforward, or that she would have talked it through with Jane. I just couldn't see her keeping it all to herself. Just my two cents and all that. I would give it 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Mr. Darcy Presents His Bride by Helen Halstead. This book is a Sequel and follows Darcy & Elizabeth as they navigate the Polite World following their marriage, as well as the family fall-out for Darcy on his marriage. I did like the insight into the social whirl, but felt too much focus was placed on this and it sort of obscured the view of their developing marriage and trust in each other. I guess I would say it got bogged down in that as a plot device to strengthen their marriage; so much so that I had difficulty finishing it! However it does a nice job of tying up loose ends of all the other minor characters, and even Miss Bingley is redeemed somewhat. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars and an enjoyable read.

Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict by Laurie Viera Rigler. If you are or have ever been a modern singleton, this is the book for you. It is definitely a Time Travel/Displacement book. It follows a Los Angeles native after she breaks off her engagement, then finds herself in Regency England inhabiting the body of a gentlewoman named Jane Mansfield. She has to pick her way around her toxic mother and through the social milieu that sees a number of suitors and potential enemies crossing her path. She has to deal with her own demons from modern times while ensuring she doesn't leave Jane in a mess, assuming she ever leaves! A few nitpicks about the book: Courtney's vulgarity seems out of place several times early in the book and it made me wonder how a supposedly intelligent woman could forget the social strictures of the time, but I supposed it was the author's way of communicating her alienation from that society. And I felt the ending was incredibly rushed and somewhat unintelligible. I would give it 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Austenland by Shannon Hale. This is another Time Travel/Displacement book, and definitely a great satirical view of modern Austen fans and JASNA members. Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself after reading this book, then you're taking Jane too seriously. Again we have a modern singleton, this time based in New York. Jane Hayes is in love with Colin Firth, the BBC adaptation of P&P, and Mr. Darcy as the dream man. By a curious bequest Jane is granted a trip to a fantasy theme park in demure old England, hidden in bucolic countryside at a great estate. She is given a fake name, fake hair, and a whole wardrobe to match, then introduced to the "country society" as a miss come to town to visit her aunt. Surrounded by fellow guests seeking to relive the past and actors paid to make their dream Austen experience come true, Jane confronts what she really wants in life. Really funny and well done, sort of like a modern day Emma/Elizabeth cross. I enjoyed it a lot, and would give it 4 out of 5 stars. Thumbs up.

Letters from Pemberley by Jane Dawkins; also More Letters from Pemberley. This book was my first introduction to Austen lit, and I have to say I adored it. Using letters from Elizabeth to several people, the reader is informed of how the new Mrs. Darcy gets on adjusting to her household, the affections of her husband, their country society and then society at large. It is a charming lens through which to view Elizabeth & Darcy after their marriage, and reading Elizabeth's letters make the reader feel like a favored correspondent of one of their favorite characters! The sequel is no less charming, if a bit more down to earth with the practicalities of being a large landowner's wife, and the realities of family life in that time. Really nicely done and so good I read them again. 5 out of 5 stars.
An Assembly Such as This, Duty and Desire, and These Three Remain by Pamela Aidan. This is a trilogy of novels, all subtitled, "A Novel of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman". As you have probably guessed, they are a Spin Off, a clever take on the original Pride and Prejudice written from Mr. Darcy's perspective. Pamela Aidan does a superlative job of conveying Mr. Darcy's (presumed) motivations and thoughts throughout his meeting, courtship, and further wooing of Elizabeth Bennet. It is quite interesting to see the demands placed on Darcy by his status in society and his large estate Pemberley, as well as the care and essential rearing of his sister as she prepares for her Society debut. You can definitely see the rigid social class strictures at play, and the introduction of Fletcher, Mr. Darcy's indomitable valet, is fantastic. Fletcher reminded me of the best elements from "Gosford Park" or other peeks at the society of servants, and he is a great foil to Darcy's silent contemplations about Elizabeth. There are a few motifs that are woven throughout the novels with great aplomb, and although I was a bit annoyed with the Gothic novel aspects of Duty and Desire (Northanger Abbey was never a favorite of mine) the strength of the whole series really enchanted me. I would even venture to say that had Ms. Austen felt it within her purview to speculate about the thoughts of a gentleman, she would have written much as Ms. Aidan has. 5+ stars, my favourites of the whole genre thus far.

Well, there you have it--my opinions on some Austen fan-fiction. I really enjoyed re-visiting Austen's world through different viewpoints, and it inspired me to re-read Pride and Prejudice yet again. While my DH has to be somewhat relieved that my love of all things Austen has found a temporary respite in fan fiction, likewise he is probably a bit peeved that it has done nothing to curb my incessant watching of the A&E/BBC version of "P&P". Well, I suppose Colin Firth really is Mr. Darcy for me at this stage, so "Bridget Jones' Diary" and its sequel will do as well. I suspect my ardor for Jane Austen's novels and paraphenalia will continue for the rest of my life, so I am fortunate to have a husband who is amiable enough to go along for the ride with my Austen riddled viewing choices. And isn't that really what Mr. Darcy and Miss Bennet are all about in the end? Learning to live with each other's differences and embracing them.

A New Scar

2008-09-26T14:13:00.000-07:00

While a child might find it cool to be in possession of stitches and a scar in the making, I confess I am not so thrilled. It has definitely put a crimp in my normal weekly activities; and having to explain to one hundred and one people why I am hobbling on a cane, as I had to do for the better part of the week, does not exactly make me a happy bunny. Fortunately the cane has been retired as of today, and the stitches are slated to come out on Monday. I am back to driving, which was problematic earlier since my laceration is on my right leg, just above the ankle.

I have said in seriousness that I was bitten by our lawn tractor trailer, and that is true. I was pulling the trailer by the yoke to our fire pit to dispose of blackberry vine trimmings, and it slipped out of my grip and took a zig zag path down through my skin & cutaneous tissue, mercifully stopping short of cutting my Achilles tendon. I got a split second view of said tendon, applied firm pressure as all good first aid training tells you to, and immediately sat down while my body began producing all those lovely cytokines and inflammatory molecules, completely with a healthy dose of shock. I was very, very lucky that I did not cut my tendon--according to the ER PA, I was a millimeter or so away from surgery and months of crutches and physical therapy to rehab it. I completely give the thanks for this to God, because only He could have cut away everything else and left that tendon perfectly intact.

It is not so fun to be on your tummy on a hospital table while a nurse intern scrubs your numbed wound clean. I am glad I couldn't see it, and I am glad that it didn't bleed much at all when it first happened. The sight of my own blood is never welcome. My husband got a nice view of it all, and commented that while he used to think he would love to see every bit of me, he has now been twice forced to amend that statement, as seeing bits of my c-section, and now this, have convinced him that he is far happier for my internal bits to stay intact and out of view. And I only had to endure the nasty stings of the numbing shots, which is not so bad, all things considered.

I have been reminded in a painful way of the foolishness of working on the Sabbath. And just to drive the point home for me, I have again encountered a verse attesting to this in my new Hebrews study: "There remains therefore a Sabbath rest for the people of God", Hebrews 4:9. Yes, I am that thickheaded, and God knows this and had to remind me of it again, just in case I was not convinced by the large gash and stitches. I have also been reminded that my natural carelessness/klutziness now impacts more than myself and my DH. Both of my children were very concerned about me, and both came running over when I hurt myself. They were not happy to see me being taken off, despite the kind and excellent care of a beloved neighbor. And my dear daughter was so disturbed by the whole affair that she crept into our room and into bed with us that night, wanting to make sure that a) I was there and b) that I was okay. Poor girl. She has since drawn me no less than four get well cards, as well as fussed and clucked over me like a mother hen on Monday. My son was clingy and anxious to see I was there, insisting on a long rocking chair session when I got home on Sunday night. That kid's radar is so fine tuned, he woke up the MINUTE we walked through the door and was crying for me.

It is a good reminder to me that I need to cultivate better care of my person. The older I get, the more serious it is to knock into things because I am just not that spatially aware. I can see how I could end up with a broken hip when I'm eighty, or a broken patella at 60 like my mom (who broke hers falling off a curb). I need to make a conscious effort to do better, for myself and my family. I don't want them to be worried about what I will do next. It is comic in some ways, but it's not so funny in others. Hopefully I can keep this just a blip and not another dot in a whole series of injuries!

Leg o' Lamb

2008-09-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

I am going to put up my leg now, but I wanted you, the small crew of blog readers who might be interested, to know that I am now sporting seven stitches on my leg since Sunday. The short story is I had a fight with a garden trailer and I lost, haha. However I am feeling a bit grumpy after standing up for a good portion of the afternoon teaching, so I will go elevate my leg and allow myself a bit of misery wallowing, then give you the story proper tomorrow. Good night!

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?

2008-09-18T08:41:00.001-07:00

You could file this under the heading, "Things that Annoy Me". As you know, I really don't talk about politics on this blog, so forgive me for making an exception today. And really I am not discussing the candidates' political views, but moreso a fact that I believe reflects on the nature of their characters.

I was blog hopping the other day and came across a blog which asserted that Barack Obama has given less than 1% of his income to charity. Huh? Are you kidding me? This man who has put himself forward as a 'man of the people', fighting for the working poor, doesn't give even the national average to charity (7.47%, for the record through 2004, among taxpayers who itemize their deductions, like Mr. Obama)?

I thought, well, this is probably some propaganda being put forth about Obama, more election nastiness. But I googled it, and lo and behold, Obama's own stomping ground paper, The Chicago Tribune, wrote a two page story on it on Sep. 12th! According to this story, the national average of giving per household is 2.2%, which includes even those households which fall below the poverty line. Yet when Mr. Obama first ran for the Senate in 2002, they gave away only 0.4% of their income, even though their adjusted household income of $259,394 put them in the top bracket of earners. Wow. And then, after Obama signed his book deals, their household income went up substantially. Their 2006 income was $983,626, of which they donated $60,307 (6.13%). In 2005, their income was even higher, $1.65 million of which they donated $77,300 (4.68%). (Want to double-check the figures? Check out their tax returns on Obama's website here.) I suppose it should be comforting to think that they are trending in the right direction, but PEOPLE(!), shouldn't they have ALREADY been charitable, being so much better off than the many folks he worked with daily?? And they have yet to meet the national average for taxpayers in their income bracket (>$200,000), which is 7.35% (see Chart 2 here).

Ok, I thought, let's be fair. Let's look at McCain's charitable giving and see where he is at. Here the waters get more muddied, as McCain files separately from his wife, Cindy. It seems that last year he gave more than 25% of his income to charity (ref). However, most of that was to his own foundation, which donated heavily to schools his children formerly attended, as well as charities such as the Halo Trust (landmine removal) and Operation Smile (craniofacial surgeries for children). Hmmm. It seems a bit smarmy, maybe, to donate to schools that your kids attend or used to attend, but on the other hand is it any less smarmy when parents do the same things for their kids' schools? Haven't we all read about the wealthy school districts with the kitted-out schools because the mommies and daddies with six figure salaries ensure that every kiddo has a laptop, while the ghetto schools struggle for grant money for computers, and work to keep old desktops functional in a central computer lab? Heck I would know more than most about that, as my mom is a grant administrator and computer lab superintendent (and sometime vice-prinicipal) at a high school in one of the ghetto-iest districts in SoCal. So I guess I get supporting your kids' schools, even if it is more than most of us can afford. The real question is how much Cindy gives to charity, but I respect her right not to have her personal finances pawed over by the public too, since she is not running for office. It sure would be nice to get a straight answer about her charitable giving, though.

Well, there you have it. An insight into the personal character of Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain. I am not going to lie and say I am impressed by Mr. McCain's egregious giving, since his wife is an heiress who is worth millions. However, I will give him credit for not being greedy and for giving away a substantial portion of his income. Frankly, it's the minimum I would expect from a couple who is extraordinarily wealthy. I am disappointed in the Obamas' charitable giving. Dude, WE give more to charity as a proportion of our income than the Obamas, and we are not even where I would like to be! I feel that we are skinflinty and poor managers of our resources, and I am earnestly seeking God's help with being a better steward of my resources. Frankly it is appalling how wealthy we ALL are, compared to the rest of the world. It was one of the things that called me to name by blog, "Lulled by Luxury", because we are truly spoiled in this country and we don't even realize it. I guess I have determined that personal charity is one of my immutable benchmarks, a most desirable character trait...and especially in a president of this country. I guess it's pretty clear who won't be getting my vote!

P.S. I would like to make it clear that I am a registered Independent voter. The Republican Party, having completely abandoned any sense of fiscal responsibility a decade ago, lost my affiliation before I was even eligible to vote. I have voted for Democratic and Republican contenders for public office, based on my evaluation of their suitability to represent my views.

Color Me Gray...and White

2008-09-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my husband's work from home day, and I realized that if we had any hope of moving forward substantially on the bathroom this weekend, I needed to get cracking with painting the vanity and closet door. To speed things along, we bought a power paint sprayer (after trying to borrow one, but the borrowed one had missing parts). Since we have to paint our house next year, it will get plenty of use.

We have a sort of de facto equitable labor arrangement going for bathroom work. DH does the carpentry, plumbing, electrical, and heavy lifting, and I do the drywall, mudding, texturing, and painting. I have no problem with this arrangement, and it has worked well for us thus far. Plus I got to be the first to try out the new paint sprayer. Yippee!

First let me attest to the fact that there is no way you will keep a power paint sprayer looking like new. In fact, I know why they don't seal up the box with a cable tie like they do with other power tools, because if you so much as put paint anywhere in the vicinity of these things, they will get spatters of paint all over them; thus they do not have to worry about unscrupulous folks buying this particular tool for one job and attempting to return it. (As a side note I was unaware of this practice until I returned a circular saw, unused, to Home Depot, and watched the guy check that the cable tie was still in place on the box. Apparently it is not uncommon for people to buy tools, use them, and attempt to return them as new. Pathetic!)

Second, you do not want to use old primer or paint with one of these. They seem to clog with regularity of you tip the sprayer at any degree other than perfectly vertical, resulting in large, phlegm-like spatters of paint on your surfaces. This is made worse with older primer which is a bit thicker (and I know this because I did it). Just don't bother using old paint or primer, or, if you do, strain it or thin it first.

Third, to deal with the aforementioned paint phlegms, have a paintbrush handy and just brush them out over the surface. They will settle out just fine without any brush marks. Also use a stuttered trigger to combat constant clogging.

Fourth, wear a burqa or a similiar all-body covering device, or be prepared to wear paint for a few days. I have white primer and gray paint all over my legs and arms, and that's after scrubbing myself painfully with a nail brush in the shower last night. I don't want to think about what amount of sprayed paint particles got into my hair. I guess that is one advantage to having some gray hair, it is probably not that noticeable!

Fifth, if you attempt to use the tube feed and a gallon of paint, be aware that the tubes can cause the gallon of paint to tip over as you angle around spraying. This can result in the loss of a significant amount of paint. (I'm sure the grass in that area will recover...eventually...) Also, you cannot get the tubes clean without spraying water through them, so it is pointless to clean all the other parts first before attempting to clean the tubes. Just fill the container with water, stick the hoses in, and spray it out for a good five minutes before disassembling everything and cleaning it.

Lastly, beware when cleaning everything out. There are some small parts and it would be easy to lose some while cleaning. Check to make sure you have everything before closing up shop, so to speak.

Well, I hope by this weekend my paint splatters will have worn off. I will attempt further scrubbing when my skin does not feel like it's been assaulted by sandpaper. Of course as soon as I get rid of the paint, it will be thinset and grout getting stuck all over me. Thank goodness I have enough ratty t-shirts to sacrifice to this remodel. Stay tuned.

My Bob the Builder Husband

2008-09-16T20:22:00.000-07:00

I am impressed by my husband. He is out there, in the dark, finishing up the stud section that will give us the necessary wall space for the tub, and simultaneously provide us with a useful shelf for the tub/shower. Ok, he is not exactly in the dark, as he has several lights on, but nonetheless I find it very impressive that he is out there laboring away at a time of day when we are normally relaxing in front of the TV or reading books in bed. I suppose it shows just how tired we both are of having only one bathroom, and (hopefully) a new desire to spur on to the finish line with this remodel business.

As for me, well, I sanded drywall seams today, and I re-sanded some of the vanity door fronts. It was the best I could manage with a playdate this morning, walk with the neighbors this afternoon, and my children doing their best to play hard in between. I am doing my best to be content with what progress we make. I had thought that it would be so GREAT if we were in a position to start tiling THIS WEEKEND!, but I don't think that is going to happen even if I wish wish wish, whipped-cream-nuts-and-a-cherry-on-top wishing. I think we will be doing very well if we get the rest of the drywalling done and get the seams mudded and some wall texturing started in the tub/toilet room. I have a vanity to finish painting, as well as a closet door to paint. And we haven't even picked trim or coving yet. I just don't think we are going to be ready to start snapping chalk lines and laying tile this weekend. *sigh* Sometimes this just seems like the neverending project!

Randomania

2008-09-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

First, I am eating chocolate chip cookies and drinking root beer for breakfast. Worse still, they are not home-made chocolate chip cookies, merely home-baked. So who knows what preservatives I am filling my system with--whatever preservatives the Doughboy uses, I suppose, as it was Pillsbury ready to bake cookie dough. I confess I subscribed to momentary weakness when I saw them on sale through the Grocery Game. And worst of all, I am letting my children drink root beer with me. Oh the horror!

So why am I eating whatever is easily available for breakfast with a minimal effort? Well, I will attribute it to being over in the Emerald City last night for a nice dinner out with DH, the kids, and a former co-worker of mine. We did dinner reasonably early to (hopefully) ensure good behavior on the part of our children. Thankfully they did behave pretty well, although DS did start melting down a bit toward the end of the meal. I had thought about getting a sitter for them, but on a school night our teenage babysitter was unavailable, and our normal adult babysitter was out of town, so we were SOL.

Yesterday was a strange modge-podge of a day, since I had a plumber back out to correct the tub spout, which was too low for our tub. That was achieved by remarkable negotiation on the part of DH, who ended up talking to the plumbing company's VP after we called to take them up on their plumber's assurance of a "no charge" call to fix anything that was amiss after he re-did the bathtub/shower plumbing. Yeah, well, it was no charge, but only after DH spoke to the VP and refused to be drawn into a "he said, we said" situation. We were both there, we both know what the guy said, and thankfully the VP had the common sense to do the right thing for their company and take care of it for us. This is why I leave these things to DH, because I would be red in the face and irritated in vocal tone on the phone, whereas DH can sit there placidly and say things like, "My wife informed {Plumber's Name} that our new tub was 18" high and the old one was 15" high. Furthermore we offered to go purchase the tub at Home Depot, for which we had all the technical information online, and be back in twenty minutes, but {Plumber's Name} insisted that was not necessary and that he would happily return free of charge to fix any problems." I would have been irritable and just a *touch* cranky with the guy, but DH is a master at skillful silences and completely dispassionate discourse with CSRs, so this was right up his alley. Score one for DH, and one for the plumbing company for doing the right thing and securing any future business from us.

Anyway, I also had a friend from church drop by with some ingredients for two special desserts which I am making for tonight's first meeting our women's Bible study. This resulted in me doing some frantic tidying up and organizing right after lunch, a time when I am normally putting my feet up to enjoy some quiet time while the kids are napping (DS) or playing quietly in their rooms (DD). All this while I was turning off the water for the plumber and sort of hovering to do...well I don't know why I was hovering, really! Some odd part of my brain was hoping he wasn't thinking, "This is far more complicated than we thought! This will be a (bazillion) dollars, not FREE!" As if me hovering and popping in to see how he's getting on with fixing it is going to help that at all. I know, I am strange.

And then I had the business of getting the kids in the car, hopping the ferry, and changing their clothes in the car, on the ferry to something less "street urchin" and more "presentable, clean". Dinner was really nice, and I had a great time catching up with my old co-worker. He has landed on his feet in a much better job, and I am very happy for him. My former workplace is still the king of high turnover and low pay, and nearly everyone I counted as a friend is gone now. I have one lone stalwart remaining, but at least he has secured for himself a relative degree of autonomy which helps him deal with the ridiculous nature of some of the "management" that goes on there. In short everyone of whom I think well there, has secured a decent position or advanced, so that makes me happy.

Lastly, I got called to teach this quarter, which is good. In the usual fashion, the college has called with about two weeks' notice, but frankly I don't mind as NOW I have already taught this course before, and thus will be a bit better prepared (stop laughing, I can hope, people!!) to teach it. And the secretary let slip that the person I am teaching for (instead of?) is easing toward retirement, so maybe in a few years when he fully retires, they will have a full-time position open. And THAT is happy news indeed! Time for me to finish up rewriting a lab that I mentioned to him last quarter as an inquiry-based lab. Nothing like a bit of eagerness to underscore my affirmative interest in teaching there on a more permanent basis.

All in all it was one of those odd days where all the disjointed bits of my universe seem to collide and meld into a crazy collage, but it's still somewhat pretty in its way. I got to feel useful (teaching!), organized (tidying!), helpful & charitable (baking for church!), handy (plumbing supervision!), educated (discussion of science!) and civilized (dinner out! with clean & reasonably behaved children!). Rare day indeed, as usually I feel incompetent (what was that about group seventeen elements?), disorganized (I know I put that bill somewhere around here...*waves arm generally at mass of untidy mail on counter*), selfish & proud (I can make this recipe for church because I'm SUCH a good from-scratch baker), decidely UN-handy (need I remind you of the copper soldering post?), uneducated (I know I got a Ph.D. but all I can do is sing The Backyardigans theme song again and again), and decidely uncivilized (I think the sticky hair can be hidden with a headband...and his shirt's not THAT dirty, it will do for the playdate). It's a crazy roller coaster ride, but sometimes the views from the heights remind me that it's worth all the dips.

Flying with Children

2008-09-05T17:48:00.000-07:00

Well, that was fun. Yep, I adore being locked in a plane with nearly all the people in a twenty aisle radius despising my child while he screams his head off for three hours of a four hour flight. Good times. At least I swapped seats with DH halfway through to get a break, and was treated to a pretty complaisant DD who was quite happy with her DVD of Dora and a snack. I admit, however, that I was more than a little interrupted in my attempts to read Pamela Aidan's Pride & Prejudice spin-off, An Assembly Such As This, by the fact that my child was screaming for me three aisles up.

But I digress. Let me acquaint you with the ~~teeth gritting, hair pulling, 'why on earth would anyone in Customer Service think this is the way to treat people I ASK YOU???'~~ inconveniences of traveling by air with small children these days. Ahem.

First, there is no such thing as "pre-boarding" any more, people...at least not with American Airlines. We got to pre-board with British Airways for our trip to Ireland, but apparently any domestic destination magically means parents don't need any extra time to shepherd recalcitrant children onto their unfamiliar aircraft, navigate the aisles carrying aircraft-approved carseats, and get said carseats properly installed in such a way that you can actually unbuckle the airline seatbelts when you get to your destination. Well, as you can probably guess, we did need that extra time. I suppose it is something of a marvel to me, how many parents we saw flying with children in the regular airplane seatbelts, but personally I just cannot fathom putting my kids in the airplane seatbelts. First, I know for a fact that they would definitely NOT stay in them. Each would be wiggled out of that sucker faster than I could threaten grievous consequences (no Dora! no ice cream!). Then would follow the agony of grabbing at flailing child parts from underneath the seat, or the one in front, or the aisle. Yes, that would be SO fun, wouldn't it? Second, what about the danger to the kids from turbulence or worse? (And yes, it does happen, having been on a pretty turbulent flight myself, and YES, planes do crash occasionally, and I personally know a plane crash survivor, so maybe I am a bit more paranoid than most.) If your kid is old enough that you have to pay for the seat anyway, what difference is it to you if you have to bring the carseat or booster? They make these marvelous things called "luggage wheels", and you can attach them to your carseat...and you know, it doesn't count as a carry-on! Imagine!

Anyhoo, we had a total of four flights for this little cross-country jaunt to Virginia, and that meant we had four times of wondering whether we would get to pre-board or not. The first gate agent explained that First Class and the "Preferred" classes (AA frequent flyers, Emerald, Ruby, Garnet, Tourmaline, Jet, Jet-Lagged...you name it, these encompass about a third of the plane and they all get to board before you) had the luxury of pre-boarding, but they do not pre-board families with small children. How nice. Thank you so much. She winked and nudged us in when we would have "pre-boarded" on British Airways, for which we are most grateful. However, the other three gate agents exhibited varying degrees of sympathy for our situation, from "None" to "You can board with Group 2" instead of Group 3. Oh gee, how generous. Thanks much. Carrying the carseat & attempting not to slam it into other people's elbows was really all we could each manage, so the kids HAD to get down the aisle on their own two feet. I'm sure all the folks backed up the jetway while we coaxed our reluctant 19 month old all the way down, down, down the aisle were understanding of their stay in a non-air conditioned jetway in Dallas/Ft. Worth in August. Really.

Next, we were informed abruptly at the first gate that we could NOT sit four together, and still use both carseats. What? Yes, their policy is that carseats must be used ONLY in a window seat, so we could either not use a carseat for one of our children (see above), or we had to get our seats reassigned to a 2 x 2 arrangement. Oh joy. I, for one, was pretty hacked off that their website, which they direct you to for ANY sort of customer service or assistance, had absolutely NO NOTICE of this policy! You can bet your bippy that we are writing a tidy little letter to American about this little gem of information which was so happily neglected from all relevant booking details on their entire website. Again our first gate agent was a gem and reassigned two people to other seats so we could be in two contiguous rows, and she was able to do the same for our flight from DFW to Virginia. Yay! On our way home, however, we were not so fortunate. We had no way of changing our seat assignment online and the phone agent could do nothing for us, so we had to rely on the gate agent. Well, the gate agents on the way back were less helpful. They were not terribly willing to move people, and as a result on our last flight we were separated by three rows.

At least it not me who had to deal with the woman across the aisle from my howling son, but my DH. I would probably not have the grace to have responded as politely as he had to her suggestion of, "Give that baby some milk and crackers, he's probably hungry." Um, yeah. In case you hadn't noticed, he has refused every snack offered. My DH said, "Thanks, but he's just tired and needs to go to sleep." Nothing more fun than strangers offering pointless advice because they are annoyed by your screaming child, yet not doing anything that might help him to go to sleep, like keep their own slightly older children from constantly peeping at the crying child, causing him to stop 'zoning out' toward sleep and laugh at your child, before screaming again when she peeps out of view. And I need not mention the flickering cabin lights that had the same effect.

I have nothing but good things to say about the baggage handling. They did not lose any of our bags, and they did get them out to the carousel before we arrived at it. Of course, this could have something to do with the fact that we were, without exception, the last people off every plane we were on.

All in all, I would recommend highly to anyone even contemplating travel with a baby from the age of 18 months to 3 years--just don't do it. JUST DON'T DO IT. Please, spare yourself the agonizing embarassment and teeth grinding frustration of dealing with a child in an unfamiliar situation who is old enough to know what he/she WANTS and not old enough to be distracted or reasoned with. That's it. We are staying WA for the next 18 months, or traveling in short distances by car. I could not repeat that experience again. And if you happen to be an employee of American Airlines, please b#$%h slap the VP who removed the pre-boarding option for families with young children. And while you're at it, slap your idiot web designer too, who hasn't included any information on carseats or ways to indicate that you will be using one for your minor child. Ugh.

Tag, I'm It

2008-08-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

Here are the directions:

1. Link back to the person who tagged you http://shierlock4.blogspot.com/

2. Mention the rules on your blog

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

6 unspectacular quirks:

1. I am a messy tooth brusher. I get toothpaste all over my face & dripping down my chin into the sink. Sad but true.

2. I prefer arranging fake flowers to arranging real ones. Yeah, real ones are nice and look great for a few days, but faux flowers look good for a lot longer, and they stay exactly where you put them. They are also less messy. And if you like an arrangement, you can have it out for as long as you like!

3. I cannot bring myself to do food composting. I know it is resourceful and makes really good compost, but I have a hard enough time keeping my trashcan and diaper pail from being smelly. Could I really handle even a small container of food scraps for the compost pile? I don't think so.

4. I subscribe to the newspaper but rarely actually read it. It gets used for cage lining and as weed barrier in the garden. In fact I am thinking about cancelling the subscription because I have enough saved newspaper to last us for a while.

5. I hate killing tree seedlings, even though I live in a part of the country where they are really weeds. We have tons of tree seedlings that start themselves in my garden every year, and I feel like I am murdering a tree when I pull them up. I try to transplant some but really, they are prolific and I just need to get over it. Thank you public schools for the overzealous earth/environment indoctrination!

6. I can't bring myself to part with old junk if it's old family junk. I have some butt-ugly vases from my great aunt's house that I should have sold or given away long, long ago, but I just can't bring myself to do it. But they are from Aunt X's house! I say to myself every time I think about it. I can't get rid of THOSE! Yeah, I can. I just have to get past the whole family connection thing, seeing as they are just sitting in my cottage, out of sight, and never to be used.

I will spare you further tagging, those of you who blog. I consider my duty done.

Not Your Mama's Cloth Diapers

2008-08-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

On top of all the remodeling bliss in the air at our house, I have been fiddling with fixed expenses in an attempt to get some numbers down just to give us more money to pay for things like, oh, an unexpected bathroom remodel! So I was figuring out exactly how much our darling son's diapers cost us per month, and, DANG!!! $37 per month just for his diapers, not including the wipes ($18 for a box from Costco). Ouch. Plus, his sensitive skin means that I can't buy just any diapers for him. Even Huggies will now cause rashes for him, so we are stuck with Costco brand. I could shop around for other generics, but we have an additional problem. Costco only makes up to a size 5. DS is regularly soaking through size 5's at nighttime. Good luck finding size 6's in generics.

I had to find an alternative. Our friends with the newborn are having amazing success with cloth diapers, so I figured I would take a look around. Goodness, there are a lot of styles to choose from out there! In my research on the subject, I decided that any style which snapped closed was not an option for us. DS is eighteen months old, highly mobile, and intelligent. Snaps are the type of clothing fastening which require perfect alignment, and they are a challenge for little fingers. Velcro closures, on the other hand, having been long ago mastered on shoes, are less interesting. This decision alone pretty much knocked out most of the mom-n-pop styles.

I was left with two choices, really: Bumgenius diapers, or Bummis diaper covers with prefold inserts. Our friends are using Bummis and love them thus far. They bought Chinese prefolds, as they are hoping to use the diapers for multiple children. I, on the other hand, am only looking to get 1 and 1/2 child's worth of use from any that we buy (anticipating DS potty training next year, probably), so I was more interested in the Indian prefolds. I learned all about the differences here...the Chinese prefolds last longer as they are better stitched, but they tend to pill more, whereas the Indian prefolds don't last as long but they don't pill and are softer.

Well, I wasn't sure about what would work best for us, so I ordered 2 Bummis covers, some Indian prefolds, 2 Bumgenius diapers (1 all-in-one, 1 pocket style), 2 "Bigger Weeds" hemp/cotton inserts, and 7 Cotton Babies microfiber inserts. I also ordered 12 flannel wipes, since it doesn't make a lot of sense to continue using disposable wipes with cloth diapers.

The acid test has been ongoing for nearly 24 hours. Last night I used the Bummis whisper wrap, size large, with a Bigger Weeds insert wrapped around a Cotton Babies microfiber insert. All I can say is, Wahoo! No leaks, and it still had spare capacity this morning, which is a superb thumbs-up as sometimes (like when he's sick or teething) he will nurse a lot at night and a leak is guaranteed by 3 AM. And the gussets at the leg were stretchy and soft enough that he had no marks from it. Two thumbs way up for that system for overnight. The downside was that it can be a bit squiffy removing an insert from the wrap, but I expect I could probably get the hang of it pretty quickly. And hey, let's face it--with a preschooler in the house, it's not like I am not touching urine soaked clothing of some type on a fairly frequent basis.

This afternoon I put DS into the Bumgenius all-in-one diaper before naptime. I have to say that for ease of use and utter convenience akin to a disposable diaper, this one wins hands-down. If I were expecting a newborn, I would totally buy this one as my entire stash. I found these priced at $15.95, and compared to the $12.95 for a Bummi Whisper Wrap sans insert, to be totally comparable. I absolutely LOVE the all-in-one. However, there are two drawbacks. First, the fit at the leg for DS is not the best. Granted, they do not make a "Big Baby" size, and he is nearly 34 lbs, so we are stretching it for their Large size (which is listed at max 30 lbs, but I have seen that nearly all cloth diapers sort of fudge their max weight limits). Still, I would agree with one website which describes the fit for babies with "large thighs" to not be the best. He had some red marks on one leg when I took it off three hours later, although I had not made sure it was exactly at the joint (where the legs actually move), so it was possibly at the wrong place. Secondly, I noticed that it took longer to dry the all-in-one diaper than it took to dry the wrap and inserts separately. Not unexpected, but a factor to consider in turnaround time for diaper loads.

Now I have DS in a Bumgenius pocket diaper (their vaunted 3.0 series). I am unimpressed by the shenanigans required to get the microfiber insert in the diaper and get it straight and wrinkle-free. I do not think I could fit in a Bigger Weeds insert and a microfiber insert at the same time--the opening is too narrow for this type of doubling. I am wary of what shenanigans would be required when the diaper is dirty, to remove the soiled insert from the diaper. I know all parts have to be washed, but logic says that you have to remove the insert. I am not thinking this would be a fun process. I will wait to see if he has any red marks on his legs. I did squish the diaper elastics up to his true hip joint, so we will see if that makes a difference.

Tonight I will be using a Bummis size XL wrap and an Indian prefold. I might hedge my bets by wrapping the Indian prefold around a Cotton Babies microfiber insert, I don't know. The whole point is that I want a leak free nighttime diaper, but I guess I won't know if the Indian prefold is good on its own unless I try it as such. However, I am pretty sure I have figured out what system will work best for us right now, and that is the Bummis wraps at nighttime with the Bigger Weeds. I am working out what size works best for DS, as it seems the L did fine last night and they offer a lot of cute fabrics in size L, whereas the XL is just plain white. I really, really, really want the Bumgenius AIO (all-in-one) to work out for daytime, because, DANG!, they are so convenient! When I changed him out of that one, it was one wet flannel wipe, and the whole thing went to the laundry room. Done. LOVE IT!! I just have to check and make sure that the leg fit is okay and doesn't give him marks, and then I will be ready to order a whole bunch.

So, let's do a budget check here. For eight Bumgenius AIOs, the cost runs $128. I will do some more shopping around online and see if I can find a package deal that has them cheaper. If the Indian prefolds work fine for nighttime, we have enough of those to go forward, and I just need to get some more Bummis wraps. I will want to buy some more flannel wipes, so total additional costs will probably be about $220. So for a total investment of $350, I will be disposable diaper free, and will have paid for the cost difference in diaper costs alone (not including wipes) in ten months. Yeah, I think we can do that! And with DS' eczema and sensitive skin, I won't have to try to find a generic non-scented size 6 diaper for nighttime. Skin friendly and reusable for kiddo #3, should God grant us one (hopefully). Yep, these aren't your mama's cloth diapers any more!

A Nearly Clean Slate

2008-08-19T16:48:00.001-07:00

SO, we are still in the process of renovating our bathroom. What does it look like now? Well, like this: That is where our tub used to be. It was cut out in pieces, to determine if the dry rot extended underneath it. Turns out the subfloor there was fine. Oh well. The plumbing bits sticking out to the right are the new shower/tub controls, which we paid our plumber to do for us. After the little copper soldering experiment, I am happy to concede that plumbing is not a DIY skill for us at this time.
This is the double sink vanity for the bathroom--very nice, a good knock-off solid surface countertop, and the integrated sinks make it easy to clean. It's definitely coming back in, but first had to go out so that we could deal with this lovely little remnant:
That would be painted over, textured wallpaper...with an oh-so-charming grid with embossed flowers. I'm sure this was stylin' back in about, oh, 1979. We had covered it up with a venetian plaster product--an agonizing multi-day affair that had us cussing a bit and fussing with the right amount of "product" necessary to cover the offending "texture" of the wallpaper. However, since we are redoing the floor and the tub, we decided what was a little drywall on top of it? Might as well do it right.
This was partway through removing the old vinyl flooring (all four layers of it), plus the particleboard underlayment. All of that is now gone, and we have no drywall (hooray, all textured wallpaper is gone!) and we are down to the 2x6 subfloor. We are ready to start putting it back together, folks; and in the process we will master framing, drywall hanging, taping, mudding, wall texturing, tiling, grouting, and painting. We are fixing a few "wonky" bits, like framing in the linen closet 5 1/4" so it will accept a standard size bi-fold door. The gauze curtain 'door' just wasn't cutting it for us. Likewise, we are moving the light fixture box over 3" and framing in 5 3/4" of a new wall bump-out next to the pocket door, so that the vanity will fit the remaining space exactly. In the new wall section, we are installing a mirrored medicine cabinet and a set of open shelves at the front for lotions, potions, and towels. We are even putting in a recessed light at the top, and I'm getting some glass shelves custom cut at a glass shop for the top shelves, to make it really look nice (we hope).

It's a lot of work. Pray for us. DH & I get snippy at the best of times with DIY, and we are embarking on the most ambitious project of our marriage. Let us hope we emerge unscathed, and, dare I hope, the better for it.

The Drive of Shame

2008-08-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

So, as perceptive readers of this blog will have noted, I managed to take out the entire rear window of my minivan this past weekend, amidst all the DIY hysteria. Fortunately nothing was hurt other than my pride and my wallet ($500 deductible, you know). Today was the appointed day to get it fixed, finally. Initially my insurance company had deemed it drive-able. My DH got on the phone with them and explained about the micro-shards of glass all over the car, how the plastic covering kept trying to rip off no matter what tape we used, and they changed their minds and let me get a rental vehicle.

For four days I have been tooling around in a Jeep Liberty with the kids. I have to say it is a sporty drive and it has some eye candy design features, such as the swoopy styling of the hoodline and the neat-o pop up glass rear window and swing-arm rear door. This particular model has some choke issues, which the rental salesperson yammered about the vacuum fuel system yada yada, going to get it fixed, yada yada yada. Whatever, I don't care as long as it runs and doesn't cut out on me. And it has four wheel drive, so for the span of about ten nanoseconds DH & I contemplated getting a babysitter and (as a neighbor put it), "goin' Jeepin'". However, the rational brain clicked in with numerous objections, such as, we don't even know where people can (legally) go 4x4-ing around here, and having never done so previously what the heck would we do if we got stuck? So that was a no-go from the get-go.

Anyway, this morning dawned and I had made arrangements with our neighbor to watch the kids while I drove the van, complete with flapping semi-translucent plastic, to the repair shop eight miles away to get it fixed. I felt like I had a scarlet letter "S" tattooed on my forehead, "Stupid!" writ large across the sides of the van. I had to stop twice to reattach the plastic to the van, and once to take off the shower curtain liner I had affixed with some twist-ties to the top rack as added insurance against glass potentially falling off. Most of the glass had fallen off already, but we did not knock the rest down and I didn't want to endanger other drivers, nor did I want to get pulled over for littering broken tempered glass. I had 4 mil plastic taped up with duct tape (use what you have, right?) but found quite quickly that it had to be amended with plain old Scotch tape (the only kind I had in the car). And the top half of a shower curtain liner, while a good idea to keep the rain out, was not the best at local street speeds. I found I could only achieve a top speed of 40 mph before the plastic was threatening to leave the vehicle entirely, which would not have been good.

Therefore, I drove with more than a little trepidation, at just 40 mph, watching like a hawk to make sure my plastic covering didn't abandon ship and mask another driver's view. Visions of a semi-transparent plastic obscuring another car's windshield and causing a crash made me question the wisdom of leaving it intact, but then again I did not want to be littering glass on cars either! And of course I felt like every car behind me somehow knew it was my fault that my window was gone. As people passed me I was alert for any stares or looks as I crept toward my destination.

And it's not like I don't know that EVERYONE has done something like this. I have had neighbors coming out of the woodwork to tell me about their own self-inflicted accidents with their cars. It just smarts a bit when you do it yourself...and having to drive your own damaged car to the repair shop is just the final twinge. I am waiting for the call now to retrieve my repaired car...it can't come soon enough for me!

Random Bits of DIY Induced Hysteria

2008-08-13T16:08:00.000-07:00

First, let me say that I have amended my list of life skills that children should know before they fledge from the nest, so to speak:

1. How to change a flat tire
2. How to put on snow chains
3. How to change the oil in their car
4. How to cook
5. How to clean
6. How to do laundry
7. How to budget & pay bills
8. *NEW* How to solder a copper pipe connection

Yes, I am convinced it is that important, because in learning this particular skill my children could someday save themselves a thousand dollars or more, or whatever the equivalent of $455.69 is in twenty years' time. Because that is what we paid the plumber to completely fix the nicked toilet water supply line, plus to refit our tub/shower controls to an all-in-one lever unit. All for the fine art of copper pipe soldering, yes sir. Yippee.

On the plus side, we no longer have water dripping from any bathroom plumbing into our crawlspace or designated buckets. Yay! And, DH & I have made the decision that instead of patching the vinyl floor, we are going to go ahead and tile the bathroom. I have found reasonably priced tiles, and now I have the fun of planning out the patterns for the floor and tub/shower surround, including what thickness of grout we want, etc. I am wishing we had some graph paper lying around to make life easier, but that's just me. I will probably be fine with some plain old paper and a ruler.

Our kids are coping reasonably well with the loss of their bathroom. We had our first shower instead of a bath last night, and they did pretty well, I think. The only downside is it is now a two person job to get them bathed, because DS has to come straight out when he's done and one of us has to be ready to wrangle him and then keep him away from the shower. DD still isn't too keen on the sprayer but she is happy as long as she gets to hold it, so we will work with that.

Next up we have to remove the vanity & double sinks, then rip up all the old vinyl in that room. DH also wants to get rid of the venetian plastered wall, which was plastered to cover up painted over, textured wallpaper. He just wants to start fresh with new drywall, and I can't say as I blame him. What is a little MORE drywalling when we are going to be hanging cementboard for the tub surround anyway? Personally I will be happier when the demolition is completely done and we are moving forward with putting it back together again.

Hopefully tomorrow we will get the rest of the floor in, now that the plumber has worked his magic. I have to figure out how to get the insulation up in the crawlspace since it's a pretty inaccessible area, so I will have to do as much as possible stapling from above and hopefully we can avoid trying to staple/attach insulation with 6" of clearance (the fun of pipes being in the way in the crawlspace). I hate to drag the kids back to the home improvement store today, but I can't see any way around it since we have to buy the insulation, plus more 1/2" pipe insulation. Fun fun fun!

Like I said, I just want to get started putting it all back together now. Wish us luck, folks.

Where Do I Start?

2008-08-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

It's late & I'm tired, so here is a brief summary of our weekend:

Rip up vinyl flooring on Saturday morning. Find a total of 4 layers of vinyl covering tarpaper over the particleboard subfloor. Particleboard was exposed to moisture long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, and had pretty much disintegrated, held in place by aforementioned tarpaper...which also held in place the moisture from whatever disaster befell this bathroom earlier in its existence. Moisture was dried up and gone for a relatively long time, leaving DRY ROT. Oh goodie.
DH & Handy Neighbor with Power Tools & Experience We Don't Have (herein referred to as HN #1) cut open a bigger hole to find out how far dry rot extends. Discover floor joists are not 16" on center but much further apart, like 24" on center. Hmmmmm. But apparently this was not uncommon "back in the day", i.e. 1978, when this house was built. Main floor joist underneath spongy area has dry rot extending about 1" into the beam. Dry rot extends to either side, toward the bathtub, and toward the toilet.
Pull the toilet to find out if dry rot extends underneath the toilet. It does. Cut back boards to determine if dry rot extends under the wall (into the other bathroom & other toilet). It does not. *phew*
Cut apart tub and remove to determine if dry rot is underneath the tub. Dry rot appears to be contained and doesn't extend further. *phew*
(today) Go to big box home improvement store (BBHIS) for lumber needed for "sisters" for partially dry rotted joist & all the perpendicular joists to be run out to the good joists on either side. Also purchased plywood for new (proper) subfloor and new cement backerboard for new tub surround.
Finish removing dry rotted subfloor boards (2 x 6 tongue & groove). HN #1 accidentally nicks toilet supply line with sawzall. Run & shut off water to the house. New priority becomes fixing water supply line so we can have water in the house. I go to BBHIS to get copper coupler, flux, solder, torch, etc. with DS in tow. Return home to try my hand at copper soldering. Fail first attempt. Leave to pick up takeaway lunch.
Back minivan straight into the lumber in HN #1's compact truck, handily lined up exactly behind the minivan & not viewable in rearview mirror. Curse self handily for failing to check side mirrors while picking up the bazillion pieces of rearview window which were sprayed all over (gravel) driveway and HN #1's truck & its lumber contents. Call car insurance company, no one is home. Car insurance claim (minus $500 deductible, just to make it sting a little more) is first on the agenda tomorrow morning.
Send DH to pick up lunch. Attempt 2nd soldering while DH is gone. Fail again. Give up again and eat lunch. Put DS down for nap. Distract DD with Dora the Explorer with DH attempts 3rd soldering and fails. Pack up whole family for a trip through the Starbucks drive-thru (shameless bribe) and Lowes for a 6" copper sweat sleeve.
Get back home, put DS to bed. DH cuts off pipe coupler and fits sleeve, attempts soldering with water soluble flux. I turn on the water again and the sleeve blows off the pipe. Turn off the water (thank the Lord for walkie-talkies) and DH & I have a mini-conclave to determine if we should call our friend the plumber or not. DH heads off to BBHIS again to get a cap for the line so we can hopefully cap it and call it a night. On his way down to the store, DH has a brain wave and suggests calling Helpful Neighbor #2, who plumbed his entire garage addition himself.
Call HN #2, who comes over within 10 minutes. He assesses the situation and states that he has soldered many copper pipes. Within fifteen minutes of his arrival, he has soldered on the sleeve and the water is again flowing through the house. Hallelujah! I effusively thank HN #2, who offers to help with anything we may need and also offers to loan DH his air power tools, such as his nail gun. HN #2 also suggests we re-do that section of piping anyway, as it is at a slight angle and might be putting some torque on the joint, which is a bad thing. DH arrives home 2 minutes later and gives a Tim Taylor grin at the mention of an air-powered nail gun. *eye roll*

You know, given the happenings today, I don't think I should let DH anywhere near an air gun of any shape. If you'll excuse me, I have to go transfer money from our emergency fund to cover this little home repair boondoggle.

The Good News & the Bad News

2008-08-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

Well, DH did get all suited up in the Tyvek suit and mask yesterday and headed down into the crawlspace last night. The mask lasted about two seconds, as it made him feel claustrophobic, but fortunately he discovered no signs of rodents. Hooray! No droppings, no dead rodents, no beady eyes staring at him, nada. So that is definitely good news. Also he had a cursory look at our ducts and all the insulation on them appears to be in good shape, so another hooray! We probably ought to go back down there again to look at the far reaches of the house, but so far, so good.

Then DH got to the part of the house that he thought was the bathroom. To verify that he was at the spongy floor section, he had me jump on it, which I will post for your amusement:

This particular area is mostly inaccessible due to pipes crossing directly under that section of floor, so DH could only pull back at the insulation a bit to see what the subfloor looked like. This is what he found:

Yeah, that's mold. That floor is a 1"+ thick tongue & groove hemlock or fir subfloor, my friends...so we can only imagine what the subfloor above that looks like, if it's leaking through at the seams on the underside. A positive is that it's not all over the place, making us worry about our house being condemned. It is, however, there, so we must deal with it.

The next step, therefore, is to cut the vinyl flooring in the bathroom, pull it back, repeat with the old vinyl that the installers just laid the new one over, and see what the state of the plywood subfloor is. Perhaps they used particleboard or something that is not rated for bathrooms as their subfloor, and just the normal use of the bathroom has caused this. However, we are going to give the kids a bath tonight, and if we find moisture in the subfloor tomorrow, we will know it is the bathtub. I also have to persuade my DD to use our toilet all day, because then we can really isolate any leak from the toilet from any leak from the tub. I really don't think it's the toilet, as it's brand new, it is rock solid & does not move, and it was installed by a plumber. I would be very surprised if it was a problem with the toilet (and we would be calling that plumber about it!).

I am still thinking it's the bathtub. There is no way of knowing, however, without wading in and causing damage to the floor, which we will at a minimum have to repair. Luckily we have some scraps of the vinyl to use as a patch. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Home Maintenance, Delayed

2008-08-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

Well, the time has come on our 30 year old house for some more extensive repairs than we have ever attempted by ourselves before. Our neighbors noticed that our kid/guest bathroom floor between the toilet & bathtub was "spongy" during our vacation. Oh joy. It could be from the toilet, but since we had the toilets replaced about 18 months ago, we are suspecting it is more likely from the hairline cracks which we've noticed around the drain in the fiberglass bathtub. We are pretty certain it is the original fiberglass tub/surround from when the house was built, because the opening of the pocket door would not allow it to fit through. Nope, that puppy has been there since the house was framed in.

When we moved into this house about two years ago, our home inspector noted some chips in the fiberglass bottom of the tub, but he also noted that it did not appear to be leaking in the crawlspace. However, we have noticed since examining the spongy floor area, that the caulk has separated from our vinyl flooring at the tub, and also discolored. We had the flooring replaced about 20 months ago, so this is clearly something that has happened since then. The vinyl has also delaminated slightly around the toilet...so who knows? Maybe it is a leaky toilet...or maybe the toilet has started leaking because the floor is spongy. We won't know until we get into our ~~rodent infested~~ likely rodent afflicted crawlspace to get a good look at the floor under the tub & toilet. I say "we" but I mean "DH", because I have no wish to go crawling around in the fiberglass and feces that is probably the current state of our crawlspace. I'm sure neither does he, but in the assignation of household jobs this one falls squarely into DH's camp.

I am expecting to find some mold, frankly. I am hoping that it is contained to the bathroom, so we can treat it relatively painlessly with bleach, dry it out, and move on with our lives. However, this whole process is going to force dealing with the crawlspace rodent issue, because we can't leave the bathroom open to the crawlspace without inviting a host of mice to crawl in and make themselves at home in our house. I've been there enough times, thank you very much, and I would like to avoid any future problems. Thus we have bought bait and traps, and we will be deploying them post-haste. Furthermore, we will probably have to do what we need to do to keep the little buggers out permanently, which is to get to all crawlspace vents from the inside of the crawlspace and staple fine steel mesh to the inside to keep them out. DH might as well staple up some strapping to our silt-plagued kitchen drain line too, while he's down there, so it doesn't sag between the floor joists.

Actually, there are a whole host of jobs to be done in the crawlspace--the mesh on the vents, the drain line strapping, and also finding and sealing up holes in our heating ducts, as well as making sure they are all properly insulated. With energy prices heading up, up, up, I have no interest in paying extra to heat my crawlspace. We had hoped to do this in the autumn when it's cool, but clearly the rodent issue isn't going to wait. I had just better have plenty of shandy fixings for my DH, I think, plus batteries for the 2 way radios so he can tell me if he gets stuck anywhere. Sorry, remind me again why we bought a 30 year old home?

The Fava Bean Breakfast

2008-08-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

Much to my delight, when we came home our vegetable garden was producing abundantly. Apparently none of the neighbors took us up on our offer to help themselves to anything they liked, as we have a full crop of peas (some of which are drying on the vine), fava beans, and lettuces. Perhaps they had a few ripe tomatoes, but otherwise it is untouched. Thus I have been busy picking & shelling peas and beans, plus figuring out how to serve them up for dinner in a way that my DH might actually eat them.

I had forgotten from my childhood exactly how tiresome a process shelling peas is. In the youthful exuberance of a five or six year old, I simply remembered the fun of picking and shelling your own peas, eating a few as you went. I did not remember having to pick off the little bits of stem still attached to the pea, nor did I remember the annoyance of pods that wouldn't fully separate, so you had to peel them around and around like an apple to get the peas out of the pod. Nonetheless, the "Little Marvel" peas that we ate with dinner on Saturday night were really sweet and yummy. They tasted a lot like sweet corn to me, except with a creamier texture. I ate them until they got cold on my plate, and then I wouldn't touch them (ditto with sweet corn, I'm afraid--just not as appetizing). The kids loved them and even our possibly-picky son enjoyed eating them raw from the pod, and then ate some cooked peas. My DH mixed them in with his spaghetti and ate them, which is a huge step for him. He did rib me about the peas I left on my plate--I don't think he believed me about them going cold.

Anyway, I also picked a bunch of fava bean pods and they were sitting there, waiting to be shelled. I did that last night, and had a bunch of fat fava beans sitting in a bowl to be cooked. However, we forgot to cook them and after I read that I had to peel the beans after cooking, well, I just wasn't too enthused for that chore last night. So when I got up this morning, I was confronted by my bowl of shelled fava beans, looking for a home. I figured the best thing was to cook them and eat them! I am not sure of the shelf life of shelled fava beans, and some were already discolored from their 12 hour time outside of their pods...so I forged on with cooking them for...breakfast! Hey, it's a high protein food, low fat, right? And my kids probably won't care, they will eat them anyway.

It took about five minutes to cook them in some salted water, and about fifteen to shuck them out of their outer skins. The kids ate some and I ate some, but I have to admit that a fava bean breakfast isn't so hot. As a side dish to a meal, yeah, these things would rock. But as a starring starter for the day...hmmm. I am going to cook some oatmeal now, and my cooked fava beans might be reintroduced in a salad later today. Or they might be tossed out. I haven't decided yet. Flavor, good. Looks, good. Timing, bad. My bad.

And a Month Later--Travel Notes!

2008-08-01T12:05:00.001-07:00

We have returned from our sojourn in the Emerald Isle. Our children survived the flights, which is a miracle considering that DS was probably the most unhappy child I have ever seen on a plane, and there were probably any number of addlepated adults who were cheerfully contemplating strangling him on hour 2 of him screaming at the top of his lungs. *draws the curtain over that dark chapter of our lives*

*ahem* Here are a few travel observations about that illustrious airport, often held up as a pantheon of the Traveler's Airport, Heathrow.

First, the journey from the States to London. We arrived utterly sleepless at Heathrow's Terminal 4, and had to transfer from Terminal 4 to Terminal 1. Our children had slept about four hours total of the nine plus hour flight, so suffice it to say, we were a bit tetchy. We followed all the signs for "Connecting Flights", walking about a mile through endless labyrinthine passageways before we arrived at the inter-terminal transit option--a bus. Oh joy. Because having to divert endlessly to find elevators (aka "lifts") was not enough hassle--now we had to heft the carseats on the GoGo travel wheels with the children in them onto the bus. A kneeling bus, I might add, which the bus driver pointedly chose not to kneel to assist us. That had DH complaining a bit, I can tell you.

Now, we had gotten from Terminal 4 to Terminal 1, but we had not gone through any sort of passport check or Customs, nothing. We were a bit bemused by this, as there were several points along the journey at which we could have just wandered off and evaded passport control and customs entirely. And there were no signs indicating that we were actually going to encounter Customs or Passport Control, which made us a bit nervous. We did eventually encounter them, but then we had to go through security, again. I ask you, what is the point of making connecting travelers go through airport security again? I cannot fathom any point other than the sadistic leanings of some bureaucratic airport controller who secretly delights in watching weary parents juggle all their carseats & children & peripheral electronics (to keep the children happy en route) through metal detectors and hand screening of the carseats. And we found ourselves finally through security and blearily eyeing the screens in the terminal to determine which gate we would be at for our flight to Dublin.

To add to the fun of security, the British have added another layer, called "Biometric Security". This consisted of us having our pictures taken in one part of the airport, and then we had to have someone match us to our pictures before we were completely through security. Which would have been fine, except the woman taking my picture and DS' picture had difficulty with her camera, so we had to stand there for about fifteen minutes while she tried to get her computer and camera to cooperate. And she took about ten different pictures of DS in his carseat, until she finally admitted the camera couldn't focus properly on him at that (low) height, and could we please take him out & hold him up for the camera? Grrrr. And then, when we got to where they check your pictures, that screener couldn't find my picture. At all. We had to stand there for over twenty minutes while this woman consulted her peers, dabbled around on the computer, and searched through picture files by timestamp until she finally found me...only to lose the photo again when she tried to clear me through. Can we say, "eye tic"?

Now I don't know how many of you have flown internationally, but it is a common practice at British airports to not tell you the departure gate when you receive your boarding pass. Instead, you have to periodically check large screens to see which gate has been assigned to your flight. Having just come from a 9 plus hour flight, and spent nearly 2 hours navigating through Heathrow airport and all of their incompetent security screeners, all we wanted was to get some food into ourselves and our children before we had to be at our gate in 30-40 minutes. However, this was apparently too much to ask of airport planners. I remember reading about Heathrow making efforts to offer only healthy food, and my hazy memory thought they might have banned fast food...but at that juncture, trying desperately to find a place to eat in a short timeframe, I was ready to cheerfully choke the Do Gooders who thought it was a good idea to remove any and all fast food options. A sandwich chain anywhere? Some sort of helpful signs pointing toward "food on the go"? Nope! Just a collection of sit-down restaurants offering items that would take at least 20 minutes to receive, which was not good enough. We bought chips (crisps) and candy and water at a newsagents' shop, and made do with that.

We had the same problem on our return through Terminal 4. Two, just TWO, sit-down restaurants available, and at one of those the waitresses didn't even bother to say "hello" or "be right with you" while we stood at the "Please Wait to Be Seated" sign for five minutes. By the time we had cruised down to the OTHER END OF THE TERMINAL to the other restaurant, we had no time to eat. Again with the crisps and water/sodas. Is it really too much to ask that parents have ONE fast food option, where their kids can get something reasonably familiar after a multitude of hours on an unfamiliar plane with unfamiliar food? I mean, really, it's not like people are going to be rushing to the AIRPORT to visit McDonald's! It's just for TRAVELERS, for goodness sake! But hey, if you wanted to buy a Mulberry handbag or some jewelry from Asprey, Terminal 4 was the place for you! Because, you know, it's more important to cater to the 0.5% of travelers with tons of cash, than the hoardes of common peasants who just want a quick meal. *eye tic*

I'm not even discussing the complete failure of Aer Lingus to offer pre-boarding for parents with small children, or their insistence on seeing the line in our carseat manual stating that they were certified for use on airplanes, or the radar problems at Dublin Airport that resulted in our flight from London to Dublin being delayed. And I've not mentioned the complete lack of common sense that has travelers from Terminal 1 to Terminal 4 boarding an efficient train, then to be dumped into a lobby with only four elevators to carry a whole trainload of passengers up to the rest of the terminal. Yep, no stairs, no escalators...just 4 elevators. And that brings up the intelligence test that was routinely flunked by our fellow travelers, who kept pushing the elevator button before the full elevator had departed, resulting in continued delay. Yep, traveling. Good times. I hope I don't ever have to go through Heathrow again, and you can bet I'm sending some feedback their way...and it's not of a complimentary nature. Stay the he## away from Heathrow peeps. Seriously. Gatwick was WAAAAAY better. That will be my first choice from now on.

Will We Make It?

2008-06-30T10:18:00.001-07:00

That is the question of the day...will we make it in time for our trip? We have a lot left to do: finish weeding, Preen the vegetable garden, mow lawns one more time, make packing lists, pay or schedule all bills, plan clothing to take, wash clothes one more week, clean the house again, and finish cleaning the bathrooms. We have gotten a lot done, so that is good. I've finally started the front flower bed, having yanked all the brambles from the beds around the house. DH weed whacked the overgrown driveway and all the other bits around the property, so he just has to do a good mowing before we go.

Keeping the house in a reasonable state of cleanliness is the major issue. The kids are getting in everything, and my normal vacuum & mop schedule is out of whack with how fast they are dirtying the house. DH suggested that we get rid of some of their toys that they don't play with. I agree whole-heartedly, but it will have to wait until we get home. I don't need another task on my plate! Toys are everywhere, books are everywhere, and DS has decided DVDs are great toys...no! So I am playing DVD police because we have open shelving and I don't want to spend the money on a pricey new closed storage cabinet. Trying to get him to comprehend the meaning of "No" is occupying a large amount of my time.

Plus we have to finish cleaning up under the kitchen sink...the new cabinet floor is in, but we are still having some mildewy smell. Yuck. I think we are going to end up taking out the new floor, ripping out the drywall, installing new drywall, and then re-installing the cabinet floor. Because, you know, EVERYONE wants to be doing a project like that a week before their vacation!

We are at that stage where it is not close enough to our departure to really get excited, but too close to ignore some of the prep work, if you know what I mean. And it's just adding more to my day than I like, especially with our current heat wave. I just want to park in front of our portable air conditioner for the vast majority of the afternoon and call it good...unfortunately, life demands I spend time folding clothes in our bedroom (the hottest room in the house) and keeping our children from attempting to stick their fingers into the fans.

I am sure it will all get done, and we will be happy enough with the results. Our house will hopefully be mostly clean when we leave it, and that will make life a bit easier when we return to it, horribly jet-lagged and cranky. Tell me, why do we go on vacation again?

The Power of Food

2008-06-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

It's amazing to me the difference that the food I eat makes on my mood and ability to get things done around the house. For the past few days, I have really made an effort to eat healthily and think about what I'm putting into my mouth. I limited sweets, ate more vegetables (mainly salads, but I jazzed up the lettuce with shredded cabbage & carrots, etc), more fruit, and drank more water. We are out of soda, which is a good thing--when we have soda, we drink it. And however much the Coca-Cola™ company might wish to persuade me that their Diet Coke Plus® is a healthy option now that it has added vitamins, I'm pretty sure its nutritional defects are still far outweighed by the pluses of plain water or milk. I haven't even been drinking coffee. I've been alternating blueberry-banana yogurt smoothies with flaxseed and oatmeal for breakfast on alternate days...and I mean real steel-cut oatmeal, not the instant pre-sweetened stuff. I've even foregone desserts a few nights after dinner. And I have felt GOOD!

Over the past few days, I have also been incredibly productive. I've cleaned out brambles from flower beds outside (a job I have been putting off because I was dreading it, and I just felt like doing it on Tuesday and went to town while DS was napping and DD entertained herself with the flowers in the yard). I folded 13 loads of laundry and put it all away. I re-installed the bit of cabinet face on the underside of the kitchen cabinet with the new floor, so it looks tidy again. I fixed the two broken towel racks in the kids' bathroom. I hand weeded around all the tomato plants and onions. I tidied away all the kids' toys in the living room, re-organized DS' room, vacuumed & cleaned his floor, then vacuumed and cleaned the living room, dining room, kitchen, and den. The floor cleaning was this morning, however...then I got pooped.

What did I have for breakfast today? Multigrain Cheerios with vanilla soymilk. Okay, but I didn't feel as full or jazzy...probably why I pooped out and didn't clean the birdcage or the hallway floors. Enter lunch--Costco pizza & a mix of Sprite and zero-juice lemonade. Erg, I did NOTHING except put the kids down for their naps, and then be incredibly cranky with DD because she wasn't going to sleep. I even napped myself for about twenty minutes. I just didn't want to do anything. Go outside into the garden & pull a few weeds? Nah. When the kids got up, I just couldn't deal with their energy! A somewhat interesting errand, finding a few more summer clothes for DD, suddenly got bumped up the priority list so I could occupy myself & them for an hour or two. When we got home, we all had some Cool Ranch Doritos for a snack (a food item that is verboten around here for the very good reason that they contain MSG, which gives me headaches...but I gave in to myself reminiscing about their good taste & bought a bag the other day). Sure enough, I could feel a few twinges later from the handful I consumed.

What is really striking is the difference in the kids. Still full of energy, sure, but DD was so naughty!! Was it just the naptime, or did the food make a difference? She has been SO GOOD the past few days, it really makes me think that junk food really is JUNK when it comes to bringing out the best in kids. And boy, it does make a huge difference for me!

Tomorrow I am back on the oatmeal wagon, and salad for lunch. I like feeling better, and I like being more productive. Junk food might taste good, but from what I experienced today, it is too high a price to pay. No thanks!

Well That Was a Surprise

2008-06-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

100

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

Thank you Carol for the link...apparently I would have been okay in the 1930s! Actually I have always thought I would be rather like Little Sal's mother, given my gardening predispositions!

That Murphy

2008-06-17T20:10:00.001-07:00

With our upcoming trip to Ireland (three weeks and counting!), you'd think that it would be the sole preoccupation of my time. You would be wrong. I would like to have it be the sole preoccupation of my time, such that I could leisurely make lists of what to pack, what to bring for the kids clothing-wise (what kind of weather to pack for? How much clothing is really necessary when we have a washing machine available at all times?), what we want to bring back with us (requests from friends, our own personal tea stash, assorted goodies, etc). But no, instead I am dealing with the House What Wants to Fall Apart and the Yard That is Weed Possessed Requiring Serious Intervention.

More house falling apart, you ask? Yes, yes indeed. Because after I fixed our shower, new pipe stems and all, DH discovered a "little leak" under the kitchen sink. A "little leak" from the new connection to the dishwasher, which had resulted in a slight drip and a sagging and smelly cabinet floor with mildew spreading across it! EWWWW!! We removed everything from the cabinet, got a fan going to air it out, and that succeeded merely in making our entire house smell like Mildew. We are on Day Five of the Mildew Smell, and I am thinking that if I can ever host a playdate again I will have to welcome our guests with, "Hello, please ignore the odor, this is the House of Mildew...no allergies in your family?"

DH has fixed the "little leak" with some teflon tape...I will spare you the ungenerous thoughts that rabbitted through my head on about Day Three of The Smell™, but suffice it to say after days of living in the house with the neverending funk, I am a wee bit testy about suggestions to make it smell better (no, Febreze does not work, and no, opening all the windows when it's FIFTY-SIX DEGREES OUT IN JUNE FOR PETE'S SAKE, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS STATE'S CLIMATE?? COLDER THAN SIBERIA, A NEW RECORD IN SEATTLE FOLKS...erg...*wipes foam from mouth* sorry about that...).

So yesterday, I took matters into my own hands after DH had casually suggested, after observing the SAGGING BIT in the back of the cabinet, that perhaps we needed to remove the bottom and replace it. One of our friendly neighbors stopped by for a cup of tea and ended up going home for her crowbar, and together we whacked out the entire bottom while my kids were napping (good sleepers, those kids). And we discovered a wet subfloor, and mildewy drywall and insulation around the copper pipes. Oh. Goody. Because I NEEDED another fix-it project, you know? Just to cap it all off, right before vacation. Thank you.

I pulled in our portable air conditioning unit, not because we NEEDED A/C, but because it has a dehumidifying feature and I wanted to dry out that subfloor, pronto! Voila, 24 hours later and we are looking good. My house still reeks of mildew, and I hustled down to Lowes this afternoon for a quart of odor-killing primer. It's waiting for me in the kitchen now, where I will prime it with a craft brush, because I'm too lazy to go find my painting frame and a clean roller when I can whip it out in twenty minutes with a foam craft brush that I can readily access. Technically I am supposed to use something to kill mildew on it, yada yada yada...but I sprayed it with diluted bleach yesterday, so I'm calling it good. I just want the smell GONE, YESTERDAY. We have plywood, we have a new $12 jigsaw (nothing but the best on our budget, I'm telling you), and I am going to cut out that new cabinet floor tomorrow and drill or nail that puppy in. For good measure, I think I will caulk all around the inside too. Because, you know, I'm DONE with the whole putrefying house smell. I cannot begin to imagine how the folks dealt with it post-Katrina.

And I haven't even discussed today's visit to the pediatrician, where DS was diagnosed with eczema (I see a diet journal looming in my future, along with copious quantities of Aquaphor and Cetaphil), and DD had a large splinter removed from the bottom of her foot. And I didn't mention the ticket I got while driving DH's car for expired tags! I'm thinking we need to plan out meals for the next three weeks, and no one leaves the house until we are headed for the airport. Provided, of course, that I can get our house to stop smelling like a bad episode of "Dirty Jobs".

Update

2008-06-11T11:58:00.001-07:00

All went well, DS is napping now with his capped & fixed teeth. Hopefully he will be back to normal by this evening. Thanks for the prayers!

Dental Caries

2008-06-10T16:26:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow morning bright and early, DS is going to be put under general anesthesia to have his eight cavities filled. *gulp* I am normally quite a relaxed person when it comes to medical procedures involving my own person, but start involving my very young children and I become a nervous nelly. In this case in particular, since our son has never had general anesthesia for anything and it worries me, you know? Similiar to the time for ear tubes...very routine...about one hour...all very reassuring to the rational brain, not so very reassuring to the emotional brain. I know lots of moms whose kids have been under general anesthesia, so they are helpful with their support. Still, it's the first time for one of my babies, and well, I'm nervous.

So keep him in your prayers tonight & tomorrow, please? And myself & DH, who will be nervous together in the waiting room. Thanks.

The "Never Good" Smell

2008-06-06T08:55:00.001-07:00

There are a few smells that instantly tell you something is wrong...wrong in the way of, "I'm going to be losing a lot of sleep tonight" (vomit), "This is going to be a messy/ugly job" (dead smell in cluttered shed), or "I'd better find that before the house burns down" (burnt/burning plastic).

The night before last, DH got up to get DD back to sleep when she started crying sometime close to midnight. He smelled...something in the air, but couldn't quite figure out what it was. It was bothersome enough though that he got up again, about half an hour later, to see if he could figure out what it was. It smelled like...burning plastic? His nose got desensitized, but he ruled out any electronics. He came back into our room for a few minutes, then checked again...the dishwasher. Which had completed its cycle and was just cooling down. Hmmmmm. He found a bunch of what looked like green mesh in the bottom. Odd--maybe a kids' toy that DS put in, and we didn't notice until it burned onto the element? It being past midnight, he just turned it off and told me to check it in the morning.

Well, I checked. The green "mesh"? The molten remains of a sippy cup lid, whirled around the dishwasher by the arms. A ceramic plate, covered in the drippy remains of a spatula. The plastic surround of our cheese grater, completely deformed. All sippy cup lids were melted together, and the plastic insert for our blender lid was misshapen. All stuff which we had washed many times before without any issue. Yep, our dishwasher was toast. The thermostat was shot, the cost to repair it nearly that of a new unit.

I spent the day hauling the kids to every appliance store in our area, checking prices and figuring out what we needed in a new dishwasher. We raided the emergency fund to the tune of $500 (I'm including the cost of a Red Robin dinner to appease DD after about four hours of appliance shopping, plus the Dora the Explorer decor from the clearance rack at Lowes) and DH spent about three hours, cussing and sweating, installing the new one. Our neighbor's brother works at an appliance wholesale parts store and he came down and helped remove the waste line with a special set of pliers, but it was all up to DH when it came to cleaning up the MOUSE DROPPINGS GALORE (hantavirus, anyone?) with diluted bleach and sealing up all the holes & cracks behind the cabinets with steel wool & construction adhesive while I ran back to Lowes to get a universal water line hook-up kit for the new dishwasher. Yeah, honey, that's the price you pay for having a Smirnoff Ice after getting the old one out. Too bad sweetie!

He's gotten the new Whirlpool installed now, with its shiny new stainless steel front. He had asked at the store, "Why can't we get a black one? It's cheaper. Do we really need a stainless steel one?" I explained that if we ever had to sell the house in a hurry, for whatever reason, then with a black dishwasher I would feel compelled to remove the (crappy) Kenmore stainless steel fridge and replace it with our black GE Arctica fridge that is currently in the cottage...and if he was willing to sign up for that little job if we ever have to sell the house before completing a kitchen remodel, I was happy to spend $50 less and get a black dishwasher. He said, "But the range is still almond bisque." I explained that if we did in fact have to sell the house in a hurry, the almond bisque range would be removed, in favor of a stainless steel range for about $500, to match the fridge, which is right next to it. He opted to spend the $50. Wise...very wise.

From whatever combination of factors (the disruption, the total deviation from routine, etc), both of our children were constantly popping up last night. Sleep deprivation is never kind, but it is especially unkind to the logic and reasoning centers of the brain. Sometime at around 4 am, after DH got DD to be quiet AGAIN and go back to sleep, he decided that the drip in the shower was "bothering him". This would be the drip we've had in our shower for over a year...the drip I mentioned when it was 'bothering' my sleep and nothing was done about it, and I just learned to live with it. Even sleep deprived at 4 am, my rational brain clicked on long enough to think, it's just because you're tired and your brain is rebelling against another attempt at sleep. I didn't say it, though--one of those 'poke at the bear' dilemmas. Well, I am paying a price for that. DH came out and said, "It's stopped. But the cold water knob is spinning freely now." Oh goodie. Because that is exactly what I want to do today, drag our kids to the big box home improvement store again and also try to find out how to fix the knob online. Yip-pee. *eye tic*

Murphy, go home!

Bedtime Battles

2008-06-03T09:54:00.000-07:00

As I said last time, our DD is having a lot of trouble with bedtimes recently. We thought we had gotten past the tantrum stage, but they have come back in full force at bedtime, and then some. It has been incredibly frustrating for my DH, who is the bedtime parent for DD. Usually I am putting DS down at the same time, and since he's still nursing that leaves DH as the bedtime story reader for DD. Over a few months DD has finagled her bedtime routine to include several add-ons with DH..."nighttime dollies", where they each play-act with a doll on various subjects, and which can take 15-20 minutes, tucking in, finding of ALL the appropriate animals, placing the animals in her hand, in various places, turning on the glowing animals, handing her water cup to her, and then finally singing a lullaby. So what started as a quick ten minute tuck in, story reading, and then nighttime kiss has turned into a routine that regularly takes 30-45 minutes.

Needless to say, DH and I were not best pleased by this turn of events, but DH tolerated it because she wouldn't fuss and would settle down and go to sleep. Lately, though, DD has insisted on all of the above, and at the end of it she STILL throws a crying fit. It has been escalating and escalating, and the day before yesterday DH & I talked about it when we went to bed. We decided that we needed to try ramping her down more before going to her room for bedtime, and that what we were doing wasn't working. However, last night while I was putting DS down, I heard the same pattern of behavior from DD, and the same responses from DH. From my perspective, DH got into the "I'm going to win this no matter what it takes" mindset that afflicts all parents at times, and it was not helping the situation. DD was ramping up more and more based on DH's responses, and it was to the point that she was in danger of throwing up from crying so hard and having such a meltdown.

So, I intervened. Now, I knew that in doing so my DH was going to feel undermined, and I knew that DD was going to view me as the 'savior' in the situation. It is a measure of how bad I felt the situation was, that I did so anyway. While DD was temporarily happy for my intervention, she quickly learned that I was not any less serious about bedtime behavior than Daddy. I used a completely different approach, where I was unemotional and quiet. This helped her to calm down, and as I explained the consequences of her behavior, each time she had another crying jag I gave her a bit of time to cry but then told her to nip it in the bud, or she would lose something. She only got one bedtime story, and she didn't get any nighttime dollies or lullabies. And when she broke the rules by not being quiet, she lost a toy--permanently. It's going to Goodwill today. She was very upset about that.

I don't know if this new approach will work, but we have to do something different. We don't care if she goes to sleep right away--we just want her to stay in her room and be quiet until she does go to sleep. Nighttime is the only time each day that DH & I get together sans kids, and we are going to enforce it, period. All of our friends with three year olds are struggling with the same issue, which is something. We are each trying different things. The spanking for disobeying was not working to curb the behavior, and even the points for good behavior system was failing abysmally during the last week. So now I am going to do the bedtimes, and DH can take a breather from the emotional aspects of it. I think DD has been playing the guilt card with Daddy, and she can't play that with me. I'm home with her alllllll day, so there goes that excuse. I am hoping that she complies with the rules so that Daddy can do bedtime again, because I think she needs that one-on-one time with Daddy. But, a break will hopefully help DH to step back a bit, and it will help DD get with the program.

DH & I talked about it after DD was finally in bed and staying there, quiet. He did feel undermined, and I understood that. We had a good talk about the "ramping down" strategy, and my perception that it was totally abandoned at the first balk from DD. And how I perceived that he was too entangled, and a fresh perspective and pair of hands was needed for a short time. That happens in parenting. DH has called me on it several times when one of the kids is playing me. He only wants me to talk to him in private, away from our children. I completely agree--but, if it's a situation that is escalating, escalating, escalating, and one of our kids is about to make themselves sick...well, then somebody has lost perspective. Last night I think DH lost perspective, and I called him on it. I hope he will do the same for me, as he has done in the past. Even if it means a bit of undermining in front of one or both children. Because at the end of the day, we both want our kids to be healthy, well-behaved, and well-adjusted. And when a parent loses perspective and gets into "battle mode", it's not helpful for the parents or the kids. And yes, I will be mad, just like DH was mad. But that undermining is temporary, and we can deal with it. DD does not have the emotional resources to deal with bedtime being such a battle that she is about to throw up because she doesn't feel like we are hearing what she's saying. It's a very fine balance, and I know we don't get it right all the time. But when one of us knows the other has lost it, we should certainly call each other on it. At least, that's how I see it.

The Value Judgement

2008-05-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

Well we had a good time visiting my brother and his family this past weekend. As anticipated, there were many value judgements on both sides. My brother and his wife have taken a completely opposite style of parenting to the one my DH & I are using, and this revealed itself in several comparisons between our children. Of course rationally we all know that each child is different, and responds best to different things, but human nature being what it is, we couldn't refrain from comparing them (and when I say "we", I don't mean just DH & I, but also my brother and SIL).

Their kids tend to be smaller than ours. What can we say, ours are members of the Big Baby Club. I think DS at 16 months of age is pretty darn close to the weight of their almost 5 year old DD! Crazy. And we noticed that if you looked at DD and Niece#2 playing together, you'd never guess that DD was 18 months younger. Just those BBC genes at work again.

SIL has decided that we are picky eaters, and this is true. However, we were trying our best to fit in with whatever they were making, and SIL was insistent that she only make things we liked! Kind hospitality but we felt like we were imposing whenever she made a meal, because she had to say something, again, about our pickiness. But they can't seem to refrain from making value judgements in their commentary about their lifestyle anyway. My brother was continually telling us, "Well I don't eat much meat any more. It's healthier to eat mostly vegetarian, and cheaper too." Yes, thank you, we know this. And we also already know this about you. You don't have to tell us every time a meal is being made with meat, TYVM. Talk about Dad Jr. syndrome--it's just the kind of constant repetitious comment that our dad makes.

Of course, our DD had meltdowns at bedtime on two of the three nights we were there. The first night, we made the mistake of letting her attempt to sleep with her cousins in the living room, sleepover-style. We should have known better from the get-go...DD is three, she is not able to handle the constant temptation of playing with her cousin, and she was not going to go to sleep in that environment. So we warned her twice, then put her in her cousin's bedroom upstairs, where she had a complete and utter meltdown. She was up way past her normal bedtime, she was tired from traveling there, and she was excited about her cousins. Go figure, right? Well, I could practically hear the waves of disapproval from my brother and SIL. I know they were saying to each other, "They should just let her stay up...she'll fall asleep eventually." Because that is their approach--no fixed bedtimes. Which is fine for their house, their kids. But we know OUR kid, and she was not going handle that well the next day. She would have woken up at her normal time, just been super-cranky and tired and naughty all day. No thanks. The third night she had another meltdown, because we again deviated from the bedtime routine, and let her start watching a movie with her cousins. Will we ever learn, it's a huge mistake to deviate from the bedtime routine??? Anyhow, she wasn't watching it, she was playing with her cousin and ramping up again, so we put a stop to that and back to bed upstairs. Another meltdown. C'est la vie...but we aren't going to just go with the flow when we know our kids will be poorer for it.

On the other hand, their almost five year old is going through an episode of 'pants soiling', which she has been doing for three weeks and apparently only does at home--not at school, not at friends' houses. Hmm. They are incredibly frustrated (rightly so) and were clearly unhappy that we witnessed this fun parenting struggle they are having with their (incredibly strong-willed, damn those stubborn genes from our side of the family :~D) daughter. No, we were not going to call my sister or my parents to tattle on this episode, though they probably thought we were. (I digress, but for some reason they think that whenever they are visited their visits are discussed ad nauseum amongst the rest of the family...a circumstance which has happened once regarding the present debacle at Christmastime...and who were they kidding, like my parents weren't going to tell my sister about it?? Anyway...) And my husband and I quietly discussed it when we were alone and agreed that should one of our children exhibit this behavior we would handle it differently. But that's it. Apart from suggesting mildly to my SIL that perhaps they should discuss it with their pediatrician to make sure there is nothing physically wrong, we kept our mouths shut. But still, of course DH & I had made a value judgement based on that.

It just goes to show that regardless of how much we try to be accepting of the differences in our family, there is always a subtext in play due to the vastly different lifestyles and parenting choices that have been made. When my parents are there, that brings a whole 'nother dynamic, because my brother feels obligated to relive his (rebellious) teen years in their presence, which irritates the hell out of me (Um, hello, you're nearly FORTY, don't you think it's time to move on with your relationship to your parents?). So visits are definitely more low-key when that dynamic is removed. And our kids do have a good time, even if we have to keep a close eye on influences. Let's just say, underpants are optional for kiddos in their house (and I'm not talking about just occasionally, I mean ALL THE TIME, to school, to friends' houses, just...everywhere), and they most certainly are NOT optional in our house. After finding my DD bottomless with her cousin and wanting to run around as such in their backyard, I explained quietly but firmly that we did things differently in our family and she was not allowed to run around without her panties on. She put them back on and it was fine. Still, I hope that it doesn't curtail visits in the future because we have to spend a lot of time deprogramming our kids. I hope we can keep balancing our lifestyle choices with the need and desire to stay close with our family members. It should get really interesting when our kids get a bit older. Wish us luck.

Random Bits of Life

2008-05-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

I replied to an email inquiring about the general state of my life given my recent silence in the blogosphere, and now will shamelessly repatriate the email for the general audience of my blog. Here goes...

Anyhow, I am doing good. I have just been very busy of late, mostly chasing after a very active little boy who has learned how to climb and is busily trying to scale every piece of furniture in the house. My job is Safety Spotter these days. Oh, and Argument Mediator, since he's figured out how to annoy his sister, and Attention Giver, since DD interprets me hovering around DS (trying to keep him from breaking his skull), as Attention, and she insists on getting Her Fair Share.

Thus my house and yard and other bits have been suffering lately, and it's kind of depressing. I was in a good groove for a few months, the house was reasonably tidy, the clutter was diminishing, the yard was perking up--then Sickness! Calamity! Child Development! And everything changed once again. I suppose I should expect that but it took me by surprise yet again. So I am just now re-equilibrating and attempting to find another new groove in order to keep on top of everything. Blogging went out the window, unsurprisingly. I am sure I will get back into a habit soon, hopefully.

Fortunately I finally managed to plant my vegetable garden (always a source of cheer in the summertime), and now just need to tackle the bed cleaning and weeding tasks that are multitudinous at this time of year. Eventually I might, just might, get my yard looking all nice and clean...when the kids are moved out! I have given up all pretense at organic gardening and am enrolling my new favorite friends, Weed N Feed and Preen, as my gardening companions. Perhaps with their assistance I will finally have a shot at weed-free lawn and planting beds...but I will not hold my breath. It's really more of a war at this stage, as the blessing & curse of very fertile soil makes quite the home for weedy pests like Scottish thistle, creeping buttercup, and brambles of all sorts. I don't mind the chickweed, but thorny/spiky plants are just not welcome with little ones running around the yard and garden. DH is jonesing for one of those flame weeders to keep the gravel driveways clear, and darn if I'm not thinking of getting him one! I am just a tad concerned that he will become overexuberant with it next to our (wood) house.

We have had quite the crew of intrepid birds around the yard lately. The spotted towhees have become accustomed to our presence and talk quite loudly to us when we bumble around the yard, interrupting their vociferous chatter and search for food. The downy/hairy woodpeckers are downright friendly, staying on the suet feeder when I'm only a few feet away. The pileated woodpeckers are doing their own thing during the summer, it seems, but the variety of hummingbirds are making up for their loud & large presence. And we saw a redtailed hawk at the end of our lane last weekend, early in the morning. It was on the ground and flew off as we approached, a small tailed rodent firmly clutched in its talons. It settled in a nearby alder for its breakfast. Alas, no camera! Always my luck on such occasions, I'm afraid.

My friend had expressed some concern over developments in his (formerly, our) workplace, and my take on the proposed changes was,
"Anyway you orient it, it's ugly--and I'm betting it won't work. But hey, maybe he (this would be the former co-worker who made it seem like everything he did worked even when it patently didn't, and our boss swallowed it all because it was easier that way) will get some great results...I doubt it, though. It's a good thing I don't work on it any more. I'd hate to have the discussions with X...and I'd hate even more any "trial attempts" he would ram in, then creatively interpret to make {Ex-Boss} think it worked like a charm. Ugh. See, I'm already annoyed and I'm not even working on it! Good thing I'm just being a plain old adjunct faculty member up here. I just don't have the creative suspension of disbelief that is apparently required for research these days. I'd probably end up labeled "Bad Attitude" like Y and shuttled around between projects at whim. Plus, you know, I'm one of those scientists who think Intelligent Design poses good questions that should be answered, so I'd just be Expelled like the rest, because I probably would say something at some point to get myself in hot water. Yep, I'll stick with Safety Spotter, thanks."

And thus sums up my life at present, folks. Oh, that and the mildew issue in the laundry room, which perhaps I will avoid until after this weekend, but then-again-perhaps-not because I don't want to deal with a VERY mildewy laundry room after the weekend. *sigh* Guess what I'll be doing tomorrow?

Another "Meme"

2008-05-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?
That would be the end of my first year of graduate school, so I was figuring out that most of my fellow first years were just as or more whacked out than I was. I had already figured out that the party/drinking scene was so totally not me. I tried it for three months to fit in and figure out which of my fellow students were ~~certifiably insane~~ really whacked out and should be avoided at all costs, and found out quickly that the whole get drunk for fun thing is just not me. In fact I never got drunk with my fellow students, having quite quickly figured out that they were not to be trusted when pictures of drunken-off-their-arse fellow students were taken in odd/humorous positions. Yeah. I ditched my crazy roommate who accused me of stealing her mayo (as if, I don't even eat mayo), moved in a new roomie/fellow grad student who promptly hooked up with another grad student, so I had 2 roomies de facto. By this time of year ten years ago, we were all moving out of the 2 bedroom place, they were moving in together (later to get married), and I gave up on roommates and found a glorious, mine, all mine, all to myself, gloriously alone! one bedroom for the princely sum of $544 per month. It had only two windows and hideously ugly '70s pale yellow laminate countertops, but I could paint the place to make it mine, so I put a huge dark blue wall with stars in my living room and a cheery yellow in the bedroom. I loved it. And, by the end of June of that year, I was going to "meet" DH in an Anúna chat room. Ah, love. :)

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):
Well today is almost over so I'd better give you a hybrid of today/tomorrow--
1. Start (and finish) grading my students' lab reports & quizzes from last week.
2. Input all their grades into my spreadsheet.
3. Write their quiz & email it to the college's duplicating services, to be magically copied and whizzed into my mailbox prior to my arrival on site tomorrow afternoon.
4. Remind myself what the heck we are doing in lab tomorrow, and make sure I'm ready to teach it.
5. Figure out if DH left some water in the laundry room which is making it smell mildewy, and how best to clean it up (tomorrow morning, probably). (It's a long story but suffice it to say that our water is very, very cold coming out of the tap and our kids are very small, and kiddie pools need hot water don't they, and DH says let's just run a hose to the hot water line...I think you know where I'm going here...)

3) Snacks I enjoy:
ripe pears, cherries, or strawberries
Trader Joes bruschetta on their everything bagel chips
good potato chips (as opposed to the wafer thin ones covered in salt masquerading as potatoes)
ice cream cones in summertime

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
fund Christian missionary work
fund charitable work in third world countries--housing, self-sufficiency, orphanages, clean water, etc.

5) Places I have lived:
Virginia, Oklahoma, Florida, California, Arizona, Washington, Japan

6) 6 peeps I wanna know more about:
Carol, Dana, Stan, Fiona, Stephanie, Tricia--consider yourselves tagged!